Everything was happening way too quickly. One moment I was running away with Johnny, the next, someone is dead, and we were now fugitives. The church is set ablaze, a rumble, Johnny dies, Dallas goes insane…Dallas is gone too. In only a week, I lost 2 people. Johnny looked at me slowly. “Stay gold Ponyboy…Stay gold…” He died, and I felt like my heart was taking a huge hit. I tried to grab his body, but then I was somewhere else.

The gang and I were running down towards the lot. Where we were gonna meet with Dallas to hide him. It was too late, and the police had caught up to him first. He pulled his gun out of his pocket. Dallas, you idiot! They don’t know it’s just a bluff! Please, don’t! I thought, but it was too late. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! The officer’s gunshots rang out in my head, and I sat up in bed in a cold sweat. I was breathing heavily and started tearing up, silently sobbing to myself.

Sodapop must’ve woken up because I felt his arms around me. “Pony…was it about them again..?” He asked softly. I hated when he said like that…just they. Johnny wasn’t just a young greaser who had gotten into some bad luck, and Dallas wasn’t just some hood. They were some of my best buddies, and now they’re gone forever. “Pony.” He said a bit sternly. I only nodded and looked down. “Yeah, it was about them…I’ll be fine,” I mumbled, and Sodapop sighed.

“Ponyboy you keep saying that. Those dreams of yours ain’t getting any better, maybe Darryl is right we should get you some help-” I grit my teeth and turned to him. “I don’t need any help I’m perfectly fine.” I laid back down under the covers and shut my eyes. “Whatever you say, little brother.” He laid back down as well and seemed to have fallen asleep. I was too scared to fall back asleep. I didn’t want to dream about them again.

I slowly got out of bed and grabbed my pack of cigarettes. I saw Two-bit on the couch sleeping, but I ignored him and went outside. I sat on the front steps and lit a cigar, taking a puff. I’d been getting more addicted to these since then. What about everything at Bucks that was Dallas’? Does he even know..? I thought to myself. I frowned and then got up slowly and turned back to my house. “Just one more time…” I mumbled and then slowly left the house.

I ran without stopping until I got to the door of Buck’s place. My heart was racing, my lungs were burning, and my legs were aching. I regained my breath and then knocked on the door. “C’mon Buck answer…” I mumbled silently, being hopeful. Soon enough, the door opened, and Buck looked at me. “Dallas isn’t here kid get lost.” He said coldly. I frowned and took a shaky deep breath. “Dallas is gone Buck…he lost it and killed himself by the police.” I tried to stay as calm as possible, but I knew it wouldn’t work.

His eyes widened for a moment. “Shoot…I’m guessing that dark toned friend of yours passed and that’s what caused him to snap wasn’t it?” He guessed. I only nodded in response. “Come on, I don’t have all day.” He led me up to Dallas’ old room and grabbed a few bags from another room. “Take whatever you want, I think Dallas would want you to have some of his stuff anyways. I’ll keep some for myself but you should take some too.”

He took a drag of the cigarette he was smoking and waited while I grabbed a few things from the room. Mainly whatever jewellery I could find, some cigarette packs I found and some of his jackets and shirts. One of the bags in my hands was full, and I tied up the top of it. “Alright, I got all I wanted...What’re you gonna do with the rest?” I knew Buck didn’t like me, but I think he was only being nice for the sake of Dallas. “Gonna keep this room in good condition and make this place some kind of memorial. A place I can remember good times I had with him.”

I smiled faintly at that, I knew Buck had a place in his heart for Dallas, but he hid it. “If you ever need a place to go, Dallas’ room will always be here waitin’ for ya.” I couldn’t help but tear up at that. Buck was giving me Dallas’ old room as a place of refuge if things ever got out of hand for me. I would take that offer any day. “C’mon I’ll drive you back home.” He walked out of the room, and I quickly followed behind him with my bag. We went out to his car, where I got in and then told him my address. “Any other places you wanna go before I take you home?” He glanced at me while I sat in the back. “...The graveyard.”

After all the events that had taken place, everyone had combined our money to get Johnny and Dallas a proper burial. Buck drove us to the graveyard and then parked. I got out and walked into it. I had chills because I was walking around at nighttime. I knew where Johnny and Dallas’ graves were since I visited them almost every weekend. Buck had followed me out of the car, which I only realised due to turning around and seeing him right behind me. 

I kneeled at the graves and just sat there before I grabbed Dallas’ rings that he had rolled a drunk for and put them on the grave along with his signature leather jacket, which I put around his gravestone. For Johnny’s grave, I put one of his jean jackets on it, a box of cigars and his switchblade. Johnny’s parents were reluctant to give me any of his things, so I begged and pleaded for days until they finally agreed. I’m glad they did. It made me feel closer to him, and I felt better in general.

