***

Sebastian took place at the small table and looked at the sad vegetable stew on his plate. “Is this the first course?” he asked.

The mother, whose name he hadn’t learned yet, looked at him with stern eyes. “As if you would finish even one. I don’t understand how you have no appetite at your age, but still managed to grow like weed.”

No appetite? He had a legendary appetite. But this gangly body in which he was trapped for now apparently cared little for food. Without commenting, he began to eat. From the corner of one eye, he spied on Princess Tani. She was fiddling with a magical item that looked like a thin rectangular box. She kept tapping on it and giggling from time to time.

“I said ‘no phone at the table’,” the mother said sternly.

Ah, so that was the phone Tani was talking about. And he seemed to have one of his own. That was the sort of thing he would have to examine at length later.

The food was not much to look at, but it had just the right amount of flavor. However, the portion on his plate proved to be unsatisfying. He would just have to wait for the second course once everyone finished theirs.

“Do you want seconds?” the mother asked him.

Confused, he looked at her.

“I’ll fill up your plate again just to witness the wonder,” she said and grabbed his empty plate.

Oh, that was what she meant by ‘seconds’. It wasn’t like him to eat so much of the same food, but it appeared that this family was down on their luck. Maybe the only wealth they still had was the hot spring underneath the building.

His quest couldn’t be to solve this family’s problems. Therefore, as soon as he could be alone with the magical item called ‘phone’, he would start figuring out what to do to lift the curse and return to his world.

“Tani, help me wash the dishes,” the mother warned the princess just as they were about to finish.

They were so pitifully poor, Sebastian thought. They had no one to wash the dishes, either.

“How come Kai doesn’t ever have to help you?”

“He breaks everywhere he puts his hands on. I don’t want to budget new plates this month,” the mother said.

Oh, so the original owner of this pathetic body was a klutz. However, Sebastian took offense at that. “I beg your pardon. I am perfectly capable of doing that.”

He had never washed dishes, but he had seen the kitchen wenches using large buckets with soapy water to clean them. How difficult could it be? He had slain dragons!

“All right. Let me see you place the plates in the dishwasher without breaking one while not forgetting to hit the correct button,” the mother said. She linked her fingers and placed her chin on them.

She was no longer young, and she seemed tired, but Sebastian liked her for some unfathomable reason. He was no good with mothers because he had never been close to one. Maybe that was the reason why he liked her.

“What is a dishwasher?” he asked.

The mother threw her hands in the air and began grabbing the plates from the table. She was shaking her head and muttering something under her breath. Sebastian followed her with his eyes as she opened a strange drawer and placed the plates inside.

“Are you watching, my helpless children?”

Sebastian looked attentively. Apparently, this family was in charge of multiple magical items, and he had been wrong, after all. Of course, the scarcity of food still had to be taken into consideration.

The mother pushed a button, and the dishwasher began making a strange noise. Sebastian looked with intense interest. Was that thing going to spit back clean plates?

“When it finishes its cycle, one of you,” the mother pointed sternly at him and the princess, “remember to take them out and put them back into the cupboard.”

“I will stay here until it does,” Sebastian said.

The mother gave him a crossed look. “For one hour and a half?”

Sebastian felt rightfully taken aback. That was some slow-moving magic. A kitchen wench would be much more efficient, but this family couldn’t afford one. Probably, they had no food to spare. That had to be the reason.

“Very well.” He stood stiffly. “I will return.”

How would he be able to tell the time? He hadn’t noticed the presence of a clock anywhere in that modest abode. He would just look out the window and check the position of the sun.

“What’s gotten into your brother?” He heard the mother asking the princess.

“I don’t know. He’s just himself, I guess.”

Very well. He had no interest in being questioned by the mother, and he couldn’t allow her to doubt him. Therefore, it was a good thing that the owner of his body was a strange individual. His minor mishaps would go unnoticed.

Now, he had a few things he was terribly curious about. He entered the room with the hot spring tap and began examining it. From what he could tell so far, the magical items in this world didn’t require incantations or particular skills. They could be used by tapping them or fiddling with knobs.

