We laid down on the purple blanket side by side with our shoulders brushed up against each other. I closed my eyes, inhaling the mountain air, and listening to the shallow breathing of the man next to me and the distant crackling of the fire. I felt incredibly at ease. When I reopened them and moved my head to look at Dylan, I could see we were both sharing the tranquil sensation. His eyes glimmered as his mouth curved into a small smile. His features and shoulders were relaxed. 

“I found Slinky!” Dylan pointed up at the bundle of stars. He moved his head to catch my reaction but I was too busy looking at him. Does he not have pores?? Why is his skin so smooth looking? Even his slight beard looks soft.

His cheeks turned rosy at my unwavering attention but he just smiled at me. “Are you going to look at the stars or what Casanova?” He teased me. 

Chuckling, I rolled my eyes. “You know a ‘casanova’ is a man who’s married to many women and has side hoes, right? That definitely doesn’t sound like me for many alarming reasons.” 

“Gay casanova then. Problem solved.” I felt his shoulders shrug while he shot me a sarcastic smile.

I snorted out in laughter. “Wonderful compromise. Sorry I didn’t mention I’m part of the show Sister Wives but invert the genders and that’s me. It was supposed to be a huge surprise for my TLC appearance and now you’ve spoiled it!” 

Dylan snickered so loudly and fondly at my not-so-great joke that I was impressed with myself. 

“Sorry I ruined your huge reveal,” he was still chuckling. 

“I haven’t dated anyone in like 2 years so it always humors me when people think otherwise.” 

He quieted down but still had a smile plastered on his face, “I guess it’s just surprising because you’re good looking and a huge flirt.” He realized what slipped out and cleared his throat loudly with warm cheeks. 

Hearing a genuine compliment from him was shocking. Past-Dylan never complimented anyone unless it was done in a condescending manner or while he was drunk. Like really really really drunk. 

“Thanks Dyl!” I accepted it with a huge smile. “But I’m single by my own choice. My last relationship ended because I wasn’t, you’d say, always there? Like I was physically, but emotionally and mentally I wasn’t. After we graduated college together, we had very different goals in life.” 

Dylan hummed in response. “So you broke up with him?”

“Well honestly, it was mutual. He technically broke up with me if I had to pick who, but it was an honest and healthy break up between both of us.” I whistled out in exhaustion thinking about it. 

Steve was a great guy, honestly. He was sweet, patient, hilarious, and man was he some eye candy! But none of that mattered when we graduated.

“How long were you together for? If you don’t mind me asking.” Curiosity peaked in his voice.

“You can ask whatever you’d like! I’m not shy,” I gazed up at the breathtaking sky. “But we were together for about 4 years. Which honestly scares people when I tell them because they think, ‘oh wow you must be super broken up about it!’ or ‘that’s such a long time! What happened?’ But I wasn’t even sad when we broke up, I just kept on going.” 

There was a brief period of silence. I assumed Dylan was one of those people that was surprised to hear it. I glanced over at him and his eyes were averted up with knitted brows. 

“I mean, 4 years is a long time. And you weren’t even sad about it?” For some reason he sounded a bit worked up. 

 I sighed because I knew exactly why my relationship failed but I didn’t want to voice it. 

“Don’t get the wrong idea. I am grateful to him for the experience and the memories of college together, but I was never in love with him. Like, I loved him but wasn’t in love. I couldn’t see myself building a family with him or creating a life together. In college, I worked day from day but never thought about the big picture. It wasn’t until after we graduated that I realized that. And he knew it too. I’m not a very good liar or deceiver. He also wanted to travel the world and I didn’t want that. I eventually wanted kids, he didn’t want that.” I blew out a huff of air at the end of my breathless explanation.  

He hummed while nodding his head. He looked at me again. “Okay I get that. People just grow apart or want different things. It makes a lot of sense.”

“What about you? Any secret relationships?” I nudged his side playfully with my elbow. 

“God I don’t even remember the last time I dated someone. My life hasn’t been the most conventional since my life fell apart.” He gave me a wary smile. 

I didn’t know if it was alright for me to bring up what Leo told me about him dropping out and rehab. I decided it was best if he assumed I didn’t know anything. 

“It’s not really a secret. Everyone in this town about my circumstances and my less than spectacular choices.” He spoke darkly. The gloss in his eyes vanished. “It’s just unpleasant to remember but it’s important, you know. I already know Leo told you about my dropping out and going to rehab.”

“I’ll listen if you want to but I’ll also understand if you don’t want to tell me everything right now.” I smiled sincerely.

