Chapter 2

    I get to my first class and open my backpack to search for my notebook for world literature. I and a few others arrive before the teacher. The majority of the class is part of band, so I can talk to the people around me. People are talking loudly and shuffling to their seats. Ideally the rest of the day will be this normal. I have to keep telling myself that it will be. The teacher walks in a few minutes later with a large stack of papers. She trots over to her desk and places the stack next to her already open computer. 

“Alright class, the bell is about to ring so please have only a pencil on the corner of your desk. We are going to take the first part of your unit two test. Remember, it consists of things only from chapters one through five. Tomorrow will be over the rest: chapters six through ten.”

The bell rings signaling class to begin. The class groans as they reluctantly pull out a pencil and lay it on their desks. I do the same and put it on the right hand corner of my desk. The test will be easy enough for me; I studied all of last night for this. I always try to get good grades, so hopefully I’ll get a scholarship and won’t have to ask my sister to pay for my college tuition. She always works so hard to keep us comfortable. Ever since our parents died in the plane crash, she’s been my parental figure. She works a good paying corporate desk job. Over the years she's gotten promotions for higher positions in the company. She's currently just below the ceo. Everything she does, she says she does for me, so I want to make her proud. 

I fly through the test and am the third or fourth to finish. The rest of the day seems to fly by fast. Before I know it I’m at lunch sitting with my best friend Alex and the rest of her section, the tubas. The room is filled with the voices of many people, scrambling to get their lunches. It’s already 12:45., more than halfway through the long school day. I text Alex to tell her of my plan to talk to him in seventh period, after everyone leaves. Even though she’s across from me, she knows that it's Nathan related when I text her while she’s close by. He always tells his friends to go on without him while he packs his bag. Hopefully I’ll be able to catch him before he goes home. Although he lives across the street, I never get home when he does. I constanly  stop for food at Carl's jr. 

I send a message, ‘I think I’m going to try and talk to him today in Burgess.’ 

She looks up at me then darts back to her phone quickly. ‘Are you sure? I thought you were going to do it after school?’ 

‘No I think I won’t be able to do it if I wait till then. We’re always the last to leave, I just haven’t said anything.’ She looks concerned while she replies.

‘Okay sweet bun, tell me how it goes.’  I tell her okay and continue eating my chicken casserole. Alex has always been there for me. We’ve been with each other for our whole school career, I don’t think anything could tear us apart. She was also there for me when my parents passed away. She always listened to me on the playground while I cried. We’d collect wood chips with Nathan and hide them in the sand box. Being a kid was easier in a way, even if you lose your parents. You never have to worry about money or about which college you’re going to attend. Life was simple when I didn’t know I was gay. Soon after, lunch is over and we all go to sixth period. We watch Bill Nye the Science Guy; our teacher says he’s feeling lazy today. I take the opportunity to draw some new art for my tattoos. I love Bill Nye, but I think the tribute tattoo for my mom, dad, and sister is a little more important to me than the states of matter. 

Finally the period ends and I go to Burgess’ class. This is where I’ll do it. I usually sit in the back of the class because of the smell. Our civics teacher keeps putting weird shit in his trash can this year, it smells terrible. Then I see him. He walks in with his two friends, Chad and Lucas. They’re laughing about something. I feel myself blush and my heartbeat speed up from just seeing him smile. I don’t know what's going on. I don’t understand why I still react this way. I guess seeing him walk across the class so confidently smiling, not worrying about anything, makes my heart flutter. He sits in his seat, still talking to Chad. Then he glances in my direction. I blush even harder than before. Oh god I'm staring. He could probably feel it. I immediately look away, avoiding his gaze. What should I do? I text Alex about it. I'm freaking out and I don’t understand why. I haven’t even talked to him yet. 

I spend the entire class texting Alex, who is trying to hype me up. Finally the bell rings and I’ve decided that unfortunately today’s not the day. I don’t think I could say even one word to him without having a panic attack. I’m bummed about it, but there’s still a whole school year. The teacher rushes out the door since she has a meeting directly after class. Students flood out of the classroom, excited to go home. I quickly pack my stuff, as I don’t want to be in a room alone with Nate for too long. The silence is excruciating. I start heading out the door but swiftly stopped when I feel a hand wrapped around my arm. I recognize the strong grip almost instantaneously. 

It’s Nathan’s hand. 

“Not so fast Connie.”