Read Something Like Starting Over :: Chapter 15 [Demian]

A/N - warning, this chapter contains violence, swearing, and implied homophobia.

After the door closes I turn to my roommate and raise an eyebrow. "Well?"

   "He's shy as heck, man. I don't think he has a mean bone in his body. I'm not even sure he has bones," Isaac says with a laugh. "He seemed genuine when sayin' dumping the soda on you was an accident. He says he's not scared of what you'd do to him, neither."
   "Really?" I ask, surprised to hear that. Then again, he's never really acted scared, and he tried to fix the mess he'd made. Even touched me after dumping soda on my arm. No one who is scared would do that, right?
   "Yeah, Dem. Though, he didn't know if you were getting along. Y'know, you might make friends if you drop the act," Isaac said, giving me a pointed glance.
   I shrug. I'm not looking to make friends. If I'm being honest to myself, I don't want to let someone new in.
   "You can't let what they did ruin your future, man," Isaac walks over to me and drapes his arm around my shoulder. "They were shit, but y'know, not everyone's gonna be that way."
   "Isaac," I sigh in agitation, shoving his arm away. "They already ruined it, at least here. I don't go a day without hearing a rumor or getting a dirty look. Everyone's afraid of me."
   "Clearly not everyone."
   "He's probably just saying that."
   "We both know you don't fully believe that, man."
   I sigh again. He's right, I have doubts. I don't think Adrian wants to be close to me, but he doesn't seem to be truly afraid of me either. I know his friend is, so I'm confused as to why he's not reacting just as badly.
   "Demian, you have to move on with your life. Not everyone is gonna be like Ashley and James, or Ryan."
   I bristle at their names. "What do you know, Isaac? You didn't have to go through that bullshit!" I know my voice is getting louder, but I'm having a hard time calming myself. "Their lies destroyed my reputation. Do you know how many threats I got that first week after she said I hit her? The Dean almost had me expelled, until it became clear that she was lying. But even that didn't stop it. The damage was done. Is done. I'm - I'm going for a walk," I huff, standing abruptly.
   "Demian, I'm sorry I-"
   "Just forget it," I say darkly, yanking my shoes on and exiting the room.

