Two weeks passed and we were already in June. Arguably one of the best months for summer, since it’s not too hot and the beaches aren’t as crowded. May is still close to college time, July is all about fireworks and having barbecues, and August is too close to college starting back up. Today was no exception, it was a beautiful cloudless afternoon with a gentle breeze. 

I thought today, which happened to be a Friday, would be perfect to visit our town’s botanical garden. When I was in middle school, I found myself spending a lot of time there. Not sure exactly why I wandered there at least once a week, but once I was there, I was mesmerized by it for hours. I was never alone of course, though at the time I didn’t know who I was hanging out with, it was very peaceful. 

I was only like 12 or 13 at the time and I knew this girl didn’t attend my middle school. All I knew was that she was a sweet kid who taught me the different kinds of flowers in the garden. Unlike the other females I knew in school, she never wore dresses or skirts. This mysterious kid wore jeans and hoodies even in the summer. I asked her once if she was hot and she told me with a laugh clinging to her voice: “I’m comfortable being sweaty if it means I can be myself.” I seriously didn’t understand it at the time and even now I’m unsure. 

While entering the front gates, I was greeted with the sweet aroma of the botanical flowers. It was oddly nostalgic but I welcomed it with a warm smile. If I recall correctly, there was a swinging bench in a more secluded part of the garden. The same girl had shown me it and that’s where we spent the most time together. I remember one time it was about to start pouring out, but this girl, she knew everything about the garden. She knew exactly where to navigate to find coverage for us. We still got soaked anyway. 

Those were honestly some of the best times of my youth when I wasn’t with Dylan.

I surprised myself with remembering the pathways inside the jungle-like area. It truly was the most stunning in the summer. Every flower was in bloom and every shrub was a vibrant shade of green. The trees danced in the wind, sending lush leaves spiraling down every couple gusts. 

I missed this. 

It wasn’t long until I reached the secret part of the garden, and when I did I noticed another person already occupying it. I was still ways away from said bench so I couldn’t pinpoint who it might have been. I’m clearly not a typically shy person, so as soon as I knew someone else was already there, I slowly approached them. 

My feet made contact with some dead leaves on the soil, thus attracting the attention of the person in question. We hastily locked eyes and I knew those eyes from anywhere!

“Leo!” I called out.

Not sure why I didn’t think it was him at first; his hair was bright red and could be seen from miles. 

His hazel eyes went from startled to a hesitant glimmer as I continued to approach the bench. Even with a newfound sense of security, he appeared on edge still. 

“What are you doing here Noah?” Leo questioned with a blank expression. 

I wondered if he was hesitant to chat with me because of Dylan. He did say that at the party. I observed him and his body language quickly, making me become more cautious. He was tense with his arms firmly wrapped in front of his chest. His legs and feet were tightly planted to the ground as he sat. I noticed he was wearing black trousers and a short sleeved collared shirt in a rosy pink hue. Very fashionable, may I add.

I cracked a half smile. “I haven’t been to this garden in about 13 years so I wanted to experience its beauty again. What about you?” 

Leo gestured to the bento box next to his leg. “On lunch.” He flatly spoke, obviously unamused with this conversation.

Man, he really doesn’t want to chat with me.

I tried to keep up my smile. “So you know about this secret part of the garden too, huh?” I stood awkwardly next to the bench that happened to be shaded by an old oak tree. 

He averted his gaze from mine and looked up at said tree. “I practically grew up in this garden,” he tediously said. “But I was sure that I was the only one who knew about this place. My dad made this bench for me and put it here so I could be alone. I’m kind of annoyed that you know about it.” The exasperation installed in his voice was unwavering. He flicked his wrath filled eyes onto mine. 

I gulped, not expecting such an angry confrontation on such a blissful afternoon. 

“I’ll leave if you’d like. I didn’t mean to disrupt your peace.” This was Dylan’s friend who helped him out when he was going through the motions; I didn’t want to get on his bad side. If he truly did help out Dyl, I owed him this much. 

I started to backtrack to take my leave, but his voice halted me. 

“How did you know where to go? This path is winding and easily lost on those who aren’t familiar, but you seem like it’s nothing. Why is that?” The antagonized spit in his voice was still in full force. 

Holding back my own fizz of annoyance, I shrugged. “I used to be here a lot with someone a long time ago and they showed me a bunch of places.”

He gave me an inquisitive glance before eyeing me down. Being so closely inspected made me uncomfortable so I ended up laughing nervously. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Leo’s displeasure morphed into pure confusion. “This can’t be,” he whispered under his breath. He combed through his red hair nervously while looking away from my gaze. 

Obviously, I’m also puzzled by the behavior change. His guard was down and I took it as an opportunity to sit next to him, on the opposite side of where his lunch was placed. His eyes didn’t dare look in my general direction. 

He clenched his eyes shut and exhaled dreadfully. “Back when I was still going by Eleanor, I met a boy around my age here. He looked troubled and as a homeschooled kid, I was lonely. He was incredibly kindhearted and trustworthy, so I showed him all my favorite secret locations.”  He hesitantly opened his eyes and peered over at me. “I always wore hoodies and jeans even if it was boiling outside.” 

