Hours passed and soon it was already 5:34pm. Stacie out of the blue rang me and I answered. 

“Hey Stace, what’s up?” I instantly grew worried because my best friend never calls me without notice at this time of day.

“Hey No, are you free for a minute?” Her voice was unreadable.

“I’m in the middle of preparing dinner but I’ll always have time for you, Stace. What’s up?” I was trying to hide the panic in my tone.

“Sorry for the interruption. I could call you later?”

“Isn’t it urgent? You never call at this time without a notice.” 

While hand mixing the batter for dinner, I made sure my phone was in the nook between my ear and shoulder. 

“Honestly,” She paused before deeply sighing. “It’s been like two weeks and I just miss my best friend.”

The corners of my mouth curled up into a sincere smile. My heart felt much love by her statement because shit, I missed her too. Despite her hectic life with working and marriage, we always managed to spend time together every week. Even when my parents visited, she’d be right there with Lilian. Stace was my other half--platonic of course! I always believed that friendship love can be just as strong and powerful as parental and partnership love. Not every single close relationship has to be romantic. 

“I miss you too Stace and I’m sorry I’ve been so bad at texting. A lot has been going on with Dylan and myself.” Guilt crept up into my throat as I spoke. 

She chuckled into the phone. “No, you’ve always been absolute shit at texting. Don’t go and blame Dylan for that one.” 

I huffed out a giggle at that statement because she was right. “Yea yeah that’s fair. So how are you and Lilian doing?” Opening the fridge, I grabbed the eggs, cabbage, and spring onion. 

Well as you already know, Lil is very stressed about getting her degree. It’s about more of the same. Work is going well for me. To be frank, I called more so to hear about you! You’re in your hometown with people you used to go to school with! How’s the Dylan situation coming anyways?” I could feel her cheshire-like smile over the phone. 

Rolling my eyes, I pulled out the cutting board to chop the vegetables up. “I suppose I haven’t updated you lately. I told you my parents are going to Cape Cod this weekend, so I invited him over for dinner.” 

“Oh, did you now?” Stace’s voice carried a lot of hidden intent with the way she said that. “What are you making?” 

I was chopping up the cabbage as I groaned. “There’s nothing behind this Stace. We both agreed to start over and what better way than to do this? He even agreed to camp in my parent’s backyard like we did as kids. I already gathered it all and set it up earlier.” I finished cutting it and moved the cabbage into the batter I made before. “And I’m making Okonomiyaki.

Stacie squealed so loudly in the mic it made my ear ring. “I can’t remember the last time I had that!” She growled even louder than her scream. “I want that so badly now Noah! There’s nothing but jealousy in my heart now.” I only imagined her pouting face on the other line. The thought made me grin. 

I moved on to cutting the onions next while I heard Stace clear her throat. “Are you seriously not considering this might feel like a date?” 

I snickered so loud that my eyes creased. “Date? Then we did plenty of those when we were kids because this was something that happened frequently. Sure, my mom or his did the cooking while we played video games or shit talked, but nothing was even remotely romantic. Me cooking this dinner doesn’t equal this to being anything romantic. That’s like saying all those times I cooked for you while we drank wine was a date. That’s so ridiculous.” 

There was a brief moment of silence and in those moments I put the onions in the same bowl with the rest of the ingredients. I began to mix meticulously making sure not to overdo it. 

“Those were bestie dates though!” She trailed off, building up the courage to realize I was right. “That is a valid point. Sorry No.” 

I sighed into the mic. “It’s okay, Stacie. I just don’t understand why you people are so fixated on us being a thing. We’re barely even friends at this point and besides, I haven’t liked Dylan that way in many years. I was even with Stephen for almost 4 years, Stace.” 

“What do you mean by ‘you people?’ Is someone else saying this as well?”

I guess I forgot to tell her about Stef and his choice of words every time I’m around him. I didn’t mean to leave him out of the cafe story but I suppose it just slipped my mind. I was kind of focused only on Dylan. I began to explain what Stef said and what he implied both the other day and just a couple of hours before.

Taking a minute to process what I exclaimed, I decided to grab the oil and one of our stainless steel pans from the cabinet. 

“So you’re telling me Stef called your meetup a date and then implied that Dylan might not be straight?! AND YOU LEFT THIS OUT WHY??” Her voice carried louder and louder. “This is some straight-up romance movie material but you’re getting a heads up now before it all goes down. Clearly he’s saying that your dear Dylan here is possibly interested in ‘that way.’ You’re so oblivious, Noah.” I could tell she was shaking her head. “AND! Stef knew that you liked him and didn’t say anything to anyone? He’s clearly been there for him for it all, so he’d definitely know him well enough to come to the conclusion that a non-straight man meeting his previous BFF, who is also not straight, might spark something.” She took a moment to breathe and what I assumed was a sip of water.

“Homophobia is sometimes self internalized out of fear of oneself. So, Dylan could have been at least bi the whole time and denying it. I did that for years with being pan. I just ignored it until I couldn’t anymore. You did the same thing and while we weren’t grossly homophobic as a result, it is a valid expression of one's sexuality if wanting to reject it.” She finished. 

