It wasn’t a fun talk.  Brutal honesty, right?  No more time for pretending things were fine.  If somehow this was going to last past tonight, I needed for them to understand exactly what I was now.  Regardless of the consequences.

So I told them about my first merfolk community.  How they’d hated me even before I got there, because of what happened with my parents when I was a child.  How they’d mocked me, ridiculed me, bullied me into a shell of the person I had been.  How the smiles I’d been quick to have disappeared and the confidence that once was mine was crushed slowly as I was taught by those around me that my existence was pathetic and worthless.  How I’d finally left, despite their warnings that no one would ever welcome me anywhere else, desperate for some reprieve from the never-ending looks of disgust and words of hate.  How I’d shut myself off because I couldn’t let them see how they got to me, then was afraid to let anyone in.  How Bruce was the only person in the past 10 years who had actually made an effort to get to know me.  How even now I was scared I might have triggered a war with the merfolk here, accidentally, just because people misunderstood things.

How I loathed myself, a pitiful, broken shell of the person I once was, so all I could ever see when looking in the mirror is everything I was told by that merfolk community.  I couldn’t see anything other than the pathetic, worthless thing they described to me because there seemed to be nothing left of me to challenge that.  I had no education, no skills, barely even hobbies left.

Vance started crying partway through this and grabbed me in a fierce hug, not releasing me until I was done, while Hayden was looking a mixture of incensed and horrified.

“I can’t believe an entire community would bully you for something that wasn’t your fault,” he burst out when I stopped talking, “and shouldn’t even matter anyway.  So what if your parents supported the ‘wrong’ side?  That happened years prior and it cost you your family, so you already were more hurt by what happened.  And magic level?  Who cares!  Wait, do supernaturals actually care about that?”  He suddenly looked concerned.

“Some,” I allowed, still squished in Vance’s tight hug.  I tried to pat his head to signal he should let me go, but he didn’t budge, didn’t look up from where his face was buried in my shoulder.  “Witches care – it’s a big deal for them, they’re constantly trying to increase their power.  Merfolk care, oceanids in particular.  Some of the others, like naga and demons, care about ranks, which are achieved with more power, but it’s not quite the same thing.”

“So it’s not even important for a lot of them?  Then yeah, who fucking cares?!”  Hayden snapped, his eyes blazing again.  “Regardless of whether anyone cares, it has zero impact on your value as a person!  Forget whatever those creeps told you!  You’re valuable, okay, Morgan?  To us you’re precious, irreplaceable.  It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost your way a bit,” he waved me off when I started to interrupt, “we still know you.  You’re still you, even if you’ve been crushed and have layers of pain and suppression painted on.  Honestly, I admire the you of now – you haven’t given up, even if you don’t realize it.  You left that awful excuse for a community even when they tried to keep you from doing that, you kept going, you started over, you got your own apartment and everything starting from nothing – that’s pretty impressive, not a lot of people could pick themselves up like that and make something of their lives.  Not to mention you saved our lives, you’re currently worried about getting other people hurt and trying to prevent that – that’s you, shining through, despite all the dirt kicked on top.”  He grabbed my hands, looking deep into my eyes.  “Don’t give up, Morgan.  Don’t let them destroy you.  Just – put all of that in the past, okay?  We’ll just be us again.  You, me, and Vance, together, enjoying life.  We’ll be us, not whatever they claimed you were.  Same as we were, only you’re free to grow a fish tail or become a girl when you want.  Don’t worry about the stupid merfolk community ever again if you don’t want to.  You’ll have us at your sides, protecting you for a change, and if you can’t love yourself, well – let us do it for you.  Trust me, we have plenty of love for you.”

I half laughed, half sobbed as I tipped my head forward until it was resting on his shoulder.  “You’re an idiot,” I mumbled.  “You can’t protect me from the supernatural world.”

“We can protect you from being hurt emotionally,” Hayden answered, his arms going around both me and Vance, who was sort of resting against my back now as I leaned into Hayden.  “And if we need to, we’ll learn self-defense, um, martial arts, I don’t know – carry guns?”

“None of those do much against magic,” I informed him.

