Thora woke up in painful clarity. She remembered everything. She remembered her small house in Idaho, she remembered her street and her neighbors and she remembered her family. She remembered her mother making cheese eggs and the smell of her father’s cigarettes. She remembered the way her older sister laughed. She remembered all of it. But the one memory that was burning brighter than the rest was the bloody death her family suffered on her behalf. That night kept playing over and over again in her mind, haunting her. 

She blinked a few times more before slowly sitting up. The door to the back bedroom was shut so Thora got up slowly. She held her breath for a moment before slowly opening the door. As she had expected her new companions were all already waiting for her. She looked from face to face before finding a seat next to Syd. 

They were all silent for a long time while Thora waited for one of them to break the barrier. 

“Are you okay?” Jer finally asked.

Thora shrugged her shoulders. She wasn’t sure she could answer that so instead she wrapped her arms around her torso. 

Syd’s eyes were on her, but Thora couldn’t look over yet, so she kept her hands on the weathered Formica countertop. 

“So… can we call you Thora?” Lilly asked. 

She just nodded and looked around the table. “Sorry if I made a mess of things.” 

Jer shook his head and reached across the table to squeeze her shoulder. “You didn’t. We’re just glad you’re okay now.”

“They have questions. You don’t have to answer them if you don’t want.” Syd finally said. 

“I’ll answer what I can.” 

“How long did they have you?” Marco asked first. 

“What’s the date?” Thora asked.

“August 10th 1999.” Jer provided. 

Thora felt sick as she though back to the last day her parents were alive. “Just over a year.” She finally said. “They got me in June.” She put her hand to her mouth to stop the bile from coming up. 

“It’s okay Thora. That’s actually not a very long time.” Syd said quietly to her side. “What I mean,” they added to the very pointed look both the twins were giving. “Is that you will probably recover from their drugs quickly.” 

Thora looked down at her hands and bit on her lip hard, it was no use though, she could still feel the tears pooling at her eyelids. “M-my parents… they killed my parents.” She took a shaky breath in. “They never did anything wrong and they just killed them for trying to protect me.” Thora shoved her hands against her eyes. 

“They kill anyone who gets in their way.” Marco said quietly. 

“My sister was gone that night. Do you think she could have survived?” Thora turned to Syd. 

“It’s… not likely. They don’t like to leave behind any traces.” 

Thora sunk further into her seat. “This is all my fault. I got my family killed.” The tears were coming harder now as a heavy rain began outside.

“Thora.” Marco said sternly. “This wasn’t your fault. None of it. This was them. The people who locked you up for a year. They ruined your life. You’re just a kid. It’s no ones fault but theirs, do you understand?”

Thora tried to stop crying, and mostly succeeded. “I’d like to go home. I need to see for myself.”

“That can’t happen,” Marco said quickly. “It’s too dangerous, you could be seen or recognized and then you’ll wind up back in a facility drugged up and you won’t remember any of it all over again.” 

Thora looked at him for a long time. “You don’t understand. Death means something to my family. It’s important to us. I need to go back, my family needs to be laid to rest.” 

“Thora. That part of you is done.” Marco said.

“Marco,” Syd warned. 

Marco turned on them. How Syd didn’t recoil by Marco’s harsh gaze was beyond Thora who immediately flinched. “You’re willing to risk all of us for this?”

Syd said nothing to him for a long time before finally turning to Thora. “Listen to me Thora. I don’t recommend it, Marco is right. It’s dangerous. But… if it matters that much to you, we’ll help you get there.” 

Marco threw his hands in the air and stood up. “Fuck this.” He said before immediately walking out the door, slamming it hard behind him. Thora watched where he disappeared for another moment before turning back to Syd. 

They shook their head. “Marco will do what I tell him to.” 

Thora looked to the twins who were both sitting very uncomfortably after the outburst. But Lilly smiled at Thora and reached a hand out. “We’re with you.” She said, her hand falling just short of Thora. 

Thora took a deep breath. “I have to know for sure.” She finally said. 

Syd nodded and stood up, jumping over Thora before grabbing out a few different maps. “Lil, start taking us North. Jer…” Apparently whatever Syd had planned to say didn’t need vocalized because Jer was already out of his seat and opening the door, slamming it shut behind him. 

Syd grabbed a few other things as Lilly poured over a map. “Why is he so angry at me?”

Lilly looked up, then towards the door where her brother had just disappeared to fetch Marco. “It’s not you.” She said quietly. “He was held prisoner too, like you. It’s affected him a lot.” 

“How long did they have him?” Thora asked. 

Lilly looked at her then up at Syd. “Thirteen.” Syd finally said. 

Thora’s eyes got wide. She looked at the door where he had disappeared. “How is he okay?”

They were both quiet and Thora realized why. Marco was not okay, the hollowness she had seen in him was all that was left. That and unquenchable rage that seemed to constantly be just at the surface of his skin. 

A few minutes later the door to the RV opened again and Marco came in still looking angry, but he walked over to Syd and began  conversing with them quietly. Thora watched on at their flurried whispers, almost expecting a fight to break out. But in the end Syd reached up and placed their hands on either side of Marco’s face, reaching up to press their foreheads together. Marco flinched before reaching up and covering their hands in his. That seemed to end their conversation because in the next moment Marco was heading towards the back of the RV and Syd was seated once again across from Thora.

Thora watched to see if Marco would re-emerge, but he didn’t and before long they were on the road again. Syd was scribbling in a notebook and raking a hand through their curls. 

Thora watched for a while before turning to look at Lilly and Jer. Lilly was driving and they seemed to be in quiet conversation with each other. 

“You have a place you know?” Syd said to her quietly. 

Thora looked over and glanced towards the twins again, then towards the back and Marco. 

“They all want you here, even Marco. He’s just shit at expressing anything but anger. The twins are… well a bit of their own planet, but once you pick up on their conversation tics its easy to follow.” 

“What?” Thora finally asked.

Syd stared at Thora like it was obvious. “You’re worried that you have no place amongst us, but that’s wrong.” 

Thora nodded instead of answering because she wasn’t quite sure how to react to a thought she had only just had herself. Syd nodded before going back to writing. 

Thora watched for a while longer, she wasn’t sure how she could ever fit anywhere now. What had been a dull ache for a bit was now once again a raging storm inside her. Thora sucked in a breath and held her stomach tight. Her family was dead. They had been killed. And she had watched it happen from underneath her parents bed. She had heard the gun shot and her father fall, but worse seeing her mother’s body fall lifeless just beyond her reach and watching as blood pooled into her hair and into the hardwood. 

They found Thora quickly after that, and dragged her through her mother’s blood and past her father’s lifeless body. Those would be the last moments she’d ever had with her parents. 

Thora blinked back tears once again and realized that it was once again raining outside. She glanced around to see Syd watching her, a pitying look on their face. 

“It hurts.” Thora finally said. 

Syd nodded. “It always will, but it will become easier to carry.” 

Thora looked down at her hands as Syd reach one hand over clasping their fingers against Thora’s wrist. “Let me help you carry it while it’s still too heavy.”

They met eyes and Thora realized Syd was inviting her in. Thora wasn’t sure she could say yes, but she wouldn’t say no either. Syd nodded and squeezed Thora’s wrist once more before letting go and standing up again ad walking towards the front of the RV.