“It helps me calm down,” Ash started off quietly. His hands were still in his lap and he was fiddling with the loose strings on the sweater’s cuffs. “Sometimes the thoughts in my head are so loud and just so… overwhelming… that the only thing I can do is stop them.” Ash chewed his bottom lip gently, trying to conjure up the correct way to phrase what he was going to say next. “When I see the blood… it reminds me that I’m real…that I’m still alive and that if I can control this one thing - whether or not I bleed - then I can control the thoughts in my head. Sometimes I wake up fixated on cutting. I become obsessed over it and how long it's been since I last cut and whether it was deep enough and what happens when the scar fades.  I hate that I heal so quickly because then it’s like it’s all in my head and the blood was never real to begin with! Like all the control I thought I had was just an illusion as well and then I spiral again and I have to cut deeper to make sure it’s real and -” Ash suddenly stopped talking, looking up with his eyes glossed over in tears. His breathing was ragged and he was doing his best to fight off the surge of nausea that threatened to overtake him. Jaxon was still sitting, waiting patiently and listening. “I sound crazy don’t I?” Ash asked dejectedly, looking back down at his hands. “What kind of person does this to themselves?” He then asks, shaking his wrist in the air before slumping in on himself, wrapping his arms around his waist and taking deep calming breaths before the anxiety takes hold. The sleeves of the sweater were so long they swung whenever Ash moved his hands, and while Jaxon thought it was adorable seeing him in his clothes, he knew now wasn’t the time to have such thoughts. Ash was breathing erratically and his shoulders started to tremble.  

Through all of this Jaxon waits patiently, but when he sees the first tear start to roll down Ash’s cheek he quickly stands and closes the short distance between them. He kneels softly on the ground in front of Ash’s chair so that he can look at the quaking man sitting in front of him. Gently taking hold of Ash’s hands Jaxon looks him in the eyes before placing his hand on Ash’s cheek. Embarrassingly, Ash instantly leans into the comfort allowing Jaxon’s warm touch to soothe his disquieted mind. After a few minutes the tears stopped, but Jaxon still gently swiped his thumb across Ash’s creek. “You’re not crazy,” Jaxon softly whispered. Ash flinched slightly now that the silence had been broken, but still looked down at his hands holding on to Jaxon’s warmth as though it was the only lifeboat he had. How two hands were swallowed by just one of Jaxon’s, and he could feel the warmth radiating off his body despite the two of them barely touching. His tears were still flowing, but somehow hearing Jaxon’s words soothed him. “I promise you’re not crazy,” Jaxon said again, this time placing his fingers gently beneath Ash’s chin pushing his head up to look at him. Ash’s eyes were glossy and though he was nervous, his anxiety had begun to calm. Ash looked from Jaxon’s steely eyes to his sharp jawline with a prominent five o’clock shadow to his lips which held all elements of seriousness about them. With one warm hand against his cheek and another in his lap, Ash was completely enveloped in warmth and felt like this man would never hurt him. Ash didn’t realize he had begun stroking Jaxon’s cheek until he saw his hand and felt the coarse stubble against his finger tips. As Jaxon continued to stroke gently against Ash’s cheek, Ash did the same making small patterns with his fingertips across Jaxon’s sharp jawline. Neither realized how close they had gotten or that the space between them was fleeting quickly. Ash’s chest felt warm and he swore his stomach was putting on a full acrobatic circus inside of him. As their eyes met again, Ash’s lids began to droop and Jaxon focused in on Ash’s bottom lip, currently being abused by the top. Jaxon realized that Ash chewed on his lip as a habit - either from thinking or from nerves he still hadn’t decided. 

“I will show you that you’re not crazy,” Jaxon finally whispered as the space between them disappeared. Ash wasn’t sure who moved further, but when their lips finally touched he gasped as sparks flew between them. Leaning back momentarily, Jaxon seemed unsure if he had made a mistake, but Ash was certain. He leaned forward again, sealing their lips together a second time. Jaxon’s hand was still caressing Ash’s cheek and the two kissed softly and leisurely as if time stood still and all that mattered was this moment. Their lips moved in tandem while their breaths began to synchronize, each inhaling the other's scent while trying desperately to leave their own. The taste of tea and honey lingered, and slowly Jaxon moved his hand to caress Ash’s hair behind his ear. While most of his hair was in a loose bun, some strands had fallen to frame his face and Jaxon simply couldn’t stop himself from feeling the silky strands between his fingertips. The sparks continued to build as Ash moved closer, almost pressing himself against Jaxon’s sturdy chest. His chest was heaving and a light sheen of sweat kissed his forehead. Ash hadn’t done any sort of physical exercise in a while and he easily lost his breath, even before the gorgeous man before him stole away what little sense he had left. Their lips continued to mold together and their chests heaved in unison, each gently pulling at the other when they felt more connection was needed. After an indeterminate amount of time the two slowly stopped - letting one last kiss linger between them before pulling apart for air. Jaxon’s hand was still stroking Ash’s hair and Ash’s hands had ended up on Jaxon’s shoulders gripping them firmly as he steadied himself. Blushes graced both of their cheeks, though Ash was admittedly more red given his porcelain skin tone. Their eyes met and they both smiled, Ash getting a glimpse of Jaxon’s deep dimples before he closed his eyes sighing in content. He leaned forward, his head resting on Jaxon’s shoulder as he quietly caught his breath. Jaxon gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead, before shuffling back and standing up. He let his hands linger on Ash’s cheek, before finally taking a step back and slowly letting his hand fall from Ash’s face. Just like that, Jaxon went back to the kitchenette and began pulling ingredients out of the cupboard and fridge and chopping them up for a late breakfast. Ash went back to reading and snuck glances at the handsome man before him. What he didn’t know was whenever Jaxon turned around he was doing the same. After another ten minutes of silence, Jaxon placed two plates on the table with toast, eggs, ham, and two more cups of tea. Ash looked up smiling and said thank you timidly before looking up to see Jaxon smiling at him gently as well. The two looked at each other with reverence and with the silent understanding that something truly beautiful was about to unfold.