“Well, we’ll at least support you unreservedly.  You need someone on your side, no matter what is going on?  We’ll be there.  No questions asked.”  He kissed the back of my head where he could reach from our positions.  “If you don’t feel confident, borrow our confidence.  If you don’t feel loved, we can definitely fix that.  If you want to go to school or try new things or whatever – we’ll help you.  Anything you want.  Whatever you need.”

I closed my eyes, slowly starting to feel a bit of the tension I’d kept bottled up over the past 10 years start to ebb away.  “You promise?”  I whispered.

“We promise,” they both answered.

This time, curled up on the couch with both of them, tears soaking my shirt – my own and Vance’s – I found myself starting to believe.

Maybe…maybe there was hope for me after all.

~~~~

Four days later, I watched the twins struggle to stop a leak under the kitchen sink, their combined efforts making water spray everywhere.  I kind of enjoyed how their wet shirts clung to their torsos, but it was also just entertaining to listen to them argue about whose fault it was they couldn’t reach their fingers into the small space to screw the necessary bolt or whatever they were trying to do.

Plumbing wasn’t my thing, so I was supervising from one of the barstools, munching on some apple slices while I watched.

“I can’t believe we broke it, we’re borrowing the house, you know.  Bruce’s brother-in-law is not going to appreciate this.”  Vance shone the flashlight into the cabinet, trying to shield his face from the water spray.  “Why don’t we just call a plumber?”

“Because it shouldn’t be that hard to fix!”  Hayden was lying on his back, scooted further under the sink.  “I’m pretty sure it’s just a loose bolt but I can’t quite get my fingers in there!”

“Any chance we have pliers or a wrench?  What am I even talking about?  I don’t know how to fix plumbing!”  Vance rolled his eyes at his brother.  “This is ridiculous, we’re just starting to make a lake in here.”

“If I can just get – almost – ugggh,” Hayden groaned.  “So close.  Vance, your fingers are the same as mine – Morgan?  Baby?  How do your fingers compare?”

I chuckled softly.  “Probably the same as yours,” I held up my male hands, “but that can actually be fixed.”

I generally did this in water – it was simpler for the transformation – but technically I could do it out of the water, too.  I hopped off the stool, walked around the counter to the kitchen itself, where they were, grabbing a towel to throw across my shoulders as I did.  Just before I entered the kitchen, I closed my eyes and focused on shifting.

Belatedly, I realized I should probably have done this in the bedroom or something so they wouldn’t see, because this would probably – no, definitely – be weird to see, even if they had gotten somewhat used to seeing me transform into my aquatic self.  This was…different.  This was my entire skeletal system shifting, this was gaining organs and curves that my male form didn’t have.

But smaller hands, so.  At least there was that.

I did remember to keep one hand on the drawstring of my pants and tie them tighter when I finished, reaching down to roll up the hem of the pants.  I was now slightly swimming in the clothes that had fit fine a moment before, but such was life.

The twins were both staring at me, open-jawed – though Hayden quickly shut his when he started getting sink water in his mouth – while I simply crawled past them to reach into the cabinet, feeling around until I located the problem bolt.  A few deft turns with my smaller but agile fingers, and the water stopped spraying everywhere.

“Problem solved,” I announced, sitting back to survey the damage.  “You two are responsible for cleaning up this mess since you couldn’t fix it.”  I looked down at my clothes doubtfully.  The towel was there for a reason – to hide anything that might show with the shirt being wet through – but honestly, these clothes weren’t great for my female form.  “I don’t suppose you happen to have anything smaller I can wear?”

Vance managed a kind of stunned laugh.  “No?  But we can get some, probably should – actually, we should just get you clothes for both forms, I guess?”

Hayden scooted out, then reached for my hands, turning them over in his own curiously.  Smaller, softer hands – it felt different when he intertwined our fingers after a moment.

“This is weird,” he told me, “but a good kind of weird.  Feels like we have a lot more to learn about you, hmm?  Like a whole new side to discover.”  He scooted closer, laughing a little when I tried to push his soggy self away.  “Do you, like, feel the same in both forms?  About everything?  Do you get different things you like or dislike in one form or the other, whether it’s food, or, I don’t know, sensitive spots?”

