Yuri

I woke up with a start. Half of my pillow was soaking wet.

I wiped the tears off my face. I hadn’t thought that deeply about my first love in years. For the first time in a while, I wondered how she was doing.

Hell, I didn’t even get to learn her name back then. After the incident in the classroom, I was never able to find her again.

Getting out of bed to stretch, I noticed that something felt…different. I used to avoid thinking about her because it’d sour my mood for the rest of the day. After she disappeared, I spent a large part of middle school avoiding girls. I was scared that I’d end up losing another person in my life if I got too close to them.

Despite that, here I am thinking about her without any side effects.

Whatever the reason is, I’m grateful for it. If she hadn’t helped me that day, I don’t think I could’ve moved on from my grandma’s passing. It felt so nice to hear someone tell me that it’s okay to cry. My grandpa’s a stoic man himself, but the rest of my family is traditional. They think you’re less of a man if they ever see you crying.

With a family like that, it’s only natural that I’d try to handle my sadness alone.  Despite that, there was something that felt special about crying with someone by my side. There was a warmness to her, and the fact that it came from a stranger made her kindness seem genuine.

A stranger I had feelings for, but the same rules apply!

Maybe this is what it’s like to move on.

That miniscule crush helped me whenever I’d think about love and my ideal type.

I simply wanted someone who was genuine yet kind.

That was all.

She was a short blip in my life, but I’ll never forget her. I could be exaggerating here, but the kindness she showed me might be what love really is, even platonically.

I looked outside my window, staring at the house across the street. Before passing out, I had just been talking to the girl that lived over there. I didn’t know what happened between her and Sora this afternoon, but I didn’t care.

I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes I made in the past. I know now that time flies, and that I shouldn’t hesitate in trying to get to know her. She may have just moved here, but that also means she might disappear just as fast.

Sarang knows exactly how that feels. She opened up to me today. She thinks we’ll still know each other years from now and wants to stay friends with me. I don’t know if that kiss was on purpose or not, but I don’t want to risk ruining something special by overthinking it.

The last thing I want to do is mistake her kindness for affection, no matter how nice my first kiss was.

That’s right.

I just need to focus on our friendship.

Nothing more, and nothing less.

???

I don’t get love. I mean, the concept is pretty simple, right?

You like the way someone looks or acts, and your brain chemicals decide that this human is perfect for mating or something.

What? I’m wrong?

You shouldn’t trust me. I barely even passed biology!

I’ve never had to worry about being loved. That’s been a fact from the day I was born. Sis would always try and get our parents’ attention, but the bulk of that attention would come to me no matter how hard she tried.

Traditionally, the position of the Jin Group’s head would be given to the firstborn son, but with the political and social changes going on in the world, my parents decided that in order to seem like a more progressive business conglomerate, it’d be more advantageous to let my sister start taking over after she’s finished with school.

Despite believing that on the surface, I saw the cracks in my parents’ armor from a young age.

My father desperately wanted a son. Anyone that knew him could tell you that. He’s even mentioned it in old TV interviews. He was so desperate for one that he took my mother on a second honeymoon shortly after my sister was born. Less than a year later, the son of Jin Hyunwoo and younger brother to Jin Nari—that’s me! —came into the world.

I was born prematurely and had several health complications as a young child. The doctors noticed that my skin was bluer than it should’ve been, and I was immediately rushed to the emergency room. Without any time to get used to the world outside the womb, surgery was done on my heart to help fix the defect.

The surgery was successful, but I was still a weak baby. Unlike my sister, I rarely ever cried. That weak baby grew into a quiet child whose best friend was his nebulizer. My condition seemed to grow worse every day, so our parents would spend more time with me. My sister was neglected in the process, so I always felt guilty whenever I’d see her in her room playing alone.

Surprisingly, my health situation improved, but it was too late for our parents to change their relationship with my sister. They continued to spoil me, and by the time my sister was eight, she had already given up on trying to get their attention.

Instead, she was turned into a chess piece to be used for the sake of our family.

The Jin Group and SK Entertainment shared several interests both politically and economically, and it just so happened that Kim Sungmin, the CEO of said group had a young son the same age as the Jin Group’s daughter.

