Read Something Like Starting Over :: Chapter 12 [Demian]

     I wasn't expecting him to speak so passionately, and about zombies at that. Somehow, he turned a horror trope into a scientific experience, and I found myself enjoying listening to his concepts so much that I almost forgot to take notes. He'd stopped stuttering and tripping over his words the more detail he went into, and that surprised me too. I'd started to think maybe this project wont be so bad and that there may be a chance that he isn't afraid of me after all, when he suddenly stopped talking and just sits there staring at me, shifting around in his seat and darting his eyes everywhere but at my face. Damn it. Well, it was nice to be talked with like an actual normal human for the short time it lasted.
   I release a deep breath through my nose before I decide to say something, only to have him start talking at the same moment. I stop speaking to give him the floor again, but he just sits there silently. I start to feel agitated the more the silence lingers.
   "What?" I finally ask, hoping he'll say whatever it was that he'd been about to say.
   "O-oh, I j-just - y-you have all the notes and uhm, the library has a copy machine," he stutters, his face growing crimson. I sigh and stand up, watching him follow suit. Of course he's worried about the notes. Every partner I've had the past three years has been worried I'd steal their work, so why wouldn't he? We reach the trash bin at about the same time, and as I'm dropping my wrapper in he dumps his cup of cola all down my arm. I spin to stare at him and his blue eyes are wide as saucers. I stare at him, unable to form words right away.
   "What the fuck?" I do my best to not shout, but seriously, he's testing my patience right now. He's not only acting like he's afraid again, but now he's dumping things on me too. I can hear him muttering 'shit shit shit' under his breath. I can't deal with this right now. There are only a handful of other students in the room, but I know all of them are watching us. I shouldn't have to deal with this crap.
   "Here, take it," I growl at him, handing over the notebook. His mouth opens and closes like a fish as I practically shove the notebook into his hand. I walk away from the cafeteria, hoping I'll have enough time to change my shirt and get back before my last class starts.
   A few minutes later I hear rapid footfalls behind me, but I don't bother looking at him.
   "I-It was an a-a-accident," his voice pleads at me. I don't turn around. I can't. I'm so tired of people being like this.
   I can hear him trying to keep up, and finally I stop and spin around to face him. He crashes directly into me.
   "S-s-sorry, Demian," he whispers, looking up and meeting my eyes. He's trembling. This is exactly the kind of situation I like to avoid -people trying to make amends so I won't, what, hurt them? I don't even know anymore. I open my mouth to speak, but he starts talking.
   "I r-really didn't mean to spill that on y-you. The lid p-popped off when I w-was tossing it out. I'm s-sorry about your shirt. I-I'd offer you mine b-but I don't think it would fit," his words are quiet and rushed, he's blushing and shivering, but he doesn't drop his gaze from mine. I notice his arm moving in my peripheral vision and glance down to see a handful of napkins. I look back at his face to find him chewing on the edge of his lower lip. He drops his gaze and tentatively reaches out towards my arm. Now I'm curious. His glance rapidly shifts between my face and my arm, and when I don't move he starts wiping my sleeve.
   "I-I know it won't make it s-stop being sticky, a-and I really do apologize for that, b-but hopefully this will help it be less uncomfortable," he murmurs quietly, pulling the soaked towels away from my sleeve.
   "A-and th-thank you for the n-notes. I d-don't know if you have another class after this. I have labs at period four, b-but I can take a copy after if you a-also have class, o-or you c-can drop a copy off a-at the bio lab?" He clearly looks uncomfortable.
   "Why don't you just keep the notebook?" I ask, knowing my tone isn't very friendly despite trying to hold back the anger I'm still feeling. He shakes his head, his whole body trembling. I don't get why he's pushing himself like this.
   "B-because if I have the notebook, you can't w-work on it tonight, a-and if you have it then I can't," he stutters, looking back up at me. I can see him trying to control his breathing. Dear God, he looks like he's going to cry he's so afraid.
   "I'm not going to st-" I start to speak but he cuts me off.
   "I'm n-not afraid of you stealing the p-project by the way."
   I blink. Despite his flushed face still looking close to tears, he says it with an honest tone. Stuttering, but honest.
   "Fine. I'll meet you at the library after fourth," I state before walking off to the dorms, trying to piece together what just happened.

