It is settled. Alice Raven has become just another witch I should take care of later on. Witches are evil and their petty lives should not be spared. The only thing I will ever miss is her not really special, warm body and matted hair… but nothing else!

Going back to my room was not an easy task. I could feel it, Alice was hard on my heels. She could have disguised her own presence by fusing herself with my very own shadow. Was there a way to kick her out of my life for good?

The hallways were empty, filled with deafening silence. The room next to mine then sported a brand two new plant pots but there were no bush nor flower to be found there. What were they doing there anyway? I kept walking only to stop right in front of my own door. I looked both ways before opening it. The place was clear.

How weird! I opened the door and it did not screech as it usually does. It makes me feel quite nervous. Somebody got to have entered the room, I am pretty sure. Could he or she jump at me and attack me by surprise? Highly likely.

Nope, I was wrong. Everything remained the same, including my bed with its red and black sheet and my desk that is closed to the door. Nobody was hiding there and no items were missing at all. Yet, I had not checked his desk nor his closet. That person could still be around.

While approaching his desk, placed at the opposite side of the room, my sight was growing blurry. Nah, my eyes are working fine. It was the whole surrounding area. For some reason, it was getting darker and darker the longer I stayed there. So that meant Raven had slipped in just as I thought. Crap!

“Funny. Why don’t you come out of the shadows now?”, I was teasing her.

Time is Up!

Nothing changed even if I let her know I was aware of her presence. Could this mean there was somebody else here? A thief? Any bloodthirsty assassin?

Huh? Why did I feel the need to touch my neck?

Oh nice! I have got a new black scarf covering my cold neck. Huh? No! I don’t have one! Never bought one in my whole life! I am darn sure about it!

“Die, you wretched piece of meat!”, a female voice mumbled.

“Well, I guess that I should feel honored that a woman came by to kill me. I would definitely hate to be disposed of by a fellow male”, I avowed.

“Then let’s just finish this at once!”, she cried.

I am sorry, guys, but I gotta kill the mood now. You see, normally you would expect me to fight back or try getting rid of the scarf. Instead I found it quite interesting that there was no such need to get desperate or do something at all. The assassin girl was an amateur and lacked the required strength to break my neck or even suffocate me somehow.

“You know, it’s highly disappointing to notice that you’re nothing buy a weakling, my dear”, I admitted with a smirk on my face.

“Damn it!”, the attacker pouted. “I seriously tried killing you but… but… I simply can’t!”

“Oh! And tell me, my dear assassin, what’s holding you back?”, I queried.

“After that fateful night when you had taken my virginity by force, I swore that I’d kill you one day”, my beloved killer asserted.

“Err, your point is…”, I commented.

“You idiot! Why couldn’t you just wait till the appointed day for our wedding?”, she insulted me.

Was she my fiancee Sienna complaining about sleeping with her at night? But I thought it had been Alice the one that had cast a spell on me, hypnotizing me in order to make love with her. What was going on there?

I turned around at a slow pace. She was wearing a black suit that help her conceal her presence and a face mask but I could see her eyes watering already. Had she seriously strong feelings for me? Was she rendered helpless, unable to kill her lover?

Curious. Something made me focus on a silly detail right then. I could clearly see that there was a hair strand that was not covered by her mask. Yes, I had to touch it and play with it like a kid. By the way, she is half a feet smaller than your dear speaker.

“You’ve got some nice dark brown hair, I think it smells like some fresh pears”, I described her as if it had evoked some hidden memories.

“Well, you said that was your favorite shampoo so…”, my attacker elaborated.

“You know, I’m flattered to hear that!”, I expressed sincerely.

No, guys, this was a bad idea. Instead of running at me to hug me tightly, she changed her behavior abruptly. She was scaring the hell out of me! I suppose she was not an epic failure after all.

“What did you say, you moron?”, she threatened me with her words as well as a sharp dagger. “My beloved Erik hates pears! You gotta be an impostor that robbed his face and tried to seduce me, thinking I was an easy prey for sexual predators.”

Fine. I surely thought that she was an easy target. It does not mean that I had any issues with pears. Honestly, I was planning to have one at lunch, way before I got mad at Alice. That shiny dagger and her sudden “free the pears from their oppressors” mentality took me by surprise. Nonetheless, I wondered how did she get my name. Where did we ever meet?

“This has been a weird week indeed!”, I disclosed out of the blue. “First, I’d pinched Miss Morrigan’s ass and got slapped by her twice. Then Alice Raven took advantage of me. Later Sienna told me I had to go pay my respects to my wannabe parents-in-law this weekend. And now, a confused assassin’s threatening poor me because I took her virginity away and for loving pears as well.”

“You pinched her!?”, my killer got startled. She also packed her dangerous weapon then.

“Surely did… I’ve got my aching cheeks to prove it!”, I barefacedly remarked.

“I’m so sorry, for a brief moment I really thought you couldn’t be my dear Erik”, she cried like a baby.

“Stop crying, baby!”, I asked of her. “Let me wipe out your cute tears from your tender face.”