I didn’t understand at the time, but my sister was happy. She had always been smart for her age. Sis knew she was being used, but it also meant that our family still saw her as useful.

Maybe that’s why her love for Sora felt off to me.

Maybe that’s why love in general seems forced to me.

Even at a young age, I never had a problem getting attention. Growing up with my parents’ overbearing love, having strangers do the same to me scared me. At first it had to do with me being smaller and weaker than most people my age.

I hated feeling vulnerable, but I’d been treated like a glass doll from the day I was born. I wasn’t allowed to do sports, and from what I heard in rumors, I gave off a vibe that made others want to protect me.

The stuffed teddy I carried around probably didn’t help with that image, but I’ll explain that some other time.

Once middle school began, that’s when I started flourishing socially. I made an InstaCracker account and follower count skyrocketed!

People at school and online were interested in me now!

The attention that used to frighten me as a child soon became my addiction.

Upperclassmen. Lowerclassmen.

It didn’t matter.

I’ve been confessed to by so many girls just because I happened to win the genetic lottery. My father’s a handsome man, and my mother used to win beauty pageants when she was younger.

I get that the girls approaching me apparently have feelings for me, but there’s nothing that seems to make these girls distinct from one another.

Oh, you like listening to Tangban? So did Ahyoung.

Wow, you drink coffee with less sugar and stay up all night watching TV? That’s so quirky and random!

It’s like I’ve been dating clones of the same girl for years!

Isn’t there supposed to be a moment where the person I’m with is supposed to feel important to me? I know that romantic feelings can develop over time, but it’s hard to believe something you haven’t experienced yourself, even if you hear about it constantly. That’s why I read so much romance on my own. Experiencing it through someone else’s eyes gives me that glimmer of hope that I’ll get to feel it for myself one day.

Is there something wrong with me?

At times like this, I really envy you Yuri. You say that your middle school crush is the reason why you abstain from falling in love, but I’ve always seen that as an excuse. Despite rejecting the girls who approach you, I can still see that light in your eyes. From what I hear, you always politely reject the girls—and sometimes the occasional guy—then stay with them if they start to cry. You make me seem so cold in comparison!

You act like you’re afraid of love, but you still treat the people that like you with care.

Your desire to fall in love never disappeared.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the Jin Nari, my frigid older sister, standing beside you with tear streaks still visible on her face. Sis isn’t the type of person who cries in public. Hell, she usually has a strong grip on her emotions.

I didn’t know what you could’ve said or done to reduce her to that state, but a certain blue-eyed guy came to mind. She was always weak when it came to him.

During the ride home I asked, “Hey Sis, what’d you and Yuri talk about?” We didn’t have the best relationship because of our parents, but that didn’t mean I could ignore my only sister while was feeling vulnerable.

With her usual confidence she said, “I let my emotions get the better of me.” She started twirling a part of her hair with her index finger. “It slipped my mind for a second that he and Sora had an antagonistic relationship, so when he asked me why I loved him, I broke down a little bit.”

I didn’t buy that. “Even then, that’s just not like you to cry in public like this.”

Sis looked at me with the sad smile reminiscent of our childhood.

“Even if you try to resist it, love can make you do the craziest things.”

There goes that word again.

Love.

I tried arguing against it. “If it hurts so much, then why are you still in love with Sora? He avoids you constantly and never treats you with respect.”

Sis shook her head. “I don’t care about that. He may avoid me, but that at least means he’s still aware of me. To really break my heart, he would have to forget about me entirely.”

I could feel the pain in her eyes, and it hurt me knowing that there was nothing I could do to change that. My sister had been deprived of love for most of her life, and the one person to give her any had abandoned her. I wanted her to be happy, but I couldn’t think of anything I could do to help.

Then comes that new girl.

Sarang.

Even as an outsider, I could see her effect on both Sora and Yuri. The blonde prince of the school’s mask had been slipping up often, and I knew that my sister could see this as well. I’ve seen him running up to her in the mornings to talk while checking around for someone else. He’d only approach her when Yuri wasn’t around, but that was enough to tell me what was going on in his head.

I’d be lying if I said she wasn’t affecting me too.

