“Welcome home!”  Mum gave me her usual smile when I walked through the door after a long day of work.  At least I was lucky enough to work in a candy shop.  Saying I had a sweet tooth was an understatement.  “How was work, dear?”

“It was okay.”  I shrugged as I took off my coat.  Getting out of that damn coat was the best part of my day.  I hated the god-forsaken thing.  It made my shoulders look so broad and bulky.  Dad always loved it for that reason.  He didn’t like that I was scrawny and would do anything to make me appear bulkier.

“That’s good.”  Mum nodded.  “Do you mind going out to help your father chop up some wood?  We’re going to need some for the fire and stove.”

“Do I have to?”  I whined.  “I’m tired.  And you know I’m pretty much useless when it comes to chopping wood.”

“You’re never going to get good at it if you avoid it.  Go on, go help your father.”

“Yes, Mum,”  I mumbled as I put my coat back on.  Oh, how I couldn’t wait for the warmer months when I wouldn’t need the stupid jacket to keep warm.  I made my way out back, dragging my feet the whole way.  Our house was fairly small, but we had a nice backyard which Dad used for wood and getting work done.  He was a bit of a handyman and loved to build or fix things.  I headed to the back of the house to see my old man chopping wood with one of his favorite axes that probably weighed half my body weight.  Compared to my pretty short mother, the man was a giant.  Tall and bulky, with a pretty hefty set of muscles that he earned by working on a farm.  Clean shaved face, and very well-kept hair.  Thank god I took on my mother’s side with being smaller and having softer facial features.  I was lucky enough that I didn't even have to worry about facial hair because I couldn't grow any.  I even had my mother’s hairstyle, just shorter, where our reddish-brown hair swooped to the side and covered part of our eye.  

“Ah!  My boy, there you are!”  Dad perked up when he saw me standing there awkwardly.  “Come to help your old man chop wood, eh?”

“Uh, I guess?”  I mumbled.

“Well, here you go!”  He handed me his ax without warning and dropped it in my arms.  The weight of the ax nearly pulled me down to the ground.  “Get to it!”

“Uh, sure…”  I tried to pick up the ax, but I could barely lift it.  Unlike my dad, I wasn’t very strong.  Lifting the tool took a lot more effort than it did for him.  He watched me struggle a bit before scoffing and lifting it for me so I could rest it on my bony shoulder.  Resting it there felt like having a huge boulder on my shoulder, and the weight of it nearly made me fall back.

“Put your back into it, boy!”  Dad said with a less chipper tone signifying that he was getting a tad pissed off by my lack of strength.  

With a fairly large grunt, I aimed at the log in front of me, and swung for it, letting the ax fall naturally because of its weight.  For a moment, I thought I was actually going to hit the log.  The next moment, I realized that I had missed completely and the blade was heading right for my shoes.  Panic set in as the ax swung towards my feet.  I couldn’t help but let out a yelp as I anticipated the impact… but it never hit.  

“Get out of here,”  Dad grumbled.  During the swing, he grabbed hold of the ax and prevented it from hitting my foot.  “Weakling.”

I had to pretend I wasn’t excited to leave just so I wouldn’t piss him off anymore.  I rushed inside and for the second time, happily took off my stupid coat.  Mum saw me come in and gave me a confused look.

“I thought you were helping your father?”  She asked with a puzzled look.  “What are you doing inside?”

“He told me to get out of there.”

“Oh, he isn’t in a mood again, is he?”

“Uh, you could say that,”  I mumbled as I slowly started scuttling to the stairs.  “You don’t need me for anything, do you?”

“No.  Supper will be ready in 30 minutes.”

“Alright.”  Quickly, I hurried up the stairs and into my room.  Finally, some alone time.  As boring as it seems, I was happy to simply lay in bed and do nothing.  After working and getting yelled at by Dad, being able to do nothing was a luxury.  It was the one time I was free from all nagging.  No being pestered about getting a wife or having kids.  For now.

