What the heck is happening?

My eyes were the size of dinner plates. Dylan was right here. He was clinging onto me like a long lost puppy dog, silently crying into my neck and shoulder. I was so awkward and slightly uncomfortable. I hadn’t expected this kind of reaction at all. When I told Stace that I expected him to punch me, I really meant it. 

After what felt like a million years, he released his grasp and pierced right into my brown eyes with his emerald ones. It was hard to look at him in such an emotional state but I couldn’t make myself break the stare.

“C-could we go somewhere p-private?” He choked as he stuttered out his words. 

Hesitation was obvious in my body language and eyes. My eyes drowned in uncertainty. I witnessed the flash of change in Dylan’s green orbs. He also saw my resistance. The blond raised to wipe his face sloppily.

The Dylan I once knew hardly ever cried--especially in a public place. The guy that was shaking in front of me didn’t seem to have his focus on anything besides me. His eyes were unwavering as they penetrated my thoughts. The once icy cold jungle green now flowed with such bitterness and sadness. It was like staring into a murky algae filled river. They were still beautiful despite the tension. 

“Dylan,” was all I could manage to come out. My lips parted as I continued our staring contest. It felt like hours before I could say anything else. My heart ached seeing him--in both harshness and sorrowfulness. I was still angry but couldn’t get anything to come out. 

“Please Noah, give me just a minute of your time.” He pleaded. The blond’s eyes were glossed with desperation. 

I only nodded. 

How is this happening? I really thought this interaction would be more violent and loud. Why wasn’t he yelling at me for leaving? Why wasn’t he hitting me? 

I didn’t understand my own reaction because I was upset that he wasn’t more furious.

He blew out some air while running his fingers through his curls. I noticed his hair was longer than the last time I saw him. It didn’t quite hit his shoulders but it passed his ears. I watched him in awe. What was he going to say or do next? We were still just standing here. 

“Okay,” he managed to whisper. “Let’s step outside then.” He hesitantly started to walk towards the side exit of the building. I was so shocked at the circumstances that I just walked behind him. I made sure I was far away enough for literally no good reason. I could only imagine what Leo was thinking right now. Maybe he was giddy that we were finally going to speak?

I observed the back of the figure as we made our way out.

He was wearing a purple button down but unlike mine, it was long sleeved and a tad bit more baggy. He wore tan shaded trousers and a pair of shiny black dress shoes. He looks great. He looked healthy. I remember in high school, he lost a ton of weight for some reason and he looked almost sickly sometimes.

The slam of the door took me out of my trance. 

My eyes were soon resumed in our staring contest. Dylan was about to say something but stopped himself. I knew what he was going to say. His whole body language screamed “why did you leave me.”

I let out a deep sigh and cleared my throat. “Do you remember our graduation party at all?” That was the most I had said until now. 

I could tell he was trying to recall that night 8 years ago. Dylan groaned as he let out a laughless laugh. “I was pretty messed up back then Noah. I don’t remember a lot, no.” He didn’t break his eyes from mine. 

Did he really not remember? This irrationally pissed me off. Had I been the only one that truly knew the circumstances of why we fell apart? Has it all been for nothing?

I found myself sarcastically chuckling. I didn’t want to be this upset but I couldn’t hold back. “Oh yeah? You don’t remember anything? You don’t remember being a total dickhead that night?” I noticed my voice beginning to carry more volume. Dylan started to recoil into himself as I took a few steps closer to him. 

“You really don’t remember being a homophobic piece of shit?” I finally let it air out--my long lost turmoil. “Has that really changed Dylan?” It was a rhetorical question because I didn’t let him answer. “I’m gay Dylan. I was back then and I still am 8 years later. It took me a really long time to come to terms with that, but it absolutely didn’t help that my supposed best friend loathed people like me.” I caught myself off guard at my raising voice. My eyes started to sting as well as my heart. It was beating so fast; my own body began to shake with anxiety. 

After I let off my frustration, I saw Dylan’s eyes double in size. His lips were parted and I could tell he was trying to find the right words. He fidgeted his hands and started to shake. Dylan began to cry again. 

I hadn’t expected that. 

“I-I’m not crying for s-sympathy.” He spoke shakily. “I didn’t realize how shitty of a person I was back then. I said and did a lot of things I didn’t mean. I don’t remember that exact moment of phrasing, but I do recall saying really foul things. I’m s-so s-orry Noah. I can’t even fathom what that would have felt like.” He cupped his face with his hands. 

I honestly had no idea what to say or what to do. His apology struck a chord. It was heartfelt and you could visibly see his remorse. That, and Dylan was hardly ever a crier in our youth, so seeing him have a complete mental breakdown was bewildering. 

“So that’s why you left, huh?” He looked up at me again. His face was so red from sobbing. “I understand it and I can’t even be mad at you for that.”

I noticed a flicker in his eyes. It's hard to deny that there was so much more to his gaze than he was expressing. His eyes swam with agony and screamed out in pain. It hurt to look at but once again I couldn’t peer away. I felt my own eyes swell but I didn’t let any tears fall.

But you’re upset too. 

I almost said it but it was caught in my throat like a bad cold. Seeing him like that, knowing from Leo that he had dropped out of college and went to rehab, I knew he hurt too. I always knew from the beginning, but I didn’t care at the time. 

“I-I,” I spluttered. “We both made mistakes Dylan.” My eyes averted his. 

He sniffled as I watched him from my peripheral vision; he was digging into his pocket for something. 

“Noah,” he stated nervously. 

I searched for those emeralds once more. 

He handed me a piece of paper. I unfolded it and it was a series of numbers--it was his phone number. I gently took it from his shaky hand. 

“I’m not asking for forgiveness or for us to be the way we were. I’d like us to fix this-- I want to redeem myself for you even if I don’t deserve it. I’d like to try again, being friends, ya know.” 

He hastily shoved his hands into his pocket and peered his gaze away from mine. “I missed you Noah. I really did and I’m just so damn happy to see you again. Even if our situation isn’t ideal, I’m glad to see you’re alive and well. I worried about you often.” 

My heart twisted at his words. They were heavy and filled with a lot of emotion. He looked up at the sky rolling his eyes up in an attempt to prevent further tears from falling. 

“Just think about it, okay?” It was the last thing he said before walking passed me to leave. 

I couldn't muster up any words or to even move my body. I was rocked to my core regarding this whole night. I listened as his footsteps were further and further away. After a few minutes I finally claimed my body movements again. I glanced at the paper once more before placing it inside my pants pocket. I didn’t know how long I had been out here, but I eventually made my way back inside to meet up with my parents. 

I had a lot to think about, but tonight I wanted to focus on my parents. I was here for them after all.