I stood outside Jax’s home, staring at the door with a racing heart. The man in the wheelchair had left it slightly open, but I didn’t dare to go in.

What the fuck happened back there? I’d never seen anyone go so… so… What? What happened?! Did Jax panic? Why? Because of me? Did I do something wrong? Did I come on too strong? I was holding him up against the tree… Fuck…

I waited as patiently as I could, but as the minutes passed by and no one returned to me, I feared they forgot I was here. I had to know if Jax was all right. I wanted to apologize for whatever it was I did to cause this.

“H-hello?” I spoke when I opened the door.

I couldn’t see anyone, but I heard the man in the wheelchair talking somewhere deeper in the house.

“I’m… Is everything all right?” I spoke louder, taking a careful step in.

The man came out of one of the rooms a moment later, laying his eyes on me.

“Thank you for bringing Jax home. He’s calming down now, so you can go,” he told me.

“Is he all right?” I asked, looking at the door where he came out of. “Can I talk to him?”

“I think it’s for the best if you go now,” the man said, and I turned to look at him.

“It was my fault. I did this. But I… I don’t know what happened. We were just… hanging out, and… He… I don’t know, panicked?” I spoke, choosing my words carefully in case Jax didn’t want this man to know what exactly we were doing.

“What happened was not your fault,” the man said quietly. “It just… happened. You only happened to be there. I am grateful you brought him home. Now he can rest.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, still peering at the door. “Please, let me talk to him.”

“I’m afraid that’s not my decision to make,” the man said. “Jax needs to rest now. I’m sure he will talk to you when he’s feeling better.”

Jax didn’t want to talk to me. I looked at the man, feeling something big, bad, and heavy in my chest.

“He will be all right. This is just something that happens every now and then, okay?”

I still didn’t move. My instincts told me not to go anywhere until I could talk to Jax.

“You’re Nicholas, right?”

I peered at the man and nodded.

“I’m Jessie, Jax’s father. I’ll make sure he knows how worried you are,” Jessie promised. “I’ll ask him to call you when he’s feeling better, okay? Then you can talk.”

I knew it was pointless to even try to go talk to Jax for as long as he didn’t want to. I’d only make things worse, so all I could do was take Jessie’s advice and go home to wait for Jax to feel better.

“Tell him I’m sorry. I… In case I did something wrong,” I said quietly.

“I will. Don’t beat yourself up too bad, though. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said gently.

“How do you know?” I muttered.

“He told me why he panicked, and it wasn’t your fault. Trust me,” he said, patting my arm. “Try to get some rest as well. You look like you could use it.”

“Thanks,” I said, glanced at Jax’s door one more time, then left the house.

I did not get any rest that day. I couldn’t focus on anything. I just sat in my room, opening and closing schoolbooks, turning the TV on and off, then went to take a shower, then another one two hours later because I forgot I already took one. And I was constantly staring at my phone.

I could only think of Jax. I needed him to call me. I needed him to send just a tiny message letting me know he was all right. But I heard nothing from him, even after I sent him a text asking if he was all right. And another one.

I didn’t sleep that night either. I kept checking my phone every ten minutes. By the time the morning came, I felt sick. I looked like crap when I saw myself in the mirror. I couldn’t even think about eating.

I was way too early to pick up Jessica. I spent the time waiting for her staring at my phone. After a short battle with myself, I sent another text to Jax, asking if he was feeling better now. By the time Jessica finally showed up, I hadn’t gotten a reply.

“What’s wrong?” Jessica asked with a frown after sitting next to me.

I shook my head. “Morning…”

“Did something happen?”

“No.”

“Something definitely happened. I’m guessing something went wrong with Jax.”

I let out a sigh. “Okay, yeah, something did happen, but… I don’t think Jax would be happy if I told people about it…”

“So it has nothing to do with the bet?”

“No, it’s his private thing,” I muttered.

“Is everything all right?” she asked quietly. “Is he all right?”

“I hope so… I haven’t heard of him since…”

“Is he coming to school today?”

“I…”

I didn’t know, but as the morning went by, it became clear to me that Jax wasn’t coming to school. No matter where I searched, I couldn’t find Jax. I even asked people if they’d seen him, but nothing.

My nervousness grew worse over time. The lunch break arrived, but I still couldn’t even think about eating.

I just wanted to see Jax.

“There’s something I need to do,” I told Jessica when we arrived at the lunch hall. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, should I save you a spot?” she asked, nudging her head toward the lunch hall.

“Nah – this will take longer than that. You have a ride home, right?”

“You’re skipping classes?” 

“I have to go see him,” I breathed out.

