Bruce met me down the street from his house.  “They got here pretty early, they’ve been antsy about meeting you again – worried you’d disappear or something.  They were pretty relieved when I told them you were indeed here and would get here this morning, although,” he glanced at his watch, “it’s a little later than I’d expected you.  Everything go well with the Elder?”

I couldn’t tell him.  Bruce was too kind and empathetic, he’d try to just protect them himself rather than let me do this.

So I gave him a typical emotionless smile.  “We discussed options.  Nothing’s finalized yet.”  That was a lie, but Bruce would want to know what I was going to do if I told him I had set my solution in motion.

“Well, as long as she’s working with you to figure out something, I’m sure it’ll turn out good.”  Bruce squeezed my shoulder gently.  “Come on, let’s not keep them waiting.”

I followed him down the road and into the little garden courtyard before the first of the twins saw me and I abruptly found myself wrapped tightly in Hayden’s arms.

“Morgan!  We were kind of worried you wouldn’t show,” he admitted, pulling back just as Vance came rushing over to give me a hug, too.  “But your friend’s been really nice.”

I gave Bruce another empty smile.  “Thank you.  I’ll take them off your hands now,” I told Bruce.  Then I turned to the twins.  “Do you have luggage?”

“Ah, right.”  Hayden went back inside to retrieve the bags.  Between the three of us, we were able to get all the bags without much issue and I led the way down the street.

“There’s a hotel near the beach you can stay at.”  I had already paid for a night, using funds from my bank account.  I usually tried to avoid dipping back into a bank account of a place I’d left in case someone could track it, but I had little enough money as it was, so there weren’t exactly options here.  “I’ve already got your room key.”

“Oh, is that why you were late?”  Vance asked, hurrying to keep up with me.  They were technically a couple inches taller than my male form, but I wasn’t walking as slowly as they seemed to want.  “Your friend was under the impression you’d be here first thing in the morning, but it’s almost noon now.”

“It’s part of it.  I’ll explain the rest after we drop off your things.”

Thankfully, at the hotel we didn’t have to talk to the desk clerk but could instead go directly to their room, so they wouldn’t learn I’d only booked one night.  That would probably be a red flag if they knew.

When we set their things down, Hayden sharply observed me standing cross-armed by the door, not quite meeting either of their gazes.

“Morgan?  Is everything okay?  You feel a little…different…from yesterday.”

I mustered up some sort of smile for him.  “I’m fine.  Just – concerned about things.  I’m taking you to meet someone to hopefully help with the protection spell.”

“Okay.”  Hayden’s brows furrowed.  “This person will help?”

“Yes,” my tone was now confident, “she will help make sure you’re safe.”

“If you say so, that’s good enough for me.”  Hayden sat down on one of the beds and patted the spot next to him.  “Come sit?”

I shook my head slightly.  “We have to leave soon to get to her in time.  If you need to take showers or anything, go ahead and do that now.”

I’d said the magical word – showers.  Hayden loved taking a shower in the mornings and I figured, rightly, it appeared, that he hadn’t had one this morning in the rush to get packed up and get here.  He immediately grabbed some clean clothes and rushed off to the bathroom.

Vance was his hip against the dresser, watching me intently.  “What about…what you were going to think about?  Have you thought about that?”

“That’s a conversation for later,” I told him, mostly because that way I could avoid the conversation altogether.  “Later” they wouldn’t even remember me, so it wouldn’t be an issue.

Another crack formed on my heart, but I ignored it, ignored the pain crushing me from within.

This was to protect them.  It was the only option.

“We need to deal with getting you safe first,” I explained.

Vance seemed to allow this, but I could still feel his eyes glued to me the entire time we stood there, waiting for Hayden to emerge from the bathroom, neither of us saying anything more.

Could he still read me like he used to?  Could he tell how agonized I was under my frozen surface?  Did he realize it was more than nerves that kept me from looking at them?

I didn’t think I could survive looking into their eyes only to lose them in a few short minutes.  I was barely holding it together as it was.

“Okay,” Hayden burst from the bathroom, “do we have time to grab some lunch before we go to wherever we’re going?”

