Somewhere during the night, Emilio must have fallen asleep, for he was startled awake when he heard someone puke. On any other day the sound would've made him smirk; today, it didn't. It was probably Juan and he didn't want to see his friend. He wouldn't know what to say to him. He was sure his friend regretted last night. What would he think of him? Emilio should have told him he was talking shit and that he should go to sleep; instead, he'd let Juan suck him and he had done the same. How fucking insane must one be to do such a thing?

The water was turned on and Emilio sat up straight, his hands restless in his lap. More than ever he felt uncomfortable because he didn't even have his own room. Yesterday he'd toyed with the idea to share a house with Mateo once he got out of prison, but now he knew he would never do that.

The bathroom door opened. Juan was only wearing boxers, his face was pale. The way he squeezed his eyes told Emilio he had a hell of a hangover.

Emilio muttered a greeting, although he doubted it reached his friend's ears. Nevertheless, Juan noticed him; he froze.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. There was a stab in his stomach. From now on, everything would be awkward; he'd fucked up everything.

"Holy shit," Juan said in a hoarse voice. He walked over to the couch and stared at him with wide eyes. "Did I do that?"

Emilio had no idea what he was talking about. "What?"

"Your face... Did I kick you out of bed last night? Is that why you're here? I only remember some fragments of drinking on the roof terrace."

Emilio stared him in the eye. "You don't remember anything else from last night?"

Juan pulled a face. "No." He sat down on the couch. "But I do have a hell of a headache. Damn — it must have been a good night." He paused and bent his head. "Although Dana is mad at me. So I was probably a pathetic mess and drank too much."

Emilio didn't know what to say. He didn't remember. He didn't remember. It was a huge relief — but he himself remembered everything.

"Was I really a bitch tonight?" Juan asked. "Seriously, E — did I hit you?"

"No," he muttered. "That was Alex. She didn't like my attempt to get into bed with her little sister. I decided to lie here because — because, well I dunno. It was weird. You and me in one bed."

He didn't dare to look Juan in the eye. What if he would soon remember something? Would he believe that it was a dream?

"Hmm, I can't imagine I would've made a big deal out of it." He shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, you wanna come with me to visit Mateo?"

Being in one room with both brothers — it sounded like a nightmare right now. He didn't trust himself anymore; he feared having more disgusting fantasies, ending up with a hard one there.

"You should go alone," he muttered. "It's been a while since you've spoken to your brother. Spending some time together will be good."

"It's more fun when I don't have to go alone," Juan insisted. "It's a 90-minute drive!"

Emilio gritted his teeth. How could he talk himself out of this? He never said no to Juan...

"I wanna go and see Jip," he lied. "Sep freaked her out when he barged into her room yesterday, I wanna make sure she's okay. And maybe you should talk to Dana too."

"If she still wants to," he muttered. "She hasn't answered a single text." Juan rubbed his face and sighed before getting up. "I'm gonna take a shower. You can take a nap in my bed? I doubt you had a lot of sleep on that couch."

If you only knew...

He however didn't plan to sleep in that bed ever again. Again and again, he saw flashes of Juan's naked body. The memories forced himself on him; he remembered his kisses, the stubble on his jaw, his moans, his lips around him...

"No," he muttered. "I uh — I need some fresh air."

Without looking at Juan he walked past him into his bedroom, put on a shirt and pants, and went outside. The morning air was cold, he would have enjoyed it every other day. But not now. Right now, he only felt filthy.

. . .

It wasn't like Emilio had never taken him somewhere in an attempt to cheer him up. However, usually, it happened at night when his friend dragged him to a strip club. Therefore, he had no idea what they were doing in this gym. It was crowded, a lot of people gathered around something he couldn't see clearly.

Things were still messy with Dana. He had never been talented in solving conflicts. Since Friday — two days ago — he had apologized three times to her, but she still acted coldly. He should come up with something better. Up to now, he lacked good ideas; their fight kept racing through his head. When Emilio told him an hour ago that he wanted to take him somewhere he had agreed, glad about all the distraction he could get.

With a frown, he looked at his friend when he discovered the ring around which people had gathered. All of this made a little more sense when he realized there were women in it, although they weren't the hottest girls he'd ever seen. Emilio's eyes darted across the room as if he was looking for someone.

"Who are you looking for?" he wanted to ask, but right at that moment, the bell rang, telling him someone went down.

