In Uclait, nudity isn’t considered sexual. It stands to reason then, that there would be no reason to have a tradition of bathing privately. Bathing, if done at all, would be done in public, without any shame, because the people of this country do not feel as if they have anything to hide. This is an issue.

Coming from a country from a different world where this isn’t the case, it’s sure to generate a lot of culture shock. Especially someone of my… uh, disposition. This is made even worse by the fact that baths in Uclait are rarely, if ever separated by gender. This is even worse for someone of my disposition.

So not only do I have to worry about the embarrassment from being naked around strangers, I also have to worry about getting way too… attracted to the people I find attractive. I keep trying to tell myself that since it’s clearly normal in this country there won’t be any issue but I can’t get past the feeling of uncomfortableness. I always end up getting way too entranced in their bodies before being completely disgusted with myself that I’m actually doing something really creepy.

This is honestly a shame. Not only is it difficult to bathe, but it genuinely seems fun to hang around the communal baths. The water is always warm, there’s showers, everybody is really friendly with each other, I wish I could stay there for a while. How is the water warm, magic? How do the showers work? I really want to stay long enough to find out, but I always just rush in, do the bare minimum of cleaning, then hurry up and leave. All while keeping my eyes shut for 90% of the visit.

I don’t think it’s ever going to be something I’ll get used to. I wonder how Kiaran and Aubrey are adjusting to it? Do they have a similar reaction to mine, having to bathe around naked women? Imagine Kiaran eyeing up- no, no, stop it. Hurry up. Run in, get clean, get dressed, and then head to work. Don’t think about that sort of thing. What are you going to do if anybody catches you?

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The days pass by. Given our conflicting schedules, I don’t see Kiaran or Aubrey anymore before they’re already asleep, which makes me feel really lonely. So Lucidna as well as a few of the particularly sociable Librarians at my job are the only people I have any sort of friendly relationship with.

Work at the library goes easily, as long as I don’t have to talk to anybody. There’s all sorts of looping hallways and secret passageways that lead to impossible locations within the library, which absolutely set me off, but Lucidna always scolds me if I walk into any of those on purpose without her permission.

Other than that, she always makes sure to keep our studies on track. She keeps me on a strict schedule of studying two hours under her everyday during the third shift which we share. She also tells me to study three hours during the fourth shift whenever I get the chance. For good measure I add another hour just after I get up from bed. I’m not doing anything else, and I refuse to fall into procrastination like I did again and again during my past life.

Days go by like this, and my lack of progress becomes frustrating. Exploring the library during the fourth shift when Lucidna isn’t around to scold me helps keep me going. Also, getting to talk about the layout of the library with random strangers asking for directions turned out to be really fun! Getting to talk about all the spatial anomalies that I’ve found with anybody at all is honestly the best.

More days pass, and the novelty still hasn’t worn off, but it still isn’t enough to get my frustration out. I’ve begun to feel mentally fatigued all day, and it’s really been slowing me down during my studies. I want to put in more work to counteract this but I’m far too tired to do so. Eventually, around two weeks into my job at the Figment Library, I managed to read a basic children’s book to Lucidna without any major grammar mistakes.

“Good, you’re improving rapidly.” Lucidna tells me, immediately following this success. 

“That’s only because you’re keeping such a tight eye on me… If I was left to my own devices I would have slacked off and made it nowhere near this far…”

It’s a pretty calm day at the library. We’re sitting in the basement where a bunch of the more magical books are. Bookshelves line the walls and there’s even those rolling latter things you can use to grab really high up books. Lucidna and I are studying behind the check out desk for this section. It’s been about two weeks since I got this job, and Lucidna’s kept a close eye on me ever since, making sure I’m improving at a constant pace.

“That is certainly true. However, there’s no need to be so hard on yourself. Your desire to learn is real & powerful. It’s simply your work ethic that needs improving. After this time with me, I suggest you keep up the schedule I work you on. That should help.” 

“Thank you, I don’t deserve you, Lucidna.” “It’s Librarian Von Stein, when we’re working, Assistant Azariah.” 

“Y- yes, of course! I apologize, ma’am!”

“OK, back to your studies. Have you been practicing for the three hours I told you to during the 4th shift, when I’m not around?” 

“Yes ma’am. And an extra hour at home too.” 

“And you’ve been doing this for the past two weeks straight?” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

“I see. Since you study two hours under me every day, that’s six hours per day. Are you sure you aren’t burnt out?” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

“What a troubling student you are.” What? I’m not entirely sure what to make of this line by Lucidna.

“So that would mean you’ve been studying 84 hours the past two weeks. And you’re already at an elementary level… You can probably get away with taking a break now.” 

“No!” At that scream, Lucidna looks surprised at me before she shushes me and whispers in my ear. 

“This is a library, Azariah. There are still people here.” Oh… oh right… Looking around, the five or so people down here are all staring at me… Oh God, I’m getting stressed again…

“Anyway, explain your answer. You’re already reading and writing basic sentences and expressions in just two weeks. Surely you deserve a break now?” The answer to that problem is a bit complicated. In my old life, I used to be able to get in the zone when it came to writing or drawing. Whenever I stopped or took a break though, all that motivation would disappear, and I’d never touch what I was working on ever again. The same goes for when I had a schedule. Even when I was keeping to an incredibly easy one, the moment I took a day’s break, I’d never get back onto that schedule again. That’s why I’ve been so careful to never stop studying this time around. It’s because I know the moment I do, I won’t start again.