I glanced at the clocked, then shook my head.  “We need to hurry.  Lunch can come after.”

They obediently fell into step with me, their enthusiasm as they talked to me about Willen Cove and what they thought of it making my heart hurt all the more.  They didn’t deserve to have their memories erased without their consent, but – but they also didn’t deserve being put in danger by someone who had no way to ever protect them.

This was the only thing I could do to keep them safe.  It was something I probably should have done 10 years ago, if I’d known who to go to for help then.  At least this time, there would be no more hunting for someone who wasn’t there, searching the oceans for someone who no longer existed.

This time, I would make sure they could never be hurt because of me.

I ducked into the tearoom, leaving the twins a little confused as they followed me.

“Tea?”  Hayden whispered as he took a look around the uniquely-decorated room.  “This looks more like somewhere séances would be held.”

Well, there was a reason for that.  Without waiting for further appraisal of the place, I pushed open the door to the back room and motioned them inside.

The witch already in the room looked up with a frown.  “You’re 42 seconds late, Morgan,” she informed me.  “Timeliness is important.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized as the twins came in and sat down.  This room was a little plainer, apparently designed for small parties or important guests.  The witch motioned to us all to sit at a table and began pouring some tea.

“Um,” Hayden was the first to speak, “I’m not really sure what is going on here?”

“Shh,” I hissed softly, “I told you, this is about the protection mark.  Let me handle things.”  By which I meant, don’t question things too closely.  I didn’t want them to realize that this actually had nothing to do with a protection mark whatsoever, but since they weren’t familiar with how protection magic worked, I could count on their lack of knowledge to help me here.  For all they knew, protection marks did involve weird meetings in the back of tea rooms and strange ceremonies with witches.

The witch set out four cups of tea and lifted up her cup, pausing when she saw the twins weren’t drinking.  “I don’t do business with those who don’t drink tea,” she told them.

They glanced at each other, glanced at me, and I nodded once.

Then they drank.

I set my cup down, untouched, as their eyes grew glassy and then they both slumped over onto the table.

“You’ll finish it?”  I asked her quietly, my eyes on the twins as my heart cracked a little more.  “Do you need me here for that?”

“I do not.”  She set down the tea and began to retrieve some other materials – materials for a memory spell.  “But I must ask you,” she paused, looking me straight in the eyes, “whether you are certain you want this.  Once done, there is no undoing it.  It is a drastic, permanent decision.”

I nodded once, hoping the tears weren’t escaping from my eyes.  “I know.  But it’s the only way to keep them safe.”

“Very well, if you are sure.  Hair,” she held out her hand.

I pulled a few strands of hair free and gave them to her, my heart cracking again as my hair – the thing used for the spell to ensure that it was me whom they forgot – were dropped into her vial of ingredients.

“It will be done,” she told me in a professional tone.  “I don’t make mistakes.”

I nodded.  “Thank you.”  I turned to the door, then paused and took one last look at them.

Everything I ever wanted – and it was about to be permanently gone.  They’d still exist, but they’d exist in a world where they never knew me.

I forced myself not to make a sound, not to show any emotions as I turned and left them there, the witch starting to lay out her spell.  I froze into my cold walls as I walked, swiftly, down to the shore.

