I sat on the train, eyes unfocused as I stared at the shadows on the floor. How I’d gotten there was something of a blur – where I was headed even more so. All I knew was that if I didn’t keep my head bowed down between my knees, I was going to be sick. My head ached and the buzzing in my ears was growing stronger by the minute. The occasional spasm of pain flared from my ribs and my jaw whenever the abrupt movements of the train threw me off balance. My breath felt short and refused to stick to a rhythm, and no matter how hard I pulled at the roots of my hair, my trembling fingers would not steady.

What was happening to me?

Voices. Possession. Imposters.

After seventeen years of visions countdowns had I finally lost it and gone crazy? Could it have been a hallucination – some kind of twisted delusion of grandeur that my hero complex had sparked? 

 No, it couldn’t have been. Ryo had been there when she – it had been at the house and he hadn’t noticed the difference either. Unless… 

Impossible. I knew Ryo too well to be fooled.

But was that really true?

The thought made me retch.

The PA system announced the next station, and the shadows moved as the person sitting opposite me leaned forward. ‘Hey, kid? You don’t look so good. Do you need me to call – ’

Shadowy fingers reached out across the floor.

Hysteria overcame me. ‘Don’t touch me!’ I flung myself out of my seat and into the aisle. Air – I needed air.

‘Now arriving at – ’

I didn’t bother to listen to the rest. The train doors slid open with a ding and I threw myself out onto the platform. It didn’t matter where I was as long as I was out of there.

God, why wouldn’t my head stop hurting?

Gwen’s voice kept echoing in my skull. ‘I haven’t been at school since Monday.’

I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to think about any of it. The thoughts in my head – the emotions in my chest, it was like the Incident all over again. I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to feel. How had I dealt with it back then?

Oh, right. By locking myself away. 

I’d sat in the dark, leaning against the wall – shielded from anyone who tried to check up on me by my bed. The darkness had felt empty, safe. Ha, who am I kidding? It had felt like an abyss and I’d fully believed that an abyss was what I deserved. I wanted to sink into it – disappear. I very well might have if Ryo hadn’t invaded my room after three days of self-imposed solitude and thrust a packet of glow-in-the-dark stars into my face.

‘You’re going to get whiter than your name, sitting you in the dark,’ he’d said.

Like most of his strings of semi-broken English, the sentence made no sense. I told him so, and the bickering commenced. He insisted that I was getting whiter and I told him that he made no sense. The argument ended with him stacking a bunch of stuff on my bed so that he could reach the ceiling, me yelling at him to be careful as he struggled stick on the stars, and him toppling over and concussing himself because only an idiot would stack a chair on top of a bunch of soft toys on a bed and think it would remain balanced. Just thinking about it now makes me want to smash my palm into my forehead.

Regardless, the real idiot is and was me. However much I wanted to deny it, he’d saved me back then, and now he’d saved me again. The first time I’d known he’d be fine – the second I hadn’t.

Maybe next time he’d die.

My hand balled into a fist.

No, a next time wasn’t allowed. 

***

The hospital’s main entrance looked very different during the day. Cars stalked each other for a spot in the limited parking lot, and a steady stream of visitors, patients and healthcare professionals moved through the automatic doors. I stopped just outside the entrance, knees quivering with nerves and fear.

What if he didn’t want to see me?

What if the Voice was here?

I’m not sure which of those two things would have been worse. Swallowing my anxiety, I entered the building. There was no way of telling which ward Ryo would be in without asking. I joined the neat queue at the reception desk, keeping my injured hand as close to my body as I could and my right tucked into my skirt pocket. Hospitals were never an enjoyable place to visit. They were buildings full of death, even without my visions. 

‘Next in line, please!’

That was me.

The receptionist didn’t quite manage to hide her shock when she saw the condition of my face, but she was quick to mask it with a smile. ‘How can I help you, dear?’

‘I’m visiting Ryo Oshiro. He was admitted for surgery last night.’

‘Oshiro… Oshiro… Oshiro…’ Her finger tapped rhythmically on the scroll wheel of her mouse as she searched through the patient database. ‘Ah, yes. Ryo Oshiro – ward twelve, bed thirty-four. Do you need directions?’

‘No, thank you, I’m fine.’ I’d been to the hospital enough times to know the location of most of the wards by heart – both as a patient and a visitor.

I crossed the foyer and joined the gaggle of people waiting for the lifts. Eyes fixated on the toes of my shoes, I contemplated what I was going to say. 

Buying a get well card or a gift probably would have been smart. I had my wallet on me. What would Ryo even want? Flowers – no, he’d laugh in my face. Chocolate? Eh, he didn’t have a particularly strong sweet tooth. A stuffed bear? No, he’d probably laugh at that one too. I rubbed my forehead. This was even worse than trying to figure out what to get him for Christmas or his birthday… 

‘Um, Eburin?’ A face framed by a curtain of long dyed-red hair suddenly peered into mine.

I jerked back reflexively.

