It's Thursday, and I'm sitting by my desk doing my homework when I hear a knock on the window. I turn to see the source of the knocking to find Deku on my bedroom balcony trying to get in.
"Let me in Kacchan." I hear him says. I sigh while getting up leaving my assignment to go over and open the window. Why does he always decide use the window in the first place when there's a fucking door.

"Thanks kacchan." He smiles. That smile fucking annoys me, why is he always so happy to see me, after everything that I did to him. Fucking weirdo.
"Whatever" I reply, making my way back to my desk. I pick up my pen and get back to my homework while Deku flops onto the bed. "Want something to eat?" I ask, and he shakes his head saying that he's already eaten. Does he even eat anymore, I'm not even sure cause every time he comes over he says he's already eaten. Maybe he's trying to avoid my mum for some reason since he's so bothered to climb up the window.

Deku layes on the bed with his eyes closed and his arms spread out. One arm is crooked and in a weird shape, a result of his attempted suicide. Just looking at it makes me feel guilty, but that's why I'm changing and started taking anger management classes. Apparently Deku was never supposed to walk again but here he is climbing up a balcony, I guess miracles do exist, but I wish he'd stop doing that unless he really does want to never walk again. How the fuck is he always climbing though, with that crooked arm of his.

I'm getting tired of my work and I'm hungry so I get up to go get some food. "I'll be right back." I tell him. "Just getting some food."
"Ok kacchan, I'll just stay here then." He replies. I make my way down stairs to find my mum in the kitchen. "Oi old hag, I'm hungry."
"Don't call me an old hag." She screams. "Didn't those anger management classes of yours teach you respect." I sigh, they did teach me about respect, or atleast fucking tried to, I still dont get why its not ok to call my mother an old hag. I mean it's the truth, what's wrong with being honest.
"Whatever." I tell her, and make my way to the fridge. "Oh yeah Deku's here by the way." My mother freezes. She always does that whenever I bring up Deku, maybe they did have a fight or something, but I highly doubt that. If the hag could she would make Deku her child instead of me in a heartbeat.
"Hey Katsuki" I hear my mum say in  just about a whisper, wich is weird since she's usually as loud as I am. I guess we're all changing. "What." I reply.

"We're going to a therapist next week, you and Deku." 

______________________________________

About 2 months before

"Am I a terrible parent." I knew there was something that's been bothering her, and in this situation I'm not surprised that she would question herself like this. If the same thing happened to me I'd probably be thinking the exact same thing.

"Inko of course your not a bad parent." I tell her. She doesn't seem convinced as she just keeps standing there, tears still rolling down her face. "If I'm not a bad parent then why am I in this situation, why did my son just try to commit suicide." I can tell that nothing I say will get through to her but I've got to atleast try. I have to help my friend when she needs it the most because she would do the exact same thing for me and anyone else in this kind of situation.

"Inko I know that your an amazing mother, and I know that it's hard being a single parent and having to take care of Izuku all by yourself, yet you were able to do that for so long. I know you have regrets, and I know there are things you could have done better in some places but nobody is perfect." I pause to see her reaction but she just stands there frozen and silent. Just like I thought, nothing I say is getting through to her. I'm not good with these type of things, I never know how to make people feel better, the words just never come. But this is the one time it matters most to me and I really want to help Inko and clear all her doubts.

She's standing there her head facing the floor. I can't see clearly but I'm pretty sure she's still crying. I'm getting quite irritated now, my friend is in pain and I can't say anything to comfort her, if anything I'm the terrible one here.

I've had enough of this feeling of helplessness so i half shout half say, "Stop standing there regretting all your actions, that won't help Izuku in anyway! You've been given another chance so get your ass moving and make up for all your times of ignorance." It's to late and the words have already left my mouth before I realise what I've said.That was really harsh wasn't it, but it seems like it worked since Inko has a look of new found determination on her face.

______________________________________

"Your son is dead."

