I felt great when I left Jax’s place. I was still feeling good when I started driving. But when I was halfway to home, my mood dropped, and it dropped fast. By the time I parked my car in front of my home, I felt nauseated, especially when I spotted my father’s car close by.

I didn’t want to go inside. He’d want to hear how much progress I had made, and demand to know where I had been, and why I was wasting my time and not studying.

With a heavy sigh, I got out of the car and walked to the front door. I carefully opened it and listened to the sounds in the house before stepping in. There was no one around to see me, so I quickly sneaked up the stairs, heading to my room.

I didn’t make it that far.

“Nicholas.”

I suffocated a sigh and turned around at my door. Dad walked up the stairs, giving me a stern stare.

“I thought I heard your car,” he said. “Where have you been? It’s late.”

“I was at the library,” I lied with a smile. “Studying, of course.”

He stopped in front of me, crossing arms over his chest. “Really? I spoke with your teacher, and he said you’re not doing well at all.”

“I have no idea what he’s talking about,” I said. “I’ve done all my homework. I’ve done everything he’s asked during classes, and–”

“According to him, your attitude has changed. You don’t focus, and you look tired. He suspected you’re not getting enough sleep. Does that mean you’re sneaking out? Staying up late playing games?”

“No, I’m not,” I said, trying not to show him my annoyance. “I just have trouble falling asleep.”

“Then you should stop using your phone so much. You’re also spending way too much time watching television. I haven’t seen you exercising, either. I suggest you start jogging. An hour every evening should be enough to help with your… sleeping problem.”

I conjured a fake smile on my face. “Absolutely. I’ll try that. Now I have to get–”

“Not so fast. Tomorrow, I will take you to my tailor after school. You need a new suit for the annual celebration,” he said.

“I can’t, I already–”

“Whatever plans you have, reschedule them. This is far more important. I can’t have you showing up to the most important gathering of the year wearing rags,” he said.

“There is still plenty of time before the celebration. I already have plans for tomorrow, so I can’t come,” I said sternly, but he snorted at me.

“I cleared my schedule for this, and you know how busy I am. You can see your friends another time,” he said, and turned his back on me.

“I already promised!” I shouted after him.

He glanced over his shoulder. “I have given everything to you, and this is how you thank me? You’d end up working as a cashier at a gas station without me.”

I snapped my mouth shut and just glared at him. I’d only make things worse if I tried to argue back.

“Tomorrow. After school. Do not be late,” he said and continued his way down.

I stared after him in anger and frustration. I had already promised to visit the mall with Jax. He agreed to buy the skirt, for crying out loud! If I didn’t go with him now, he’d never buy it!

I entered my room, feeling even more sick now, and did my best not to slam the door shut. I sat down on my bed and buried my face behind my hands. I tried to take deep breaths, but that never helped, my chest was so tight.

The minutes passed as I sat there, trying to calm down. I just wanted to breathe. It was bad enough that Dad was forcing me to skip the day with Jax tomorrow, but the way he said ‘sleeping problems’… Like I was faking it. Like I was doing it on purpose. Like I wasn’t spending my nights hyperventilating and feeling like I was about to die.

“Breathe…”

“I am breathing…” I whispered.

“Just breathe, okay? Deep, slow breaths.”

I let Jax’s words take over. I forced myself to remember his touch, his expression, his voice, and every little word he’d spoken to me.

“Everything is just fine. Just take deep breaths for me, okay? We’re all right.”

I played those words over and over again until I was finally able to lower my hands down. Even then, I kept my eyes closed and focused on the image of him, still taking slow breaths. Once I was calm enough, I went to lock my door, took off my clothes and crawled into my bed. As I curled up under the covers, I still heard Jax’s voice.

And I tightly held onto it through the night.

 

I didn’t get much sleep, so I stayed in bed longer than usual, and got up when I had only minutes left before I had to leave for school. I felt and looked like shit when I saw myself in the mirror. I had no time to shower or even eat, but I didn’t care. At least this way, I didn’t need to take the risk of running into my dad. Thankfully, he wasn’t home when I stepped out of my room.

I slipped outside before anyone could spot me and hurried to my car. I picked up Jessica, who kept giving me worried glances and tried to ask if I was all right while I drove us to school. I told her I was fine. She didn’t believe me.

Jax was already waiting for me by the entrance when I parked the car, so after we got out, I ditched Jessica and made my way to him.

“Rough night?” he asked quietly, and the sympathy in his voice nearly broke me.

“Yeah,” I said and looked down so he wouldn’t see how fast I was blinking to keep my eyes dry.

I felt his hand on my arm, but I didn’t look at him.

“Do you want to go somewhere private?” he asked.

“Sure…”

He started walking, so I followed him, still keeping my eyes on the ground. We walked around the building, and he stopped when I couldn’t hear noises anywhere near us. He turned around, his toes stopped right in front of mine, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. I rested my head on his and hugged him, but I no longer had to fight to stay calm. I calmed down the second I was left alone with him.

I didn’t feel like I was suffocating anymore.

I didn’t realize how long we stayed there. The bells rang way too soon, and I was forced to let go of him.

“Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I said with a nod.

He flashed a small smile at me, but behind that, I saw sadness. He looked tired, too.

“Are you all right?” I asked.

He sighed and nodded after a small pause. “It’s nothing big, but… I found out we have to sell our home.”

“Nothing big?” I repeated in disbelief.

“Well, kind of big. I haven’t really let it sink in yet,” he said. “We’ll be late.”

“Or we could just run away,” I muttered, making him laugh.

“You learn fast,” he said, and kissed me shortly. “But seriously, we should hurry.”

“Fine,” I murmured, and followed him to the closest entrance.

“See you at lunch?” I asked since we had to go our separate ways.

“I’ll wait for you by the lunch hall,” he said.

“Not on the roof?”

“You have to eat,” he said and waved at me.

I stared after him. I didn’t want to go to my classes, where my teachers would watch my every move and report to my father if I did anything wrong. And apparently, they’d let my dad know even if my attitude had changed. What attitude?! 

With a heavy sigh, I took a step back, and once I couldn’t see Jax anymore, I started heading to my first class.