‘Ah.’ Ai held up her hands to reassure me. ‘Sorry for startling. I said your name some times. I didn’t mean to scare.’

‘No… you’re fine. I was just… lost in thought.’ I swallowed, unsure how to progress.

‘Are you on your way to visit Oshiro-san?’

San? ‘You mean Ryo?’

‘Oh, beg your pardon. Yes, Ryo.’ For some reason, she blushed. ‘He is Japanese so calling by his first name is… odd.’

I nodded.

She gave me a small smile and continued. ‘I just finished seeing him to give thanks. I… should have seen you too – to give thanks. I’m not sure where I be – my apologies, where I would be if you not shown up.’

Dead. 

I made sure not to say that. 

‘It’s fine,’ I said. Even if she had given it earlier, I wouldn’t have known what to do with it. ‘I’m just glad we were able to stop that ass— Andrew before he could murder you.’ A bitter sigh escaped me. ‘Pity we weren’t able to save his dad.’

Ai expression suddenly turned steely. ‘No pity. Andrew’s father deserves dea— death.’

I blinked. Was it just me or had she just said something very out of character? ‘Pardon?’

She inhaled and pursed her lips. ‘Andrew’s father, he should be dead. He tried to hurt us – hurt me. Andrew…’ Her eyes began to water. She sniffed and swallowed. ‘Andrew protected me.’

What?

Andrew – womanising, woman-beating, asshat Andrew, fated to murder Ai last night after midnight had protected her? Just how good was this guy’s brainwashing?

‘Ai, he was going to kill you.’

Her jaw clenched. ‘We do not know.’ She averted her eyes and bit her bottom lip. ‘Not until he wakes up.’

She’d clearly seen or heard the news. I went silent, unsure what to say. She was clearly upset, but knowing what he had been going to do to her, I couldn’t sympathise. Andrew was a murderer. He’d nearly killed Ryo. He didn’t deserve anyone’s empathy – particularly not hers. If the coma was some kind of divine punishment, it was one that he deserved.

Hopefully she couldn’t read my thoughts on my face.

I cleared my throat. ‘Anyway...’

Her head twitched at the sound of my voice, and her eyes suddenly darted to the side. She blinked and looked at me. ‘Anyway?’

‘It’s good that you’re safe.’

Ai smiled. It was pure. Radiant. For a moment it washed away all my doubts. If I hadn’t done what I’d done, then she’d be dead. That smile would never be seen by anyone – her family, her friends – ever again.

She bowed. ‘Thank you very much for saving me.’  She straightened and I thought I saw her eyes flick sideways once again. ‘I go now. I will see you at school?’

‘Yeah, see you around.’

She took a few steps, then paused and turned back. ‘Eburin?’

‘Yes?’

‘Please give thanks to Oshi—’ She blushed. ‘ – Ryo, for me again.’

Huh. ‘Yeah, sure.’

‘Thank you! Bye bye.’ She waved like an excited three-year-old.

I raised my hand. ‘Bye.’

Huh… 

***

The first thing I noticed when I walked into Ryo’s room was the giant white teddy bear sitting beside him on his bed. In the bear’s hands was a heart with the words ‘get well soon’ embroidered onto it in cursive.

Ryo was snuggled up with it. It had been a while since I’d seen him with his straight, ruly hair flopping into his face instead of defying gravity in an artificial mess. It had been even longer since I’d seen him wearing his glasses. I would have commented on the fact that he actually looked a lot better this way if he hadn’t looked so disgustingly satisfied as he petted the bear and read his comic book.

Yep, should have brought a present. 

I leaned against the doorframe and raised my brow. ‘Do I get one of those?’

His head snapped up at the sound of my voice and the bear toppled to the floor as he flailed and tossed his comic aside. ‘R-Rin-chan?’

‘It’s Evelyn.’

His ears turned bright red and he coughed to clear his throat. ‘Ai gave it to me.’

‘I figured. I saw her in the lobby. I didn’t know you were into that kind of thing. If I did, I would have filled your room with carebears years ago.’

He pulled a face and scratched his earlobe. ‘She just wanted to thank me. If I’d known that you were coming then I – You know what? Never mind.’ Ryo gestured to the chair beside his bed. ‘Take a seat?’ 

I hesitated. 

He grinned. ‘It’s okay. I’m not going to bite – well, unless you want me to.’

‘Gross.’ Despite my words, I crossed the room, picked up the fallen bear and placed it back on the bed as I sat beside him. ‘Sorry, I didn’t bring a present.’

‘Nah, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you visited.’ His gaze locked onto mine. ‘I was a little worried that you’d lock yourself in your room again.’

‘I’m not twelve anymore.’ He knew me way too well.

A look I couldn’t describe crossed his face. ‘That you aren’t.’ He frowned at my face. ‘Are you okay? Your face looks like how I feel.’

‘Rude.’

‘But accurate.’

‘True.’ 

He sighed. ‘You’re avoiding the question.’

