On Sunday, I was busy helping my parents clean the house, so I couldn’t really talk to Nic. I sent a few messages here and there just to make sure he was still replying to me. As in, he hadn’t jumped off a building. That was not a joke. I feared he was about to snap for the last time.

His behavior worried me. His refusal to admit his behavior was something to be worried about was making me even more worried. I hadn’t paid much attention to him before he started harassing me, yes, but I remembered him as a cheerful guy with a laid-back attitude. And that was a month ago.

One measly month, and he had changed completely. My insecure thoughts would’ve blamed myself if it wasn’t for the fact that he seemed to calm down whenever it was just the two of us.

On Monday morning, I arrived at school quite early, but instead of heading inside, I found a quiet spot by the parking lot and leaned against the wall to wait for Nic. I’d never done that before, but I wanted to make sure he was all right. I wanted him to know that I was…

That I was what?

“Fuck you, Gabriel…” I muttered and let out a deep sigh.

Fuck it. Yes, I wanted him to know I was there for him. He didn’t deserve having to battle his inner demons alone. There were demons, all right, but it was clear the people around him had made sure he was incapable of seeking help, accidentally or not.

Rich people problems… I was starting to see the disgusting side of that joke.

I spotted his car entering the parking lot, but I stayed where I was. He was with Jessica, as always. I wondered if she knew what was going on with Nic, and if she was one of those who belittled Nic’s issues. She was from a rich family, too, so maybe she knew better. I hoped so. Nic was spending a lot of time with her, after all.

And that made me curious to meet his friends. Annoyingly enough.

Nice spotted me almost right away, so he bid his farewell to Jessica and headed my way. He was pale as fuck again, and the closer he got, the better I could see the anxiety in his eyes.

“Hi,” I said when he was close enough. “You look like shit.”

“Thanks. You look hot,” he said and tried to smile, but he was tired.

He stopped in front of me, his expression tense and posture weak. I slowly lifted my hand and placed it on his neck.

“Are you free tonight?” I asked.

“Uh-huh…”

“Maybe you should hang out with me. At my place,” I suggested. “We can order pizza or Chinese.”

“Sure,” he said, already looking better. “Morning,” he added, and finally gave me a genuine smile, though it wasn’t a big one.

“Morning,” I muttered back.

Fuck, this guy was crashing…

I kept an eye on him whenever I could as the day went by. He seemed feeling better, less anxious, but he was tired as fuck. I didn’t even have to ask him if he’d gotten any sleep last night because it was clear he hadn’t.

During lunch break, I headed straight up to the rooftop, but he wasn’t there yet. It took him only a few minutes to arrive, and he smiled when he spotted me.

“You should go eat,” I told him.

“I had a big breakfast,” he replied.

“Liar,” I said, and the anxious twitch around his eyes told me I was right.

He stopped next to me, but looked over the city, not me. I let him be for a moment, and just watched him. He was so handsome, but now his features were ruined by dark circles and pale, almost wax-like skin. His jaws were tense, his shoulders were tense, his entire presence was tense. 

I wanted to ease things up a little, so I slowly took the step right next to him, put my arm around his waist, and leaned my head against his shoulder. He turned to look at me and smiled, then wrapped his arm around my back, taking in a deep breath, and planted a kiss on top of my head.

Little by little he relaxed again. His hand never stopped moving on my back, and he gave me a few more kisses as the time went by. Neither of us said a word, but I didn’t mind, and I knew he didn’t either.

Eventually, he turned to face me, and wrapped me into a tight hug, letting out another deep breath. I put my arms around him when he rested his head on my shoulder, ready to hold him for as long as he needed. I didn’t even mind skipping classes if that was what it took to be there for him.

“I want you to bite me,” he suddenly muttered.

I snorted in amusement. “Why?”

“So I can kiss you.”

“You know you can just kiss me, right?”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“You’re so weird,” I muttered, but bit his neck, and didn’t let go.

His entire body immediately reacted to the pain, and a quiet groan escaped his lips. His hold on me grew tighter, and his breathing harder. I smiled at it all and released him. I licked the spot with my teeth marks on it just before he pulled back and kissed me.