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   Two hours later I return to campus, sweating and slightly less angry but still far from alright. I hate thinking about them. I'd become friends with James shortly after I started school here, and we spent almost every day together. We were in different majors, but at the time James and I were roommates and we'd hit it off right away. I met Ashley in one of my nursing classes my second semester. James had a massive crush on Ashley, but it turned out Ashley had a crush on me. When she asked me out it was a bit awkward, especially since I'd already introduced both her and James to my boyfriend, Ryan. He went to a different school, but he and I would meet up every weekend and some week days just to spend time together. As a group we'd hang out at the dorms or go into town, catch movies, or go out to eat.
   It caught me off guard when Ashley started crying and getting mad when I said I wasn't interested, so I clarified that I was gay and in a relationship with Ryan - had been for almost a year by then. She'd stormed away, but seemed to have pretty much gotten over things by the next day. I wish I'd known it then, but I was wrong. So very, very wrong.
   The next weekend Ryan came over to the dorms to hang out and watch movies with me, James and Ashley. Things were going like normal, with us bantering over what to watch, joking around, chatting, and flipping coins to determine what type of pizza we'd order. Sure, Ashley seemed a little less cheery than usual, but I figured that was because she was still a little sore at being rejected and now seeing me with my boyfriend again, but I didn't think that much into it. We'd selected the movie, and James and I went to pick up the soda and pizza from the delivery guy. When we came back Ryan was crying and angry.
   "Baby, what's wrong?" I remember asking him, trying to pull him in for a hug. He shoved me away.
   "Don't 'baby' me, you asshole! How dare you!" He was crying and yelling at me, and I couldn't figure out what was going on. I looked over to Ashley to ask what happened, but she just smirked.
   "How dare I what?" I asked my distraught boyfriend, trying to soothe him.
   "You -you cheated on me. W-with HER!" He screamed at me, pointing at Ashley. "You fucking lied that you loved me. That you were gay. You-you-"
   "Ry, I never cheated on you. I wouldn't ever do something like that. Why would you think that? I do love you. I love you so much, Ryan."
   "Never do that? Then why does she have PROOF!?" He turned his phone to show me a picture of Ashley and me sitting together on a beach towel in our bathing suits, our arms draped around each other's shoulders. He swiped to one of us out drinking with James at the bar, and another of us from one of the dorm parties, dancing together with red solo cups in hand. Next was something I'd never seen -a selfie Ashley had taken of us where I'm passed out shirtless and she's laying beside me in a skimpy outfit. I'm sure it was from one of the parties we'd gone to, but I don't know why I'd be shirtless. Maybe I'd thrown up on myself? I'd tend to drink a lot when we'd go out bars or parties.
   "Ryan, baby, that's not what it looks like. Let's sit down and talk about it," I plead with him, trying to calm him down enough to talk with me and get through this huge misunderstanding.
   "There's nothing to talk about. We're done. Fuck you, Demian," he shouts, shoving me out of the way and walking out of my room. "Don't contact me again."
   I was ready to cry as I rushed after him, trying to get him to stop and give me a chance to explain, but after we got down the second flight of stairs he turned and punched me straight in the jaw.
   "I never want to see you again, you asshole. Go back to your girlfriend, if she'll even take you back. Fucking cheating man whore!"
   I just watched him walk away after that. People were looking out of their rooms at us, but I was numb to everything. My boyfriend just left me. Ashley just broke up me and my boyfriend. I was dumbfounded. I thought she'd been my friend, but because I'd turned her down she lied to ruin my relationship with Ryan.
   I didn't go back to my room that night. I spent the whole night walking around the city, trying and failing to calm down. I ended up going to a bar and drank until I couldn't walk straight by the time I left. I passed out in the alley near the bar, and sometime later I was shaken awake by the barkeep and told to go home.
   When I finally got into my room James had already left for classes. I was always a diligent student, but I couldn't bring myself to clean up and go to class like things were normal. My emotions were everywhere and I was dirty and hungover. I decided to just crawl into bed and sleep.
   I was woken up by James. I felt like I'd been run over by a steam train.
   "Hey," My voice cracked as I greeted my roommate, who just glared down at me.
   "What the fuck, man? I thought we were friends, but you were going behind my back screwing Ashley and didn't even say anything? You knew how much I liked her."
   "James, I'm gay. I never did anything with Ashley. She asked me out last week and I turned her down. I've been with Ryan almost a year-" I felt a sob bubbling in my throat and had to stop talking. Had been with Ryan. He was done with me, all because of Ashley. I pressed my face further into the pillow and took some deep breaths.
   James didn't say anything further, just gave me a dirty look and left the room. A while later he came back, running his hand through his hair as he sat across from me. "I'm sorry, man. I wasn't thinking clearly earlier, just pissed off. But, I remember going to those parties and I never noticed anything- fuck. I hope you're not lying to me, Demian."
   "I'm not, James, I swear." At least James was coming around.
   "Let's go talk to Ashley. I need to clear this up. It's just -damn, it's so much, man."
   I nod, my face never leaving my pillow. It is a lot. Too much. "I-I'm not ready to face Ashley yet. She really-" I gulp, trying to force myself to not cry like my body was so wanting to do. "She really tore up things between me and Ryan. I'm too angry to talk to her right now." Honestly, I'm not sure I'd ever be able to face her. We certainly couldn't be friends after this.
   "I'll go see her on my own tomorrow then," James replies. I don't have the energy to say anything else to him, so I give him a nod and pull the covers up over my head.