‘I’m fine. My face isn’t what’s bothering me.’

‘Okay, so what is?’

Like I was going to tell him about the Voice, being possessed and the fact that Gwen had been an imposter this whole time while he was bedridden. I answered with a non-answer. ‘You are aware that “Are you okay?” is what I’m meant to be asking you, right?’

He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t pursue the line of questioning any further. ‘Well, I’m stuck in here for two to three weeks, I think I might be high on painkillers, and I’m going to have an awesome looking scar when I’m all healed up.’

A snort of derision escaped in spite of me. ‘God, you are such a guy.’

He clicked his teeth. ‘You say it like you’d never noticed before.’

‘Of course I noticed, just…’ I trailed off.

Ryo looked at me expectantly, waiting for the rest.

What was this conversation? I hadn’t come in here to banter with him. ‘Hey, Ryo?’

‘Uh, yes, Ri— Evelyn?’

‘Sorry for getting you caught up in all this.’ My eyes burned as I said it, but I refused to let them water. ‘If I hadn’t gotten you involved, then you – you wouldn’t have…’

‘Okay, stop right there, stupid.’ He bopped me on the head – and not very gently either. He winced, the movement seeming to pull on his stitches. ‘Ow.’

‘Stupid,’ I muttered.

‘No, you’re stupid, stupid,’ said Ryo. ‘If I hadn’t gotten involved then you’d be the one in the hospital, if not dead. I couldn’t forgive myself if that happened.’

God he really was a – ‘Idiot.’

‘Baka,’ he fired back.

‘Moron!’

‘Seaweed!’

That last one took a moment to register. ‘Wait, what?’ I sputtered.

He burst into laughter – and regretted it immediately. ‘Oh, fu—’ He bit back the curse and slammed the side of his fist into the rail of his bed instead. ‘Ugh, okay, laughing is prohibited.’ 

‘You started it…’

He grinned and reached over to tousle my hair. My expression glazed over.

‘Ryo,’ I said after a moment.

‘Yeah?’

‘You’re being weird.’

The hand quickly retracted. ‘I am?’ he asked, blinking rapidly.

‘Yes.’

‘I am…’ He frowned. His thumb and forefinger moved to his chin as he thought. ‘Huh, I suppose I am.’ He looked back at me and a crooked smile spread across his face. ‘Let’s just say, this incident has put some perspective on my priorities.’

‘I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean.’

He chuckled. ‘That’s okay. I’m pretty sure it’s the morphine talking.’

‘Note to self: no opioids for Ryo.’

‘Where would you even get them?’

I shrugged, and the conversation petered out into silence. But it wasn’t stifling like my trip home last night had been. On the contrary, it felt comfortable – safe. Ryo watched me for a few minutes longer, then averted his eyes, adjusted his glasses and picked up his comic book. It was like we were just sitting in the living room at home. 

The doubts and fears I’d had walking into the hospital were fading. The biggest questions still gripped me, but right now, I had peace. Ryo was alive. Ai had been saved. Whatever else had happened, those two things were the most important.

A sudden wave of exhaustion hit me. Flopping forward, I rested my head on the bed. Honestly, I could have napped right then and there. 

If we didn’t talk, then I probably would. ‘I prefer it when you look like a dork, by the way.’

‘And you should grow out your hair again. I liked it when it looked like seaweed.’

‘No thanks, it’s hard enough to maintain.’

‘Shame.’

The weight of Ryo’s hand dropped onto my crown and my face instantly became warmer. Hesitantly, he stroked my hair. Super weird, but oddly comforting. Minutes passed and my eyes drifted shut and I started dozing off.

‘Hey, Evelyn,’ murmured Ryo after a while.

‘Mhmm?’

‘I think I’m going to quit smoking.’

My eyes shot wide open and I almost cricked my neck in my hurry to sit up. ‘You what?’

He froze, my sudden movement catching him by surprise. ‘I’m going to quit smoking,’ he repeated. His eyes wandered up towards the ceiling. ‘Your visions… I, um – I believe them now, so…’

I could have kissed him. 

Of course, I didn’t. Instead, I threw my face back onto the bed and laughed, the sound coming out breathless and shaky. ‘God, that’s a relief.’ The elation I felt seemed completely irrational, and I was sure there was a ridiculous smile spread across my face. No way was I going to let him see it.

Ryo poked me in the cheek.

I ignored him and just giggled to myself.

‘Now who’s acting weird?’ said Ryo with a sigh. Giving up on making me look at him, he went back to stroking my hair.

Comfortable.

Safe.

I turned my face towards him. ‘Ryo, is the food good here?’

‘That’s random.’ His hand paused as he thought it over. ‘It’s not good, but it’s not terrible either. I’d rather eat at your place though.’

I laughed. ‘Okay, when you get out of hospital, I’ll make you breakfast.’

‘Bacon and eggs?’

‘Bacon and eggs.’

TOUCH: SAVING AI
～FIN～