Two other girls climbed through the ropes surrounding the ring. One of them looked familiar, but it took a while before he knew who she was. He'd caught a glimpse of her during the opening party and he knew she'd helped his friend to get a job.

"Is that Alex?" he asked. "Your boss?"

"Uh-huh."

If it wasn't for the fitted top she was wearing, he would have taken her for a guy, even though she barely had tits. His glance wandered across his friend's face, which was still covered in bruises. He still didn't get it. Why were they here? Emilio's gaze however was fixed on the woman.

For a moment he wondered if his friend felt attracted to her — until the fight started. Every time Alex took a hit, Emilio's grin widened. Was he here just to see her suffer? Juan couldn't see why his friend would think it would amuse him.

Judging by the cheers around him this was definitely a wet dream for some men, but Juan wasn't one of them. He had thrown a punch now and then, but he had never been a fan of violence. Nevertheless, he remembered many nights on which Emilio and he had been kicked out of a club because his drunk friend had gotten into a fight.

Emilio's smirk faded, and Juan turned his gaze back to the boxing match. Alex was winning now, forcing the other girl on her knees within a minute.

Juan still felt bored. He walked over to the bar to order two beers, whereafter his friend downed his beer quickly.

"I'm done with this place," Juan told Emilio after half an hour.

"The best part has yet to come."

Juan raised his eyebrows.

Emilio pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it at his friend, who caught it a little overwhelmed. Then, it hit him.

"You're going inside the ring?"

"Yeah. Don't expect too much, I'm sure she's gonna ruin my face. A girl's gonna kick my ass, so have fun watchin' it."

Juan completely missed the humor in this. Nevertheless, he walked closer to the ring. The official game was over; most people left the gym or gathered around the bar. There however were still a lot of spectators, especially when Alex climbed back in the ring, followed by Emilio. His friend put on some boxing gloves, which he pressed together, looking awkwardly. Then, the fight started.

It didn't last long. Emilio managed to throw two punches, thereafter Alex's blows rained down on him until he fell on his knees. Juan had the feeling that Emilio had held himself back, or at least he looked distracted. The boy was dragging his right foot when he left the ring and his nose was bleeding. Both of his jaws were swollen now.

With a sigh, Juan offered him a shoulder and helped him to the bar, where he climbed on a barstool and took the ice pack after Juan had gotten him one. He shoved a coke towards his friend. When Alex sat down on the stool next to him, Juan wasn't sure what to say or do.

"No hard feelings anymore?" Emilio asked. He was barely audible because of his swelling lips.

"Not as long as you stay away from Jip." Taking the beer that was shoved toward her, she grabbed his chin with her other hand. "Tomorrow at 8, Bambi."

Emilio nodded meekly and took a sip of his coke. Then, she left.

Juan stared at him. "Bambi?"

Emilio avoided his glance and shrugged his shoulders. "That's what she calls me. There ain't much I can do about it."

He thought of how Alex had grabbed his chin. He couldn't believe Emilio had really let her do that.

"You like her?" he wondered.

"What? No man — she's like a guy."

Juan shrugged. He didn't know where the feeling was coming from, but something told him Emilio wouldn't find that really problematic.

"She treats you like you're her pet."

Emilio frowned, his jaw clenched. "I got no choice, okay?" he grumbled. "I want to keep my job. What else can I do, man? I tried to fuck her retarded sister. I'm happy I can still walk."

"You should have thought about that before you tried to hit on her? You should stop thinking with your dick, man."

"Oh, you think I 'm the one who should stop thinking with his dick?" Emilio huffed.

Juan raised his eyebrows. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

Emilio looked away. "Nothing," he grumbled. A grunt slipped his lips when he slipped off the barstool. "Let's go. Thought that a girl who beat me up would make you laugh."

"I don't like to watch my friends get beaten up."

"No, you rather watch them do other things," Emilio snorted.

Juan had no idea what he was talking about. He got up too. "What's going on man? You act fucking weird."

"If you'd drink a little less, you would have known."

Emilio stumbled towards the exit. Juan had to slow down his pace to keep up with him. He wanted to know what was going on, but he knew Emilio well enough to know that his annoyance would only increase when he kept asking questions. In silence, he wrapped an arm around Emilio's shoulder to help him to the car while leaving the subject to rest.

Emilio avoided eye contact during the ride home. It made Juan nervous, but he tried not to worry. Having a bad mood was nothing new when it came to Emilio; it would pass. It always did.