Caleb

Part of me is a little frustrated that we didn’t kiss when we could. Every time I’ve seen him since, it has either been really short, or we couldn’t touch. We didn’t disappear that time, we just… weren’t corporal to each other. If that’s even the words. He is better than me with words.

I’m also glad that we didn’t kiss, though. Because we shared a precious moment and I want to cherish it for what it was, not what it could have been.

Plus… when we talked about coming out, he mentioned that there has been a boy, before… I don’t want him to be disappointed when we do kiss.

I also don’t need more reasons to fall even more in love with a boy I can never have. I know he wants to go to college out of state and he should do just that. Not staying in this odd version of a haunted house. And however nice Mary is… I won’t be able to stay forever either. Perhaps we should learn how to say goodbye. Now. While we are still fond of each other and not in too deep…

I tell him that last part the next time I see him. I am so nervous I feel like I might throw up. This almost feels like breaking up.

“I’d say I’m in pretty deep already,” he replies.

“I know. Me too. But that’s the thing. How much deeper can we realistically go?”

“So what? I am supposed to just… ignore you when I see you?”

“Or will me away.”

“I can’t do that.”

No. I suppose I can’t either. “Then I can ask Mary to move to the guest room. I’m sure she’d let me. Out of sight, out of mind.”

He crosses the room and carefully sits on my bed. He doesn’t fall through it. If he can touch my bed… does that mean he can touch me today? He gently puts his hands on mine. Yes. We can touch today.

“Caleb, look at me.” I obey, almost reluctantly. “Is that really what you want?”

“No. I want to be a real boy, in my world, and not someone I can lose any moment.”

“We can lose anyone at any moment.”

“It’s different, and you know it.”

“I guess so.”

“Liam, I think we need to let go.” I feel my eyes and throat tingle in the most unpleasant way. But I can’t cry right now. Because I’m not sure I’ll ever stop once I start.

“Please don’t leave me,” he whispers, pleadingly. “Not yet, I’m not ready. Please.”

He really doesn’t need to beg me not to do something I didn’t really want to do in the first place.

His face is so close to mine. When did it get so close? My hand finds its own way to his cheek, gently caressing it before cupping his jaw. This is not what I should be doing right now.

"It's for the best," I say. "You're too smart to be my boyfriend."

He frowns and for a second I think that I might have been presumptuous with the 'boyfriend' assumption. "Why? Because I like science and I have better grades? If we go there, you're far too hot to be my boyfriend."

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I don't know how he defines 'hot' but given the dreams I had of him lately… he definitely fits my definition of it.

"I think you're pretty hot."

"I think you're pretty smart."

"I think I'm in love with you." The words made it out before I even knew I was thinking them. Very surprisingly, I don't feel embarrassed. I need him to know. Before I can't say it anymore. Whether because of a decision we might make or because the universe will decide to keep us apart.

“Then don’t give up on us,” he says.

“But what future do we have?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. But we have a pretty good present, don’t we?”

Right now, with this face so close, with our first kiss not so distant, it’s hard to argue with him.

I think about my life here. Mary had been great, but she is still just a lady who took care of me. She might have been the greatest carer I have ever gotten, I learned a long time ago not to trust them. Not to get attached. And, sure, I am starting to let her in more and more, but… she is the only good thing I have in this world and, right now, I would trade her for a real Liam. Even if this isn’t forever. When we end up breaking up, I want it to be for real-life reasons, not because… Yes. If I had one wish, it would be that one. Be in the same world as the one thing I am genuinely afraid to lose.

We managed to slowly will each other into physical contact. Maybe we can will something even crazier… But then what would I do in a parallel world with no identity, still no family, even a foster one, fewer friends, and even less of a future than I do now?

So I do the only thing I can: I ignore the future – real or imaginary – and I take what the present has to offer me. I lean in and Liam kisses me back instantly.

For about ten seconds, my mind is entirely quiet. Everything is perfect. And then… then the world disappears.

Quite literally.

Liam

His hand on my face was already making it hard to breathe and focus, but his lips on mine finish to take my breath away and to empty my mind.

Until everything disappears. As I fall through a bed that doesn’t exist anymore (and those twenty-four inches almost feel like miles), all I can think is ‘No, no, no. Please. I need more time. I need forever. I need a year. I need five minutes. I’ll even settle for ten seconds. Ten more seconds with him. Let us create a bit more of that memory. Something that will not fade. If I cannot bring the boy to my world, if I cannot keep him with me, then leave me the memory of a first kiss not ended too soon… Please…’

And then I hit the floor. Not really hard, just enough to stop my silly wish that won’t come true.