   The next day I washed myself up and went to class. After first period, I noticed that things seemed different. When I'd walk through the hallways, I noticed people quieting down, and there were a lot of eyes on me. I guess they must have heard the blow up between me and Ryan.
   At lunch I grabbed my food from the cafe and went to sit with James and Ashley. I still really didn't want to see her, but I didn't know where else to go. Habit, I guess. I suppose we would need to talk at some point anyway.
   As I approached them, they visibly stiffened and their expressions darkened.
   "Don't come near us. You're a real asshole. Cheating, lying, manipulative fuck." James stated, looking at me like he wanted to hit me.
   "Wha-"
   "Don't 'what' me!" James glowered, taking a step closer.
   I just stared at him, unsure what to do or what was going on.
   "You're right, he does have a bruise," he stated, his lip rolling into a grimace. "I can't believe you. You fucking hit her."
   The entire lunchroom had their eyes on us.
   "Hit who?" I couldn't believe my ears. I had a feeling I knew who they were about to say, but I couldn't believe she could have stooped so low.
   "'Hit who?' You trying to act like you don't know what we're talking about? I don't buy your shit Demian!" James yelled, turning to face the crowds around us. "That's right, Demian cheated on his girlfriend with A GUY from another school and when she exposed his cheating ass he HIT HER. Luckily, she was able to hit him back and get away before he could do any real damage."
   I couldn't believe what was happening. It felt like my whole world was crumbling around me. People were murmuring. I could see them pointing at me, watch their mouths move, but it was like the room was going quiet, fading into the background. Cheater. Abuser. Homo. The words were swimming around in my mind.
   "It's not true! I never hit her and I never cheated on anybody!" I pleaded, hoping that anyone would believe me.

   The next few days were hell. The dean called me to his office and I was put on temporary probation while they looked into everything. It eventually became clear that I couldn't have done it, because the time didn't add up. They had video footage of me in class when she was saying I fought with her and hit her by the gym. Someone had gotten a video on their phone the night that Ryan and I broke up, clearly showing that he was the one who punched me. I returned to campus thinking that things would go back to normal, but it's been almost three years now and the rumors never fully died. Ashley changed campuses at the start of the following semester, and James had switched rooms before I even got back from probation. He graduated not long ago, but he never forgave me. Never even spoke to me again. I don't think I could have forgiven him, either, if he had tried to approach me after all that had happened. I didn't have a roommate for a whole semester and a half because nobody wanted to be near me, until one day I came in and there was a bag on the second bed. That's when I met Isaac.
   Isaac. Thinking about him finally pulled me out of my memories. I realized it had gotten very dark and cold. I groaned and decided it was time to go back to our room and talk things out with him.

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   "Dem, I'm sorry man. I shouldn't have pushed so hard," Isaac said as I walked through the door.
   I took a deep breath and nodded at him. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."
   "True," he said with a shrug. "Kinda deserved it, though."
   "Yeah."
   We sat in silence for a little while before I decided to let him into my head a bit.
   "I still can't stand remembering it."
   "I know. But...You really need to get through it, man. Maybe see a counselor or something."
   I nod at him. I know, I really do need to. I haven't been able to open up to anyone since then, really. Isaac wormed his way into my life through sheer luck and stupidity.
   He puts a hand on my shoulder and pulls me in for a brief hug. He learned back when we went drinking together, before I gave up the bars and partying, that I'm very physical. He's not particularly into hugs, but he gives me them when he can tell I could really use one.
   "Thanks," I say quietly as he pulls back.
   "Y'know, you're not like what they said."
   I nod. I'm glad that Isaac sees it, even if it took time for us to become close.
   "Give that guy some time. I think he'll come around to ya," Isaac says softly, grabbing a towel and heading out of the room.
   I sit down on the edge of my bed and mull over that concept. It may be too much to hope for. Then again, Isaac came around with time and exposure to me. Maybe there's a chance other people could still, too.

The following content is intended for mature audiences.