“So.” Jamie pulls her purple waves of hair into place, readying the strands for a top-of-the-head bun situation. “It all begins tomorrow.” 

“Can you not do this?” I flick the tie from her fingers just before she can secure that absolutely ridiculous hairdo.

“So fucking rude-”

“You were trying to start shit!” I shoot her a glare just in time to catch the evil smirk tugging her thin lips over those perfectly flossed teeth. 

“Since when is talking about swimming starting shit?” She feigns innocence with a wide brown stare, and I swear I see tiny devils floating in the lighter specks sprinkled across her irises. 

“Because.” I huff and turn my back to her while pretending to organize the gel pens we bought this morning that’re already positioned in rainbow order on my desk. “The beginning of swim season always sucks elephant balls.” 

“Alright, Maya.” Her snort is muffled by the sleeve of her favorite blue hoodie while she attempts to hide not only that, but the deep laugh immediately following. “You need an attitude adjustment.” 

“You sound like Scott.”

“Well...he is a brilliant man.” 

“Ew, stop.” I toss the pink pen across the room at her for even mentioning my swim coach, but it lands on the bedspread instead.  

Jamie keels over laughing at the terrible miss. “Good thing you swim,” she mumbles while she adjusts her position in the beanbag chair on my floor. “Your hand-eye coordination is abysmal.”

“Ooooh, is that your word of the day?” The English Major in me is instantly distracted by her use of fancy language. 

“Nuh uh-yesterday’s.” She shrugs, tugging lightly on the jean shorts that fit loosely around her slim, pale thighs. “Didn’t get a chance to use it since we didn’t hang out.” 

“Ouch.” I cringe at that jab. I had to go to a mandatory swim team meeting yesterday, which cut into the time when Jamie and I usually do homework together. I despised having to miss our Saturday afternoon cram session. We like to get some stuff out of the way so we can enjoy the night. But then there was the team dinner after the dumb meeting, and later I had to attend a freshmen meet and greet at the ice cream shop in town that was so awkward I think I died a little. They’re all either way too outgoing or creepily shy.

“Mm.” Jamie’s pointy nose twitches to signal the beginning of a small smile forming. “Tough love.” 

“Wouldn’t expect anything else.”

She doesn’t linger on the topic of swimming, which is expected. Jamie knows how I feel, at least to some extent. We went through this whole thing last year as freshmen. The start of the season with Scott is always intimidating, no matter how much you think you’re prepared or in shape for it. He changes his approach to training yearly, but not his attitude. To say I feel rather sour towards the guy would be a vast understatement. 

Some of it has to do with Jamie and why she quit swimming. Although she’d never say it, I know Scott is part of the reason. From what I witnessed last year, he didn’t do monkey dick to support her when she was going through all that shit. But neither did the men’s team. At least, not as a whole. Seth tried to help, but by the time he figured out what was happening, it was much too late to fix things. 

I sneak a peek at my phone to check the time when Jamie hops up to head to the bathroom down the hall. She likes coming to my dorm since it’s quiet and I’ve got myself a single room with air conditioning. She scored herself a single with AC as well, but not on my quad. It’s her goal to qualify for this housing next year. You have to have a 3.8 GPA or better and thrive on quiet, awkward floormates. Which we both do. She’s just working on getting her grades up after last year. It was a rough second semester, but she made it through. She’s a genius, in my opinion. With math and all the other things I’m not good at that involve numbers of any kind. 

“Hey.” A familiar voice sounds nearby, and I look up just in time to catch a glimpse of Ethan’s grin forming in the open doorway. 

“You’re on call tonight?!” I fling myself off my bed and hurtle straight into his chest for my dose of Ebean hugs. 

“Ahuh.” He laughs softly while I poke his abs over his bright red RA polo. 

“You’ve been working out!”

“Ah, geez-”

“Can I see?!” My hands are already lifting his shirt when Jamie snorts into existence at his shoulder. 

“Jesus, Maya. Leave the guy alone.” She intercepts me with ease, keeping my wrists in her hold while they both laugh about it. “Damn, is it already eight?!” Her eyes flicker half-closed while a deep groan is pulled from her throat. 

“Yup, I’m on the first round now.” Ethan sends her a tight smile while attempting to ignore my bare foot inching up his calf.

“So toned-”

“That’s it-you’re going in timeout!” Jamie ducks and scoops me up in one quick motion. She stomps us back into my room while Ethan’s smooth giggles echo from the hall.

“Seeya!” He whisper-yells on his way to continue checking all the dorms on our quad. 

“Jamjam, put me the hell down before I-!”

“What?!” Her cheeks flush a light pink and she gasps out a chuckle right in my face as she carries me like a fucking infant. “What’re you gonna do Mini M-?”

“No.” My pointer finger smushing the tip of her nose cuts off that mule’s cock of a nickname. I may be barely five feet small, but that doesn’t mean I can’t kick some ass when so inclined. No matter that she’s strong as heck and almost a foot taller than me.

“Merrr…” That weird-ass purring noise she tends to make sounds through her pursed lips until I release the pressure from her nose. “Where to for timeout?” She asks as if I’m not near-fuming about this.

“I’m not doing timeout.” 

“You were getting handsy.” She smirks and tilts her slender face a bit further from mine as her skin darkens to a pale red. “Very handsy-”

My huff of annoyance interrupts her teasing, and I find myself relieved that the pigment covering my cheeks hides the otherwise obvious reaction to...anything Jamie.