Pulling out the dagger once again, her eyes got menacing as if she had killed countless people in the past. I gulped. Damn it! You would have done it as well, guys!

“Pretty sure you’re the only idiot who’d ever dare to pinch her”, she voiced.

“Hey! I didn’t enjoy it! Not even for a split second! Her ass was quite rugged while yours is quite pleasant for sure!”, I explained myself the best I could.

I know, I know. How could I dare to pinch her buttocks at such a perilous moment? I could just not help it, it is part of my nature. You know, I felt compelled to do that. I am serious about this, guys!

“What the hell!”, she yelled out. “Come here and kiss me, you moron!”

No way I could ignore her command. Nope, I could not. Your servitor easily ignored the undeniable fact that her weapon was still too close to my poor neck. Still, it felt so addictive. Her soft lips were the biggest temptation I had ever faced. They were numbing my senses. Oh crap!

The Annoying Voices Are Back

The fake starry sky is surrounding me once again. This got to mean I lost consciousness for the second or third time in my life. What do they want from me?

“Erik, my dear Erik, why are you so reckless? Life has nothing to do with harems”, the female entity soon grounded me.

“Did I not tell you that he could not focus on a simple task? Tsk. Our real problem at hand is that you both never listen to me!”, the male being complained more than usual.

“Gotcha!”, I let them know. “Now if you excuse me, I gotta leave and take care of my baby girl.”

Lunchtime

“My dear lord Erik! Wake up please! I’ve prepared your meal, sir!”, my second kidnapper informed me while I was slowly opening my heavy eyes.

“Huh? Where am I now?”, I had to figure that out.

“Where else? It’s your bedroom, my dear moron!”, she said.

Yeah, I was in bed, smelling some delicious cannoli. Wait a moment! I was naked, totally naked. Only my blanket was covering my body. Darn killer! She had sex with me and I could not recall a single moment of it! That is totally unfair! I am entitled enjoy it as well!

“Here! Take a bit, sweetie!”, my new lover commanded and I followed suit.

It tasted as good as my friends had told me about days earlier. Indeed, I was drooling because of the cannoli but also because her breasts were on top of my chest. Amazing how lucky I had become after breaking up with darn Raven.

“Let me also take care of the cannoli over there, my lord Erik”, she asked nicely.

Nope, I could not stop her from doing that. I was feeling as if I were living in an earthly paradise. We had become one for sure, my body told me so. My latest plan was to enjoy it one bite at a time. It surely sounds great, don’t you think? Unlike my egotistic ex-girlfriend Alice, this girl loved to share everything with me.

Why did she keep calling me lord? Did that mean I was the rightful heir to the Seidel family?

“I might hate asking you this while living the best moment of my sorry life but… I don’t recall your name, baby”, I made some untimely confession.

“You don’t have to remember my name, my lordship”, she stated.

“Come on! I need to know your name! I’ve gotta call you out and make love to you all day long if possible!”, I went overboard.

“It’s Mina, my sweetie!”, she shouted out loud before kissing me. Nice.

“Great, my dear Mina! Now let’s focus on making a baby, pretty please!”, I quickly demanded.

Another One

Do not dare to criticize me now! I had to try my luck right away. I rarely get a chance to get quite physical. You will understand this once you have become a grownup and enjoy these addictive pleasures for the very first time. And then the tenth, and the one hundredth time.

“Err, should we truly make another one, my lordship?”, she got scared.

Mina was about the same age as yours truly, yet, she had become a mother already! Quite shocking news for a debuting playboy like me!

“Huh? We’ve got a baby?”, I inquired of my lover.

“Oops! I wasn’t supposed to reveal this little secret of mine, my love”, she nervously pointed out.

“Say what, darling? What’s his or her name? I need to know that, my beloved Mina!”, I asked her.

The girl with the black hair and a deceiving dark brown streak was hesitant. She got to be hiding something big if she did not feel comfortable enough to spit it out immediately. What was she going to say next? Would she run away from me?

“Please tell me, Mina!”, I ordered then, grabbing her by her right arm.

“Well, my lordship, our baby boy’s Dirk and our lil girl’s named Tania”, she finally divulged.

“Excuse me, darling, where’s the exit door again?”, I could not refrain myself from joking.

“Damn it!”, she cried. “I knew it, my lordship, that you’d get scared to death and run away from me.”

“No, no, my love!”, I had to correct her. “It’s not from you! It happens that I’m afraid I won’t be able to face your mom, the librarian if I remember clearly. Especially not after she eventually learns that we’ve made love… once again.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout her, my lordship!”, she told me. “At least not for now… Let’s just enjoy our little reunion, please my beloved Erik.”

What the hell was I thinking!? Miss Morrigan had slapped me twice for being irresponsible and disrespectful and now I got the confirmation that she is my mother-in-law as well! It seemed obvious to me that she would kill me at first sight! We were the damned and the beauty!

“Erik Seidel, open this stupid door right now!”, Alice Raven the witch howled while knocking on the door like a mad girl.

Thanks to her sudden appearance outside my bedroom, we both had… Err, let us just call it some happy accident. I truly hope that it was one of her safe days, though.