After a few minutes, Dad came back inside.  From my room, I could hear him grumbling about how useless I was.  Hearing that did hurt, but I was pretty used to it.  As I normally did, I tuned it out and let myself get lost in my thoughts.  Fantasizing about my life as a woman and how things would be different.  Dad wouldn’t get upset at me for being too weak to chop wood, and I could help Mum in the kitchen more often.  Working wouldn’t be mandatory and I could have kids of my own.  I could find myself a husband and together we could start a family.  Imagine being a mother!  Oh, I could only dream of it.  

“Adam!”  My Dad yelled from downstairs, interrupting my thoughts.  God, I hated that name so much.  It never felt right.  “It’s supper!”

“Coming!”  I called out, a tad upset my thoughts were interrupted.  Imagining my life as the opposite gender always seemed so appealing to me.  Although I knew it would never happen, picturing it was the closest I would be able to get.  

Quickly, I went downstairs to join everyone at the table for supper.  The smell of bread wafted through the air, signifying Mum just made a couple of new loaves.  Usually, she made more than we needed so she could give some to the neighbors who weren't so well off.  We weren't exactly considered rich, but we were definitely doing better than most families on our street.  Dad liked to blame that on the fact that Mum wasn't able to have more than one kid.  Most families had an average of 5 kids.  Having me was hard enough on her, so she was firm on not having any other kids so we wouldn't be without a mother.  

Quietly, I sat down at the table and grabbed my share of food.  Boiled vegetables and a small roasted chicken sat on the table, ready for taking.  Not the fondest of meat, I stuck to mostly vegetables.  Potatoes were one of my favorites and thankfully, we had plenty of them.

"Take some meat, sweetie."  Mum placed an uninvited chunk of chicken meat on my plate.  "You need the protein."

"Mum…"  I groaned.

"You need protein for those muscles.  You're all bones!"  Dad pointed out.  "You look like a dainty little girl with how thin you are!"

Thinking that was an insult, he expected me to pick up the meat and chow down.  That wasn't the case though.  Hearing that made me more inclined to avoid the meat.  Hey, if it made me look like a dainty little girl, then I was definitely okay with that.  I hated my boxy figure anyway.

"At least eat some of it."  Mum said with a small smile.  

"I will."  I mumbled.  There was an awkward silence before Dad spoke up again.

"I was talking to a work colleague and he's got a daughter about your age."  He began.  "She's starting to look around for possible relationships, so I set up a time for you two to meet up."

"Dad, please."  I couldn't help it.  I was tired of all this marriage stuff and just wanted to be left alone about it.  "I'm not looking for anyone.  As much as I appreciate you looking, I'm really not interested."

"So you expect to stay home with us rent free?"  He raised his voice.  "When are you going to get out, hm?  And besides!  A wife would do you good.  Maybe you'll finally realize your place in this world."

Without thinking, I rolled my eyes.  Marriage, work and kids.  Was that all everyone's life was?  Couldn't people just live alone and not have children? 

"Don't test me, Adam."

"Calm down."  Mum gently placed her hand on Dad's arm before he could start throwing anything.  "Adam, why are you so set on not finding a wife?  You've talked of starting a family ever since you were little!  And you'd made a good father!"

"Well maybe I don't want to be a father now."  I mumbled as I picked at my food.  The topic was making me feel uneasy and too anxious to eat.  The thought of being the father and having to- no.  Just no.

"Well, what do you want to be then?"

Before I could stupidly respond with an answer I would regret, Dad answered for me.

"A woman,"  Dad growled with a very unimpressed look.  He seemed upset that he was unable to beat it out of me as a child.  "The blasted idiot wants to be a woman.  We aren't stupid, Adam."

"Mark, please."  Mum shot him a bit of a look.  "We talked about this."

"You have?"  I asked curiously.  

"Well, yes."  Mum nodded a bit.  Clearly, she was a bit uneasy talking about it.  "It's obvious you're not, well, like other boys."

Hearing this made me perk up a bit.  Were they giving me a chance?  Were they finally going to accept me for who I was?? 