And then… And then something falls on me.

I open my eyes and there is Caleb, looking as confused as I am. If his world disappeared… how is he still there?

“Caleb?”

“My clothes are different.”

I look at him. He’s right. His hair is a little longer too. It’s him. It’s clearly him. He looks the same, but also… I can see it in his eyes He is still the boy I have been bonding with and not just my brother's best friend. Wait… what?

He sits up, looking confused too. “Is your brother called Adam?”

“Yes.”

“I think I… remember him. It’s like…”

“You have new memories,” I say. It’s weird. I know what the truth is. I remember more vividly than anything else the ghost boy from another room and how I fell in love with him. But there are also other memories in my mind, now. Some I can only access if I focus really hard. Of trips to school with Caleb in the car. Swimming competitions Adam only came second. A vague crush, too, maybe. Nothing as strong as what I feel right now.

“Exactly.” Does that mean that Caleb has an entire other life of memories?

“How… I don’t… I…” I can’t even properly order my thoughts.

“I think it’s my fault,” he says. “I’m so sorry.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just wished I could jump to your world. I didn’t think it would happen. I didn’t mean to highjack your life like that…”

“Don’t you think I have wished for you to join me pretty much every single day for months? That makes me happy, but…”

“But?”

“You shouldn’t have to leave your world behind. To adapt to an entirely new life… I’m the one who is sorry.”

“I… I think I am happier in this world…” he comments. “If my memories are real. It will take me a while to explore them, I think.”

“How is your foster home?”

“I… think I have a mother. But… I might be confusing her with Mary. It’s a lot of memories fighting each other…”

“How do you feel about this?”

“I don’t know. Happy. To be with you. To have friends. To have a family. A bit sad for Mary. She’ll probably think I ran away. Foster children regularly do. A bit scared, too.”

“Yeah, it’s probably a lot to take in.”

“No, not that. I’m scared this won’t be forever.”

I stand up and he does too. I cup his face like he did mine before. “We can’t know that. So we should make the most of what we have.”

“How?”

“Two things. The second is going on a date. Tomorrow?”

“I think I’d like that. And the first one?”

“Doing a bit more of this,” I say, getting even closer. He doesn’t hesitate before kissing me back. I am happy, scared, thrilled, guilty, amazed… Is that what it feels like to have all your dreams come true?

There is a knock on my door and we jump apart. Adam comes in and he freezes a second or two, looking confused. And that terrifies me. He needs to recognize Caleb. Because he needs to have a place in this world.

“What are you two doing?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I reply.

“Ah-ha. If you say so. Cal, I was looking for you. Your mom is there.”

And I feel Caleb tense next to me. Time for him to jump into this life he knows nothing about. I look at him and he looks nothing but determined. Gosh, he is so impressive. I would be freaking out right now. I am a bit already, actually.

Caleb

I follow this boy I don’t know but already love like a best friend. He stops me halfway down the stairs and asks: “Look, man, it’s cool either way, but… did I interrupt something just now? Is there something between you and my brother?”

“I… I think so, yeah.”

“Okay. Cool. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Wouldn’t it be weird?”

“It would be totally weird. But I’ll pretend in my head that you’re talking about someone else.”

I smile. “Maybe later.”

“Okay. Hum… so if you break each other’s hearts… which one of you do I need to beat up?”

I laugh. Yes. I can totally see how he is my best friend. “That settles it then. We have to live happily ever after.”

“Caleb, hurry up, we’re late.” I turn around so quickly. Because I know this voice. It’s Mary. I look at her and… she doesn’t look exactly the same as the one from the other world, but… It’s her. And here… she’s my mother.

“Sorry. I’m ready. I’m coming.”

On the drive home, she asks me questions about my day that I answer in autopilot mode. I have too much to think about. Liam. What I’ve left behind. Liam. The way my body feels, as if I had swum a lot today. Liam. Those memories I never lived making their way back to my brain. Liam. How we should write down our story just in case those ‘fake’ memories take over and we forget. Liam. Our potential date tomorrow. Liam…

This is crazy. This is… almost too much to handle. But this is what I wished for. And I am way happier than freaked out.

I am almost disappointed that I won’t be able to wish Liam’s presence anymore. But I can call him. That’s even better. Because now he won’t disappear until one of us decides to hang up…