The girl had been watching the others for a few days now. It was odd seeing people interact together who were so clearly different. Jer and Lilly were two random bright spots in an otherwise dismal group. Their laughs echoed around the RV until either Syd joined in or it died in the silence, but even that didn’t deter them, especially not Jer. He was loud and boisterous and talked almost too fast for the girl to understand, although no one else seemed to have a problem. Jer had been exceptionally kind to the girl, always trying to include her in their conversations even though she had nothing to contribute. 

Lilly was the quieter of the two, not that it mattered much as she and Jer more or less had to carry all conversations on their own. Syd would contribute occasionally, popping up from whatever it was they were doing to agree or disagree with something. Syd was interesting to the girl, she had thought all Syd could be was a figment of her imagination, to find that they were a real person had definitely been an adjustment. The girl would find herself staring at Syd, almost waiting for them to disappear, but Syd would always just glance over and give her a smile or a nod. The girl still couldn’t figure out why Syd had gone to such lengths to get the girl out, but she figured it wasn’t worth asking again yet. 

Marco was the hardest for the girl to understand or get used to. He was quiet and cold to everyone, but the others all had an unfailing loyalty to him and the girl couldn’t help wondering why even though only a few days ago she never would have wondered anything about other people. The girl was a bit scared of him still, he seemed very broken, and she wasn’t sure she trusted that. She thought she could feel her mind becoming clearer as the hours passed. She hadn’t realized at first how much thinking she was doing, but now her mind wouldn’t seem to calm down enough for her to catch a breath. She’d catch Syd watching her occasionally and wondered if Syd was listening to her every thought as well. 

Jer and Lilly were crowded over a boiling pot in the kitchen whispering to each other and giggling. Jer must have said something particularly funny because Lilly shoved him and Syd snorted from the table. 

Syd and Marco were seated at the table pouring over a few papers. The girl leaned over and looked down, they were maps she realized all at once. Syd sat up straighter and looked at the girl. 

“You knew what this was,” Syd said quickly. 

“Er… yeah I guess I did.” She said quietly trying to avoid Marco’s heavy eyes.

Syd and Marco looked at each other for a bit before he finally nodded and stood up. He reached over the counter in the kitchen grabbing something else. He sat it in front of the girl and leaned against the counter next to the twins. 

The girl stared down at the book and then looked to Syd. “It’s a book.” She finally said. 

Syd nodded. “Can you read it?” 

The girl opened the book and stared at the pages, what started as scribbles started spelling out words. The girl gasped and pulled the book closer. She had never read anything before, she had never thought to read anything before. 

Syd sat back and watched. “You’re mind is starting to come back.” 

Marco took a slow inhale from his perch. 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” The girl asked. 

“It is,” Syd said looking over toward Marco. “But… it can also be a bit painful. Withdrawals from their injections aside, when your memories finally come back to you it can be a bit jarring. You go from being a shell of a person to having everything inside you all over again.” 

The girl squirmed in her seat before reaching for the books pages again. “I don’t really have a choice though, do I?” 

“It will happen whether you want it or not, and once it starts there really isn’t any stopping it.” Marco said. 

The girl looked back at him. “Do the withdrawals hurt?” she finally asked. 

“Not nearly as badly as the memories will.” Marco said. The girl thought she saw the desolate brokenness again in his eyes, but just as quickly it was gone. “We’ll need to be somewhere safe for when it happens.” He reached over and pulled on of the maps off the table. He and Jer leaned into it and were now speaking quietly to each other. 

“Why do the memories hurt?” The girl asked Syd who was still just watching her. 

Syd took a long breath before shrugging. “We have to get through the bad memories first.” 

“But what if I don’t have any bad memories?” The girl asked. She knew it was most likely a very naive thought. 

“We all have bad memories,” Syd finally said. 

They were all quiet for the rest of the evening as they ate in silence and drove late into the night. Jer was driving and Marco sat passenger. The girl watched them from the back bedroom. She didn’t understand how Jer could stand being around Marco for so long, Jer was so full of life and Marco was so the opposite, but perhaps he was the only one who could handle all of the doom and gloom for long periods of time. 

“You can sleep if you want,” Syd said leaned against the doorframe. “We’ll protect you.” 

The girl pulled her legs closer. “I’m scared. I don’t want it to hurt.” 

Syd shook their head and sat down on the bed. “It takes longer than just one night usually, at least it did for me and Marco. Marco took almost two weeks, but he was there for a long time. You’ll start by gaining your muscle memories back like reading and writing and things like that, then eventually you’ll have some physical memories or withdrawals those can be sort of jarring, not incredibly painful though. The pain doesn’t usually come until you’re ready for all of your memories, but its better afterwards. I promise. 

The girl nodded. “Do you remember who you were then?” She asked. 

Syd nodded. “I do.” 

“And it’s better?” The girl asked. 

Syd thought for a bit before looking out towards the passengers seat at the front of the RV. “It’s better knowing where you came from so you can move on from it sometimes.” 

The girl followed their gaze to Marco whose head was no resting on the window. Jer was still chattering a mile a minute to him, but it didn’t seem as though Marco was listening anymore. 

“What’s wrong with him?” The girl asked. 

Syd stood and tried smiling down at the girl. “Get some sleep, you’re going to need it.” 

The girl watched Syd walk back out and sit at the table. Lilly was reading a book but sat it down to begin conversing with Syd instead. Lilly glanced towards the back and gave the girl a small smile before saying something else to Syd. She got up and wrapped her arms around her brothers shoulders before climbing up a ladder into a smaller bed above the drivers seat the girl hadn’t noticed before. 

The girl laid down and watched as they pulled into a turn off on the side of the road. There was some commotion up front but she didn’t look up, she just watched the ceiling panels. She counted them again and again until she couldn’t count anymore, only then did the girl finally fall asleep. She expected blackness, she always slept in blackness, but when her eyes finally closed she was drifting in a sea of gray. It was odd, being out of her blackness, but the gray was so much closer and warmer than she had experienced before. She slept heavy and hard, she didn’t hear the quiet conversations her new companions were having about her. She just slept and dreamt of warm things and soft hair and smoke.