"That's impossible! My uncle's not supposed to get out of jail for another ten years!" I exclaim, and I go to the window and look out at the driveway, trying to see what the h-e-l-l Eugene is talking about.

Sure enough, there's a shiny white SUV parked right out front and a blonde woman in a pink pencil skirt and blazer getting out.

"Who's the chick?" Iggy questions from over my shoulder. "She's kind of hot."

"Igor, please. I know that you're the only heterosexual in this house, but try to restrain yourself." I chastise him. "We have to have some respect for the lady--"

I stop when the passenger door opens and the most gorgeous man exits the vehicle. His hair is luscious and dark, swirling about his broad shoulders. He wears dark, tight jeans and a casual T-shirt under a denim jacket, a bit of chest hair peeking out.

I'll admit, I begin to feel the stirrings of lust at the sight of him.

"Hey, I know them," Eugene pipes up while standing over my other shoulder, ASMR'ing me by chewing loudly on Tostitos. "That's Guy and Karen Danger from Paranormal Danger. They hunt ghosts and shit."

I'm at a complete loss. This was horrible. No, this was worse than horrible. If Karen and Guy found out about Eugene, then there was a chance that the police would get involved. And then it was over for me. I could kiss my degree in mortuary science goodbye.

"Why don't we just confront them?" Iggy offers up. "It's just two people. I'm sure they won't mind us slipping out the back door."

"You're probably right," I reply and start to feel a little better.

At least until two black vans loaded with hoards of people pull up and begin to unload their camera equipment.

I panic and grab the curtains, yanking them closed. "Iggy! We need to hide Eugene!"

"Wait a minute, you weird little piece of shit!" Eugene protests angrily, "Just because I'm dead doesn't mean that you can treat me like a trivial object. I have feelings, too!"

Iggy grabs Eugene by one arm, I grab him by the other and then we haul him out of the bedroom, screaming the entire time. "Downstairs!" I shout at Iggy from over Eugene's angry cursing. "My uncle has a wine cellar in the kitchen that we can lock him in!" 

"Is this really a good idea?" Iggy shrills.

"Is any of this a good idea?" I retort, trying to stay as levelheaded as I can given the situation.

We pull Eugene downstairs, his feet pounding on each step. The entire time, he's thrashing and hollering like we're about to burn him at the stake. It's enough to make even my callous and unfeeling soul lurch at the sight of his distress. But we have no other choice.

We go full Cask of Amontillado on Eugene and haul him into the cellar. It's dark down there, with barely any light and hundreds of bottles of wine lining the walls. 

"Don't do this!" Eugene cries, and Iggy and I shove him back when he tries to run. "Brown. I thought we had a thing. I'm supposed to be living my best undead life, remember? You brought me back. You made a promise to me!" 

I stand at the top of the steps with Iggy and stare down at Eugene, my love.

My creation.

"I'm sorry, Eugene. But it's for your own good." I tell him quietly, and then I shut the door behind me, making sure to lock it.

There's an explosion of sound and then Eugene is pounding on the door, screaming like he's being murdered. I feel like absolute shit for locking him up, but I couldn't risk him being taken away or the world finding out about him. 

"It's only for a few minutes," Iggy tells me gently and he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

I nod my head meekly and then wipe my eyes. "Come on," I reply, and then I head back into the kitchen to greet Guy, Karen, and their hoard of cameramen when the doorbell rings.

I had no idea what to expect as I approach the door, the sound of voices already apparent from the other side. I had never been one to watch much television, let alone Paranormal Danger. There was something that just turned my stomach at the thought of watching people fighting over trivial things and static laugh tracks. 

"Are you sure about this?" Iggy asks me, and I look up at him, shaking my head.

"No, I'm not," I reply. "But we have no other choice." 

I open up the door and come face to face with Guy, Karen, and a mob of cameras. 

Karen steps forward first, her heels clicking. "Why, aren't you darling?" She croons down at me. "Are your mommy and daddy home?"

I hear the cameras zoom in on my shocked face.

"We heard about your little ghost problem while we were down at the Mcdonald's down the road." Guy rasps in the manliest voice that I've ever heard. He's got way more chest hair than I first realized, and his arms are bulging from underneath his jean jacket. He looks like he could punch through a brick wall with his bare fist and come out unscathed. 

I want him to do things to me with those beefy arms that I dare not mention aloud.

"Actually, he's the owner." Iggy interrupts from behind me. "And we don't have a ghost problem."

A howl of anger erupts from somewhere from deep inside the house.

Guy Danger pushes past me and Iggy and a hoard of cameramen are suddenly invading the front hallway. "Make sure you get a shot of that creepy ass hallway!" He barks at them. "This place is a paranormal g-spot!"

"You can't just barge in here!" I shout at them uselessly. "Iggy, do something!"

Iggy lifts his hands in an, "I don't know," gesture. And it's at that moment that I know we're screwed.