Sure, I’m a little attracted to her, but I’d be a bad friend if I tried something when it’s obvious that my best bro likes her too. In the end, it doesn’t make a big difference to me.

This world has plenty of other girls for me to play around with.

Yuri’s so obvious when it comes to Sarang. It’s gotten to the point where every lunch period, I’ll walk past their classroom and see the two of them talking. Today was no different from those other days.

I could feel myself starting to smile. I’ve been bored of the girls who’ve been texting me lately, and I think I just found my new form of entertainment. With my sandwich in hand, I walked through the second-year hallway until I made it to class 2-C.

I entered the classroom—

Yuri

—and saw Haru walking towards my desk. I hadn’t talked to him in a while if you didn’t count the occasional PINE messages we sent each other.

“Hey Yuri!” He looked between Sarang and I. A devilish smirk appeared on his face, making the smile on mine drop. “You’ve been pretty busy talking to your new girlfriend, haven’t you?”

Haru pat me on the back, and I tried to read Sarang’s expression before responding to him. She still had her usual smile, but this time, her face was burning red with embarrassment.

She spoke before I could. “We’ve just been talking about some of the webcomics we like.” The blush was still there. I mentally took deep breaths to try and calm myself. Don’t think too hard about it. Don’t do it!

Haru saw the opportunity and took it. “Really? Did this guy tell you that I’m the one who started him off with Dairy in the Snare?”

Sarang’s eyes lit up. “I love that one! The characters were twisted, but that just made me love them more.”

Haru paused. “You like twisted characters? You seem like the kind of person who reads a story for a happy ending.”

She nodded. “I get that a lot. This might sound a little weird to you guys, but I like reading about characters that are more than just balls of sunshine.”

“That’s a little ironic coming from you,” I chimed in.

Sarang giggled. “I know!" She pretended to look around her. “Since no authors happen to be here, I’ll also add that I sometimes feel a tiny bit jaded when I can predict the end of a story.” She leaned in closer to us, and we leaned in as well. “I love the unexpected. I love mysteries. I love things that make me think, rather than things that do the thinking for me.” Her head tilted slightly to the right. “Does that make sense?”

Haru nodded. “I get that, but instead of stories, it’s more like my life.” His usual smile fell away, and his expression was uncharacteristically serious. “I talk to people every day, laugh at their jokes, and—not to be shallow or anything—a lot of people would agree that I’ve got plenty of friends.” We chuckled at his humble brag and waited for him to continue.

“The thing is, I don’t think of it that way. I hate it when life feels too monotone. I hate meeting the same kinds of people. I hate wasting energy getting to know someone, only to find out that I’ve practically gotten to know hundreds of people just like them. I’m tired of it, and I don’t know what to do to try and fix that feeling.”

In a distantly familiar gesture, Sarang wrapped her arms around Haru in a hug. Frozen in place, it looked like he didn’t know how to respond to this sudden act of kindness.

With a tone that could’ve easily been mistaken for an angel’s, Sarang whispered, “It’s okay. Opening up about it is usually the first step. You may not have all the answers you need yet, but if you practice talking like this, I’m sure you’ll have no problem getting where you need to go.” Haru looked her in the eyes and silently nodded at her advice.

Some of the people around us noticed the hug, and I could sense the murmurs of rumors being created. Nearly a month had gone by since the situation with Clover, and after experiencing that, I didn’t want the two people closest to me to experience the same thing.

Surprising everyone, I opened my arms and pulled the two of them into a hug with me. My cheeks burned, but the look on my face must’ve helped cheer Haru up because he started laughing.

“Hey! I know I’m good-looking and all, but Yuri, you’re just not my type!” The three of us started laughing even harder. The stares of the students around us didn’t faze us one bit.

I then made the mistake of looking Sarang in the eye. Our foreheads had been touching, but now that I was paying attention to it, I could feel my heart beating faster and faster at the thought of being so close to her.

I didn’t know what could be going through her mind, but I secretly hoped that she felt the same way.

“What are you idiots doing?” I sighed at the sound of Pinkie’s voice.

Arms crossed and standing next to our desks, Pinkie looked at all of us, giving an especially nasty glare to Sarang.

I couldn’t shake this bad feeling that something was about to change for all of us.