“No one seems to understand. Maybe he doesn't either. But he's not a villain, even if you guys think he is. Even if he thinks he is.”

Yuanfei sighed, then turned to face Sammy. Despite his efforts to stay composed, this hangover was grinding at his skull and unsettling his insides. He was a wreck, and that was surely obvious. Still, he stayed resolute, sitting upright in bed with a firm posture and unwavering gaze on Sammy, determined to both defend his friend and resist heaving up the contents of his stomach.

The last couple of months had been an exhausting emotional rollercoaster. Ever since Katsuyuki left, one couldn't so much as speak his name without dampening spirits. Hunter especially, fiercely defensive of his friends and his pride, had taken great offense at his exit, and his grudge against his rival had only intensified since that day. Of course, neither had ever liked the other; but at least, towards the end of Katsuyuki's time on the team, the two had seemed to settle into some sort of truce, and the animosity was at least somewhat courteously stowed away. The departure simply tore that rift open again, and proved Hunter's bias to be true: Katsuyuki wasn't to be trusted. And by letting his guard down, if only a little, Katsuyuki had made a fool out of him.

On the other side, Katsuyuki had little time to care about inconveniences and hurt feelings of the team – which seemed to be as much damage as he was willing to acknowledge he had caused by leaving. Besides, from what little Yuanfei could piece together, he hadn't had much say in the matter of leaving the team anyway; what Yegor wanted of him, Yegor got - and if Katsuyuki dared to want for something else, he was in for hell. Yegor wanted him on Moscow Wolves, and Katsuyuki wasn't going to be the one to tell him no.

Yuanfei didn't know exactly what went on that night, but it wasn't hard to infer the details. He had heard from Hunter was that "some old guy" had come over just before Katsuyuki left, and the two had "argued" in the hallway. Yuanfei suspected he knew what that really meant. He was frustrated that the others couldn't read between the lines in that moment when Katsuyuki needed them the most - then again, he himself had also failed to see the signs at the time.

Katsuyuki, naturally, was reluctant to elaborate further - the shame of being so browbeaten by his godfather clearly ran deep. Instead, he would rather take the brunt of the team's anger to save face, preserving at least an illusion of agency. And, rather than accept the damage he had caused - whether he had a choice in it or not - it seemed easier for him to dismiss the frustrations of Hunter and Sammy with derisive apathy.

And all while the two sides bitterly sniped at one another, Yuanfei was stuck in the middle, trying to revive what little peace there ever was between them.

And this time, he had to contend with this crushing hangover to boot.

Sammy slumped his shoulders a little in resignment. “I don't want to vilify him or anything. And you know him better than I do, I get that.” He sighed. “We just don't want to see you get hurt. And Katsuyuki--... Well, he's got a bit of a record of hurting people.”

“I won't get hurt.” The words felt ingenuine, even to himself. It was willful naivete, he knew, but he didn't have the mental energy to address it further.

He already knew, in the back of his mind, that he was well on his way to getting his feelings hurt.

The thought still lingered in his mind, vaguely threatening. A hazy memory: a kiss, but not the quick, light touch of before. No, this was something more; something deeper.

Yuanfei's stomach knotted. Surely Katsuyuki wouldn't abide something like that. Had he forced it on him? A moment of impulsive idiocy, fuelled by drunken courage and misread signals?

And what to do about it now? Apologize? Would Katsuyuki even forgive him for something like that?

“Sammy? When you saw him last night... How was he?”

“What do you mean?”

“Was he upset? Or angry?”

“You don't remember at all? You really were blacked out, then?” Sammy smiled sympathetically. “Well, I don't think he was upset – at least, not until I confronted him. Then he was... Well, you know – he got a bit cross, in that way he does.”

“He wasn't... Unhappy with me?”

“No, not at all – to the contrary, I'd say.” Yuanfei tilted his head a little. “He seemed... I don't know, concerned about you, perhaps,” Sammy continued. “Protective, even. How come?”

“Ah, it's nothing,” Yuanfei waved a hand dismissively. “Just trying to remember what happened.”

“If it helps, it seems like you'd had a good night.”

Yuanfei nodded. “Good to know.”

“Anyway, I'll let you go,” Sammy stood up. “I hope I didn't step on your toes at all. And I won't say anything about this to Hunter.”

“Thanks.” Yuanfei smiled meekly. He hated the lies and deceit, but in this case, he suspected it would only fan the flames to bring this up. Hunter's anger towards Katsuyuki came from a good place – at least, partially: behind the childish rivalry, there was a genuine desire to protect his friends from a perceived threat, Yuanfei was sure. But until Hunter could tackle these feelings with some level of maturity, there really was no point broaching the topic with him further. Some things were best left hidden – at least, for a little while.

