"How long do you plan to stay?" With a cup of coffee in her hand, Alex sat down across from him. 

"Thought you'd kicked me out by now."

"I considered it. But I also like having someone around who cooks for me and keeps my house clean."

He scrunched his nose. "I'm not a fucking maid."

"It sounds fancier than being my whore."

He glared at her.

Smirking, she pried a Wheat Thin out of its package. "Hey, I'm not your homie. I don't care that you're broke; it doesn't mean you can claim half of my apartment for free."

"Fine," he grumbled. It wasn't like he had a lot of other options. "As soon as I got my salary I'ma find something else."

"Ain't gonna be easy. You're gonna need three paychecks. My roomie's coming home in six weeks, so you've gotta be gone by then."

"I will."

Not that he knew where to go. Mateo was the only alternative he could think of, but he really didn't know how he felt about sharing an apartment with him. The prospect that he'd be released from prison within two weeks already made him nervous — while he never used to be nervous. 

He stared at his coffee. "Thanks," he said eventually. "For letting me stay."

If she'd come to him, he never would have let her stay. 

"I like people who owe me something," she said in a grin. "Especially when they hate it."

Emilio clenched his jaw. He should have known she didn't do this out of the kindness of her heart alone. 

. . .

By nightfall, Emilio's phone screen lit up. His stomach cramped up when he saw Juan's name. For a moment he considered ignoring him, yet he knew he couldn't avoid his best — and only — friend forever. 

"Hey," he muttered. 

"Hey," a soft voice sounded. "I uh — I wanted to ask if you got a place to stay tonight."

"Yeah. Went to Alex's place last night. She lets me stay."

Silence fell. Emilio knew his friend well enough to imagine his frown. The last time Juan had seen them together, they'd been beating the shit out of each other in the ring. "Oh. Okay."

Another awkward silence fell. Emilio had no idea what else to say. How should they proceed from here? 

"Can I stop by tomorrow?" Juan asked. There was a nervous shiver in his voice.

"I don't know," Emilio muttered. 

"Please?" He whispered. "I — I can't lose you, E. I can't lose you too. Ev—"

"You won't lose me, Juan. It's just... my head's a mess."

"Let me help you. This is my fault."

"It's not. Not yours alone." He heaved a deep sigh. "Okay, stop by tomorrow. I'll text you the address."

"Thank you," he said in such a soft voice Emilio could barely hear him. He sounded so defeated it caused a stab in his chest. The fear to lose someone wasn't coming out of nowhere, he realized. "Did you tell Dana?"

"Yeah," he muttered. 

"And? How did she respond?"

"She was shocked. Sad. I don't think she'll ever trust me again."

"Of course she will. It just takes time."

"I don't know if I'll get time. I'm not sure she still wants me."

Emilio was silent for a moment. "Shit. I'm sorry man. Are you — are you alone now? You want me to come?"

"No, you don't have to. I'm going to sleep now. Or I'm going to try so... I'm fine... I can handle this."

"Okay. Good. Then uh — I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. See ya."

Emilio ended the call and sighed, feeling more guilty with the minute. 

. . .

Emilio felt restless as he opened the front door. Awkwardly, they looked at each other. Instead of a hug, they only nodded. Emilio went back to the living room where they sat down on the couch — three feet away from each other. 

Juan turned towards Emilio, the confusion on his face telling him he had no idea what to say. 

"Is Alex not around?" he asked eventually. 

It sounded like a trivial question, but it was still better than silence. 

"She's out for a run. She exercises so much it's crazy."

"She doesn't mind that you stay here?"

Emilio shrugged. "She wants me to keep the place clean. I don't have much of a choice."

Another silence fell. Juan bent his head and stared at his knees. "How do you feel?"

Emilio sighed. "We really have to talk about this?"

Juan seemed to hesitate. "You don't think it's better if we do?"

Emilio avoided his glance and stared at the ceiling. "I just want to forget it."

Juan folded his hands between his knees and bit his lip. "You really think you can pretend it never happened?"

Emilio remained silent, not knowing what to say. 

"Why do you want to forget about it?" he asked in a small voice. "I mean — was I so horrible?"

"Come on, Juan!" Emilio shot up on the couch. "You really wanna know?!"

He shrugged. "We used to talk about sex all the time."

"But not about sex with each other!"

"But that's why we need to talk about it! If not, it will keep standing between us." Emilio wasn't a talker — not like Juan. He didn't want to think about his feelings and it wasn't the first time Juan forced him to do so. "I just wonder... what kinds of thoughts you have now. Do you have feelings for me? I just — I just want you to know that I'm okay with it. If you like guys. Or even — even if you like me."

Emilio cursed. "I don't like guys, dude! If one of us is gay, it's you! You started this!"

"We know I'm bisexual at most," Juan answered. "But you... You've never been in love. Maybe this is the reason why."

"I've never been in love because I'm not a twat like you!" he snapped. "I only want bitches to fuck 'em, I don't need 'em for anything else!"

"You don't have to yell at me," Juan answered. "I'm just trying to help you. You were the one who told me he was afraid to be gay, remember? That's what you said last Saturday."

Emilio looked away. "I was angry. I didn't mean it."

"Okay," Juan said timidly as if he realized that there was no point in discussing this now. "Just know I don't care. Whether you're into guys or not. You will always be my best friend, okay? Even if you have feelings for me."

"I don't have feelings for you." Sighing, Emilio slumped back on the couch. He ran a hand through his hair, wondering what he wanted to share. Juan might believe that he didn't mind if Emilio had feelings for him, but Emilio was still afraid that it would change their friendship. "I know that because..." He hesitated, searching for words. "I met someone," he admitted. He would probably never see Rory again, so he rather used him as an excuse than risking his friendship with Juan or telling him something about his too complicated feelings for his friend's older brother. "A guy. Friday. And I... I can't get him out of my head." He squeezed his eyes. "Fuck this. I sound like some stupid school girl."

"Having feelings for someone doesn't make you less of a man. Neither if it's for a man."

Emilio bent his head. He didn't know what else to say about it. Actually, he just wanted Juan to tell him it was bullshit; that it was impossible that he was gay and that he couldn't have feelings for a boy he'd only seen for two hours. 

"You want to tell me about him?"

Juan's voice didn't sound eager, rather like he believed he could really help Emilio. Yet, he shook his head. 

"No. I won't see him again anyway." He was done talking. It was time for some action. "You're in for some Call of Duty?"

Juan sat up straight. "The newest?"

"Alex only has old shit. Think she got Black Ops III."

He got up from the couch and squatted in front of the tv. Whether he would find a way to get rid of his faggy thoughts or not; at least he was relieved that he could sit next to his friend again without feeling awkward.