“I don’t deserve it… If I take a break I’ll never make any progress…” Lucidna leaves me in a very awkward silence before continuing. 

“Alright, I think I get it now. Azariah, when I asked you if you were burnt out earlier, you were lying, right?” I remain silent at Lucidna’s question. 

“I see, you truly feel as though you don’t deserve any rest. Keep going like this and you’ll collapse under the stress. I believe you would know a thing or two about that, given how freaked out you were when we first met.”

“I really don’t need to rest. It’s been two whole weeks, and I’m still only able to read books made for toddlers.” 

“That’s on track with the fastest pace people learn.” Lucidna raises her voice again, and I look away. Lucidna sighs and starts back up again. 

“I get it, I really do. You really want to learn to read and write so you can get on to learning magic. You also really want to learn to communicate without that communication orb, and you feel as if you’re progressing so slow you don’t deserve any rest. You feel as if everything will work itself out if you push yourself harder, however your mind needs rest as much as your body does. Push yourself too hard and you break.”

So far, Lucidna’s reading me like an open book- wait, communication orb? 

“What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?” Am I staring at Lucidna weird? I guess I am, if it prompted that reaction from her. 

“I never mentioned the communication orb…” 

“Oh… did you really think you were hiding it? It doesn’t translate what you’re saying, just conveys the meaning behind it. I know you’re speaking some foreign language, but I can understand the meaning behind your words. It’s harder not to notice than to notice, honestly.”

That’s right! I noticed that when I first started using this thing! I only recently started to understand the exact words people were saying because I was learning their language. Of course it would be like that the other way around, why hadn’t I thought of that?! 

“I’ve noticed you try and get across simple sentences while turning it off. By the way, you speak in an incredibly childish manner when you have it off.” Huh!? Do I!? 

“You’re basing your speech off of the children’s books I’m having you read. Luckily for you, the meaning that gets conveyed with the communication orb on, and my manner of speech are very similar. Feel free to use the way I speak as a template.” 

“Th- thank you… Lucid- Librarian Von Stein.”

“Now do it again, without the communication orb.” Following Lucidna’s orders, I hold my fingers up to my throat, and use magic to turn it off. The only magic I’m currently capable of doing. 

“Thank you, Librarian Von Stein.” Lucidna says something too fast for me to understand without the help of my communication orb. We sit there in silence for a bit, before Lucidna starts talking slowly. 

“Did you… understand that?” 

“No-” I begin, but cut myself off. I’m trying to mimic Lucidna’s speech so I start over. “-I did not.”

“You can… turn it on again.” I listen to Lucidna and turn the communication orb back on. 

“So, like I said, take a break. We’ll begin again in a few days. I want to get you to a level where you can do basic communication without the orb, even if people have to speak slowly to you. At your speed, even if we slow down a bit, we should reach that goal long before that…” 

“Please don’t put such expectations on me, you’ll only be disappointed.” 

“I’d tell you to stop speaking about yourself like that, but that would hardly solve the underlying problem.”

Lucidna then stands up. “Well, I’m going to handle my own things now. You handle the checkout section.” A surge of anxiety wells up within me. 

“W-w-wait! I’m just an assistant, are you really sure I should be handling this?” 

“You’ve been working for two weeks, plus it’s a light day, you’ll be fine.” 

“What if I make a mistake?” 

“Did your parents beat you every time you did something even slightly wrong? I can’t imagine any other source of such anxiety…” 

“My parents never did anything like that…”

“Well then why- Nevermind, we’ll talk about this later. Just handle checking out books by yourself. You can handle that much.” 

“Y- yes, Librarian Von Stein.”

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After two whole weeks of hard work, a break for the mind is greatly appreciated. It’s like getting to sleep after an all nighter or two, or getting to drink anything after waking up thirsty in the middle of the night. Right now, I’m literally just sitting around, patiently waiting for one of the librarians to ask me to do anything. 

I’m really grateful for Lucidna for allowing me to take a break. I just have to hope she’ll get me back on track after this break. No, given how strict Lucidna can be, I shouldn’t worry. I should just trust in Lucidna’s lesson plan more. She’s understood all of my emotions and motivations so well up to now, it’s hard to believe she won’t be able to handle me going forward. Man, what is she going to do if I fall in love with her?

Imagining being girlfriends with Lucidna makes my heart throb. No, stop it. What would she think if she stared into your soul again and caught that emotion? Imagine just how creepy she’d think you are… She wouldn’t be wrong either, given the kind of things you’d want out of such a relationship. Besides, a relationship between the two of us wouldn’t work out. Lucidna’s far too strict and I’m far too free spirited for us to get along in any kind of relationship other than a teacher student one…

Although I still really need to thank her for understanding me and giving me a break tomorrow. Her shift ended an hour ago.

…

It’s been another two hours…

I’m bored now.

This is the downside of a stupidly long break. Now I actually want to get back to work. Not working on anything feels really wrong. Perhaps this is me discovering a new workaholic side of myself? Oh, I hope so.

To distract myself, I take a list of all the books we should have in the library, and go around double checking that each and every book is exactly where it should be. The list is 112 pages long, and written in 11 point font, so there’s a lot of books to get through. I’m even at a level where I can understand every other title.

I’ll just keep doing this until three in the morning, when I can head back to the inn.