Making out with him sure was fun. I’d never thought he’d be the kind of guy who liked it a little rough. Hell, ‘a little’ was an understatement after all the pain I’d made him endure, and he’d returned for more. And the way he kissed me, his touch and movements sometimes turning needy and harsh, then sweet and kind… The balance was just damn near perfect.

I did the thing he enjoyed a lot: I bit his lower lip, and held him still. He let out another groan, and when he looked at me, there wasn’t much tension left. Well, there wasn’t the bad kind of tension left.

And that expression there made me consider something I thought I didn’t need to consider in a very long time: buying lube.

I forced that thought out of my head and let go of him. He smiled and pecked my lips before taking a longer look at me. I studied his expression and liked what I saw. He was much more relaxed now. I just fucking hated the fact that the second the lunch break ended, he would slowly start getting anxious again.

“So you want me to come to your place after school?” he asked.

“Yup. You’ll need to wait for me. By your car this time,” I told him sternly, and he laughed.

“Sure thing,” he said with a smile.

I wondered if that smile was still there after the last class.

Surprisingly it was. Kind of. When I walked across the parking lot to get to Nic, he was already waiting for me, and smiled when he spotted me. It was an extremely tired smile, though. His eyes were watery and red, and he looked like he was barely keeping his eyes open.

“Should you be driving?” I asked.

“Do you have a license?” he asked in return.

“No,” I said, taking a closer look at him. “You look like you’re falling asleep.”

“I’m fine. Really,” he said, and flashed a smile at me when he went to sit behind the wheel.

I peered at the bus stop. I wasn’t that interested in rules and laws, but I was very interested in not ruining anyone’s life. Or getting anyone killed.

“I’m not going to fall asleep,” Nic said when I didn’t move. “I may look like crap, but I’m not that sleepy.”

“Fine, but if I see you getting distracted even for half a second–”

“I’ll stop driving if that happens,” he said reassuringly.

I hesitated for a bit, but eventually sat in his car. I kept a close eye on him while he drove, but I suppose he was telling me the truth, and he only looked like crap. He was driving just fine, and we arrived at my place without any hiccups. 

Nic parked the car on the side of the road, and we made our way up to our house. My parents weren’t home yet, so I searched for my keys and let Nic in.

“I really like your house,” he said while I closed the door. “It feels like a real home.”

His wording got me raising my eyebrows. A real home, huh? A month ago, I would’ve said I’d rather live in a mansion, but now…? No.

“Thanks,” I said as I walked past him. “You’re probably hungry. What do you want to order?”

“Excuse me,” Nice said with a chuckle. “You didn’t eat anything at lunch, either.”

“That shit they serve at school? No thanks. I’d rather starve,” I said, entering my room.

“You’re not wrong,” Nic muttered with a smirk.

“So? What’s it going to be?” I asked, grabbing my phone.

We ended up ordering Chinese. While we waited, I showed Nic around our small house, and we ended up sitting in our backyard.

“Have you thought about the skirt?” Nic asked.

“Nah,” I muttered. “Maybe one day.”

“Have you ever tried wearing a skirt?”

“No. Though…” I trailed off, peering at him. If he didn’t mind the idea of me wearing a skirt… “I do happen to own a pair of very, very tiny shorts.”

He wiggled his eyebrows at me with a smile on his face. “How tiny?”

“Very tiny shorts,” I replied, feeling a bit of blush forming on my face. “I wore them once when no one saw me,” I added quietly.

“I do admit I’m curious to see just how tiny they are on you,” Nic said, but his expression turned serious before he added, “But only if you want to show me.”

I hesitated. It was one thing to wear something so feminine, but my scars… I looked down at my feet. I’d once again covered every inch of my limbs with clothes, and the idea of letting Nic see my scars didn’t feel great. But he’d already seen them, so why was I still being such a wuss?

“Maybe one day,” Nic then said with a gentle smile.

“I… It’s not the shorts…” I muttered. “I…”

I let out a deep sigh. Fuck. Why was it still so hard?

“I get it,” he said quietly, placing his hand on my knee. “Maybe one day.”

I took a deep breath. I was being ridiculous. Nic had already seen my arms. My legs weren’t any worse than that.