My eyes widened at the revelation. “Holy shit,” was all I could manage. 

“So it is you? The mysterious boy.” Leo softly chuckled. 

My time spent with past Leo, we never exchanged names. You’d think that giving names would make sense, but we were like pen pals with pen names. He went by ‘El’ and I went by ‘N,’ yes, just the letter.  He always had long blonde hair worn up in a messy bun and forcibly painted nails. I was told that his mom loved dolling him up like a “beautiful princess,” thus why long hair was present. Now I understand why we connected so heavily together.

I recalled why I even went there in the first place. I was just beginning to hit puberty and I started to unravel my sexuality. I struggled with it and tried to ignore my attraction to the other boys at school. I hated how I found them ‘cute’ and ‘hot.’ I hated that my body reacted at the mere thought of being with another boy.

I finally remembered, it was a particularly rough day at school. Another boy I went to school with came out as gay and the reaction wasn’t swell. It was the early 2000s before queer people were more understood and accepted. Immature and cruel people targeted him and it just made my stomach churn. I kept thinking: That could be me. I can never be myself. I can never come out. Everyone will hate me. No one will love me. 

Leo mentioned I looked troubled, he was correct. I was filled with a lot of negative thoughts and really hated myself that day. I thought about things no child should ever think about. And then this quiet girl came up to me with a small smile. Her eyes told me she was suffering too, but together we could escape our problems and get lost in a jungle of pleasant memories. 

I suppose in a sense, this girl saved me. That first day, it was cloudy and pretty chilly. It had to be spring because it was muddy out. I wandered into the botanical gardens by myself and I think I was lost. I just sat on the moist ground and stared up at the sky. I contemplated a lot of things, very dark things. The dark and hazy cloud in my mind was silenced by a voice. I snapped my head towards the sound and it was this girl. She asked me if I was lost but I didn’t say anything. My cold somber eyes just stared back at her. It wasn’t long until she took my hand and my body went on autopilot to wherever she was taking me. It was to that swinging bench. 

“This is my secret base. I like to come here to relax. It’s soothing. You’re welcome here anytime.” She told me. A stranger. This person was a stranger yet they opened up a part of the world for me to feel welcomed in. I’m almost positive I started to cry. Although we never spoke directly of our troubles and insecurities, we had a silent understanding of it. We didn’t need specifics. 

I started coming at least once a week every week all the way through summer. But one day, that stranger I had been spending all my time with, just vanished. 

I smiled at Leo, the very stranger I can put a name to now. “How unexpected,” I laughed quietly. 

“We even went to high school together for a few years and neither of us recognized each other. How bizarre.” 

Leo was right about that one. We even had classes together! “I suppose being homeschooled and then coming to public school looking like an entirely new person would do the trick.” I poked his side with my fingers playfully. When I knew Leo in high school, he had short pixie cut hair. Cutting that much hair off can really change your look.

His laugh filled the air. “Yeah true. Back then I thought I was still a queer woman. Now I’m still queer but living as a man and I couldn’t be happier about it.” Those sad eyes I knew so long ago couldn’t be any more vibrant with life. 

“Where did you go though? One day you just didn’t show up anymore.” 

His smile faltered a bit, “my parents found out I was hanging out with some boy and forced me to stop visiting. They meant well, but I was miserable because of it.” He sighed. “I finally made a friend and they hated it.” 

My frown couldn’t be anymore present on my face. “Well that’s really shitty.” I huffed and crossed my arms. “Those were some of my favorite memories of middle school. I finally felt seen for who I was and I didn’t have to even say I was gay back then!” 

Leo shared the same energy as myself. “Right!? You were my only real friend who didn’t interrogate me for my clothing choices. It was nice while it lasted. My parents suck. When my dad died and my mom remarried it went downhill.” 

“Oh man, that's super shitty. I’m sorry to hear about that by the way.” He knew exactly what I meant by that. Hearing several phrases about his parents, it screamed: they don’t agree with my lifestyle. 

A small smile tugged at his lips despite the conversation. “It’s alright. It’s taken me a long time to accept myself and accept the fact my parents won’t ever love me the way I want them to. It’s why I came to this bench. It’s one of the last things my dad left me before he died and I always felt like he’d love me for the son I’ve grown up to be.” Suddenly he was flushed by his own confession. 

“Ugh sorry. I don’t usually share like that. I guess old times fall hard, huh? I always felt comfortable around you back then.” He covered his embarrassed face. 

Smiling warmly, I place my hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay man! I’m glad we found each other again. Though I’m sure you know a bunch about me from Dylan.” I scratched the back of my head with my free hand. 

He perked his head up with a smirk. “Oh boy do I!” 

We spent the rest of his lunch chatting about our youth and making jokes about how ridiculous life could be. I had no idea Leo would be the person that saved me in my preteens, but here he was. I worried about us getting along for Dylan’s sake, but it was all for nothing. Leo and I would be friends just as we were 13 years ago.