Your admired hero, Erik, with his eyes closed, was having a great time enjoying the pleasures of this beautiful world when I was interrupted. She reminded me of something important. This realm cannot be perfect at all!

“Erik! Erik! You are in grave danger!”, the female voice of yore shouted.

What now, you crappy old lady? Am I supposed to think that some monster has caught me while I had fallen asleep? No way! I am just having a great time there.

“You gotta be kidding me, you balloon head!”, I yelled at her.

Our conversation was cut short when I got hit on my forehead by some stone, kicking me out of my deep slumber. That piece of crap made my head hurt as if I had some intense migraine. Who the hell had thrown that at me? Could it ever be possible that the ethereal voice did it in retaliation?

Even if she loves to show up only to make my life miserable, she could not lift a rock in my world. I guess. After making a huge effort, I opened my eyes and discovered that it was some human being with a hair that resembled some crow’s feathers. It was Alice Raven, my former wannabe wife, standing at a nearby slope! What was she doing there?

“Why’s there no single darn wall in the surroundings!?”, I queried while being quite disoriented.

“Damn it, Erik!”, she grounded me at once. “Only a moron like you could fall right in the arms of a dryad abductress! What a loser you’ve become ever since we’ve parted ways!”

That was a total surprise for your heroic lead! At most I would have suspected that some man eater succubus would ever catch me unprepared one day. Who could tell that it would be a dryad instead? I did not know that such a species would be capable of doing something like that. It was entirely unheard of, I guarantee!

“You know, it’s great to learn I’m in the forest, surrounded by its flora and fauna. Yet, I’d prefer to continue this discussion elsewhere, if you don’t mind”, I humbly asked of her.

“But you’re awake now, dear Erik. Why don’t you stand up and come over here then?”, Raven suggested.

“This might sound laughable indeed, still, the undeniable truth is… that I can’t even sense my fingers and toes, my dear”, I painfully admitted.

“Of course, you can’t!”, she quickly stated. “That mischievous dryad is sucking up all of your life energy as we speak, my love.”

“Now I get it… My sorry life is in your brave hands now! So would you please be as gentile as to help me get out of this mess, my dear crow?”, I had to humiliate myself.

“Well, lemme think ‘bout it for a while…”, Alice the witch asserted.

Man, how dare she play with my poor life like that!? If she ever had fallen in love with yours truly, would she not rush to find a way to release me from my captivity? She was not taking it seriously!

“Come on, baby!”, I cried out of frustration.

“Shhh! I’m thinking!”, she comically reacted.

My right hand suddenly started shaking when my anger was about to explode. It was such an intense sensation that some smoke came out of the dryad’s own hands. At first I thought that she was about to prepare me as a succulent dish of sorts but I was wrong. It was my very own hand the one that wanted to set me free only to punch the witch I hated the most.

“I’m not gonna release you, my love!”, my flowery captor resolved. “You’ve promised me to marry me and let me become the mother of your offspring. Aren’t you a man that always keeps his word no matter what?”

“OK, that was before my alleged wife found you right on the spot, raping me over and over again!”, I furiously complained.

No, I do not think Alice would ever buy the “indecent succubus now clothed in leaves had kidnapped me in order to make me her sex slave” argument. For her I gotta be some cheater, just another guy with some insatiable libido taking advantage of… well, a sentient plant!

“Probably you’re thinking I was lying ‘bout our kids but you gotta know that Dirk is a lil brave trent and our cute Tania is a quite lovable tiny dryad indeed”, she remarked while blushing.

Damn it, Mina! You were not helping me! You were only making things get uglier and harsher than ever before! Do not even dare to ever call out our so called children!

“You bitch! How dare you mate with him and bear children of your own!”, Raven cried in desperation. “He’s my slave and nobody else’s! He can only become the father of my own kids!”

At that specific point, I was glad that Alice finally ran her up against the rock at her back. She was choking her with tremendous force. Nevertheless, I could not forget that she did not consider me to be her equal in our dubious relationship. How worthless I was indeed!

Perhaps it would not be a bad idea to spent the rest of my days with my dryad girlfriend if I ever persuaded her of stop killing me a sip at a time. Just saying. There is no need to take me seriously.

Freedom at Hand

Not long after my beloved crow’s intervention, I managed to free my right hand. It was quite hot and something made me think it was glowing a little bit at given intervals. Then I smiled and quickly grab her greenish left hand. A few moments later it slightly burned her leaf skin.

“You see what you’ve done to me, you ethereal sucker? Your maternal instincts got me into this mess?”, I accused my spirit stalker of some heinous crime.

“That is not my very own bidding but his!”, she justified herself pointing her unreal finger at the male voice.

“Seriously, Nova Donna?”, he questioned her. “Am I now responsible for his aberrant behavior? The same one you inspired him with to ensure the kid would not stop loving that eerie witch!”

“He would have given up right after learning about her dreadful fate otherwise”, she elaborated a bit more on her petty excuse.

“Huh? Are you talking to the spirits again, Erik?”, my slaver witch wanted to know.

“Sadly, yes, my babe. They’re pointing fingers at each other right now”, I informed her at once.

“Thanks for this diversion, my love! I won’t miss this chance!” Mina hit Alice’s poor face with a strong jab.

Great! Just great, Mina the boxer! My wife then had just another reason to believe I truly ditched her, only to desecrate our apparent marital link of sorts on purpose by getting a new lover.