So, with that thought in mind, I slowly pulled the leg of my pants enough to reveal my ankle. I did the same to the other leg, and stopped to stare at my scars. Nic still held his hand on my knee. He didn’t flinch away. He didn’t say a word. He just stared at my skin.

Then, slowly, he moved his hand down to touch the scars.

“Can you feel this?” he asked, tracing his fingers across my mutilated skin.

“There are spots where I still can feel it, but it’s mostly too damaged,” I explained, and he nodded slowly.

“I could pay for your skin crafts.”

I leaned back and stared at him with raised eyebrows, holding back my laugh. He noticed it and looked at me.

“What?”

I lost the battle and laughed. “Boy, you’re lucky if I’m letting you pay for my food on our dates!”

“But it would make your life easier,” he said, and I stopped laughing.

This guy wasn’t serious, right?

“You’d honestly pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to pay for my skin crafts?”

He just shrugged.

I shook my head. “Thanks, but no thanks. Besides, I don’t think I want to go through the procedures even if I was a millionaire, to be honest. It’s just… It’s not simple. I’m not in pain, my skin doesn’t make my life harder, so why would I go through it?”

“But it is making your life harder,” he said with a frown.

“No… I’m making my own life harder,” I corrected him. “I could just not care.”

He didn’t reply right away. Instead, he turned to look at my ankles and touched my skin again.

“Maybe I can help you with that?” he then said. “I don’t think these marks are ugly. They’re… They’re just different.”

I smiled at the back of his head and let out a light breath. “Fuck off,” I said with a chuckle.

“I’m serious,” he said and turned to smile at me. “It’s just skin with patterns.”

I rolled my eyes at him in amusement. “Well, I suppose I can accept your way of seeing it.”

“Because it’s true,” he said and sat back up.

I shook my head and awarded him with a kiss. And then the doorbell rang, interrupting our moment. I covered my legs before I got up and went to open the door for the deliverer.

A moment later, we’d occupied the living room and started watching a movie while we ate. We didn’t talk much, mostly because we both were hungry as hell and too busy gobbling up box after box after box. I was glad to see Nic eating with a good appetite. That had to mean he was feeling much better now. 

Once the last piece of food was gone, Nic discarded the box he was holding, and lay down on the couch, using my lap as his pillow.

“Getting comfortable, huh?” I asked and put my box away.

“Yes,” he said with a smirk.

“Well, be my guest, I guess,” I said, but I didn’t actually mind.

His smirk melted into a gentle smile, and he continued watching me. I rested my hand on his chest and brushed the other one through his short hair.

“Did you know,” he muttered slowly, his expression turning serious again, “that Jax the Snake is actually a very sweet–”

I silenced him by slapping my hand over his mouth. “Don’t you dare to finish that sentence.”

He laughed lightly and took that hand in his. “A very sweet murder machine?”

“I am not sweet,” I said sternly.

“Uh-huh.”

“I will bite you,” I told him.

“Promise?” he asked with a wink.

I leaned in to bite the air above his face and hissed through my teeth. Obviously the guy found that hot. Weirdo. Before I knew it, he had pulled me into a kiss, and refused to let me go anytime soon.

So… lube…

I grabbed his hands so I could free myself, then sat up to catch my breath.

“Fuck you, Gabriel,” I said, but laughed.

He just wiggled his eyebrows at me with a smirk on his face. I chose to ignore him as a punishment. For… half a minute. Then I looked back down and saw the guy still watching me with a lazy smile on his face.

“Sweetie.”

I let out a dramatic sigh and rolled my eyes. “Just watch the damn movie.”

He laughed and turned on his side to see the TV. I tried to watch the movie as well, but I couldn’t force myself to get interested in it. Not with Nic right there on my lap. I fought hard, but eventually, I allowed myself to brush my hand through his hair again. He moved a little as a response, making himself comfortable. When I continued playing with his short strands, he closed his eyes with a small smile on his lips.

Fuck… I was smiling too.

And I wasn’t surprised to hear him snoring only a couple of minutes later. I chuckled quietly and continued playing with his hair as gently as I could. I couldn’t get rid of what he’d said about my burn marks. My patterned skin.

“Did you know…” I murmured. “That Nicholas Gabriel is actually quite an amazing guy?”

And that I was so goddamn glad I had given him a chance.