William is a virgin by choice. Mostly. Well, he knows what he looks like, and he’s always been a proficient flirt, much to Callum’s consternation. Except, that’s all he is. A flirt. He’d rejected every offer he’d gotten, telling himself that he was a romantic at heart. He was a romantic. But he was also scared. 

Anyone who wanted to sleep with him had to know he was a carrier, and that usually meant two reactions. One, they didn’t want to touch him at all, or two, he became a kink to fulfil in their eyes. Neither option was appealing. The only person who had not reacted badly was Charlotte. But they were siblings, so it wasn’t like they were going to be together, ew. Even Callum had been weird about it until Charlotte had helped him explain what it meant, and that Will wasn’t a different person just because of some genetic mutation that allowed him to carry a baby where most men couldn’t.

The point was, William was scared. He was afraid of John’s reaction. John was an honourable man, the most honourable he had met, but fear was irrational. If he and John were to have sex, a thing he very much wanted, then he had to tell John. John deserved to know.

He quiet for long enough that John calls a quiet but worried “Will?”

William licks his lips nervously. John tracks the movement with dark eyes and doesn’t do more than that. “Wait,” he says. 

John waits patiently. William thought he’d felt nervous earlier, but somehow, this takes the cake. “I will always wait for you,” John says seriously. He is so in love with this serious man that he wants to cry. He kisses John instead, letting John hold him and kiss him back for a little while more.

Eventually, he pulls back. “I need to tell you something,” he says.

There is silence except for the hum of the plane engine as John waits. He is sat up against the pillows and William straddles his thighs. His big hands are on William’s waist again and William feels like he can’t get enough of John making him feel small even though they are almost the same height. He tries to tell John. “I’m—” William can’t. He’s terrified and he can’t say it. Dimly, he’s aware he might be having a panic attack.

He feels more than he sees John pulling him into his lap and holding him carefully, like he is something precious. And it helps a little. “Will,” John says, mouth close to his ear. His low voice is grounding. “You may tell me whenever you are ready. Or never if that is what you prefer. It will not change anything for me.”

William is crying now. John has transformed his panic attack into tears, and he already feels better for it even though it’s embarrassing that he’s being so emotional. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he sobs helplessly.

John cuddles him. William has to push his face into John’s neck. “Why do you think I’ll hate you?” says John. “You are you.” William wails into John’s collarbone. But John just wipes his tears away with gentle fingers. “It is alright if you cannot tell me,” he tells William in the kindest voice William has ever heard.

He hiccups and John rubs his back. “I’m a carrier,” he tells John through wet sniffles. Shoulders hunched; William waits. He doesn’t know if he would rather John push him away in disgust or pull him closer in misguided lust. He thinks if it’s the latter, he might let John fuck him, but it would destroy him.

In the end, John does neither. He holds William and says, “Thank you for telling me.” And doesn’t do anything. 

It confuses him. William has never had this reaction before, and he doesn’t quite know how to respond. So, he pulls back enough to look at John’s beautiful face. “John,” he says uncertainly.

John only looks at William and repeats “You are you.” At William’s confused frown, he adds “The only thing that matters is your happiness.” 

William blinks. Okay. Okay, he can work with that. He doesn’t have to deal with disgust or a fetish. That’s already better than he expected though he’s not sure how to react to John’s anticlimactic answer. William wipes his eyes. “Do you still want to have sex with me?” he asks bluntly. He’s tired from the emotional breakdown he just had and, frankly, doesn’t have the energy to play coy anymore.

John blushes. “Yes,” he answers.

“Now?” William makes eye contact with John.

“If you want,” replies John. 

“Okay,” he says. “Okay, let’s have sex then.” William unbuttons his shirt. He’d come straight from his last meeting just so he could see John earlier and now, he’s trying to unbutton his shirt with hands that are shaking.

John brings his hands up to hold his. “Will, are you sure? We don’t have to. Not having sex now won’t change the way I feel about you.”

He’s trembling, but he does want this. William knows he wants John with a burning need. “I want this. Please.”

Whatever John sees when he studies William must pass muster because he begins to help with the buttons. And when his shirt has been tossed to the floor in a crumpled heap, John pulls off the pale, blue sweater he’s wearing. John’s hands are back at William’s waist, just holding and waiting for William to be ready.

William presses his palms to John’s pale chest. John looks like a marble statue, carved and polished to perfection. But his skin is warm like the sun. William leans forward to kiss John again. 

John has been happy to let William lead thus far but doesn’t really know what to do. He doesn’t fight when John gently flips them over until he makes a nice weight between William’s legs. William shivers at the press of bared skin between them. It’s good. It feels amazing to be so close to John and he thinks he won’t ever get enough.

“John,” he breathes when they separate for air. “Will you fuck me? I want to feel you inside.” His cheeks are flaming as he says this, but John’s complexion mirrors his, which makes everything okay. John nods. 

William pouts when John has to pull away to remove their pants. He also goes to grab condoms and lubricant from the plane’s lavatory cabinet. He eyes the condoms that John lays out on the bed beside them.

“Um,” he says. John looks at him. William feels shy. “I’ve never had sex before,” he tells John. “And I’m on birth control. We don’t have to use a condom if you don’t want to.”

He’s momentarily enraptured by the play of emotions on John’s face. John seems to want very much, and he tosses the strip of condoms off the bed in answer. William legs part involuntarily at the sight and John gets a gleam in his eyes. 

John is not a small man. He moans when John pushes his thighs further apart with strong hands. William feels almost helpless even though he knows John would stop immediately if he asked him to. Still. John is looking at him like he wants to devour William. 

He closes his eyes, waiting for John to push in. They snap back open when John tries to devour him instead. The sight of John’s head between his legs combined with the sensation of John’s hot tongue on his cock is nearly enough to make him orgasm instantly. He doesn’t. But it is a close thing.

“John…” he moans breathlessly, hips jerking when that clever tongue moves lower. John looks up then, eyes a thin ring of gold around dilated pupils. His hips buck again and John presses him down with one strong forearm. 

William is going to cry again. Granted, he had been near tears since they woke up together in the same bed. But this is a different kind of tears. He can’t even move when John’s fingers join his tongue at his rim, fingertips teasing the edges of his opening. 

All he can do is scream and wail and beg while his hands grasp and scrabble for purchase in the sheets. It never feels like it’s enough. John eventually relents his assault when William has taken four of his fingers. But the moment of respite is brief.