“But I know he doesn’t mind it,” I mumble while I force my eyes to examine the blank wall I have yet to cover with posters. “I’ve asked to be sure and everything, and he insisted it’s okay.” I release a small squeak when her hold around my legs tightens so I don’t slip out. “You were even there when I asked-!”

“And footsy.”

“Fine!” I kick my feet to show I mean business. “Bed.” 

Jamie’s still chuckling about my attitude while I get in position with my palms pressed stiffly against the bedspread by my hips. The mattress bounces when she joins me, eyes squinting in mock examination of this absurd punishment pose.

“I just want Ethan to feel good about himself,” I mutter under my breath, shifting my legs so I can rest my chin on my knees while I’m in timeout from touching people. “He lost so much weight last year, I just…he looks amazing now that he’s not skin and bones.”

“I know.” Jamie’s voice cracks, and she twitches to pull her hoodie sleeves over her hands. “I was just kidding with you, so…” She trails off and attempts to clear her throat away from that harsher tone she detests. “It’s good to see him laugh like that, I...don’t think I’ve ever heard it.” 

“Ethan’s got the best giggle spells, you just gotta poke them out of him.” 

Jamie smiles even though she’s trying to hide it with her covered palms. I hate when she does that.

“Wanna watch a movie?” I ask, gently tapping my fingers against the soft blanket.

“Don’t you have morning practice?”

“Shush!” I snap, faking a glare as she rolls back on my pillow with a snort. “We gotta stay up to see Ethan on his second round.” 

“That’s in three hours.”

“And I care?” 

“Right…” Jamie’s jaw tenses while she attempts to keep her grin tucked behind her sleeves. 

“Don’t,” I blurt without thinking. 

My hands curl into fists as her black brows furrow at my sudden mood shift. “Maya…?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Wait.” Jamie’s gaze shifts to my checkered gray bedspread as she hoists herself up towards me. “Okay, go.” 

She won’t look at me now. I gulp and rest my hands on my knees since it seems this timeout is over. “You don’t have to hide your expressions when you’re with me.” 

Jamie’s breath catches, but she keeps her eyes pinned to the faded cotton fibers. “I know,” she whispers, a bit hoarsely. “It’s just become a habit.” 

I nod, and the movement causes her to glance at my face. 

“You’re very expressive,” she murmurs, the hint of a grin twitching the corners of her mouth. 

“Psh.” I give her shoulder a half-assed shove, but immediately freeze when cold fingers encircle my wrist. “Fuck, I’m sorry!” Jamie doesn’t like to be touched. I try to pull away, but she holds on, gently, but firmly enough that I can’t get out. 

“It’s alright,” she says, her voice slightly coarse as that dark brown gaze flits between my eyes. “I think it’s best if I just explain. I don’t want you feeling like you can’t-it’s just kind of unbearable to think you’re editing yourself down around me.” 

My throat fucking closes at that, and she instantly knows I’m dying a little bit while I listen to her breath shuddering around an inhale. 

“My dad insisted on taking a bunch of photos when we went to New York this summer, and...I mean, you know how he’s trying to be proud about all this…” She pauses to force out a raw chuckle, and shakes her head to herself as her eyes fall back to the bedspread. “I was looking through them, and...ack-” Her hoodie bunches into a fist pressed against her mouth. “I’m still finding certain things, like...angles and the way my chin juts when I-” Her mumbling stops abruptly when her gaze lands on my face. “It’s all too masculine.” 

Oh. My neck tenses when her stare narrows on mine. But…I don’t…

“I’ve been practicing in the mirror, but that gets to be too much pretty quickly.” She forces a shallow laugh out into the room that sends a chill straight to my skin.

I don’t see you that way.

“I’m down for a movie, but it has to be animated.” Her voice curves in that slightly southern lilt when she slides off my bed and starts rummaging around my desk for a laptop. “I’m in the mood for something funny, but also sad, like…” She trails off while she waits for the screen to load. 

To me, you’ve always just been…this. Jamie. 

“Is your password still ‘buttmole’ with a zero instead of-?”

“Yup.” I sigh and start scanning the room for wherever the hell I put my headphones.

“It’s not working.” Jamie chuckles before she peers at me over her shoulder. 

“Capital B.” 

~

Jamie falls asleep halfway through the second viewing of Up, and it takes every ounce of coordination I can muster not to accidentally kick her off my bed while I maneuver myself from under the covers. Gotta pee. 

“Ebeans!” I hiss as soon as I spot him in the stairwell on his way to my floor. 

Ethan’s dark eyes pop, and he jogs up the last couple steps. “Go to sleep!” He orders in a whisper, watching me closely while I dry my hands on my shorts. “You’ve got practice in six hours!”

“Meh.” I dismiss that moose poop of a reality check with a flick of my wrist and wave him forward. “Come hug me.” 

He obliges, closing our distance in less than a second before he pulls me into a sweet smelling hold. “How’re things going with Jamie?” He asks so softly, I barely hear it.

I make a small grunting noise while I nuzzle into the polo covering his chest. It’s warm from the August night air and his very existence. “Do we use the same deodorant?” 

“Maya…”

“I wear men’s ‘cause it actually works, but I can’t remember the name of-”

“Is she doing okay?” He gently tugs my messy bun until I tilt off him. 

“She’s asleep,” I mutter, nodding towards the door down the hall I only half-closed so as not to be too loud when I rushed to the toilet a few minutes ago.

Ethan’s smile is forced, and I know there’s more he wants to say than the quick, “You should go to sleep, too,” he murmurs before leading me towards my room.