And inside, my heart cracked again.

~~~~

I was curled up, as much as one can curl up in aquatic form, somewhere on the bottom of the ocean.  I didn’t know where, and I didn’t really care.

No tears were falling from my eyes, no indication on my face that I was anything more than a cold, frozen statue, but inside – inside I was crumbling to pieces.

My heart was cracking more and more with each second, the pain and pressure nearly unbearable.  My head was pounding and every breath was painful.

The Elder found me there, and gently patted my head.  “There, there, I know it’s hard now, but you’ll get past this, you’ll be stronger.  You’ll be at peace with the ocean now, truly one of its children for the first time.”

A mangled laugh ripped from my throat.  “The ocean’s already taken everything from me.  It might as well take me, too.  It’s not like there’s anything else left for me.”

I could see her pull back in surprise, not expecting the bitterness of my tone.

Then I closed my eyes, willing her and everything else to just disappear.  I had nothing left anymore.  Nothing to give.  The ocean wanted more?  It had everything.  I had no more hope, no more confidence, no more magic, no more family, no more dreams, no more love.  I had – I was – nothing.  The only thing left was my body, and it was slowly cracking inside into a million pieces.

I heard another voice, talking to the Elder, sounding upset, then an unfamiliar voice spoke to me.  “What’s wrong?”  She asked, her voice gentle.  “What happened?”

“They’re gone,” I mumbled.  “I gave them up to protect them.”

“It was the only way,” the Elder intervened.  “They’re humans, and holding onto humans keeps him from embracing who he truly is.  He has almost no magic because of them – this is for his own good, theirs, too.  They’re safer this way.”

“Mother,” the other voice hissed, “please don’t tell me you did this.”

She didn’t seem to get the answer she wanted, because she suddenly turned back to me.  “Where are they?  Maybe I can find them before they get too far away.”

I shook my head, still not opening my eyes.  “It won’t matter.  It’s done.  I’m – gone from them, they won’t remember me.”  I felt another crack rip into my heart, hard enough it almost felt like a real sound to my ears.

The younger woman gave a sharp intake of breath.  “Your heart – no.  No, no, no!  These people,” she asked me urgently, “what are they to you?”

What were they?  The only things I ever really cared about.  “Happiness,” I answered after a pause.  “Love.  Hope.  The future.  I gave them up for 10 years and couldn’t forget them, and now I’m falling apart because I’m doing it again?”  I let out an almost hysterical laugh.  “They were all right, weren’t they?  I’m pathetic and weak.  Hopeless.”

I curled up tighter, pain shuddering through my body as another crack split my heart.

“Mother!”  The younger woman snapped.  “How could you – just because you had a bad history with humans, you insist on tearing every merfolk from humans?  They’re not all bad!  And it sounds like these ones were his soulmates!  Did it never dawn on you the effect that could have?”

There was a rush of water, then another, familiar voice.  “Morgan!  Oh no – Morgan?”

I didn’t answer, didn’t look at Bruce.  He had to use magic to speak underwater, unlike oceanids, so his voice was muffled – easy to ignore while I just clung tightly to the last bits of my heart.

“Mother decided he should remove his humans from his life,” the younger oceanid female informed him, sounding utterly furious, “simply because of her own prejudices, without considering the consequences.”

“There shouldn’t be consequences,” the Elder sounded dismissive, unperturbed by her daughter’s ire.  “Not long-lasting ones.  He’ll get over it, he’ll finally have his real magic.  Holding onto the humans was keeping him from that.”

“Are you – are you actually serious?”  Bruce sounded angry, too.  “You’re an oceanid, I’d think you’d remember that oceanid magic is more tightly tied to your emotions than any other supernatural!  Morgan suffered heavily at his first community, and I think losing his humans affected him the entire time.  Did it never occur to you that the reason his magic was weak was actually because he wasn’t happy and hadn’t been since he left them?  That’s a lot more likely than some theory about giving up humans helping him!”

“Especially since it sounds like they are his soulmates,” the younger oceanid female added grimly.  “It makes a lot more sense why he struggled parting with them and with what’s happening now.”

“Nonsense,” the Elder huffed.  “Humans aren’t soulmates with supernaturals.”

“Then explain why he’s dying now!”  Her daughter sounded furious.  “Or did you forget that oceanids can literally die of a broken heart?”

“He came to you for advice,” Bruce sounded horrified, “at my suggestion – and you ended up telling him to throw his soulmates away – just because they’re humans?  Even though it would kill him?”

They started arguing, their words getting louder and I couldn’t take it.  My head was pounding too much, my heart slowly cracking bit by bit – I wanted peace and quiet.

They were all so busy arguing with each other that they didn’t even notice when I pushed myself up a bit and slowly swam away, letting the currents carry me wherever they wanted.  I didn’t really even pay attention to where I was going, just – away.  Away from merfolk, away from people, away from everything.