His eyes fell on the porcelain bowl. There was water at the bottom and a scented piece of soap hanged from a side. Then he noticed the reservoir that appeared attached to it. And then, a small lever. Could that be the entrance to a hidden dungeon? Without hesitation, he pushed the lever. Water rushed inside the bowl, and the scented soap spread its smell. Then it stopped.

“How peculiar,” he murmured.

He pushed the lever again, triggering the same thing. “Marvelous,” he exclaimed. That portal could be used to make things disappear.

“Mom!”

He turned to see Tani in the door.

“Kai keeps flushing the toilet and yelling ‘Marvelous’!”

A toilet? The gears in his head began to turn. He pulled his hand off the lever. “Oh, a toilet,” he said in a measured voice.

“Leave your brother alone. You’re too old to trail after him everywhere,” the mother yelled back at Tani.

“If only I could ask someone about these strange things,” he said to himself, without noticing that Tani was still there.

“What strange things?” Tani asked. Then she gasped and covered her mouth in fake surprise. “Are you discovering your body?”

Sebastian frowned. Could it be that she knew? “As a matter of fact, I am.”

Tani rolled her eyes. “You can’t take a joke these days, seriously. Any question you have, though, just ask your phone. I’m not getting pulled into your weirdness.”

The phone, of course. It was, apparently, a powerful item. But, to ask the questions he was interested in finding answers for, he needed to be alone.

He left the bathroom and walked into the hallway. Hopefully, he didn’t have to share his quarters with the young princess.

He noticed a door at the end of the hallway. In big letters, an inscription said ‘Kai’s Room, Keep Out And Be Aware Of Trolls’. Hmm, so Prince Kai appeared to prefer sleeping under a bridge. Sebastian opened the door cautiously, only to be welcomed by a small room with a bed and a desk. He walked in slowly, ready for a troll attack, but nothing happened.

The walls were covered with paintings of various creatures and tales of heroes. Well, at least, the prince of this strange world was not unacquainted with what it meant to be a ruler and defender of the realm. There was some comfort in knowing that this world was still inhabited by monsters, which meant he could go on quests and ensure that this family had enough food on the table.

He heard the plinking sound from before again and searched his pockets.

“Aha,” he said with satisfaction as he discovered an item similar to what Tani had used at the table. While hers was a bright pink color, his was black. “Phone,” he said, bringing the item to his lips, “what is a toilet?”

The phone remained silent. Hmm, maybe he didn’t know how to use it. He turned it over and examined it carefully, and then he noticed the knobs on one side. He pressed on one, and the item came to life.

“Marvelous,” he said. The face of his phone was a curvy female in skimpy clothes. Probably, she was the servant of the phone.

“Swipe up to open,” he murmured. He placed his palm on the phone and moved it upward.

Oh, things were happening. The curvy servant disappeared to let another appear in her stead. All kinds of strange runes were stamped over her image.

Then, suddenly, the item began to make noises, and the image changed again. He could see the face of the handsome commoner he had met early. So, he was in his phone, too?

“Oh, stop it,” he murmured and began tapping and swiping at random, annoyed with that sound.

The commoner’s face appeared again but from a different angle. And he started talking to him!

“Hey, Kai,” he said.

“What are you doing in my phone…” What was the young man’s name… “Milo?” Sebastian asked slowly.

“Hmm, yeah, good question.” Milo laughed. “You didn’t read my texts.”

Texts? Could it be that the young man was a scholar? “No, I didn’t,” he admitted. “Where are they? I might peruse them later.”

Milo dropped his eyelids, threw him a confused look, and then smiled. “What were you doing?”

“I just had a one-course meal with mother and Princess Tani, and then I inspected the room with the toilet. We have a hot spring,” he added with importance.

“A hot spring? Where?”

“Under the building, of course. We can command it by fiddling with knobs.” Since Milo was just a commoner, Sebastian felt that he needed to explain such things to him.

Milo ran one hand over his face and laughed. “Great to hear that you have hot water. I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but how about going on a date right now?”

That strange and dangerous quest Milo had mentioned before… Of course, as a valiant prince, Sebastian wouldn’t back down from a challenge. “What is a date, again?”

Milo grinned. “You really love pulling this act on me, don’t you? All right, I was thinking about going to Mandy’s, have some hamburgers.”

