I was so nervous waiting inside of The Brew. The table I was seated at was shaking a bit because of my incessant leg thumping. My eyes were glued to the front door—waiting for Dylan to walk in. Only thing that was distracting me from my nerves was Stef’s sideways glances.

I had been 10 minutes early and Stef had been kind enough to let me in. He kept giving me this all knowing smirk from behind the counter. I hadn’t ordered anything yet—I was waiting for him. 

“Stef, why do you keep looking at me like that?” I shot him a glare 

He smiled menacingly. “Oh nothing No.” He sang while walking out from behind the counter. 

“You’re totally lying right now.” 

Stef let out a rough laugh. A type of laugh you make when you’re plotting something. 

“It’s just that—the other day you said you hadn’t spoken to Dylan but now you’re here waiting for him.” He was making his way closer to the table.

My brows furrowed in confusion as I continued to eye him.  Before I could question further he interjected my thoughts.

“He told me you’d be meeting here and that he’d be here a few minutes before our opening time. I just think it’s cute that you’re even earlier.” Stef smiled deeper to reveal his gapped front teeth. 

Ah they’re still friends—that makes sense. 

I hummed in response while trying to collect my words.

 Wait, did he just say cute? 

“Cute? I’m just a stand up guy who hates being late. There’s nothing cute about that.” 

Stef rolled his eyes, still holding his all-knowing smile. “Yeah okay. More like two nervous wrecks trying to navigate a new beginning.” He pulled the chair across from me and sat down. He propped his elbow on the table, digging his hand into his cheek staring at me. 

“He called me y’a know. At like 12:30 am he called me to let me know this—I was sleeping.” He chuckled. “Dyl sounded so nervous yet excited.” He peered out the large window next to us. It looked like it’d be a rainy day. 

“Dyl never does that ever. And the last time I saw you, you completely shut down after I mentioned him. So now, you’re here early and you’re just as nervous as he sounded. It gives me all kinds of happy feelings. We all missed you Noah, but nothing compared to how Dylan felt.” He turned his eyes back onto me, now glimmering with a serious look. “Heed my warning now No, he’s not the same guy we knew in high school. He’s more expressive and sensitive. If you hurt him, I don’t think we could be friends.” 

The last sentence was spoken so sternly that it sent a shiver down my spine. Stef was rarely this serious in his life, so this meant a big time for me. I nodded obediently.

“Good. So I hope you have a good date with him then!” Stef’s face melted back into this goofy expression. He stood up and started to trek back to the counter.

Date? 

I was bewildered by that. It sounded like he was messing with me.

“Woah woah Stevie, this ain’t no date.” It was my turn to be serious as I wide eyed him. I only ever used his birth name to make a point of how serious I was attempting to be. 

He stood still and then pivoted around swiftly eyeing me back. 

I opened my mouth again to speak. “I hadn’t mentioned this last time, but I’m gay. So I don’t really appreciate any jokes regarding it.” 

He grinned. “I wasn’t joking No.” 

My face contorted into a very perplexed facial expression as I looked at my old friend. “Okay well I’m not even interested in dating right now especially my ex best friend that I’m trying to work through things with.” I found myself crossing my arms over my chest. I was getting a bit annoyed. “And to boot, he’s not even gay. So that’s not logical.” 

His eyes were half opened as if he was totally relaxed. He just continued to look at me with this smart-ass grin. 

“I wouldn’t be so sure No.” Is all he said before he just walked back to work. At the same time, the front door made a chiming noise, indicating someone entered the coffee house. My confused gaze moved from Stef onto the new occupant.

It was none other than Dylan McChan. 

“Oh you’re here early too?” He nervously laughed as his emerald eyes peered over at me. “Hey Stef, I’ll have my usual!” The curly blond waved at Stef before making his way over to the table. 

My mind couldn’t help but focus on what Stef had babbled. Even if he was gay or bisexual, it didn’t change a damn thing. We were barely even friends—so being a couple was a million dollar concept. 

I didn’t even like him anymore. It’s been 8 years.

My brain snapped back to reality when I heard Dylan’s voice directed at me. 

“So do you still drink those overly sweet coffees?” He attempted to hold his eyes on mine but as soon as I paid attention again, he nervously looked away. 

He was uneasy about this meeting. If Stef hadn’t mentioned that he sounded excited to him on the phone, I would think he’s forcing himself here. 

I grinned at my old best friend and observed his new look. He had slight scruff on his jawline and cheeks. It was a dark sandy blond color, which contrasted with his bright curly blond locks. Also occupying his face was a set of black circle framed glasses. He looked like a cute blond Harry Potter, minus the whole “needing” to save the entire wizard world. 

I never looked away from admiring Dylan’s face, “Hey Stef I’ll have a cup of black coffee and a cinnamon roll.” He responded back with an ok. 

The coffee order made Dylan resume eye contact with me. He stuttered, “S-so you drink black coffee now?” He gave a weak smile. 

