I watched Sasha close his eyes, the same way I did when I thought about my time in the ops and how they had discharged me. I was aware of how uncomfortable now I made him, But he was a great-looking man. I was sure he knew this thought.

I could honestly just enjoy watching him for a long time. His eyes flicked open, and he spoke again.

“Were you watching me?”

“Sorry?” I said more like a question than anything else.

“It’s fine. I’ve watched you a few times so.”

“Oh, have you?” I teased him.

He shivered as the ice packs finally got too much for him.

“Here let me remove those from your back.”

“Alright.”

I stood up again and just picked up the four corners of the towel. I went and threw the towel in the laundry after stuffing all the ice packs back in the freezer making sure they were flat. I went back to Sasha who just laid there, his shirt still up.

I touched his back, laying my warm hand on his spine. Remembering that I said I would tell him I would touch him, I removed my hand.

“Hey. Put your hand back, It was warm.”

I placed my hand back on his spine for a moment before I used both hands to massage his lower spine. He let out a hiss, and I stopped.

“Sorry did I hurt you?”

“No. Not at all.”

I put my hands back on his spine and pushed into his skin and muscle. He kept his mouth shut and just laid there. I figured he was enjoying the feeling of my warm fingers on his icy skin. He slowly relaxed more into the couch. His words of how he was axed flowing through me, I knew what it was like to have someone turn on you.

“They numbered my special ops days right from the day I got my second-in-command promotion. But I never thought it would end the way it had. In the end, I was discharged and blamed for things that happened well we were on a mission. I lost my best friend, someone I looked up to. He only had two more missions before he was going to leave active service. He was shot in the back of the head, in a dark room. Someone on our own team had taken him down. I turned my weapon on them, but not one of them claimed the kill. When we returned to base, I was discharged. The last time I got to wear my uniform was when they settled my captain and best friend in the dirt.”

I felt Sasha move. I used my hands to hold him still; I didn’t want to admit that at this moment I didn’t want him to move; he was the only one keeping me at this moment. Here and now.

“That is horrible.”

“It was one of the worst days of my life. It only got worse when I found out the full extent of the discharge. I wasn’t even allowed to help other soldiers recover and heal anymore, I had done that on my off days when we weren’t in other countries on missions.”

“I still have friends in some high places, if this ever gets old and you want to see about going back to your original calling,” Sasha said softly, catching me off guard.

“No, God no. Those days are over, I’ll never go back to that shit. I like my job, I’m still helping people here. These guys are my family, I trust them with my life.”

Sasha just hummed back at me, and I took that as him understanding. He spoke again.

“Is that why you don’t go by Ryerson?”

“Ryerson was the man I was when I went into that battle, Ryer was the man I came back.”

“How did you come to be here?”

I stayed silent trying to find the best ways to tell him I struggled with alcohol and drugs when I came back after being discharged. This was just a place I passed through trying to find another reason to live. Instead, I found Cade and Andrei.

“Ryer, if it’s too much then you don’t have to tell me.”

“After the way, I came back, I feel like I will only get judgment for my behaviour and honestly I would judge someone else if they did the same thing I did, full well knowing how dangerous it is.”

“Ryer. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Pushing my fingers against his warming skin, he looked back at me.

“Sorry, Did I hurt you just now?”

“No, No. I just didn’t expect it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey, you did nothing. I’m ok, But are you?”

“Sasha, When I came here, to Lake-Haven I only wanted another reason to live, and another drink, or drugs. Whatever I could get my hands on. Andrei was livid at me because of the state of me, I have never drunk like that in years. And honestly, I didn’t want to stop drinking. When we crossed paths, Cade and Andrei were looking for a drug dealer who pinched the products. I had a couple of drinks and was looking for another high. I found the drug dealer at the same time Cade and Andrei had. I remember little more after that. But I woke up with a killer headache and Maddox offered me a way out of the darkness. He knew everything about me, and my personal hell.”

“Hey, Ryer let me up.”

“Right.”

I backed up and let him sit up. I expected him to say something, judging me or worse. But he looked into my eyes, the only authentic emotion in his eyes I was sure I had seen other than anger, this was sadness. He grabbed me, his arms settling on my shoulders. He hugged me.

“Look, I’m not much of a hugger but I understand the pain and needing even the smallest amount of comfort.”

“Thanks, Sasha, I appreciate this.”

His eyes scanned over me again, like he had done several times before and he exhaled loudly.

“You have put aside your pride and told me your issues. Now it’s my turn. I smell like something died, but I’m not allowed to shower or bathe without help. So I’m politely asking you to help me bathe.”

His eyes scanned my face again, as I let out a snort, followed by several more laughs. He crossed his arms and looked at me his lips settling into a frown. I got close to him, smell the air, and laughed a little more.

“You smell fine, but yes, I can help you.”

“Look, no judgements about my naked body, I’m not as fit as you, and I made poor judgement calls in my senior year of high school so that accounts for the ink you will see.”

“You have ink?”

“Yes, a bit. It’s on my thigh and up higher.”

I wiggled my eyebrows and spoke.

“Is that so? You have some raunchy placed tattoo, Sasha?”

“No!” He hollered, but I didn’t believe him.

“I can help you right now,” I said.

“You only want to see me naked.” He sighed.

Well, he wasn’t wrong; I was more interested in this so-called ink he had on his body; he was clean everywhere else, so this had to be good.

“Honestly, I want to see this ink.”

He slowly stood up and rolled his waistband down ever so slightly and I saw the dip of his hips and a bit of black ink peeked out at me.

“Oh, it is a raunchy tattoo.” I chuckled.

He sighed. Then moved out of the way so I could stand up and help him.

“You better not laugh at me.”

“Laughing at you will be the last thing I do,” I said, reassuring him.

Sasha looked me up, and down before he groaned.

“Well, at least you will have clothing to hide if you get a damn boner.”

“Sasha, Are you worried you will find me attractive and get stiff?”

He groaned even louder at me. He stomped his foot and headed towards my private bathroom. I followed behind him, pausing to take my shirt and sweater off so that I didn’t get them wet and tossed them on my bed.

He turned around and looked at me, then spun back. I wondered if he was actually attracted to me. Maybe he was actually worried about popping a boner well I helped him shower.

“If I pop a boner, don’t you dare address it, Ryer, I swear to you,”

“Understood, if you get hard ignore it.”

“Right.”

“Bath or shower?”

“Bath, they suggested it at first.”

I walked to the bathtub and turned the water on; I ran warm water on the colder side so that the heat of the water didn’t burn him. He slowly started to undress, and he asked for help a few times before he got down to his boxers. I saw more of his ink now, but a good section was still hidden under the fabric.

“Turn around, at least right now.”

I did just for him. When he told me to turn around again, I got a full look at his whole tattoo and oh yes; it was a raunchy tattoo. There was no other way to put it.