I only heard the rhythmic beat of my heart, slamming against my chest. This lasted a seeming eternity. I was sure I would suffocate in this atmosphere if it didn’t end soon. It felt like that one span of twenty or so minutes was longer than all the other episodes combined.

“I-I’m getting some…water.”

Finally, my mouth pushed out something as I stood up. I rushed away only for my shirt to be tugged. If my feet didn’t stay firm, I would have fallen back into the lion’s clutches.

“Oh, could you get me some too, Madoka-san?”

…When did she start calling me…Madoka-san? And why did hearing it from her lips feel…so natural?

I lifted our glasses then forced myself to the sink. The water began to flow as I rinsed them out. Something in me simmered as I washed the light pink gloss off the edge of her cup. My body grew warm thinking about it touching her lips. But why, I couldn’t understand.

“What’s wrong with you, Madoka?”

A warm breath escaped my mouth.

“This is obviously…her teasing me, isn’t it?”

I scorned as I finished. I looked in the fridge and took out two bottles of ice-cold water. As I approached, I sat on the far-right side, away from Koda-san.

“Here.”

I tried to sound firm, composed even, but all I did was speak mechanically. She reached out and grabbed the bottle. Her fingers coiled around it. She chuckled with a light smile before setting it to the table. My eyes glued back on the TV.

“Hm? Are you okay?”

I turned to Koda-san who scrunched up like a ball against my former side of the couch. She took hold of the pillow I was using and hugged it tightly. Her nose pressed up against it. Bliss seemingly filtered on her face.

“You look a bit tired. You wanna stop for the day?”

Still embracing the cushion, she tilted her head.

“Yes.”

My voice was unnaturally high. I couldn’t control it even though I was conscious of it.

“Please, excuse me.”

“Sure…we can watch it another time, okay?”

“Y-Yeah…”

She closed her eyes and cuddled her cheeks closer to the pillow.

“It’s a date then...”

She beamed at me, but I couldn’t do the same for her. The tone in her voice…gave off an honest vibe. Worlds apart from the fox that I’ve grown accustomed to.

I gripped my water and briskly made my way up to my room. There, I shut the door gently. Only then a mountain of embarrassment came rushing over me.

I couldn’t understand why my feet were trembling. All these new sensations melted over me at once. And I didn’t know what to do.

With a deep breath, I sighed.

“W-What’s wrong with me?”

I scolded again, taking a drink of my water. My body leaned up against my door and I found myself sitting on the floor. The ice-cold water didn’t cool my head. No, it made me feel even more nauseous if anything. Maybe all the salt from the chips is getting to me, causing my blood pressure to rise?

I turned to the clock revealing it being passed 4 pm. I guess I was out there for a while. Watching that drama gave me all kinds of emotions…but none as strong as this right now.

The bottle nurtured my head as I closed my eyes. Only to be ambushed by Koda-san’s young, vibrant appearance assaulting me. The smell of lemon trickled in my nose despite none being around. They say when you think of a smell it can often trigger a memory. But sometimes it can be the opposite. Just thinking of a memory could trigger an aroma...

Was this what was happening? That cheap perfume from the arcade. Thinking about it sent a shiver down my spine.

“Does that mean she…put the perfume on for me?”

I recalled her dancing about in the kitchen the other day. Her words came to mind…

“I’ll only wear it for you. ♥”

My head flipped back. With nowhere to go, it hit the wood of my door, causing me to hold my head in pain. The loud thump echoed throughout my room. I silently hoped…no, prayed that Koda-san didn’t hear it...

“I’m home!”

The door downstairs suddenly opened, breaking my train of thought. The tender voice of my little sister filtered through the home.

“Welcome home, Hana. Did you have fun at your friend’s place?”

“Yep! Now it’s time to play my game!”

“Wait, did you finish your homework first?”

The conversation between them sounded…normal. Koda-san sounded…normal. Am I the only one who sounded strange between us?

Only then did it occur to me that I was pressing my ear against the wall. I told myself I didn’t understand why I was doing this. But the answer must have been so simple that I couldn’t see it. I just didn’t want to see Koda-san.

But why? It’s not as if I had a fight with her. No, unlike the other day I never raised my voice to her. On the contrary, that was the most fun I’ve had with her since she came back to this home. My shoulders slumped as if to decompress the built-up anxiety.

With these emotions still swirling around in my mind, I stood up and made my way to my desk. I found my body moving on its own as I pulled out my books.

