Chapter 8 

-Percy-

The real reason I can’t sleep in Emmanuel’s room with him is because I’m afraid. I’m too vulnerable when sleeping, and obviously I know that Emmi wouldn’t attack me, but it’s happened before and waking up with someone trying to claw your eyes out is not an experience I’d like to repeat.

And the other reason is because I’m afraid of what Emmanuel might see.

I get nightmares. Of course I get nightmares. And they’re pretty bad. I talk in my sleep, I cry, I thrash around, sometimes I scream…anyway it’s not a pretty sight and I don’t want to freak Emmanuel out.

But luckily, he finds a small spare room which doesn’t have an inhabitant in currently. We have a pretty awkward goodnight at the door which involves him looking like a kicked puppy who wants a goodnight kiss and me also kind of wanting to give him a smooch, but in the end we just wave at each other awkwardly as I close the door on my mate.

Very awkward, I’ll probably have nightmares about this exact moment later tonight. 

As soon as I’ve locked the door, I sit down on the bed and take off my trousers so that I can detach my right leg. I don’t sleep with it attached because that is seriously uncomfortable, so instead I just…leave it on the floor next to my bed.

Regarding the metal port with disgust, I sigh, closing my eyes. My right leg is such a mess. Or what remains of it is, anyway. It got…crushed? Ripped? Twisted? All of the above and more. The rogue alpha was deliberately targeting my right leg; he was putting all of his attacks into disabling me.

Well, it worked. 

Sighing again, I trace my fingers across the extensive scar tissue of my right thigh before taking off my jacket and climbing in to bed. I’m not sure how long I’m asleep for before I wake up again. My heart is pounding, my breathing fast and my face wet with tears. 

I really hope I didn’t scream.

I dreamt of that fight; the one where I lost my leg. I should’ve known that thinking a lot about it right before going to sleep was a terrible idea, but I still did it anyway. I sit up, resting my head in my hands and feeling a few residual tears slip down my cheeks. 

I let out a shaky breath, gripping the duvet tightly whilst I try and calm down. When someone knocks on the door, I practically jump out of my skin. Taking a few deep breaths, I hobble out of bed, not bothering to attach my leg again; it’ll take longer than whatever this random person wants.

Only, when I unlock the door, it isn’t a random wolf. It’s my mate. 

“Um. Hi,” he says after a moment where I can’t tell whether he’s trying not to stare at the mangled remains of my leg or the rest of me, considering that once again I’m not wearing trousers. 

“Hey,” I say quietly before clearing my throat again so that I can pretend that a clogged throat was the reason for my obviously wobbly voice. Emmanuel is standing in the middle of my doorway whilst I’m leaning against the doorframe to keep myself upwards, which means that my right leg is completely on show, because I’m leaning against the wall on my left side because the door opens inwards with the hinges on the right side.

“So…are you ok?” He asks after a pause, running his hand through his hair. I stare at him, contemplating lying and saying that I’m fine, or telling him the truth. That I had a nightmare. That should be fine, right? But I don’t want him to ask any follow-up questions…

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask in return, hoping to avoid a question by asking my own one instead. Emmanuel stares at me, looking straight into my eyes until I look away. 

“I felt it. I may not be able to feel your emotions that strongly but whatever happened…it was enough to wake me up. So, I’ll ask again. Are you ok? And just be honest with me Percy, because if you want me to leave then I will. But I’d prefer to know if something is up than just worry without knowing.”

I slowly drag my gaze back up to his, where I shake my head slowly. “I’m not ok. I don’t sleep well because of nightmares. I had another one.”

Emmi looks surprised that I told him, and honestly, I’m surprised too. But he does seem worried, so…

“Today has been a lot. A lot for us both. I’ll see you in the morning, ok,” I say after a moment when my mate doesn’t reply. He nods reluctantly, clearly wanting to ask me something but I don’t intend on giving him the chance. 

Instead, I close the door before properly saying goodbye. I can feel his mood waver through the bond; he didn’t like that. And I shouldn’t have done it; it was rude but right now I just…I just can’t. And then a thought occurs to me. 

This was the first time someone ever checked on me after a nightmare. 

Maybe Emmanuel isn’t as cold as he seems.

—————

-Emmanuel-

It was obvious that he’d been crying again. Plus, his voice was wobbly and his hands were shaking a little. He was really going through it; whatever happened in his nightmare really got to him.

I don’t sleep well after that. Every time I’m beginning to fall asleep, I wake myself up trying to check on Percy through the bond. He isn’t feeling as frantic as earlier, but he isn’t exactly calm either. I must fall asleep at some point though, because when I wake up again he seems to have calmed down enough that I can’t feel it through the bond.

If we were more emotionally close then I would be able to tell how he was feeling better. 

But we aren’t close. And that’s my fault; all those horrible things I said to him were literally just yesterday. Give it time. Today is only the second day, I remind myself. 

When most wolves mate quickly, things aren’t as messy as they are between us. Because things with us are really fucking messy. 

But that’s alright…we can sort this. We can make it through the mess…I want to make it through the mess. 

I don’t do emotional relationships. They’re too complicated and hard to maintain. I don’t do emotional relationships. 

But I’m willing to try for Percy’s sake.