Caleb and Adam see each other during their week off school but Liam isn’t invited – not that he expected to be – and things are definitely a little more awkward when they all get back to school. Nothing bad, it’s just like they are trying to find a new balance now. The conversations in the car are not solely carried on through Adam, and it feels a little more like three friends having fun.

But it’s still very much Adam and Caleb on the front seats, Liam at the back, third wheel to his brother’s friendship when, for the first time, he wants to be the center of Caleb’s interest.

So… time apart clearly didn’t kill the crush.

It also doesn’t help that Liam doesn’t know how to put words on it. It’s not like he can’t find the words – he knows the words – it’s more like he doesn’t know how to talk to anyone about this. It obviously can’t be Adam, it more than obviously can’t be his parents, but for some reason, it can’t be Maisy either. Maisie is not the problem, it’s just that Liam isn’t sure he wants those feelings to actually make it out of his mind. Because then they become real and Caleb will feel even more unreachable than he does now.

Until one day, as Liam is waiting for the boys, leaning o the car, checking his phone, and Caleb appears, Adam-free.

“Hey. Where is my brother?”

“He has decided to get coffee with Clara.”

“And… is he taking us home first?”

“Nope.” Caleb opens his hand to reveal the car keys. “He said he trusts you with his car now.”

“Cool.”

“And anyway. The boys are not in practice, obviously, so I can ask Tom for a ride home. So you can get straight home, or go do something with Maisie… something.”

“I don’t mind taking you home,” Liam replies. It sounded less desperate than ‘please, please, please, get in the car with me’.

“Sure?”

“Of course. Get in.”

The conversation is light and fun for a few blocks, when Caleb suddenly says: “Can I ask you something a bit personal? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Er… sure,” Liam replies, slightly worried about why the other boy is suddenly so serious.

“You said that your parents aren’t really supportive of you being gay. Is that something you knew would happen or was it a surprise?”

“It was… a bit of both, I think. I knew it would be hard for them to adjust, and I thought they would ignore it, which is exactly what my father does, but my mother keeps pushing and asking me why I am doing this to myself. Without ever mentioning what ‘this’ is, of course. I did not see that one coming.”

“Would you go back, if you could?”

“In the closet? No. It was time. See, there was this boy and we just… had a moment. I knew that if it became something, I wouldn’t want that to be a secret. I mean… It obviously would have been because he wasn’t out, but… I didn’t want my own fears to be the reason why. So I told my family, I told Maisy, and the word spread.”

“Maisie told people?”

“No. I posted something on Instagram. Which was probably me acting out because of the way my parents took it, and it probably wasn’t the smartest way to handle things, but… yeah. At least it was out there and it was strangely freeing.”

“So… you and that guy?”

“I do not have a secret boyfriend. We still talk sometimes, but… he’s not interested.”

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s cool. I’m not that interested either. Even back then, I think it was… availability more than chemistry? Don’t get me wrong, I like him and maybe it could have been something, but I’m not heartbroken about it either, you know? Anyway. Why all the questions?”

“I’m wondering if I should tell my mom.”

“Tell your mom about wh… oh. I… does Adam know?”

Caleb shakes his head. “No one knows” He is looking through the window, refusing to make eye contact. Which is for the best because Liam could totally get lost in those eyes and he is currently still driving.

Did Caleb just say what Liam thinks he said? And if so, why him? Because Liam is out and he could understand him? Or because of something more that Liam doesn’t dare hope for?

They arrive in Caleb’s street and he just says, almost in a whisper, “Can we keep driving a little while longer?”

Liam doesn’t reply but he doesn’t slow down and they pass Caleb’s house.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Liam asks a moment later.

“What? Being gay or coming out?”

“I don’t know. Both. Either.”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Well, I’m very flattered that you decided to tell me. And I won’t tell anyone, I promise. Not Adam, not Maisie, not anyone. And if you do want to talk about it, ever, I’m here.”

“Thanks.”

Caleb sounds… almost miles away. Liam doesn’t push it. He knows that however calm he seems right now, there might be a million things happening in Caleb’s mind right now.

Liam notices that ha was sort of on autopilot and that he mechanically drove home. He decides to stop in his driveway. Caleb looks at him, surprised.