“Nic…” she stopped me by grabbing my hand. “You’re falling for him. Forget the bet.”

“I’m not! I just want to make sure he’s fine, that’s all,” I snapped at her, yanked myself free, and stormed out of the building without looking back.

Twenty minutes later, I parked my car in front of Jax’s house. I didn’t waste any time to go ring the doorbell. As I waited for someone to open it, I was getting increasingly anxious. I feared no one would come to the door. I feared Jax would still not want to see me. I feared I’d never see him again.

But the door finally opened, and Jessie looked up at me with curiosity in his eyes.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at school?” he asked.

“I uh… I couldn’t find Jax, so I was wondering if he’s all right,” I said.

“I let him stay at home,” he said slowly. “He is doing well, but he still needs to rest.”

“Please, let me talk to him. He hasn’t answered my texts or anything,” I begged.

“That really isn’t up for me to decide, kiddo,” Jessie said apologetically. “I can go tell him you’re here.”

“Please, thank you,” I mumbled, peering at Jax’s door.

“Give me a moment,” Jessie said and made his way to Jax’s room. “Kid? You have a visitor.”

“Let me guess…”

I was relieved to hear Jax’s voice, no matter how silent it was.

“It’s the Gabriel boy,” Jessie said, opening the door. “You’re giving the poor guy a heart attack. He looks like crap.”

“I don’t care…”

My heart sank at his words. Jessie sighed and peered at me before turning his attention back to Jax.

“And now you’re just breaking his heart. Jax… Just let him know you’re alive and well. He doesn’t believe me.”

“Fine.”

Jessie moved out of the way when Jax suddenly walked out of his room in gray sweats and a big black hoodie, and stopped when his eyes landed on me. He spread his arms.

“See? Alive and well. Now you can piss off.”

“I’m…” His hostility nearly scared my voice away. “I’m sorry… For whatever I did…” I managed to mumble.

He scoffed and shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “You did nothing. Now you can go and leave me the fuck alone.”

I just stared at him. I should’ve left. I should’ve left and gone straight to Caleb and paid him so I could be done with Jax. I didn’t need this. The physical violence was one thing, but this…? I had no reason to put myself through this shit just because of the bet. This was definitely not worth the money. I had half a million lying in my bank account I didn’t even need, for fuck’s sake!

“Then why are you so mad at me?” I asked quietly.

I still couldn’t leave. Not like this.

“Because you weren’t supposed to see me like that,” he finally admitted, his voice still angry, but it was now turning softer.

“What happened back there?”

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Jessie muttered and headed to the backyard.

Jax stared at me until his dad closed the back door behind him. Then he sighed, his posture dropping a little. He looked down at his arms, and then, slowly, he pulled his sleeve up.

I could only stare at his arm. His red, mutilated skin. It took me embarrassingly long to understand it was a burn mark. An old one.

“You were not supposed to see this,” Jax said coldly. “So? You still have hots for me?”

“What happened to you?” I asked as I walked up to him to see his scars closer.

“Survived a house fire,” he said shortly. “Barely.”

“God… I had no idea…” I breathed out, slowly reaching for his arm.

“Really?” he snapped at me, pulling his hand away from me. “You don’t remember me? The freak, Chase Miller?”

I frowned. “No? I… I don’t think so?”

He raised his brows at me.

“Did… Who called you a freak?” I asked, trying to understand or remember what he was talking about.

“Your brother. Kenneth.”

“What?” I breathed out.

“You don’t remember?”

“I… no? What’s going on?” I asked, trying to reach for his hand again, but he stepped back.

“Your brother took one look at my scars and told everyone I’m a freak. A monster,” Jax spoke, his voice now filled with pain and hate. “Because of him, I was bullied until I had to drop out just to get away from it. Your brother made the first few months of high school a living hell for me. Just because of the way I looked.”

The hard, heavy feeling in my chest grew a hundred times worse. Every single word that came out of his mouth made me feel worse, and worse, and by the time he’d stopped speaking, I felt like I was suffocating.

“Still doesn’t ring a bell?” he hissed.

“No… I’m sorry… I… I don’t remember any of that,” I whispered. “And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what he did. I… I can’t believe he…”

“Well, he did. Now, can you just fuck off?”

I wanted to beg him to let me stay. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to hear everything that had happened to him. I wanted to understand, and I wanted to do something to make him feel better. Anything.

And I wanted to strangle my own brother.

“I don’t want to leave,” I admitted quietly. “But if… If you don’t want me here… I don’t want you to be mad at me, either. If you need space… I guess… If you really want me to leave…”

Fuck… I understood why he hated me…

“Stop looking at me like you’re a goddamn lost puppy,” he said, the sharpness of his voice gone.