“Oh, and I'm making bacon sandwiches for breakfast. Fried egg, ketchup, brown sauce – classic stuff! And they're great for hangovers. There'll be one for you too if you'd like.”

“Sure.” Yuanfei smiled. “I'll join you after I shower.” Sammy's cooking – classic British cuisine, or so he'd been told - wasn't exactly to his tastes, but he could appreciate the gesture regardless. Besides, food was food, and he wasn't fussy – and finding anything to eat around here that wasn't loaded with cheese or sugar was an extra bonus.

But for now, he had some things to figure out.

Yuanfei let out a soothed sigh as the shower's scalding hot water eased the tension in his body. The comforting heat provided a small reprieve from the twisting of his stomach and the thumping pain in his temples – but memories of last night still circled his troubled mind.

That kiss. Did he really do that?

Maybe it was just a dream?

No, surely not. Though hard to pin down, that moment still stuck out prominently in his mind. It was too realistic, far too vivid for a dream. He must have done it.

Then maybe Katsuyuki was too drunk to remember it himself. Yuanfei anxiously grasped at his wrists. That was even worse! Forcing a kiss on someone too drunk to defend themselves? He hung his head and winced. He was so out of it himself, he had no control of his actions by that point in the night. But still, the shame of pushing an unwanted kiss on Katsuyuki would be impossible to let go.

Then again, Katsuyuki seemed... Well, fine, relatively speaking. He was lucid and composed – at least, as far as Yuanfei could recall – so there was no reason to believe Katsuyuki could have been more drunk than he had been himself.

So then, that left... What else? That he knew, he remembered, he wasn't angered...

He was alright with it?

But still... He couldn't shake the lingering doubt. There was still that inescapable truth, that one word that was so tragically embedded in the darker side of Katsuyuki's volatile temper.

That knot in his stomach was back.

'Homophobic'.

As much as he hated to admit it, Sammy was right. That stupid fight... It was months ago, but still fresh in his mind. And certainly, Hunter was goading him, but still...

Yuanfei involuntarily winced at the thought. He'd never seen fury like that before: burning, visceral rage, so sharply trained on his friend and weaponized to a frightening degree.

He wasn't scared of Katsuyuki. But moments like that... It was hard not to be. Moreover, the memory tore at him in other ways. Sharp, twisting, shameful humiliation.

Despite everything – Katsuyuki's reasoning for his vicious behavior, and all that had happened between them since that day – he couldn't deny that the memory itself still stung. After all, it was Yuanfei himself that was the trigger. He was the punchline of Hunter's joke. Just imagine the humiliation – to be accused of doing something sexual with Yuanfei. Apparently, for Katsuyuki, such an accusation, even in jest, was just too far.

And yet, despite his aggressive need to save face, despite his defensive outbursts to maintain his dour and dignified image, the two had gotten closer than Yuanfei ever could have imagined. It was a bond like no other. Hand-holding? Kissing? Were these the actions of a guy so terrified of intimacy with another man that he considered no level of retribution off-limits for so little as being on the receiving end of a gay joke?

He ran his fingers through his wet hair, slicking it out of his face. Then what sense did this make? Was he disgusted, or not?

There was really only one way to know. He took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

It was decided, then. He'd call, bite the bullet and find out how Katsuyuki felt about the kiss. He couldn't run forever – and Katsuyuki himself had told him as much. It was time to take his friend's advice and face his troubles head-on.

Yuanfei grabbed a towel and threw on a t-shirt and boxers. Phone in hand, he exhaled deeply and initiated the call to his friend.

Katsuyuki had to know by now anyway. A kiss like that... It wasn't subtle. Whatever Yuanfei was feeling, even if he didn't fully understand it himself, it was clearly not just platonic. This talk was already long overdue.

No more running.

This was it. He was confessing to Katsuyuki. Confessing what, he didn't know. Confessing how, he had even less idea.

He perched anxiously on the edge of his bed. The dial tone rang. He tapped a foot on the hardwood floor and bit his lip.

“Hey.”

The instant he heard the smooth, graceful voice of his friend, he felt his resolve already flagging.

“Morning, Katsuyuki! ... You good?” His voice wavered a little, weakened from the effects of his hangover and frayed nerves.

“Yeah, I'm okay.”

God, what was he doing? Now was not the time for this.

Just back out. It's not too late.

Don't put yourself in this mess.

Just talk about something else.

“You remember much from last night?”

Yuanfei swallowed. Why did Katsuyuki have to ask that?! The color from his face drained away, along with the last of his courage. No, he was not doing this. Nope, nope, nope. “Ah, I'm not sure... Nothing after we left the bar, anyway.”

“Yeah... Me neither.”

Yuanfei quietly released a sigh of relief. Crisis averted.

Maybe this conversation could wait for another day.