I paused what I was doing, trying to absorb that huge rant-train of thoughts. They were all extremely valid. I hadn’t put that all together but luckily this is why I had Stace to rely on. While still pondering her words, it reminded me of what Dylan said with his apology. He mentioned ‘self projecting,’ which would line up with Stacie’s explanation. It did make a lot of sense. 

“Even if he is interested and Stef is trying to set us up, it doesn’t change anything or my situation. We’re barely friends and once again, I harbor no romantic feelings for him.” I found myself growing annoyed but I didn’t know why.

“Listen Noah, I’ll drop the topic and I’ll stop teasing you. I can tell in your voice you’re getting worked up. I’m sorry I upset you. You know I love you and only like to over analyze situations.” Her voice was quiet. 

My face became flushed with embarrassment. “Oh Stace, don't apologize, it's really okay! I definitely agree with you about everything you said. However, I’m just not ready to even be in a relationship. Stephen and I broke up 2 years ago because I was just so emotionally unavailable. The very idea of having a partner stresses me out. I need to get my life in order. And even if I was, Dylan and I couldn’t work. What his words did to me was awful, but 8 years of no contact I feel has done far worse for him. It’s like I’m looking at a stranger with a long list of mysteries I have yet to uncover and I’m the one that created them!” I was saying more than I intended to. I didn’t even realize I felt this guilt until I said it outloud. 

I noticed the time and it was 6pm. Dylan would be here any minute. 

“Noah. Nothing he did to himself while you were gone is in any way your fault! He chose his life and path. Please don’t blame yourself for that. You were both kids doing what kids do best--making mistakes. All you guys need is time. Time to heal and grow together. Your’s and his feelings matter and count for everything that it is worth. It doesn’t have to develop into something romantic, but if it does, do not fight it. Don’t deny it. Having the mentality that nothing will change because of the past is just silly.” Stacie’s mother-like voice soothed me and my increasing concern of the situation. 

“Thank you Stacie. I really appreciate you.” It was such a simple exchange but I meant it in my soul. I smiled deeply because her advice and wisdom always brought me back to reality. 

“Anytime No.” 

And with that, came a ringing at the door. 

“Is that Dylan? I heard it ring over the phone. I’ll let you go so you can have some bonding time. Call me tomorrow with all the details, yeah?” 

Shaking my head I said, “Yes of course I will Stace. I’ll talk to you later, love you.”

“Love you too.”

With that, came the end to one conversation but opened the door to another. Quite literally, I opened my front door to lock eyes with the very man we were chatting about just moments before. 

“Hi.” I said plainly with my grip on the door handle. 

“Hey.” The curly blond that was Dylan said almost instantly. 

I noticed his faint smile and attire upon a quick glance. He changed his clothes from earlier. He was definitely dressed more casually. He wore black joggers and a band t-shirt that said Guns N’ Roses. The shirt had seen better days for sure. The white lettering had begun to peel away. 

“Come in, I was just about to start dinner. How do you feel about Okonomiyaki?” I released my hand from the knob and moved out of the doorway. 

I watched as his face lit up like the night sky. “I love it! How did you know?” He smiled revealing his teeth while stepping inside the house. 

We started to walk together towards the kitchen. “Lucky guess?” I lied.

“Bullshit, Stef told you, didn't he?” Dylan playfully rolled his eyes still holding the same smile. 

Shrugging, I laughed, “Yea he may have mentioned your love for Asian cuisine.”

The moments after felt how they did when we were teens. He sat at the bar stool connected to the kitchen. I found myself taking the seat next to him just like old times. I propped up my elbows on the counter turning to look at Dylan. He was already looking at me. 

“You really can cook, huh?” His eyes were like green crescent moons. 

I huffed out a chuckle. “Yeah I can. Can you?” Our knees were gently brushing up against one another but I didn’t pay it too much mind. 

Dylan took his hand and brushed his fingers through his curls. “I can make basic dishes mostly involving pasta and chicken, but nothing complicated or exotic.” His lips curled into a small smile.

I hummed in response debating my choices. I decided to just go with it. “Did you want me to teach you how to make dinner? I already did the prepwork but it’s surprisingly easy!” A grin crept onto my face at my own words. 

His lips parted as if he was about to respond but quickly closed them. The blond laughed nervously and looked over at the counter where I had the stuff for dinner laid out. “Are you sure? I might fuck it up.” I could tell he was awaiting a reaction from me.

I smiled kindly and placed my hand on his shoulder. This gesture made him jump a little and look my way. “Who cares if you do! It’ll be fun I promise.” I hopped off the stool and moved my hand to suggest Dylan to follow me. 

He hesitated for a second but then followed my example and came towards the counter next to me. 

“Let’s get started then!” I found myself smiling bigger than I had in awhile. My conversation with Stacie really lightened my mood even if I was still unsure of the future.

One thing was for sure though, I wouldn’t stop things from happening with pity excuses. Whatever would happen, would happen.