“We don’t have to go in. We can just stay in the car until you’re ready for me to take you home.”

Caleb nods, and then he blurts out. “I don’t… it’s not… you mentioned something about availability before.”

“Av… oh, you mean about… that other guy?”

“Yes.”

“Look, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not like meeting someone is doomed. I did like him. There was a bit of chemistry between us. But it’s also not like I was massively into him, and I think that on his side, I was mostly someone he could experiment with. But I’m sure that when you’ll meet someone, he won’t be interested in you just because of availability.”

“It’s not what I… It’s not because of availability.”

Part of Liam understands very well what Caleb is trying to say. But he also won’t let himself go there unless he’s absolutely sure. More than the shame he would feel, he doesn’t want to put Caleb to feel embarrassed whenever they see each other. So Liam hopes with all he has that Caleb is talking about him, but he won’t phrase that for him just in case the universe would be mean enough to make his crush gay and into someone else.

“Caleb, I’m not sure I’m following you.”

“Yes, sorry, I’m not making any sense even to myself. Can I try again?”

“Sure.”

“When Adam asked me if I didn’t mind getting home with you, it’s not just that I didn’t. I was happy. Because I miss the time we spent together, even if it was short and only three times a week for a few weeks… And I thought it was life giving me an opportunity to tell you that. But I didn’t know how to bring it up and the conversation drifted and you mentioned availability, and… whatever is happening between us… I don’t want you to think that it’s just because you’re there. It’s not accessibility. If anything, you should be my last choice because I don’t know what Adam is going to say and I don’t want you to come between me and him, or him to come between you and me, and yet… there is something isn’t there? I’m not just making a fool of myself, am I? When we’re together.”

“Chemistry,” Liam breathes out almost against his will.

Something happens with Caleb. His face is less tense, his shoulders drop a few millimeters, his frown disappears, his breathing slows down… It’s only then that Liam realizes how tense the other boy had been. But there is still a worried light in his eyes.

So Liam adds: “No. It’s not just you.”

For a moment, the two boys just look at each other, the inside of the car perfectly silent, both taking in this massive thing they just shared and trying to figure out what should come next. Liam knows what he would like to do next, but he doesn’t know if it’s alright. He doesn’t really know what Caleb wants. Yes, he admitted that he was interested, but he also said that it was complicated because of Adam.

Still. Caleb wouldn’t have told him all of that if he didn’t want anything to come of it, right?

So Liam leans in, slowly, so Caleb can ask him to stop or pull back if he wants to, but Caleb leans in the moment he realizes what Liam is doing and Liam lets his eyes fall shut just before their lips touch. And this is… so much more than he hoped for. If anything, this is proof that Jake was about accessibility more than anything. Because he never felt anything like this. This is chemistry. This is perfect.

Caleb cups his face and Liam lets his hands rest on the other boy’s forearms.

Liam nearly has a heart attack when they get interrupted by a knock on the window. He turns around and there is Adam, a massive knowing smile on his face.

Liam opens the window and Adam says: “Okay, so… just a few things. First, never again pretend like you’re doing me a favor when, really, I’m the one doing you a solid. Second, I’m not going to be your couple therapist ever. Third, training still comes before dates or make-out sessions. Fourth, we going to have a very strict ‘no funny business in the car’. Fifth, I am not becoming your personal driver, so Caleb is sitting at the front with me at least once a day. And sixth, I don’t care if Clara asks, I am not going on double dates with my little brother. So whenever we hang out together, it’s not a date. Okay?”

Liam nods. He doesn’t look at Caleb, but he’s pretty sure those rules are fine with him too. Yes. Liam is definitely okay with those. He’d be okay with much more if that meant that his brother is cool with… whatever is happening between him and Caleb.

Adam nods and starts walking away. After a couple of steps, though, he turns around and says: “Oh, and… you might want to take this somewhere Mom can’t see. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure Caleb won’t ever be invited for dinner again.”

Liam sighs. His brother’s right. But he won’t let it impact his happiness. Breaking out the news to his parents is a problem for another day.

“That’s fine,” Caleb says squeezing his hand gently as Adam disappears in the house. “Worst-case scenario, we’ll have dinner at my place.”

Liam can’t help but smile. If that’s the worst-case scenario, then they have nothing to worry about.