I stopped before I got to the merfolk town, hesitating.  I didn’t really want to talk to the Elder again.  She’d probably just point out my magic was still as weak as ever, proof that Bruce’s theory was wrong and that she was right, but what did it matter?  I couldn’t give them up myself, I’d proven that already.  Someday they’d leave me, and, well, what started yesterday would probably be completed then, but magic – I was never going to get full magic.  Not if the cost was somehow turning off my heart.

I turned to swim away, back towards the coast to talk to Bruce, when I realized I wasn’t alone anymore.

A pair of merfolk, one a shark shifter and one an oceanid, were approaching from behind me.  The oceanid paused when he saw me, a slight sneer crossing his face.

“You’re the one all the fuss is about, aren’t you?  The one the Elder said needed to stop being so land-bound because it’s stalling your magic – and somehow you turned that into some big row between her and her daughter?”

I didn’t answer, just watched them warily, trying to face both of them, but the shark shifter was deliberately attempting to get behind me and it wasn’t really possible to stop him.

Not that it mattered if they did surround me – it wasn’t like I was capable of defending myself either way.

“What I don’t get,” the male oceanid gave me a deliberate, condescending once-over that ended with a distinctly disbelieving expression, “is why you would choose to be a shell of a thing instead of embrace your true self.  That’s just…pathetic.”

There was that word again.  Sometimes I wondered if there were magical vibes that informed every supernatural I came across that I was, indeed, pathetic.

It wasn’t like I disagreed.  There wasn’t much of a point to trying to contest it.

“What, no answer?”  He swam a little closer.  “Forget how to talk, as well?  What can possibly be so fascinating with land life that you’d be willing to accept this fake trace of magic you have just to keep it?  What, did you fall in love with their pumpkin lattes and social media?”

The shark let out a sound which probably would have been a laugh had he been in his human form.

Goaded on by the amusement of his friend, the oceanid came closer, within arm’s reach.  “If we could create hybrids, I’d swear you were one – too much human and too little merfolk.”  His eyes searched my face.  “Something like you doesn’t even deserve to be called an oceanid.”

He reached out and grabbed my jaw, turning my face from side to side.  I hated the way his fingers felt on my skin, but I didn’t fight it.  Cold indifference was my only shield.  No matter what they did, no matter what they said – never let it show.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is,” he said at last, “why Skye would feel that you are somehow worth challenging her mother.  The Elder was worried about you, tried to help you, and in return you bring discord among us.  Skye is actually talking about trying to have the Elder removed, all because of you.”  He released me abruptly, shoving me backwards as he did.  I was barely able to stop myself from falling right into his shark friend, who no doubt would have taken that as an excuse to respond as if I’d actually attacked him.

The male oceanid gave me a look of disgust – a look I was well familiar with.  “You should be begging the Elder for her forgiveness and doing exactly what she says if you want to avoid this entire region picking sides and, heavens forbid, violence actually breaking out.  If we end up going to war because of you?  I will make sure to destroy everyone and everything you ever cared about.”

He gave me one last hard shove, directly into a rock formation, but I didn’t even wince, didn’t move anything except for my eyes, watching them swim away.

This was an unforeseen development.  I’d never anticipated that there would actually be conflict in the merfolk community because of me.  The Elder’s daughter – Skye? – had been upset, yes, but upset enough to continue into another day?  That was troubling.

Now agitated, I debated what to do.  Continue to the merfolk town and hope to find Skye and beg her to leave the Elder alone?  Too risky, if indeed there was a fuss in town because of me.  Better to go to Bruce and see if he could single her out alone to talk to me somewhere safe.

I turned to swim towards the shore, much more alert this time, taking care to keep a long distance between me and any living creature I saw.  Some of them were doubtless normal ocean life and not merfolk, but I wasn’t willing to take that risk.  Granted, it took me longer to reach the shore, but it was worth it to avoid any more run-ins with angry merfolk.

In areas where merfolk live, the community will often stash lengths of cloth, towels, or clothes that can be used by oceanids transforming back.  They’re usually hidden along the coast, and a well-trained eye can soon discover likely hiding spots.  It didn’t take me long to locate something I could use as a sarong, and then I headed down the rocky beach on my bare feet, keeping an eye out for the phone booth I knew was kept there.

I dialed Bruce’s number the moment I found it.  Thankfully, he picked up and not his wife.

“Bruce, I’m at the beach, far side.”  Given the time of year, the beach was mercifully unoccupied.  “I really need a favor.”  Man, this sucked.  I kept asking him for favors, it was all I could do.  Sometimes I wondered why he even bothered still being my friend.  “Can you get Skye or whoever the Elder’s daughter is to come here?  I don’t – I don’t want this to turn into some thing because of me.”

Bruce sighed deeply.  “Oh, you heard about that, huh?  I was hoping you wouldn’t.  Fine, I’ll get her.  It’s probably best you two talk about this anyway.  Stay there, I’ll bring her to you.”

As we both hung up, I felt grateful that he was willing to drop everything and help me – yet again – but upset with myself at the same time that I was asking him to do that – yet again.  Giving into the urge to wrap my arms tightly around myself, I paced back and forth on the beach while I tried to figure out what I should even be doing.

I needed to stop being a burden on Bruce, that was clear.  I needed to stop the merfolk community from having a fight because of me.  I needed to stop disrupting the twins’ lives when I wasn’t going to be a permanent part of them.