Stef was right—we’re definitely two nervous wrecks over here.

“I still love sweets, but I prefer to pair it with something bitter to counteract it.” I stated with a smirk. I was trying to stay more calm and collected. My nerves were still there but since Stef had chatted with me, it somehow made me feel better about this meetup.

He snorted, “So very you.” He continued to lock eyes with me. They told me how anxious he was feeling. 

Sarcasm always helps ease the tension, right? 

“Oh yes. I didn’t mention but I have 4 degrees in coffee pairing and I’m world renown for being a coffee connoisseur.” I made a L shape with my pointer finger and thumb, placing it on my chin pretending to be pondering my exquisite sarcasm. 

This definitely helped break the ice. I watched as his green eyes gleamed in amusement. 

“Oh wow only 4? I have 17–and I once could tell the difference between instant coffee and freshly ground coffee. It was such an impressive feat that I was featured on Oprah. Don’t tell me you missed it?” Dylan joked back with just as much sarcasm.

I bursted out in laughter, “Oprah?” Is all I could manage. “I know for a damn fact Oprah doesn’t want your lame ass on her network.” In our youth, we’d roast each other often. This wasn’t any exception. 

He gasped, overly dramatizing his hurt feelings. “How would you know? I’m actually pretty famous in town.” He pouted his lips. 

I continued to chuckle as Stef approached our table with our food and coffees. 

“Here’s your cappuccino and egg white omelet my good sir,” He placed the aforementioned items in front of Dylan. “And for cranky ass, here’s your bitter blackness and sweet cinnamon roll.” He winked and smiled. 

My jaw dropped a bit—I wasn’t actually mad but it made me laugh. 

“Oh wow, I’m cranky ass? And he’s good sir? Where’s the manager? I’d like to file a complaint.” I felt a tug at my lips as I locked eyes with Stef. 

He continued with that annoying “I know all” smile. “Well cranky ass, once you start coming here every day for the next 8 years, maybe I’ll grant you the title “cranky nice ass.” Maybe though.” Stef bit back in playfulness but also spitefulness. He shortly walked away from us.

He had brought me back to earth. I was lost in the chuckles and the smell of freshly brewed coffee, that I had nearly forgotten my 8 year absence. The mood quickly shifted from playful banter into uncomfortable silence. I watched as Dylan’s hands fidgeted with his coffee cup. His head was downcast. 

A few minutes had passed like that, but I soon broke it with a serious interjection.  

“For what it’s worth, which I’m not sure if it is, but my plan to attend college in Florida was planned way before that night. It was in early April when they had offered me a full ride.” His face perked up at my voice, but I couldn’t look up at him. “I had been hesitant to tell you for well over a month until I only had a week before my move in date. I had also planned to start the summer term.” My hands behind me shook a bit while I held my cup. I finally met eyes with him, his face was unreadable as he gazed into me.

I sighed a bit before continuing. “It’s all stupidly ironic, like we’re in some stupid Korean drama because the night it all happened I was going to tell you about going away for college. I knew we had always talked about going together, but this was a huge opportunity I could just not take.” I observed Dylan has a sad smile that creased his features. 

“Not that it mattered anyways. I’m 26 and still don’t have a full time job with my degree.” I grumbled at the thought and reminder of how having a college degree didn’t mean shit. 

He didn’t say anything, only looked at me. It made me feel guilty—because I was guilty. I abandoned him. I didn’t even know if he knew which state I was in. I felt my heart constrict from the pain. If the roles had been reversed, I don’t know what I would have done. 

“I—“ I started while running a hand through my hair, “I was wrong for that,” I admitted. 

Dylan tilted his head and raised an eyebrow in question. He wasn’t sure what was being attempted. 

My chest felt heavy. 

“I was vindictive. I was a kid who had their heart ripped out and desperately wanted to mimic the pain by doing the worst thing ever.” I could hear my voice crack. “You were my best friend and I just let it all go to waste because you hurt my feelings—regardless of the intensity of the words and their impact, a conversation should have happened. Instead, I took the convenience of you not knowing my plan change and ran with it. Ran so far away that I was miserable in a state not knowing anyone.” I watched as the pain in his eyes became more apparent. He remained silent. 

“I’m sorry Dylan.” I finally said it sincerely. 

The blond sucked in his lips and looked away. Tears were brimming in his eyes. 

We sat in uneasy silence until the sound of him clearing his throat could be heard. 

“Thank you,” Was all he said. 

I knew in my soul that this apology wouldn’t be enough—as the same for Dylan’s. We’d have to prove to each other that we truly meant what we said. I smiled at him because this was a good step in the right direction.

“You don’t have to forgive me. I understand. I’m the same way, but I meant what I said when I mentioned wanting to start over. You had also said the same thing.” I took a sip of my coffee. 

His emerald eyes softly looked into my brown ones. He grinned, “I’d like that.”