Strong camaraderie has always existed, but only for men; justice and integrity always exist, but only for men; the right to choose has always existed, but only for men; happiness always exists, but only for men… the whole world revolves around men, so why give birth to women?

 If there was no need for me in the first place, what's the point of raising me up?

 I took all my problems with me and went to the lake, casually taking off my shoes, carefully placing them neatly.

If I'm not Ngo then I can't have Luu anymore, if I'm already superfluous in everyone's eyes, then, brother is right, it's best to disappear, just like I have not been present so far, so from now on, the family will be extremely lucky.

 The wind whistled in my ears, and I stood staring and bowing to the house that had raised me for fifteen years.

 Finally, my eyes landed on the lake, I have been very familiar with this place since I was a child. I know that in the deep water there are big golden carp. I also know that under the mud at the bottom of the lake there are lotus sprouts. In summer, the lotuses race to sprout and bloom on the surface of the lake.

 But I don't know how deep the lake is. Now, before my eyes was the dark blue water, still, full of an air of death, except for a few small ripples that rippled in the direction of the wind.

 It is the middle of winter, the lake water is extremely cold. As soon as my feet touched the water, my whole body shivered.

 I began to hesitate, I began to feel apprehensive. I stood helpless by the lake, tears welling up again. Do I have to die like this?

But thinking of the estrangement of my loved ones, the contempt of people, my whole body seemed to be strengthened, I clenched my teeth and plunged into the water.

 Unfilial father, mother and daughter. In my next life, I would like to be a man, repay my parents' kindness for nurturing, vow to serve you by your side for the rest of my life.

 The lake water was as cold as cutting flesh, I still remember, when I fell, I struggled in the lake for a few beats. If I were to die, would anyone cry for me? If I were to die, a few years from now, would anyone mention my name...

 I gradually lost consciousness, sinking deep into the clear blue water.

 I should not have been in this world, now is the time to leave.

 When the lake is quiet again, that's when the world is at peace.

So cold, the lake water is much colder than imagined.

 The bone-cold water surrounds me, the water is like a knife cutting through my skin, so uncomfortable, I can't breathe anymore!

 Mom, I'm so cold, I'm in pain! Mom, save me… I'm dead, will I be banished to the eighteen levels of hell?

 It seems that time has passed several centuries. I heard people whispering, I could hear women crying.

 My eyelids were as heavy as lead, I couldn't open them. I moved slightly, only to realize that my whole body ached. Finally, around me is no longer a wave of water, it seems, I am really dead! It's good to die, but to die is to be liberated for my family and for myself.

 I feel like someone's hands are holding my hand, those hands are extremely soft, warm, covering my hand, gently stroking my table as if afraid to hurt me. In my memory, that affection can only be from my mother. Why is mom here? Well then, this is definitely not hell.

I slowly opened my eyes. The scene in front of my eyes changes from a blurry blur to a bright and clear one.

 At the head of the bed, the curtains and blankets all carry colors that are familiar to me, which are objects in my room. I feel like a lonely soul, hundreds of years later returning to visit the old place.

 “Sa Sa…”  That gentle and familiar voice became clearer, almost making me cry. It was my mother's voice, how could I have misheard!

I tried to regain my composure, wanting to see clearly who was holding my hand.

 “…” Mother! That's right mom! I was so moved, I wanted to call out a mother's voice, but I really didn't have any strength left, I could only slightly open my mouth, move my lips, and make no sound.

 "Bodhisattva help, you are awake!" I can see clearly, the woman sitting with tears in her eyes is the mother I have not seen for four years!

 A solemn clear throat sounded from behind, it was my father, who had also visited me “There is no danger anymore, here I to go!”.

I looked at my father with tears in my eyes, he sighed heavily, shook his head, turned around and said to my mother “ you stayed here to take care of daughter.  It is pitiful!".

 A tall figure passed through the doorway, apparently a brother. I looked unknown.

 Are all my relatives here? I thought I was dreaming! Only in dreams can such miracles happen.

 Mother was sitting beside the bed, constantly rubbing my hands warm, occasionally pressing my hands to her cheeks. My hands were wet with my mother's tears.

"Mother..." I finally managed to whisper. Tears also followed.

 "My daughter! My daughter!" My mother could not help but kneel down and hug me, sobbing. Mother shook her head slightly, her mouth constantly calling my name.

 "Mom..." I tried to scream out loud. In the past four years, how much dissatisfaction, how much injustice, how much suffering, how much nostalgia have all been put into that cry. My grief can only be told to my mother, she does not believe in Buddhism, nor is she a vegetarian, but she is the only person who loves me in this world.

 But not so long ago, even my mother didn't need me anymore “Mom!” I shouted, the voice calling back more questioning, reproaching.

 “Mother…” My throat constricted and I couldn't say a word other than calling out to her.

 “Sa Sa, my daughter! I know you have suffered a lot. Mom knows it all." Mom hugged me tightly, “It's all over! Everything is fine, in the future I will always be by your side… I will never leave you again.”

 The resilience gained in the past four years suddenly broke down and scattered everywhere. I hugged my mother's neck tightly, crying comfortably for the first time. Only when I am with my mother can I escape the shadow of a grown woman and return to being a child.

 “Mom, I'm cold, there's a lot of water, I'm scared…” I cringed, trying to fit in her arms.

 “Don't be afraid, mom is here already. You still have a fever, quickly lie down, or you will catch a cold again." Mother raised her hand to wipe my tears, gently laid me down, covered me with blankets, very gentle, very careful gestures, as if I was still the little girl from ten years ago. I smell the familiar scent emanating from my mother's body. It's my mother's scent, I can't forget that scent for the rest of my life

"Mom." I called her again, looking her straight in the eyes.

 "What?"  Mother replied, she is also looking at me, patiently waiting for my next sentence, her eyes filled with warmth and kindness.

 “I'm hungry! I want to eat delicious food!” I cooed to my mother, when I was a child, every time I finished crying, I would tell her that sentence.

 Now, when the wound in my heart is gradually closing, it seems that I am returning to those carefree childhood years, cuddling a little and receiving more love.

 Mother gently patted my head, smiled and said “Okay, I will prepare delicious dishes for you to eat”.

 “I want egg soup!” I cooed in a weak voice.

 “Okay, egg soup!” Mother nodded indulgently.

 This is the real mother, whether you are an abandoned wife, whether you are an infertile wife or guilty of jealousy, she still smiles at you, her smile is forever warm like a ray of sunshine in the summer. winter, very gentle and pleasant.