"You don't think I'm over here too much?" Asked Remy, getting up from Spencer's couch grabbing himself another beer from the fridge.
"Do you think you're over here too much?"
"I mean . . . . " Remy stopped his words as he took a long sip of his beer.
"I mean you're over here about the same amount of time as before, but now there are more perks." Spencer flashing that evil grin of his. " Perks in which I benefit."
"Always gotta benefit you."
"Of course!"
"Asshole."
"Always."
The bickering was something they've always done, and it hasn't changed since they became a thing. A thing that only the two of them were aware of for the time being. Which was fine by Remy; he didn't want to push Spencer into anything he wasn't comfortable with. Afraid of moving too quickly, scaring Spencer away from something he seemed to want. Something they both wanted.
It hadn't been that long in reality either. They were just a few days shy of two months together. Remy was perfectly content with how things were going between them. He was finally getting the one person he's ever wanted.
Spencer was still very uncomfortable with the idea of others finding out. Not that he was still trying to hide it from the world or himself. He was just honestly afraid of how the world would take it. It was a cruel place and time in which the both of them lived. He didn't understand how Remy could go about being himself and not even pause to think about what others thought of him.
Before, Spencer would say that it might have been easier for Remy because he looked more like a male that would be gay. So people just expected it and let it be. Not calling him feminine-looking or trying to downgrade him in any manner. But if you looked at the two of them, Spencer felt that he looked more like what one would think of as a 'manly male', standing over six feet with a lean build. Dark hair, even darker eyes, strong jawline, thin nose. Half covered in ink, stretched lobes with multiple facial piercings. Remy was barely five-ten, which made him short and cute in Spencer's book with light brown hair that's changed a lot over the years style-wise, going through phases as Remy liked to call it. Glacier blue eyes that honestly caught anyone that looked at them. A little stocky in framing but not fat by any means.
Realizing now, it had nothing to do with looks at all. It was all about the confidence you had in yourself. As much as Spencer loved to appear that he had mountains of confidence in himself, he didn't. For the most part, thankfully, people bought it. Believed Spencer to be this true bad-boy ladies man that oozed self-esteem that he wanted everyone to think he was. It was nothing more than a lie. A front that he put on. Remy was the only one that saw through that bullshit persona and was kind enough to not call him out on it.
"What?" Asked Remy, looking over at Spencer.
Drawing more of his attention when he placed his hand on his thigh. He knew what that look of Spencer's was, the one that showed he was thinking about things too hard.
"It's nothing."
"Bullshit."
Spencer huffing, leaning back farther into the couch, resting his head back, "How do you do it? Like just be yourself and not worry about what others might think of you? Or do to you for not fitting the normal standards."
"Honestly. . . " Remy taking a long sip from his beer, "I worry about it a lot."
That was his honest to god answer too, "I worry about it all the time. Just try not to let it run my life. Say fuck them and move on. My life doesn't affect theirs, so why let theirs fuck with my happiness. You know?"
That was as best as he could put it for now. Just fuck them if they had a problem and move on. Their dislike or hate wasn't going to be the thing that ruined his day or his enjoyment in life.
"Make it sound so easy." Spencer huffed. "Fuck them and move on."
That was hard for Spencer to do. He couldn't just say fuck them and move along. His way of life weighed so heavily on how he viewed himself. Pulling him so deep down at times where he didn't see an out. The need for approval from everyone ran deep in him. The wanting approval and acceptance from his parents that he never got in childhood fucked him over. Turning his teenage years and so far his adulthood, as well, into a hot mess of self-loathing and lack of true confidence.
"Stop." Remy's voice spoke up harder than his normal tone catching Spencer off guard.
"Don't think about your dad."
Remy knew that look the most out of all of Spencer's looks.
"I'm not."
"And now we're lying."
Remy tisking him as he shook his head.
"If this conversation is headed towards your dad, I would like to change it."
"It's not. He's a piece of shit, and that's the end of it."
Remy stayed quiet as he sat there looking at Spencer for a long moment. Placing his hand over the one Spencer had resting on his thigh. His father was a true piece of shit. That deserved every count of guilty he got. Rotting in prison was a luxury for him to have after all he had done to Spencer.
Spencer, struggling to come to terms with who he really is at the core before its to late.
Remy, unable to have the one thing he's always wanted and learning that maybe his cards were dealt differently than he saw them.
Jackson, a free soul that wants to ease the pain in the lives around him. Getting a little more than he ever imagine to get.
This story may contain some triggers for readers : Gay Bashing/Slurs, Strong Language, Abuse, Anexity, Pain, Drug Use, and Death. All parts containing triggers will be marked as M.
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