Viv handed William the iphone with trembling fingers, raising her eyes slowly to meet his. He was frowning as he put the earbuds in and slowly raised his eyes to meet hers. She had set it at the chorus of “Love no more” and she stared at him, hopelessly, eyes brimming with tears, hoping that he would understand, that he would eventually forgive her, and that her own heart would stop thumping in her chest so loud that she wanted to scream.

He ripped the earbuds off his head and threw the iphone on the ground, the stunned look on his face igniting into jagged anger, hurt, and confusion. He reached out and grabbed her arms, shaking her. She stifled a cry, trying not to bring attention to where they were standing, in their favourite place against the evergreens. There were people in the baseball diamond, but no one looked over. 

Trying not to panic, she put a hand on his chest, trying to still him.

She could feel that he was trembling, fighting to get a hold of himself.

“W-wei…Wei..”he stuttered, desperately trying to make his mouth form the sounds.

She knew he couldn’t get the words out. He was trying to say the words for ‘why’ in mandarin, but she could see it was stuck in his throat. He closed his mouth, breathing hard, leaning his forehead down against her forehead. He rolled his head slightly from side to side, pressing against the skin as if trying to shake the words out. He sucked in his breath, eyes shut tight.

Then he raised his head, opening his eyes, and his expression burned a hole in her. The skin flexed over his temples as smashed his lips into hers. Her knee jerk reaction was to kick him, to struggle, but she resisted it. He’d never been so aggressive with her, so violent, and she was somewhere between fear and despair, the adrenaline shooting through her. It was a savage kiss, claiming her, and telling her with every fibre of his being that she belonged only to him. She could feel tears burning her lids as she kissed him back as fiercely, her arms hurting where he was holding her.

When he lifted his head, he was breathing raggedly. Somehow, they were both on their knees in the damp grass beneath the trees and if they weren’t in public, Viv was certainly that he would have tried to make love to her there. They stared at each other, gasping for air.

He let her go quite abruptly, getting to his feet.

“Why?” he asked, after a short pause, his tone even, almost calm. He had turned his back to her, but his shoulders were rigid, and she could hear more than see his hurt and it twisted her inside. She let her breath out, feeling desperate and helpless.

“Because I can’t be with you,” she whispered. “Because I’m so much older, because I have children and a partner. Because I have obligations that I can’t leave. Because you have your whole life ahead of you and your freedom, and because I shouldn’t be in your way.”

He shook his head, the look of bitterness fading slightly.

“No,” he said, frowning a bit and rubbing her wrists. He’d been holding her too hard and had left red marks on her forearms.

“Yes,” she said, more calmly. “As much as I care about you, this isn’t good for you, this isn’t good for me. You have to meet girls your own age, date, learn to actually talk to them. My life is set already. There are decisions that I made years ago that I have to live with.”

“Why?” he asked.

“William, we can’t keep going on like this. Jason already suspects that I’m having an affair. I have to be realistic about this. My girls – my… Even if we did, you would grow to resent it, all the hiding. You would.”

“I love you,” he said in mandarin, clear as a bell, without any hesitation or stuttering. “Don’t,” he begged. He pulled her against him.

Viv felt a tear slither down her face. She tried not to gasp in her breath, tried to hold herself still on the outside, even though she felt completely, utterly shattered.

“But I don’t love you,” she said, forcing herself to say the words and ignoring the raw sound of anguish that escaped from him. She pushed away, scrubbing her face. “I don’t love you” she said again, and made herself turn away and walk slowly from him into the trees of the golf course.

She thought she could feel his gaze on her back for a long time, but when she looked back he was gone. Only then, did she allow herself to cry in earnest, taking an extra fifteen-minute detour, so that her eyes weren’t so red before she went back to the house and Jason’s scrutiny.