All this would have been better if I had just turned into foam yesterday, I realized.  So many problems solved.  So little good accomplished.

I tried to turn my attention to less depressing thoughts.  Mostly, people referred to oceanids by their current gender, or sometimes they/them if the oceanid preferred that or people didn’t know what their current gender was, such as talking about a merfolk who wasn’t present.  Since everyone was referring to the Elder’s child as her daughter, she must prefer her female form and use primarily just that, like the Elder herself.  It wasn’t uncommon for oceanids to settle into one gender that they preferred over the other, and especially the Elder, well, it was very normal for older oceanids to not shift genders often.  For me, I actually probably preferred my male form over my female, but that was partially just because I’d been in my male form almost exclusively until I was 17, a significant chunk of my life, so it just felt more familiar to me.  But my female form had its advantages, too, and I liked it in its own way.  I had been getting more used to it, too, the more time I spent in my female form.  But a handful of years as a female was still not enough to account for more than 2/3 of my life as male.

I was thinking about the advantages of my female form – speed and dexterity, for starters – when Bruce arrived, the female oceanid I barely remembered from yesterday in tow.

She came towards me with a warm smile, holding out her hand as if to take mine, but I quickly stepped back.

“Don’t challenge the Elder because of me,” I said without preamble, “I’m not worth a fight, I’m not worth people getting hurt over.”

She drew up and studied me thoughtfully for a moment.  “Everyone can be worth a fight,” she responded after a moment, “if the principle of the thing is worth it.  In this case, it’s not strictly about you – it’s about my mother and how she views humans.  My mother had a bad history with humans, decades ago, but she still holds a grudge, enough so that she doesn’t think merfolk should associate with humans at all if she could have her way.  She manipulated you into trying to give up your humans and almost got you killed because of her own prejudices.”

I shook my head, agitated.  “At the end of the day, it’s still because of me, and I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me.  I’m not worth it.”

“And why do you say that?”  Her tone was calm, curious.

I huffed, frustrated.  “Isn’t that obvious?  Do I need to spell it out?  I’m the most useless merfolk ever to exist,” I snapped bitterly.  “I have almost no magic, never will get any.”

Bruce got a troubled look and started to say something, but Skye cut him off before he got a chance.

“Magic level does not determine one’s value,” she said in such a firm voice that it felt impossible to argue with.  “Look at humans – they have no magic, yet they are capable of incredible acts of kindness and selfishness, of making amazing art or technology.  They exist without magic, yet they are the basis upon which the world exists.”

“Yeah, humans are valuable,” I agreed, “but a merfolk without magic isn’t.  It’s not the same rules.”

She tapped her fingertips together thoughtfully.  “I would have to disagree with you.  I don’t think magic makes even merfolk good people or not – look at my mother for an example.”

I raised one eyebrow, more confused.  “Exactly.  She has a lot of magic, is the Elder, and leads the community.  The exact opposite of me.”

“My mother is a cold, harsh, unfeeling creature who got to her position by stepping on anyone in her way, betraying friends even.”  Skye’s tone was blunt, but her words startled both of us – Bruce looked as surprised as I felt.  “She hides her cruelty behind a mask of kindness, but there are those who have seen through it.  Mostly the disenfranchised, the ones on the outside of our society – those she thinks hold no use to her.  She sees such people as disposable.  You are right, my mother is powerful.  But if we are talking about people valuable to society?  She isn’t one.  She thinks only of herself, acts only in her own interests.  She is a true leech on our society, while someone like you – you may not contribute as much due to magic, but you’re here in this moment to try to prevent other people being hurt.  That tells me you have more integrity and kindness than my mother ever faked.”

I was kind of staring at her, still, but Bruce had finally gotten over his shock and was starting to look kind of pissed off.

“Why doesn’t everyone know what she’s really like?  If I’d had any idea, I never would have sent Morgan to her for advice.”

Skye sighed, her expression troubled.  “There are those who know.  She couldn’t hide it from me, or from her mate, who ended up leaving her because of it.  But she plays the part of a kind Elder very well, and she takes great care not to let her mask slip in front of those she deems useful to her.  She disapproves of your wife and child, Bruce, but she still knows you are a powerful shifter, so she has kept you in the dark along with most of our society.  I’ve thought for years about challenging her, and I regret not doing so now.”  She turned her attention back to me.  “Had I done so, what happened yesterday would never have happened.  It should never have happened.  My mother was so blinded by her own prejudices that she never thought to consider the possible impact her advice could have on you – never even thought to confirm whether your humans could be your soulmates.  Her carelessness nearly killed you, and yet, she still sees nothing wrong with what she did because she refuses to believe humans could be soulmates.”

Bruce crossed his arms, looking angry.  “Humans can easily be soulmates with supernaturals.  It happens all the time.  It’s sometimes harder to deal with – the humans don’t always even know about our world – but it does happen.”

“I know, and I agree with you.”  Skye’s tone was soothing.  “My mother has decided differently arbitrarily, despite all the proof to the contrary.  Point is, she is so wrapped up in her own prejudices that she can’t – or won’t – see the danger of her advice.”  Skye placed a hand on my forearm, squeezing it gently.  “Did you know what she told you would kill you?”

I shrugged slightly.  “Not really.  I knew the whole letting them go to increase my magic idea wouldn’t work – I’d just end up resenting the ocean more.  But I thought she was right about letting them go to protect them since I’m incapable of doing so myself.”