“Guess I’ll do some studying…”

It was the only thing I could think of to get my mind off these feelings. I did my best to get my work done but I couldn’t alleviate the feeling that I needed to be somewhere else.

Sometimes I would stand up just to find myself sitting back down for no reason. My mind just wouldn’t stay focused. It’s not as if I was thinking of anything either. It would just drift off into obscurity and before I realized it my hand would stop moving.

I wanted something…but I didn’t know what. The thought of not knowing made me feel irritated. Was this because of Koda-san? As I searched back through my memory my stomach would grow tense and I would get nervous. Then I would repeat this pattern over and over until nothing got done.

The sounds of buzzing filtered in and before I realized it my phone was ringing.

“H-Hello?”

“Madoka?”

On the other line was a gentle voice. It was calming and put my mind in a state of ease. It was no one other than Uncle Ryuji.

“Uncle, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine, Madoka. It’s good to hear your voice.”

I could hear his tone grow soft. I haven’t spoken to Uncle since I woke up. He was noticeably worried about my condition and regularly sent me flowers. Because he works overseas a lot, he only visited me once when I woke up. Then the next day he was back on a plane to who knows where. But Uncle would call me from time to time.

“How is school going? I heard you entered a nice school that your friend is in too.”

“It’s going great…”

I spoke with him about Ma-chan and my new friend Conway-san…to an extend that is. How I’ve had to adapt to the idea that two years were stripped away from me. Uncle listened intently and chimed in every now and then.

“I’m sure your mother is proud of you.”

The mental image of my mom came into view. A soft smile cast over my face.

“Well, I called with good news. In a few weeks, you’ll be receiving a present from me. Look out for it.”

“R-Really?”

“Yes, and I expect you to have it the next time we see each other.”

“T-Thank you, uncle!”

Uncle would do this every now and then. I thank him properly before hanging up. Now thinking about the present that might come, a warm feeling entered my stomach. Excitement maybe?

“Hm…”

The morning came to mind. Mom and Koda-san speaking about uncle and how he “doesn’t approve of their relationship.” …Mom and Koda-san sure have things rough. But why should he have the right to decided if their relationship is valuable? Wait…

As if looking into a mirror I saw myself being formed in my last thought.

I never took the time to think about how much…they must go through. To love each other…

“Hm.”

Love…

I touched my chest and a warm feeling cast over me. Maybe I have been sounding like Uncle Ryuji? Like poison, guilt coiled up in my stomach.

“I…think I need to apologize to someone...”

I nodded with conviction. Without my consent, an imaged the fox’s face pasted into my memory. My cheeks felt warm and I cleared it away as fast as it formed.

Mentally worn out by this point, I looked at the clock to see it’s getting late. After putting away my bags I decided to take a bath. So, I collect my shampoos and walked out the door.

When I reached the hallway, a sharp sound stabbed me in the chest. My fingers began to shake before I realized that the odd noise was coming from Hana-san’s room. She must have been playing a game. With a sigh of relief, I continued my way down the steps.

My eyes peeked over to the living room. The couch was empty, and Koda-san was nowhere to be seen. Taking this chance, I rushed down the steps and made my way to the bathroom. There I shut the door like a thief making their way through the house they plan to rob.

“She wasn’t here?”

Why am I even thinking about that? Briskly, I walked to the bath.

In the bubbles, I thought about the day. I didn’t do much at all…not even dust the house as mom begged. Now looking around I caught eyes with the scented bath soap. It’s that overbearing lemon flavor that Koba-san tried to shove on me the other day.

How could someone her age wear something like this? I lifted the deep yellow bottle and turned it to the side. Next thing I knew I found myself sniffing the contents of it. The smell reminded me of elementary school or even junior high for some reason. It’s not as if I wore this kind of shampoo back then.

I could feel a warm sensation melt over me. Something about this scent is a bit…nostalgic. My face got warm as an image seeped into my mind. Me holding someone... Their warmth pulled at my chest and it…hurt. But I didn’t know why.

When I came to, I found myself stargazing out the window. I touched my lip now thinking about that cup from earlier. The two thoughts weren’t consistent at all and I knew it. Whatever was ravaging through my mind certainly had a hold over me.

“What’s wrong with me…?”

A wheel in me churned but I had nowhere to go. This restless feeling came from this scent as well. Then once again that cheap perfume melted back into my memory. My eyes glanced around the room to make sure it was indeed part of my delusions.

I closed the lid and put it back where I found it. My lungs filled with air and I sunk into the bath. It felt as though I could just melt into the water and wash away. Memories went through my head as I thought about the three images, I found a while ago now.