"Don't get too giddy, boy."  Dad scowled.  "Just because we notice things doesn't mean we accept it."

"Mark."  Mum shot him a glare.  Despite Dad usually being the one wearing the pants in the house, Mum ruled with an iron fist when it came to me or anything in the kitchen.  After glaring at Dad, she looked back at me.  "Your father and I talked the other night and we, well, I, decided that you are old enough and are able to do what you want.  So having said that, we're going to let you present how you want."

I sat there in shock.  What was I hearing?  They were letting me present how I wanted?  But to what extent?  And did they realize what that meant?  Was Dad even okay with this???

"There are rules with this,"  Dad stated, clearly unhappy with his wife's statement.  It seemed as if he hadn't expected her to bring it up.  "This is only for when you're at home.  My name will not be tarnished by you walking around in a damn dress.  And if you can help it, I don't want to see you crossdressing."

Mum rolled her eyes and looked at me.  "That's all he was willing to negotiate.  Anyway… how does that sound?"

Not knowing how else to react, I just sat there in absolute shock.

"Adam?"  Mum asked with a small chuckle.  

"I, uh, wasn't expecting that, sorry."  I laughed a bit.  Not going to lie, I was nervous.  If it was up to me, I'd dress like every other woman on my street did.  My hair would be down to my shoulders, possibly longer, and I would attempt to train my voice so it was higher.  Having said that, I knew this would result in mistreatment from my father.  After all these years of him hating my femininity, I knew he wouldn't be able to let go of this easily.  Hence why he clearly stated he didn't want to witness it.

"If it makes you uncomfortable, then you can say-"

"No, I'm really happy, I promise."  I quickly reassured her.  There was no way I was losing my chance.  "So… Can I grow out my hair?"

Mum smiled and nodded.  The complete opposite reaction to what Dad had.  He scowled and glared at his place while aggressively taking a bite of his meat.  Chewing was the only thing keeping him quiet.

"I figured that would be a good place to start."  Mum nodded.  "Plenty of men have long hair, so it's a good slow start.  We, well, mostly your father, is going to need time to adjust."

"Works for me!"  I nodded.  Growing out my hair was something I've wanted to do for ages, but Dad always made Mum cut it all off.  There was one time he let it grow out a bit when I was very small, but that was it.  This was finally it.  I would finally achieve the long hair I've wanted all these years.

While Mum and I talked, Dad stayed quiet.  In order to keep himself from speaking his mind, he continued shoveling food into his mouth.  When he finished eating, he got up without warning and practically threw his dishes on the counter before storming outside.  Most likely to chop more wood out of frustration.

"Sorry about him."  Mum sighed.  "You know how much he hates this whole thing.  I think the only thing I agree with is the going outside part.  Only because you know how people are, and I don't want you ending up in a bad situation."

"Yea…"  I mumbled.  The whole situation made me feel pretty awful.  On one hand, I loved that they were letting me be myself.  But knowing I was driving a wedge in between Mum and Dad upset me.  All because of my own gender issues.

"I'm sure he'll come around eventually."  Mum smiled.  "So… I've always been curious as to what's going on.  Like… any reason why you feel this way?"

"I don't really know,"  I mumbled, a bit uneasy talking about the topic.  With it being taboo for so long, it was hard to speak about.  "I just feel like I relate more to women than I do with men."

"Have you considered that you like men?  Maybe that's why you don't want a wife?"

"Um…"

"Not ready to talk about that, huh?"

I shook my head.  No, definitely not.  

"Alright, well, if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you, okay?"  Mum smiled, placing her hand on mine.  "Hopefully this change helps you figure out what you want in life."

"I hope." I gave her a small smile back.  As excited as I was for a good change, seeing my Dad's reaction stung.  Knowing he would never see me the same hurt even more.  It almost made me want to decline the opportunity to keep him happy.  I wanted to convince myself that I could please him and be that perfect son… but after all these years, I never managed to achieve it.  So maybe Mum was right.  This change would help me figure out what I wanted.