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   Isaac was in the midst of changing his shirt when I walked in. He gave my arm a pointed look and raised an eyebrow.
   I sighed and gave a brief rundown of what happened. By the end he had an amused look on his face. He clapped me on the shoulder. "That's rough, buddy."
   I gave a chuckle at his Avatar reference. He's one of the few people who know about my love of animated shows.
   "I think I met that guy earlier actually, at our sports meet. He was helping someone from the newspaper committee take notes. He was hella shy, didn't speak much, just a lot of nodding and shaking," Isaac broke into a large lopsided grin. "He shook his head so fast his glasses fell off, and he and his buddy nearly bumped heads trying to pick them up. It was pure comedy, Dems. His face was redder than your bed sheet, and he squeaked like a girl."
   I felt my lips twitch upwards. Yeah, that sounded like Adrian.
   "I know you've got a bad rep, but I think this guy's just hella shy. You said he talked so much while focused on the project, but gets nervous as heck any other time," he let out a chuckle and caught my gaze. "Maybe it's not your rumors, just bad social anxiety, man."
   That kind of makes sense. Even though Adrian has had multiple interactions that have caused others to bolt or worse, he hasn't shown actual fear. Nervousness, absolutely, but not true fear. I don't want to put any hope into it, but it would be a pleasant change to have someone on campus other than Isaac who can tolerate me. Especially if I have to work with them.
   "Let me know how it goes, yeah?" Isaac asks, heading out the door. "Bring him by sometime, I'll take a read on him."
   That's actually a good idea, and it shouldn't be too hard to get him to agree to come over since I have the project as an excuse. I mull over how to word asking him over while heading to my last class.

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   I'm in a sour mood after Anatomy. My dissection partner wants nothing to do with me and flinches away whenever I pick up the scalpel. I wish I could just do the project solo, but there aren't enough hearts to go around. My mood lifts slightly when I get into the library and see Adrian desperately trying to get the copy machine to stop spewing papers. I walk over as the machine shuts off, and Adrian is doing his best to shuffle through all the pages. I watch as he tugs one out of the pile and manages to make all the others slide out of his arms. The sound he made was incredibly pathetic yet cute, and I only barely managed to keep my expression neutral. This guy, I don't know what to make of him. I sigh, bending down to help him pick up the pages.
   "Have you never used a copy machine?" I ask him, handing over seven papers that seem to have nothing printed on them. He takes them without looking past my hand.
   "I-it's uh, been a while," he says, his gaze pointed at the floor. I take in the situation while keeping what Isaac said at the forefront of my mind, and determine he's probably just embarrassed, not trying to avoid me. Although, it could be both.
   I take the notebook from him and quickly make a copy of the five pages of notes and outlines we'd managed to create. We'd managed to get quite a bit done in one day, I realize.
   "Thanks," he whispers as I hand over the papers. He looks up at me and I feel my heartbeat stutter when he gives me a small smile. His cheeks are a dusty rose color, and I can just barely see his dimples before he ducks his head down again.
   "Oh, y-you changed your shirt. Did you keep an extra i-in your locker?" he asks curiously, glancing back up.
   "I live in the dorms," I state and it hits me that this is the perfect opportunity to set up for him to meet Isaac. "We should work there next time."
   His eyes widen like he's afraid, and I'm hit with a blend of sadness and annoyance. Isaac, you're wrong. He's afraid just like everyone else at this damn school who isn't forced to live with me.
   "O-okay, we can do that. I-I've got to go now, b-but I'll text you."
   I nod at him and watch him leave the building, a flurry of emotions in my gut. He just agreed to come to my dorm. Not that I've invited anyone new over in years, but I can't think of anybody here that would agree to it if I had. Is it possible he's not afraid to be around me? I hear murmuring behind me and I steel myself to the glances and whispers before I also leave, my head full of thoughts and questions that I'm not sure I want to know the answers of.