The three photos from my phone. The first one of Ma-chan and I in our middle school uniforms. The second one of Koda-san and mom…then the third one of that amusement park poster.

Then the rocky feeling in my stomach assaulted me while thinking of that amusement park. The same emotion I felt earlier this afternoon with Koda-san. I held my shoulders, but it didn’t help. My chest hurt now thinking about that image. But why?

I suddenly felt as if I couldn’t breathe and I pulled my body up from the water. My breathing was labored, my hair stuck to my cheeks…My body was hot, and I couldn’t even understand why. Even alone…I couldn’t relax.

“Madoka?”

My head sprang up. Now shaking the water off my face, I called out.

“Huh?”

“It’s me Madoka.”

Mom stood outside the doorway. I could hear bags in her hands.

“I bought us some dinner so once you’re ready come to the table.”

Her voice brought a bit of solace to my feelings. I looked around now conscious of my surroundings. Now that I thought about it, how long have I been here? I’m certainly not feeling my best today...

I walked in the dining room and neatly on our plates is yakisoba with tofu. Hana-san delicately picked at the tofu pieces. Like a gerbil, she nibbled piece by piece. Mom shined at me as I sat down.

“So, how was your day?”

I nod.

“…Good. What about your day, mom?”

“It was pretty fun being out with your uncle’s girlfriend.”

I searched the table like a mouse looking for a cat to pounce at them. Certain she was nowhere around, I looked back at my food.

“Are you looking for mom, Onee-san?”

Hana-san, noticing my restlessness chimed in.

“She took the car. She had an errand to run before the day was up. She’ll be back in about an hour or so.”

“I see.”

That’s good, I thought. For some reason, I rather not see Koda-san right now. I’m okay with eating a meal with Hana-san and mom though. Maybe I’ve already had my daily dose of Koda-san and I’m way past my limit of dealing with her antics.

“She’s such a hard worker.”

Mom gawked from the corner of my eye.

“Who?”

“Mari.”

Hard worker? Well, I can’t vouch for her work ethic, so I nod. Mom while enjoying her meal smiled somberly. I can say that I accepted the fact that they are…seeing each other but what I can’t get past is that mom is seeing...her. The flirty, over-enthusiastic, Koda-san.

I took a bite into my yakisoba, in contrast to the way Hana-san was eating it.

Hm, I wonder what Koda-san’s favorite food is? My mind wondered before I came to the realization that I’ve only been thinking about Koda-san for the last few hours. Had she really left that big of an impression on me today? Well, not just today but lately…

“Is everything okay, Madoka?”

Mom tilted her head causing her long hair to swing to the side. Now that I’m out of my own mind I noticed I haven’t taken another bite of the yakisoba. It’s delicious…at least that’s what I believe I tasted.

These feelings wailing up in me aren’t normal...are they?

Maybe this just means that I want to…get to know Koda-san better? Understand why she does the things she does? But no…for some reason it felt as though this isn’t the first time that I felt this way…And that made me feel even more restless.

I turned to see my mom on her phone. She was enjoying the food she brought home, humming to herself. Her eyes peeked up and I mistakenly caught mine with hers.

“Oh, Madoka?”

“Hm?”

“You look a bit pale. Are you getting sick?”

“O-Oh no…I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Do you want to take tomorrow off? I can stay home-”

“Mom, you worry too much.”

Mom had always been a worrywart, but it’s been getting a tad out of hand lately. So, not to worry her I bit into my food and made headroom in it. Read the mood and enjoy the food, Madoka.

But now it was time…I needed to establish what is going through Koda-san’s mind when she...did that. I can go around in circles all I want but unless she tells me the reason behind all her actions …I won’t feel at ease. If she was seriously teasing me like she’d had been doing the previous days, then I’ll have to put an end to it. She…went too far. And it’s inappropriate for her to treat me like that.

But then…what if she wasn’t teasing me…?

The thought made my head feel light. Something about it was strangely familiar. I found myself dancing my chopsticks around my yakisoba. What if…she wasn’t teasing me, Madoka? Then what? What would that mean-

“I’m full! I’m going to finish my homework!”

Interrupting my thoughts, Hana-san escaped, her half-eaten yakisoba still laying on the table.

“Hana-san! Get back here and finish your food!”

“But mom, I’m full!”

My jaw hung open but then I chuckled lightly, clearing up a little tension in my head. Silently, in my heart, I prayed that these uncertain feelings would just disappear. But something in me knew that it wouldn’t.