“OK, that’s it!”, yours truly determined. “It’s about time for me to handle this myself. And I’m not sorry for what I’m gonna do to you, lovely Mina.”

It was hard but I had freed my left hand from her steady grasp. Therefore I was able to take out my sharp hunting knife hidden in my left boot. I turned around in no time, cutting her throat only once. It appeared the cut was quite shallow as to let her push her hand against her wound, stopping the green bleeding.

That was the very first time I realized that her hair was composed of myriads of small and medium sized leaves. Well, it was not my fault, she had kept me under her mesmerizing spell for quite some time. Even so she looked quite slender and very gorgeous for a talking plant.

Raven the crow girl immediately triple slapped her, spilling some of her victim’s sap on the soil in the process. Then she punched her, breaking her nose instantly.

“You, stop drooling for her! Do something! Now!”, my wife commanded me.

My friends, I had not paid attention to a path to our left before until I heard some steps. They did not belong to some horrible critter but sounded pretty much like baby steps. Since both partners kept yelling at me, I ignored the noises.

A Childhood Trauma

“Let’s end this ridiculous strife once for all!”, I screamed.

Standing up, I grabbed her neck. It kind of reminded me of a soft chayote or mirliton. My knife was still a real threat for her soft and verdant flesh. A few moments later, I forced her to bent over her chest. To make sure she would not counterattack or escape from us, my knee was pushing her back; thus rendering her helpless.

That was the moment when Tania watched me hurting her mother. The poor creature got to be thinking I was a wife abuser or the like because she soon screamed as she had gone mad already. What a sappy ending for both mother and daughter indeed!

“Dear Alice, we better get outta here before they call for reinforcements of any kind”, I tried to warn her.

We definitely needed to procure some way out at once so I stuck my weapon in my left boot.

“Fine, fine, Erik. Let’s flee away from these creeps then!” Raven did not waste her chance to kick Mina the dryad in her stomach before we left her for good.

We first trotted northward through the woods, hoping nobody would spot us any time soon.

“Mommy! You hurt?”, baby Tania inquired of her mother.

“I’m fine, baby!”, replied the adult critter, coughing up some sap.

Her daughter was bold enough as to approach her injured mother. I could never blame her for being mad at me for what we have done to my flowery Mina.

“Wait, mommy! Nature’s blessing!”, the little kid conjured out of the blue.

Amazing. My little daughter was a spell caster at such a young age. I guess that I should be very proud of her, shouldn’t I?

The Blessing of Ignorance

We both were unable to listen to them anymore after running away for about ten minutes. Inadvertently, my partner changed her mind and did not care to tell me about it.

“Now keep quiet and follow me, Erik!”, my demanding black bird crawled.

“Hey no! First tell me why are we going to the western section of this forest?”, I enquired.

“Just shut up!”, she spat. “Believe me when I tell you that you’d be extremely grateful for this!”

Twenty minutes later, we arrived at some clearance that seemed vaguely familiar to me. Alice soon stopped near a bush where she would unveil my backpack. Against all odds, she unpacked some cannoli sporting a large smile on her captivating face. Since my couple had not learned anything about my hallucination, she had no way to know I could not trust a cannoli anymore.

“What’s up, dear Erik? Aren’t you hungry?”, Raven attempted to learn the truth about it. She sat down, staring at me.

“Seriously, Alice! Couldn’t you just get some fruits-”, I fretted.

And that was an ill-timed blunder for sure, don’t you think? I could only notice how easy it had been to flee from my caring dryad and, at the same time, she still kept my mind trapped in her mystical world of fruits and leaves.

“Why do you say that?”, she insisted.

Her hand touched my chest and it quickly triggered a lost memory. I could see in my mind how Alice had pushed me hard after arguing and cursing at a nearby path. That made me roll down the hill. Just a couple of moments later, Mina found me and took me to the place where we first met. It was the same spot where she had been extracting my life energy with ease.

“So Alice, you were the one that had led me to my abductress in the first place!”, I blamed her.

“Whatcha talking about, darling?”, she feigned ignorance.

“How dare you!”, I groaned. “You’re gonna pay for this insolence, wretched bird!”

I jumped at her fiercely, looking for immediate retribution. Raven fell on her back while I was immobilizing her with my arms.

“Pfft. And what are ya gonna do, my love? Steal my cannoli?”, she challenged me.

“Maybe or I’d do something a lot worse!”, I threatened her.

“Hmph. I’m suspecting I might like that quite a lot”, Alice disclosed.

“You know, crow, I hate you. I deeply hate you!”, I hastily stated. Then I grabbed a bite of her cannoli.

“Nah, you’re just totally mad ‘bout me but you’re too stubborn to admit it”, my couple assessed.

“Ha! Now you just shut up and kiss me, witch!”, I selfishly ordered her.

“Yes, my lordship! Kiss me and explore my body thoroughly!”, Raven said with a smirk.

The only I should truly hate got to be that damned Nova Donna! She is the actual culprit by manipulating my feelings from the very beginning!

“How quaint, human boy!”, the male spirit mocked me. “Instead of finding a way to break her spell, you simply resort to blaming others for your failures. When will you finally grow up and solve your own problems, brat?”

What the hell!? If he knew about the possibility of breaking that darn curse, why did he not mention it ever before? Damn it, I really hate Alice, that pesky Nova Donna, the stupid male creep. I hate them all! I truly do, guys!