It was Friday morning, and I hardly slept. My anxiety was through the roof at the thought of this get-together tonight. I growled and looked over at my phone that was charging under my pillow. I had been texting Stacie about this and she told me to try and put Dylan at the back of my mind and enjoy the time with my parents.

She, of course, is correct, but easier said than done.

It was about 6am and I was thinking about going for a run. I usually did every morning before my drive up here. I had been slacking for the better part of the week. Exercising released pent up tension in my mental state and in my body. I really needed that if I was going to make it through the day and especially this evening.

I groaned as I made myself get out of bed. Despite my comfort in my childhood bed, I couldn’t lay down for another second. In the days since my arrival, I did eventually put away all my belongings in the drawer and closet--just as I did as a teenager. It felt surreal being here. It was like I had been taken back in a time machine to those days of blinded love and foolish hope. Even though it had been so long, his words still made my heart ache.

It’s not like shutting him out was easy.

The whole process was difficult and I had to do it alone halfway across the country in my dorm room. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. I often stared at my phone wanting to tell my mom to give Dylan my new number. I wanted so desperately to still be best friends and to just forget about what he spat so full of hate--but that was exactly why I couldn’t. I couldn’t pretend. He hated gay people and no amount of conversation would have changed that. 

We were young and dumb.

I have since dealt with plenty of homophobic incidents, and it has been nothing compared to what he said indirectly at me. A guy at a bar even punched me for kissing my then boyfriend. Physical wounds will always heal, but emotional scars hardly fade. 

Even if we could somehow rekindle our friendship, it’d never be the same. I could never put my full trust into him ever again. I don’t even know if I could fully forgive him. He was my best friend goddammit. We had known each other since we were born--literally we grew up together. We were inseparable. 

I could feel my face subconsciously form into a scowl as I dressed myself for my run. 

I guess I’m not as over it as I thought I was. I laced my fingers through my overgrown locks while looking into the mirror. I had put on violet basketball shorts and a plain white tank top. I really need a haircut. My hair wasn’t at all long but I kept it trimmed so it didn’t fall into my face. I faked a smile in the reflection. I quickly turned away to leave, making sure to grab my headphones before exiting. 

Since my nostalgic revelation, I played MRC to relive my angsty days on such a dreadful day. 

~;~

I had run for an unmeasured amount of time. I didn’t even realize that I had subconsciously made my way to a familiar building. It was the local coffee shop in town that everyone knew about. The Brew is what the shop was named. The building almost looked the exact same as it did when I was in high school. The letters were an eggshell color written in cursive font. There were tables and chairs outside with cute red umbrellas shading over it.

The sun had risen since the start of my run creating a cast of morning hues. The coffee shop dipped in the morning horizon made it look like something out of a magazine. I couldn’t help but gaze at it with admiration and nostalgia. 

Even if the last memory of Dylan tainted our friendship, I couldn’t help but feel a bit of happiness remembering our countless hours spent here. We’d drive here every morning before school to grab a pastry and coffee. I remember I’d always try to pay for it but Dylan would slam his change on the counter before I could even object. I still remember the way his eyes creased when he smiled at me with such enthusiasm. I would always roll my eyes with a smile mimicking his. 

Man, it hurts.

While lost in thought, a gentleman walked up to the doors of The Brew. I hadn’t noticed due to my spiraling thoughts. It wasn’t until I heard my name, did I lock eyes with the guy. 

“Noah?” The man questioned while taking a few steps closer to inspect. “Is that you man?” The unknown figure smiled to reveal his gapped two front teeth. 

Wait a second, I know that smile! 

“Stef? Is that you?” I couldn’t help but grin looking at him. 

Stef was a nickname ever since forever. His real name was Stevie but he absolutely hated that name. He had changed a lot in the looks department. He opted for a more beachy vibe than his appearance in high school. The guy had buzzed hair when I knew him but now he had collarbone length hair. I never knew he had such blond hair. He also had a light scruff across his jawline and cheeks. 

“Wow I thought I was seeing a ghost!” He kept looking at me with his deep brown eyes. 

I nervously let out a chuckle. “Nah I’m here for the summer. But you run the place now? How’s the old man doing?” I had said that with the hope that his dad was still around if you know what I mean. I found myself stepping closer.

“Oh yeah he’s fine. He’s living the retirement life now. I own this baby now!” He smiled, turning to unlock the doors. “Why don’t you come in and we can catch up, No?” He opened the door and waved his hand to indicate to me to follow. 

I complied and stepped inside with a wave of memories. The inside looked the same as well as the outside. It made me feel like a kid again. 

“You still drink overly sweet iced coffee?” I watched as Stef headed behind the counter to start the pots of coffee and espresso machines. 

I was impressed that he still remembered that. 

“Would you be surprised if I told you just a strong cup of joe would suffice?” I took a seat at the coffee bar. 

I watched as his eyebrows raised in a shocked expression. “Wow you really are older huh?” He chuckled softly as he made a pot of coffee.

As it brewed and long after I had a few cups, we caught up with each other. I discovered he was now married to his high school sweetheart, Lucy, and that he had a 1 year old at home. He showed me baby pictures on his phone and told me her name was Fiona. The little thing looked just like Stef aside from the eyes. She had almond shaped eyes the color of sapphires. 

“So what brings you back here? I barely recognized you.”

I smirked at him, “Yeah I started to work out in college as a stress reliever.” I took a sip of my delicious drink before I continued. “My parents are moving out of the country after the summer so I’m here to help with that and to spend time with them.”

“What about work?” Stef raised a brow in curiosity. 

I sighed, reminded of my defeat at trying to secure a job in Florida. “The job market for my degree in Florida is extremely competitive so I had been working part-time to part-time.” I confessed. 

There was a moment of silence between us. I glanced up from my coffee mug to meet his eyes. He looked like he was pondering something. “Well for the summer, if you wanted to, you could work here to earn some extra cash.”

My brows knitted together into a furrow. “Stef, that’s really sweet of you but why? I mean I cut off this town from my life and that included you as collateral.” 

The blonde shrugged. “We all have our reasons man and I’m assuming it had everything to do with Dylan--not me. So I take no offense since we were all friends in high school. I’m just saying, if you would like, it’d be chill for me to have you here a few mornings a week. Think of it as a welcome back!” He winked with a smirk on his face.

I winced at Dylan’s name mention but still happened to soften my facial expression into a tiny smile. “I’ll think it over Stef. Thank you.” I finished my cup of coffee. 

There was a hesitance in Stef’s next sentence. He was unsure if he could get away with asking this but went for it anyway. “So, have you talked to Dylan at all?” His confidence that was before had dissipated. 

I felt my body stiffen. It was only a matter of time before people from my past came creeping up. I wasn't used to him being brought up so nonchalantly. My parents had long ago stopped and Stacie only did when I brought it up first.

“No.” I deadpanned trying to evade the conversation. It was too early for something like this. 

Stef could sense the tension and didn’t attempt to pry further. 

Before anything else could be said by the blond, I muttered, “I have to head back now, but thank you for the conversation and the coffee.” I hopped off the chair and looked at my long lost friend. “I’ll think about the job too.” I smiled and waved.

“Oh okay yeah. We’ll be in touch, please come by again!” He cheered as I headed towards the door. 

I was outside now and took a deep breath of morning air. 

It’s a small town so it's only a matter of time before I see Dylan--but even after 8 years I am completely unprepared.