I tried to smile. “I’m glad you’re all right now… You scared the crap out of me yesterday…”

He let out the deepest sigh, then uncrossed his arms. “I have panic attacks. If you tell anyone about it–”

“I know. You’ll kick my ass,” I said. “I’ll never tell anyone about it.”

“Or about my scars,” he said in a threatening voice.

“I would never do that. I promise,” I said.

He glared at me, but I tried to gather all my bravery to reach for his hand again. This time, he let me take it in mine, and I took a closer look at his burned skin. The scars were big and ugly. Most of his arm was covered in it, with only a few spots of unharmed skin here and there.

“You were in a house fire?” I asked quietly, brushing my thumb over his fingers.

“When I was a kid,” he muttered. “My entire family died.”

“What…?” I breathed out in shock and looked up at him.

There was only sadness left in his eyes.

“I’m adopted. Miller was my family name,” he explained, looking away from me. “It was a long time ago…”

“I’m so sorry…” I murmured, gently pulling him into a hug. And he let me hold him. “I’m so goddamn sorry…”

“It’s fine,” he murmured, hugging me back.

“And I’m really sorry about what my brother did. I–”

“Look,” he muttered, pulling back to see my face. “That was mean of me. You were still in middle school. Of course you don’t remember. You weren’t even there when it happened.”

“But it was my brother–”

“Your older brother. You’re not in any way responsible for what he did,” Jax said. “I was being a dick. You didn’t deserve that.”

I wanted to argue, but since he wasn’t mad at me anymore, I took it. “Now I understand why you hate my family so much. And… me.”

“I don’t…” he mumbled, then sighed. “I don’t hate you. You wouldn’t be here if I did.”

“Good,” I said quietly, hugging him again. “But… What does this have to do with what happened yesterday?”

“Oh… Uh… You… Didn’t see my scars?” he asked, sounding timid all of a sudden.

“No?” I muttered. “I don’t think so?”

He was silent for a moment, then let out a heavy sigh. “Fuck’s sake…”

“I mean, I saw your wrist, but I didn’t see anything weird,” I said when I remembered taking a look at it out of curiosity, but he’d yanked his hand away too fast.

“Right…” he mumbled, taking a step away from me. “So I was being a complete freak show for no reason…”

“You’re not a freak show. You’re not a freak,” I said sternly. “You’re Jax the snake, the guy who bites your head off if you look at him wrong,” I said, hoping to bring up the mood.

“Ever wondered why?” he asked quietly, stepping to his room.

I now understood why he always acted so hostile…

“Fuck… I’m sorry Jax, for everything you’ve been through,” I muttered, carefully following him.

“Whatever,” he said dismissively, glancing at me over his shoulder. “You look like crap.”

“I’ve… had trouble sleeping,” I muttered.

“You should go get some rest,” he suggested.

“I’d rather stay here with you, if that’s all right?” I said.

“Sure,” he said, and suddenly pushed me to sit on his bed. “But we both need to rest.”

“Are you all right?” I asked as I watched him lay down on the bed, taking the spot right next to the wall.

“I’m fine now, but… I didn’t sleep much, either,” he muttered. “I was… Worried.”

“Why?” I asked, carefully lying down next to him.

“That… You’d take one look at my scars and…” he trailed off, not really looking at me. “That you’d think I’m hideous…” he added in a whisper.

“No. Never,” I breathed out, resting my hand on his arm. “You’re beautiful, Jax. Everything about you is beautiful.”

He snorted in disbelief. “You haven’t even seen all of it.”

“How… How bad did you get burned?” I asked.

“My arms… My legs… There are spots on my chest, too,” he spoke quietly.

“Can I… see them?” I asked.

He took a good look at me, then slowly moved his hoodie up to reveal his stomach. The marks weren’t as bad there, for what I could tell. I touched his chest, a spot where his skin was darker and wrinkly.

“I can’t even imagine the pain…” I whispered. “And you lost your family…”

“Let’s not go there,” he said, and pulled his hoodie back down. “My legs look just as bad as my arms, if you want to know.”

I tried to imagine the horrors he had gone through. I couldn’t. I knew I couldn’t even begin to understand the pain and fear he must’ve felt. And he lost his entire family…

“I’m so sorry for everything,” I said once again as I held him gently.

“I survived,” he muttered.

But the scars were still there. And not just the physical ones. Now I understood Jax. I understood why he was the way he was. I understood his hate and anger.

And my fucking God, I hated my brother at that moment.