I felt a shivering vibration coming from my shoulder--it was the one closest to Dylan. I noticed him visibly shaking with either panic or anxiety. The whole thing made my heart twist. His hand was inches away from my body and so I quietly moved mine and softly grabbed his. I looked him in the eyes. “It’s okay Dylan. Thank you for telling me.” I gave his shaking hand a reassuring squeeze before pulling away. 

He huffed out air through his nose while smiling. “Thank you for understanding.” 

Despite the fleeting heaviness of the conversation, there was a storm inside my heart. I couldn’t help myself from feeling guilty. I kept thinking, I should have been here for him. I should have helped him through this. There was a dull ache in my heart at the thought he may have suffered for long durations by himself.

“For what it's worth Dyl, I’m proud of you for making it this far.” 

I watched as he bit his lower lip fighting back a smile. “That actually means a lot, so thank you for saying it.” He flicked his eyes back up towards the sky. 

I just grinned at him and mimicked his actions. 

“When you were gone all those years, I always looked up at the stars wondering and hoping you’d come back.” Dylan whispered into the night. I faintly heard it. 

“Do you see those clusters of stars right there?” I pointed in the direction in front of me. His eyes followed where my fingertips led. “I never told you about this one because I was embarrassed as a kid, but this constellation always reminded me of your eyes.” I pointed to the very real Cassiopeia constellation. It was very bright and beautiful just like him. “I thought of you every time I saw it.” Still holding my pointer finger out, I glanced over at him. 

Even in the dim light, you could see his face burned. “You mean one of the most romantic constellations in the night sky reminded you of me?” His voice cracked a bit with embarrassment. He turned to lock eyes with me. 

“I’d never lie to you Dyl.” It was such a simple statement. 

He covered his mouth with his hand and I heard a muffled, “why are you like this?”

I bubbled out a rough laugh which caused him to eye me curiously. He’s adorable. 

“You sounded so upset about the stars so I wanted to make you smile. You always did for me when we were young, why wouldn’t I? Besides, it’s the truth. I didn’t know it was the most romantic one, I just thought it was really captivating.”

Boldly, he asked, “By extension, do you mean that for me?” 

I was taken aback by the sudden question. I broke out into a smile while holding his gaze. “You’ve always been captivating to me Dylan.” 

He flicked his eyes back up the sky, trying to hide the heat from his face. “You’re a real smooth talker, huh?” He pouted his lips out like a child. 

“Don’t give me that look! You asked and I delivered the truth. Don’t ask me questions you can’t handle the truth for!” I was being playful.

“You’re just unapologetically honest. It’s very admirable, but I’m not used to compliments so I’m easily embarrassed” 

A breeze swept through the summer air, creating a cooling sensation against my exposed skin. This whole night was just something else. It felt so real and so organic that I didn’t want it to end. Being with my best friend again was surreal. 

“I’ll try and compliment you everyday until you’re used to it,” I half jokingly offered. 

He hummed, pondering my words for a moment. “I look forward to them then.” It was an unexpected response but a gleeful one nonetheless. He smiled from ear to ear.

“It’s a promise.” Just as I said that, a shooting star soared across the diamond sky. It reminded me of the time I wished to always be by Dylan’s side. I suppose fate had brought us in this moment and I couldn’t help but feel lifted with blissfulness. 

“So besides me, which constellation is your favorite?” He asked with a newfound airiness to his voice. 

We were out there for hours talking about space, expressing our opinions on aliens, planets, galaxies, anything ! I found out that Dylan’s new favorite planet is Venus and that his favorite collection of stars was Ursa Minor (little bear). We both really wanted to travel to see the aurora borealis. I didn’t tell him this but his eyes reminded me of the Northern Lights. You’d think my favorite color would be green, but nope, still purple. 

We chatted for so long that we both didn’t notice it was almost midnight. We had been outside for nearly 5 hours but time just slipped by. We didn’t continue any of our heavy banter from earlier. We truly were just enjoying each other’s company.

His favorite animal is still a turtle, so my stuffed animal wasn’t bought in vain! 

Dylan was telling me how after rehab he took up painting again. He reluctantly showed me some pieces and they were amazing. Some were realistic landscapes of various locations across New England, a few were of Hampton Beach, and a select few seemed like personal pieces. More abstract and chaotic. I think it was expressionism? 

“You’re so talented Dyl.”

“You’re going to boost my ego with these constant kind words,” he laughed before yawning. 

“Let’s get some sleep.” As much as I didn’t want this night to end, my eyelids were getting harder and harder to keep open. I was rarely up past 9pm. 

He frowned, “yeah you’re right, it’s getting late.” 

“No frowning in these camping parts!” I protested. “Let’s hither to those sleeping bags !” I jumped up pulling Dylan with me.

His icy expression quickly melted into a smile as we headed into the tent. There, we'd sleep in my parent’s sleeping bags and drift off to dreamland.