I kind of gave him a disapproving look about the idea of sharing secrets about sensitive spots with him, but I don’t think he bought it.  “I feel a little different about what I want to cover up, based on differences in genders, but otherwise, not much.  Or at least I don’t think so, but I haven’t exactly had people around to compare between them, so…guess that’s up to you to figure out?”

Hayden grinned happily.  “Okay, will do.”  He leaned forward, capturing behind my neck to give me a kiss – his first to my female form.  Soft, curious, almost tentative, but that quickly changed to intense when I returned his kiss and grabbed the front of his wet shirt with my free hand.

“You really should clean this up and we should all maybe be not so wet,” I gasped when he broke the kiss.  “Weirdly, we seem to keep doing this.”

“At least we’re not cold and wet this time, just wet,” Vance pointed out as he stood up.  He offered me his hand, which I accepted, and he pulled me to my feet, but I could see from the look in his eyes he wasn’t done.

I was right.  Vance set his hands on my waist and literally picked me up, making me squeak slightly until he set me down on the counter and leaned in.

“Kiss me?”  He asked softly, just an inch from my face.

I rolled my eyes, but smiled and slid my arms around his neck, doing as he requested.  His kiss was warm and loving but had just a hint of hunger to it.

I had a feeling, kissing these boys today, that Hayden was right about one thing – there might be a lot to explore with the idea of me having both a male and female form with them.  At least they’d disposed of one fear of mine – they were genuinely interested in me in either form, so I would be able to be me with them and not worry about whether they would find it weird to have a significant other who alternated between male and female at will.

“Questions for you,” Vance said as he kept me trapped on the counter by placing his arms on either side of me.

“Okay.”  I raised one eyebrow and waited.

“First, when you change – does it change other things, too, like, um,” he blushed slightly, “internal organs?”

I took a moment to translate what he said before it dawned on me.  “Are you asking if I have a uterus in female form?  The answer is yes.  Of course, I lose it when I shift, so any oceanid who is pregnant doesn’t shift genders if they can help it.”  Which usually they could – gender shifting was almost always more of a convenience than a necessity.

This got Hayden’s attention, and he came over to lean on the counter, dripping water all over the place – making more of a mess for them to clean up.

“So…,” he asked slowly, “does that mean you – we could – hypothetically speaking, of course – have kids someday?”

“Yeah.”  I leaned back some on the counter, resting on my hands behind me.  “Human/oceanid couples have either human or oceanid kids.  No hybrids – there’s a few species that make hybrids, but we’re not one of them.  Hypothetically speaking, of course, yes, we could, and we would have either human or oceanid kids.”

I found it a little amusing that I was a lot less embarrassed by or bothered by this line of questioning than they were.  Maybe because I figured it would eventually come up at some point, anyway?  I mean, it was a valid question, given that I did have a female form.  They’d probably forgotten that was a possibility until now, though.

It wasn’t like we were about to go and make a baby tomorrow or anything, but it was something that could be considered.  Maybe.  At some point.  Or take appropriate precautions to avoid if that wasn’t the plan.  Once we were doing things that would require precautions to be taken.

This seemed to give them both a lot of food for thought, because they were both quiet, mulling over this for a long time.

I nudged Vance with my foot.  “What were the other questions I needed to answer before I’m allowed to leave?”

“Oh, right.”  He blushed slightly again.  “Um, actually, I was just going to suggest that since we’re wet already, we could just go for a swim together?”

I gave him a withering look.  “It’s too cold for you two to go swimming, idiot.  I’m not bothered by the cold, but you definitely are.”

He groaned.  “See, this is why we need a pool.  Heated, of course, for winter.  I want to go swimming with you.  I think it’d be cool.”

“Well, it’s cold right now, so no.”

Hayden chuckled, then leaned forward to brush a kiss against my cheek.  “Okay, so we’ll put ocean access on the wishlist for you, a heated pool for Vance, and I want, hmm, what do I want in a house?”

Vance and I both looked at him.

“I’m afraid to ask,” I whispered dramatically to Vance.

“Me too,” he whispered back at the same volume.

“I think,” Hayden announced seriously, but his eyes were twinkling, “I want a house with a really big bed.”

I laughed at him, but – well, I couldn’t entirely disagree.

Someday, when the time was right, when we were ready for it, it might be nice to be able to share a bed with both of them.  Go to bed at night curled up between my twins, happily surrounded by their love.

That sounded pretty perfect to me.