Well things really went spiraling out of control. I stare quietly for a while trying to collect my thoughts. How did this even happen? I thought Inko said everything was fine, she said the worst was that he won't be able to walk again. How do you go from never being able to walk, to dieing. I hear gasping for air next to me which snaps me back to reality, reminding me that there's someone who's hurting way more than me. Instantly I pull Inko into a hug, whispering words of comfort in her ear in an effort to calm her down. It doesn't work and I can feel he breathing getting heavier and heavier. Tears stream down her face and from the corner of my eye I can see the doctor excusing himself.

"They said everything was fine, and I saw him he was fine." I hear Inko suddenly say. I stand there in silence not knowing what to say before I suddenly hear a voice behind me asking what's wrong. I turn to find katsuki standing right behind me which made me flinch a little. "Why are you crying, what's wrong" Oh katsuki I'm so sorry, this is going to break your heart isn't it. I shift myself so that I'm hugging both Inko and katsuki but he pushes me off.
"I don't want your hugs, tell me what happened." I can see tears forming in his eyes and not a single word can escape my mouth. Before I know it I see katsuki running off and I call out to him. He's already to far away to hear me so I turn back to see how Inko is doing.

"Lets go after him." She says, holding in her tears. I can hear the determination in her voice, even after her son just died she's still caring  about katsuki's wellbeing. If that isn't being an amazing mother I don't know what is. Inko is ten times the better mother than I ever could be wich is why she deserves so much better.

______________________________________

I run to the car bumping into a few people on the way but I don't really care. I run as fast as I can but the distance to the car seems to get longer and longer. I keep running but my legs are going wobbly and its getting hard to breathe, what exactly am I running from in the first place. Maybe  it's the guilt, or the harsh reality that I may never see Deku again. I shouldn't be jumping to conclusions though, it's not like I've heard anyone tell me that Deku is dead. But if he isn't what could possibly make mum and aunty look so pale like that. Just thinking about it makes me feel weak.

I finally get to the car where I get in and lock the the doors. Before I know it tears are streaming down my face and I'm shaking violently. My breaths are uneven and I try to get them back to normal to no avail. I can see people looking in and judging me but I don't care, I just want to disappear. I wish things didn't get so complicated. I wish that I realised sooner the consequences of my actions. This is all my fault, because of me Deku is probably dead, I have no right to be a hero when I practically killed someone. I'm no better than a villian.

It's getting harder and harder to breathe and everything is starting to go blurry and I'm dizzy. I think I'm loosing conciseness. Everything has gotten darker until I hear a knock on the window and my name being repeated over and over. I look up to find aunty and my mum trys to get inside. Great, they're probably the last people I want to see right now.
"Katsuki dear, open the door please." Aunty says, I keep my head down and try my best to ignore them. Although my breathing seems to have gone back to normal.

"Hey Katsuki open the door we want to talk to you." The old hag says followed by a few more knocks on the door. "I don't want to hear what you have to say", I tell her. I think she might of gotten irritated since she seems to banging on the door even harder now.
"Oi brat open the door, your not the only one that's hurting you know."
"Calm down Mitsuki, it's okay." Aunty says trying to reassure my mum. This is getting annoying no matter how hard i try to block them out it won't work. They just keep trying to get me to open the door and I don't want to, I already feel terrible as it is and its painful enough, I don't want it getting worse. I think I start shacking again because aunty says, "Katsuki it will all be alright. Everything will be fine, we can still live and get on with life with or without-"
"SHUT UP!" I think I've finally snapped.
"I don't want to hear it, I don't want to know. Please stop talking, I don't think I can take hearing those words."

I can feel the tears streaming down my face and my breathing is starting to go uneven again. I shouldn't of shouted like that but I really can't take it. I don't care if Deku is dead or alive, I don't want to know. I don't even want to think about Deku anymore cause I think I might go crazy.

Or maybe I already am.