I'm not the greatest fan of parties. But when your older brother is the captain of a successful team, parties tend to happen regularly. Usually, it's fine, though. Maisie and I just stick together. More often than not, we end up in my bedroom. I know some people used to think that we were making out - or more - and that it obviously wasn't true, but at least now they dropped that.

Tonight is a bit different, though. Maisy disappeared with some guy from the orchestra. Band. Whatever they are called. I mean… good for her, but I might have needed extra support tonight. Jake is here. And it's fine, it's not like they ended things on bad terms, or that I want him back, it's just always a bit awkward to see him. Especially out of school.

I am seriously thinking about disappearing to my room on my own. It would be a bit pathetic, but everyone here is Adam's friend, a couple of them have laughed when someone made a homophobic comment (when Adam wasn't around), some of them I don't remember seeing before, and… yeah. If the party was anywhere else, I wouldn't even be here.

I mean… Looking at the swimming team play ‘dare or drink’ was fun – they were surprisingly imaginative – but it would have been more fun with Maisie.

And it might have been slightly frustrating to think about Maisie and her current fling, potential future boyfriend, when I am here, the gay kid with no prospect but the guy who stopped liking me when I came out. I don’t know if he wasn’t ready, or if being gay suddenly felt too real and he realized it wasn’t who he is after all, but… all the same. There won’t be any flirting happening tonight.

And romance isn’t everything. I should maybe focus on having more friends, or at least people who like me, before hoping to find someone who… likes me. Different degrees of liking. I know what I mean.

Okay. Apparently, it’s another day when I’m moody. And being around people who only talk to me because they want to know stuff about Adam or Maisie is not helping.

Weird hermit it is. If Maisie grows tired of her new love interest, she’ll know where to find me.

So here I am, sitting at my desk, working on my AP Physics course, that my parents were so proud of me for taking back when they were still proud of me, when there is a knock on my door and Adam walks in. “Hey, weirdo.”

“What are you doing upstairs? Don’t you have the party of the century to host downstairs?”

“I do. And I am going back in a moment, it’s just… Caleb might or might not have drunk too much and he isn't feeling so good. Is it okay if he takes a quick break in here?"

“Why not in your room?”

“I’m not sure if he’ll need babysitting. Plus it’s… occupied right now.”

Great. Just great. At least that makes me happy to have claimed my room before others braved the ‘no one upstairs’ rule and someone had sex in my bed. That would NOT have made me happy.

I nod. It might be a bit weird to have Caleb here, but I don’t mind him. We don’t really know each other, but he is always nice to me and I think he’s cool with me being gay. So if he wants to sleep his drunken haze off in my room for an hour or two, that’s fine by me.

“Oh, and… Liam… I sort of hate that I’m asking, but… if he says anything that he wouldn’t if he were sober…”

“I’ll take it to my grave,” I promise. Not that Adam should worry about that. Caleb never actually talks to me.

When Caleb arrives in my room, he doesn’t seem particularly drunk. He is walking fine and his speech isn’t hazed when he says: “Hey. Adam said… Is it cool if I crash here for a minute or two?” He is speaking a little slower than usual, maybe.

“I think you’ll need more than a minute or two,” I reply.

He sits on my bed and says, “I’m fine. But Adam insisted and he even played the team captain card.”

“Yeah. He plays the big brother card sometimes too. Anyway. Go ahead, lie down. I’ve got work to do.”

“You’re doing school work?” he asks, smiling, while he takes off his shoes and lies on top of the blanket.

I shrug. “Yeah. I’m a bit boring like that.”

Caleb groans as he lies down. “This is ridiculous. Who invented that rule that smart is boring? I wish I were more academic.”

“And I wish I were more sporty,” I reply.

He lies on his side so he is turned toward me. It somehow keeps me from going back to my work. I know he wouldn’t mind, I also feel like this is a moment that won’t come back soon.

“Anyone can work on being sporty,” he says. “Not everyone can be an athlete, but everyone can be fit if they are interested in it. I am more impressed by brainies.”

“Yeah, well. It’s not like I’m a genius.”

“Maybe not. But you’re smart enough to impress and intimidate me.” To… what?

“Is that why you never talk to me?” I ask. I guess I shouldn't be asking him any questions given that he is a bit drunk, but he seems tired more than oversharing.

He shrugs. “I don’t want you to think that I’m an idiot.”

“I never think that you’re an idiot.” A lot of words come to my mind when I think about Caleb. Cute, nice, kind, funny, hot, driven, focused… but not ‘idiot’. I do know he is not the best student in school, but he is far from the worse. And even if he were, I don’t think I would mind. Different people have different things to offer the world.

“It’s not just you, though,” he adds. “I am often intimidated by people and I don’t speak very well when I’m intimidated.”

“It’s alright. I don’t know many people who are particularly eloquent.”

“Eloquent… I like the words you use. But, no, I mean literally. I used to stutter when I was a kid.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I was a bit bullied for it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago. Besides, you know a bit about bullying too.”

“It’s not that bad.” Not the school part anyway. And I know it’s mostly thanks to Adam.

“Where is Maisie?” he asks. “Usually the two of you are always together. She’s super intimidating too.”

“Maisie is?”

“Yes. Like she’s the cutest girl in school, but she could still kill you in your sleep.” I don’t know if it’s what Caleb actually thinks of her or if this is him starting to say things he wouldn’t if he were sober. It must be. Because he just called Maisie ‘the prettiest girl in school’ and there is no way he would have ever told me that in the car. I guess everyone is a little bit in love with Maisie. She could do way worse than Caleb. Actually, if she ended up with him, I would be way more jealous than if she actually ends up dating whoever she’s with right now.

“She found herself a little crush, tonight.” I don’t know if ‘crush’ is the word. It’s not like I can go and ask her about her feelings right now. We’ll definitely debrief tomorrow, though.

"Do you want to know who I have a crush on?" he whispers as if he were sharing a secret with me. Which I guess he is doing.

I don't want to know who he's crushing on because that will be heartbreaking, but then again it might be the wake-up call I need. "Let me guess. It's Maisy?" That's been a recurring theme tonight.

Caleb blinks, as if I just said something particularly confusing.

"Maisie? Who would look at Maisie when you're around?"

I… what?

Two things hit me at the same time. The first one is that Caleb is much drunker than I thought and that I never should have asked him anything. And the second one is… did Caleb just say that he was into me?

I am so very torn between pushing for more and letting go. But as much as I am burning to get the words, all the words, out of him, I do the right thing. “Fine. Not Maisie. I’ll think about it. I’ll give you my guess in the morning and you can tell me if I’m right.”

His smile seems a little sad suddenly but it’s probably just me projecting my own feelings. I stand up to switch off the main light of the room and I get back to my desk where the lamp is enough for me to get working.

“Is it okay if I start working again?”

“It’s your room.”

Physics. That’s a good distraction. It will keep me from turning around and asking Caleb if he was just being nice or if he was going to tell me that he has a crush on me. I don’t even know if I could handle either answer.

Plus, Caleb wanted a bit of peace and quiet. With a bit of luck, he’ll sleep a bit.