TW - mention of avi's suicide note, EDs and ableism 

Chapter 17

-Chester-

I practically fly out the door, putting Avi on loud speaker and making him keep talking to me during the drive over to Amelia and Ben’s house. By the time I get there, I’m almost too nervous to go inside.

I knew things were hard for Avi. His parents are dead and he clearly loved them a lot, and I knew he didn’t really feel at home with Joyce and Sam. I knew he definitely needed therapy, so I’m extremely glad he’s getting help from Amelia.

But I’ve also been worried about a few other things. Obviously, the suicide note I found in his books, as well as his eating habits. Avi has had dinner at our house quite a few times now, and he never eats much. Some days, he eats more than others, but some times he barely eats anything. I don’t know if he has an eating disorder or not but it definitely seems like something that needs looking at.

I’m really glad he texted me. I was worried when he didn’t show up at school, but I don’t know where he lives and Avi’s normally a terrible texter, so all I could do was sit at home and wait for him to come back to school. 

It felt shit.

But now I know that he reached out as soon as he could. I highly doubt he was in the right headspace to say anything to me before now, but I’m just grateful that he’s trying to keep me updated.

Knocking on the door, Ben opens it with a surprised look on his face, before giving me a quick hug. We exchange some random words before I’m tearing through the house to find either my sister or Avi.

“Chester! Everything ok?” Amelia asks me, immediately hugging me back when I pull her into a tight embrace. “Is Avi ok? Where is he? Can I talk to him?” I ask all at once, feeling jittery. Amelia’s expression softens and she takes me down the hall, knocking on the door to her old study.

“Avi?” She calls out, fiddling with her hands when we get no response. “Did he not hear you, maybe?” I ask quietly, in case he’s asleep or something. Amelia shakes her head, chewing on her lips. “I doubt it, but also I forgot to ask Sam basic stuff like how much do Avi’s hearing difficulties actually affect him? I have no idea how much he can even hear without his hearing aids, like what if I catch him at a time when he doesn’t have his hearing aids in, will he even know I’m talking to him?” Amelia starts to really stress out, so I just pull the door open, marching us both inside.

Avi is sitting at the desk, staring out the window, without his hearing aids in.

“Avi?” I try, and he looks over to me, quickly picking up his hearing aids and popping them back in. “Sorry…it was just…too loud,” he explains, looking a little awkward. Amelia shuts the door behind her, leaving Avi and I alone for a bit.

“No it’s fine…sorry for barging in. We knocked but thought maybe you were asleep or something…” I trail off, fiddling with my sword earring. It’s pretty pointy and fun to fiddle with, so I play with it kind of a lot.

“It’s ok…I didn’t hear. Normally I take my hearing aids out in the evening because no one comes to talk to me, but I guess it was dumb because I knew you were visiting…” Avi stares down at his lap, picking at a mark on his trousers.

Swinging my hands in front of me, I shake my head. “No it’s fine…do you prefer it quiet then?”

Avi shrugs, looking up and meeting my eyes for a moment. “It’s alright. Just…calmer, I guess. I like being able to take my hearing aids out and just ignore everything,” he muses, before his expression darkens somewhat. “But I hate when people take them out. It’s rude and kind of leaves me vulnerable.”

“What the fuck?! People actually do that?!” Who the hell in their right mind would do that? That’s so disgusting.

Avi shrugs again, nodding. “Yeah kind of happened my whole life. People always pick on what’s different, and then my old foster carers would ‘confiscate’ them sometimes when I annoyed them.”

My blood boils. Literally boils. 

Moving to stand next to Avi, I gently place my hand on his shoulder, trying to give him some kind of reassurance. “That’s so horrible. No one should have ever treated you like that,” I say a little quietly, hoping that it wasn’t too quiet for Avi to hear. At this point I really just need to have a conversation with him about what makes it easier for him because I have no idea how much of what I say that he actually understands and what is just guess work and context clues.

“There’s literally no excuse for taking away someone’s hearing aids, they sound like awful people,” I continue firmly, sitting down on Avi’s bed and watching as he swivels in his chair to face me, a wry smile on his lips. “Yeah well apparently CPS thought so too. Hence why I was with Joyce and Sam instead, but…that didn’t work out too well either.”

“Not because of you though,” I interject, meeting Avi’s gaze. “You’re a great person, Avi. And you’re struggling with a lot but you haven’t given up, and you’re still trying your best. Sometimes we just have to…find the right place to try our best,” I say more gently, tentatively placing my hand on his knee. “Amelia and Ben are really lovely, and they’re happy to have an extra housemate. Ames is only eight years older than you so she’s kind of your big sister now too. And she’s a really great big sister, so…everything will work out here,” I reassure him. Avi needs stability, and it sounds like he hasn’t had that in a very long time.

He smiles slightly, looking relieved for a moment before raising an eyebrow at me playfully. “So what, we’re brothers now too?”

Jesus fucking christ nope.

“Hm yeah I think not,” I quickly refute. No way in hell am I calling my crush my brother. Ew.

“Good.”

I glance up, this time being the one to raise an eyebrow. “Well you sound awfully happy about us remaining as strangers.”

“I wouldn’t say we’re strangers now though are we?” Avi smiles demurely, finally looking like he’s really starting to cheer up a little. Returning his smile, I shrug. “I’m not too sure, do you mean to perhaps suggest that we are maybe closer than two perfect strangers?” I bat my eyelashes at him innocently, which comes across as furious blinking I’m 100% sure.

Avi finally grins, leaning forwards in his seat and poking my shoulder. “I don’t know about you, however I wrote some notes that saved your grades, so I’m pretty sure that makes me something special, no?”

Rolling my eyes, I feel myself finally beginning to calm down a little after all the worry and stress. “I was the one who learnt the stuff in that book though, you just wrote it in a way that my ADHD brain can concentrate on.”

Avi tilts his head to one side, resting his cheek on his palm. “You have ADHD? I didn’t realise.”

Shrugging, I fiddle with one of my earrings. “A lot of people don’t. I didn’t, until my mom suggested I see a doctor a few years ago, about something I thought was unrelated, and then got diagnosed with ADHD and it was like wow where did that come from, even thought it was actually there all along.”

Avi chews on his lips, looking a little guilty. Smiling slightly, I shift a little down the bed in order to sit closer to him. “It’s ok, whatever you want to say or ask, just…say it. I won’t be offended,” I nudge, guessing that Avi probably wants to ask a question about my ADHD or something about it in general. 

He glances up at me, shrugging slightly. “I just um. I always thought people with ADHD were like…pretty loud and talkative, but you’re more…thoughtful and quiet, a lot of the time?” He says hesitantly, but I just smile at him encouragingly. 

“Everyone experiences ADHD and neurodivergency differently, so yeah some people might be more talkative but that doesn’t mean all are. For me, my ADHD mainly affects my concentration, hyper-fixations and impulse control. I’m more chatty the more comfortable I am with someone, but even that can vary,” I explain. I don’t struggle with impulse control as much as some, and I don’t take medication for my ADHD but I do know that quite a few people need to. Again, it just varies between people.

“Oh, I see. So, when you don’t understand things in biology, does that have something to do with ADHD?” Avi asks, leaning forwards in his seat slightly. 

“Sometimes, if I’m struggling to concentrate, but sometimes I literally just don’t understand what the teacher is talking about,” I laugh, flopping backwards on Avi’s bed. After that, he asks me a few more questions about ADHD, which I’m glad about - it means he’s curious and I know he doesn’t want to say something insensitive. 

He’s a really sweet guy.