“I never did get to tell you anything did I Dallas…” I heard Buck mumble. I turned to look up at him, and he was staring down at Dallas’ grave. “I knew you were in love already with that kid but you’re a criminal who stole my heart that you’d take to the grave.” He took a shaky breath. “Dallas goddammit there were other people who needed you.” He stomped his foot on the ground. “I need you man…who will go and do rodeos for me!? You were my best man for the rodeos and horse races!” He said, scolding what I’m guessing, Dallas from the grave.

“Buck…” I mumbled under my breath. I was shocked since I’d never seen him like this before, but I wouldn’t judge because I know he was in as much pain as I was, maybe in even worse pain. He took out something from his pocket, and I was shocked. It was Dallas’ gun…the same gun that caused his death. It had blood splatter on it. He slowly laid it down on his grave. “Take it with you to the afterlife buddy, you’ll need it in those bluffs,” he said jokingly, there was a slight sparkle in his eyes, but I know it was from tears. He had a grin on his face while he chuckled softly. “I know you’ll need it to protect Johnny.”

He looked at me. “Let’s go kid, thanks for showing me where Dal is. I’ll be visiting here often from now on.” He gave me a faint grin, and I smiled back. “You’re welcome, Buck.” We walked back to the car, and he drove me home. He again thanked me and then drove off. I walked back inside the house. I slowly put down the bag, thinking everyone was still asleep. “Ponyboy where did you go!” I heard someone say frantically but angry. “Can’t you use your head?” “I didn’t think! I forgot! That’s all I hear out of you! Can’t you think of anything?” SLAP “Pony, I didn’t mean to!” I was frozen as those memories played in my head.

I covered my face, not responding. “Pony! We thought something happened to you! Do you know how much you scared us? How much you scared me?” I felt hands on my shoulders, so I uncovered my face to see not Darry but Sodapop. I teared up slightly. “I-I’m sorry I didn’t think! I didn’t use my head I’m sorry!” I started to sob, I couldn’t keep any of these emotions to myself, and it came all out in a landslide. Sodapop hugged me, and then I felt someone else hug me from behind, I looked behind me to see Darry, and I kept on sobbing. “Ponyboy don’t think like that anymore please.” He said quietly.

“I’m sorry…” I mumbled. “We got so scared. We got Steve over and we told Two-Bit and Steve to go around the neighbourhood looking for you. Now we just have to wait I guess…But where did you go?” Darry explained to me. I looked down. “I-...I went to Bucks to tell him about Dally and then we went to the graveyard. He let me take some of Dallas’ things that’s why I have the bag.” I said quietly. “Still Pony you should’ve told one of us so we wouldn’t panic so much…oh god…” Darry let go of me and rubbed his forehead.

I clung to Sodapop. “Don’t let go of me until Steve gets here…please…” I begged, and he pat my head. “Course I won’t little brother.” I stood there in Sodapop’s arms until I heard the shaded door click. I turned to look at the door, and I was pulled into someone’s arms. “Ponyboy! Oh thank god you’re okay!” Steve said and teared up slightly. “You ain’t hurt, aren’t you?” He put a hand on my cheek and checked on me. I let a tear fall down my cheek as I held onto his clothes tightly. “I’m sorry Steve I just can’t handle my grief of Johnny and Dallas and I’ve trying to find ways to feel closer to them and I-” I kept sobbing into his chest.

Steve could only wrap his arms around me and pat my back. “ I know you’re trying so hard Ponyboy. That’s all that matters and I just need to know that you’re safe.” He said softly and then picked me up. “You need to get some rest Ponyboy.” “Don’t worry Steve, you can take him to bed. I’ll stay on the couch, Darry can you call off work tomorrow? This is a really bad time, we all need to stay together.” Sodapop said and then stroked my hair. “Hope you get some good rest little brother.” I heard Darry say before I felt Steve start walking.

He walked into the bedroom and put me on the bed gently. I pulled him onto the bed and curled up close to him. “I don’t want anyone leaving me today…please,” I begged, trembling. I know I was being shitty for saying something like that since it was just another way for me to ask him to stay with me. He didn’t seem to mind because he kissed my head. “I won’t leave you Ponyboy I promise…” I looked up at him, and he looked down at me and smiled softly. “I’ll stay for the rest of the day alright?” I felt a bit more comfortable when he said that. I felt comfortable so I tried to sleep again for at least a few more hours…

I shut my eyes gently and took a few breaths before I fell asleep completely, in the void of my mind.