"Cause I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't."

~Bonnie Raitt, 'I Can't Make You Love Me'

~~~

*Kai's POV*

"Can't we at least, I don't know, hang out?" I suggest, trying to keep the helplessness out of my voice.

It's been almost a month since I met Lucca, and his avoidance of me is becoming too painful to bear. Not only emotionally, but physically too. I can feel the strain on our bond growing with each passing day, making my chest ache more and more every day.

"Kai," Lucca sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. "Look... I don't know exactly what you want from me, but whatever it is, I can't give it to you. I'm sorry."

The horror of what he's implying hits me, and I'm barely able to choke out my next sentence. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I'm not the one for you," he confesses, and my heart rate accelerates along with Kieran's panic. "I'm rejec—"

"Lucca," a stout man with gel-filled hair interrupts Lucca, much to my relief. It doesn't take a genius to know what he was about to say, and I'm silently thanking the Moon that he didn't get the chance to finish that sentence. "Pardon me, but can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Okay," Lucca calmly nods, as if he wasn't a millisecond away from rejecting me.

"Ruth," the stern man snaps his fingers at a young woman, who quickly takes her place behind a beautifully large harp and begins to play. Without looking back at me, Lucca follows the man towards the back of the restaurant.

'Follow them!' Kieran urges.

I furrow my brows in confusion. 'What? No. Why?'

'Just do it!' He insists, making my knees buckle as he tries to force my body forward.

'Geez, fine!' I grumble, regaining my balance and sneaking in the direction Lucca went. My ears twitch as they pick up on his voice coming from the kitchen. There's an open entryway, which I attempt to hide behind as I listen in on their conversation.

"...you just ignore your duties for any random patron that stumbles through our doors now?" A voice hisses, which I'm guessing belongs to the man who dragged Lucca away.

"Of course not," Lucca responds defensively. "I know him, but we're not friends. He's my friend's boyfriend's kid brother. He's nothing to me."

My breath catches in my throat.

"He's nothing to me."

Nothing.

Lucca said I'm... nothing.

'He denied us,' Kieran whimpers, pacing back and forth in my head.

I swallow thickly. 'Well, we knew he was about to reject us,' I try to reason, but I can't stop the pain from flooding me as my eyes grow watery. My hands shake at my side, and I peak around the corner to look at my mate.

The blood is rushing behind my ears, making it difficult to hear what they're saying. Through my blurred vision, I see the man walk off and Lucca turn around to gape at me.

He knows I heard him.

The shock and guilt is evident on his face, but that only confuses me more. Why would he feel bad that I overheard him? Isn't this what he wanted? To push me away; to sever our bond as mates?

The pain slashes at my chest, and I have to will myself to not double forward. This is too much. If he's going to reject me, he'll have to do it some other time. With how much this hurts, I'm afraid a rejection might actually kill me.

Quickly, I spin on my heel and make a beeline for my abandoned table. Frankie looks up at me with confusion in their eyes, before it shifts into worry.

"Kai? What's going on?" They question, and I shake my head.

"I need to leave," I whisper, unable to raise my voice any higher in fear that I'll start crying.

Without needing elaboration, Frankie nods once and stands to their feet. We drop some money on the table — probably way too much for the waters we didn't even drink — and quickly exit out the front of the restaurant.

He's nothing to me.

He's nothing to me.

He's nothing to me.

I get that we barely even know each other, but fuck. That fucking hurt. I'm not nothing. I'm his mate— er, at least I am for now. I won't play dumb and act like I don't know Lucca was about to reject me back there. But... come on! We might not know each other, but we're still tied together! The mate destined us to be together. That's gotta mean something to him, right? That's gotta make him feel something — anything.

The entire drive home, I keep my eyes squeezed shut to suppress the tears swelling behind my eyelids. Frankie remains quiet, knowing now is not the time to push me on this.

This isn't how all of this was supposed to go.

Finding my mate was supposed to be the happiest moment of my life, leading to an eternity of love and security. The kind I've seen dozens of wolves achieve. The kind I saw Ryland find with Landon.

The kind my parents had with each other.

My chest aches with their memory. If true love really exists, my parents definitely had it. They were the whole reason I was looking forward to meeting my mate. 

The love that shone between them was so bright and illuminated a kind of future I wanted with my own mate: one that's filled with laughter and deep commitment. My parents cherished each other; anyone around could see that clearly.

Memories of my mom's beaming smile and my dad's boisterous laugh swirls in my head as Frankie drives us home. 

They were always so... happy. 

So in love, so warm, so bright. Just... happy.

No, I'm not living in some fairytale dream where I pretend to be blind the imperfections of their lives. Amidst their smiles and laughters, there were the occasional fights. Nothing that ever seemed too major though. Nothing they couldn't get through.

I think that was my favorite thing about their marriage. No matter what came their way, they faced it together and came out on the other side in each other's arms.

They weren't just mates or lovers. They were best friends. And that's what I was hoping to find with my mate.

With Lucca.

The image of my smiling parents in my head morphs into one of me and Lucca. I picture him looking at me the same way my dad used to look at my mom, and my heart twists. I want that. I want him to love me.

What's so bad about me? Huh? Our interactions can be counted on one hand, so there's no way I could've annoyed him enough to drive him away in that amount of time... right?

No, no. Landon said Lucca has hated the idea of mates for a long time; long before he ever even met me.

It's not my fault.

It's not my fault.

...Damn it, it still feels like my fault.