“Hamburgers. What are they?”

“Hmm, you’re really trying me here. Delicious meat in a bun with fries on the side and pickles. I’ll throw in some soda, and I’m paying.”

Oh, it was something to eat. This Mandy wench must be keeping a tavern where she served travelers. The date had to be a perilous quest that required the consumption of ritualistic food.

“After that, what will happen?” he asked.

“I was thinking that we could, you know, talk a little.” Milo stopped and blushed. “Maybe kiss a little more.”

That sounded like an extremely easy quest. “All right. Where should we meet?”

“I’ll come get you. I’m one block away. Oh, damn, I hope that didn’t sound weird or desperate, right?”

“No, not at all,” Sebastian said brightly. He had to accustom himself to the manner of speaking of these people so that he could see about his quest without drawing unnecessary suspicions. “Can you help me with something, commoner… I mean, Milo?”

“Shoot.”

“How do I talk to my phone and ask it questions?”

Milo laughed again, but then he began explaining, all the while his eyes continuing to smile. Sebastian’s eyes narrowed as he listened carefully. The young man said goodbye, and Sebastian got to work right away.

He had an entire world of scholars trapped in his phone!

“So, let’s see about that toilet,” he murmured under his breath. “Oh,” he said as he began to read. “That is quite… interesting.”

***

“Kai, Milo’s here,” the mother called from behind the door.

Right, he had a quest to complete this evening.

“See him in,” he said.

“Just go in. He’s been acting a bit strange,” he heard the mother saying.

Hmm. He had to figure out how to talk like these people. The mother didn’t appear upset over having a commoner visiting their place at that hour. Maybe Milo wasn’t a commoner. Maybe he was a knight.

The thought was refreshing. Sebastian didn’t care for commoners who thought of themselves as adventurers. They were too much of a bother to save all the time.

Milo walked in, and he was dressed differently than before. His clothes were thinner, and especially the shirt with short sleeves was quite revealing of certain qualities he possessed. Sebastian took in the broad shoulders and strong arms with well-defined muscles. And it was easy to spot his chest through that thin fabric.

Hmm, so Milo was an enticer.

“How come you’re not out of your uniform yet?”

Ah, so that garment was called a uniform. “I have nothing else to wear.”

Only then he noticed the presence of a closet. He should have searched through it, but he had been caught up in exploring the many wonders the phone contained. Since it seemed as if its knowledge was infinite, there was just one thing that worried him.

“Can one consume the phone?” he asked.

Milo threw him a strange look. “I’m only indulging you, dude, because you’re finally with going on a date with me, and this must be you coping with the shock. Do you want to eat the phone now?”

“No, that isn’t what I meant,” Sebastian said. “Its spirit… if I use it, will it go away?”

Milo rolled his eyes. The people in this world did that a lot. He pointed at something on the floor. “You always leave your charger in the socket.” He grabbed the phone from Sebastian’s hand and then jammed the end of a thin black rope in a nook on the bottom. “Charger, phone, charger, phone,” Milo repeated a few times.

“I’m not a simpleton,” Sebastian protested. He didn’t understand many things, but he couldn’t allow commoners to take him for a fool.

Milo made a move to give him back the phone but then changed his mind. “You know what? I will just delete the texts I sent you earlier. They’re way too cheesy.”

So Milo was a scholar who wrote about cheese. Not a very interesting topic. Still, he disliked Milo handling his magical item like that.

“Give it back now,” he said in a stern voice.

Milo smirked. “How about you make me?”

Was that a challenge? Yes, it was. Sebastian didn’t hesitate and rushed to grab the phone from Milo’s hand, only to be avoided with ease. That would not do. He rushed again, but Milo sidestepped. Enraged with being taken for a fool a second time, Sebastian opted for a frontal attack.

He ended up on the bed, on top of Milo.

Who, much to his annoyance, was laughing.

He couldn’t even prevail in front of a commoner in this body? That was an utter disappointment!

“Hey,” Milo called softly, “do you have something weird in your pocket or are you happy to see me?”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. He couldn’t understand what Milo meant by those words. He had nothing in his pocket, which meant that he was taken for a fool once more. This commoner needed to be taught some manners.

TBC