Chapter 12

-Martin-

Yvo stares at me, anger licking at his eyes. “You can be so fucking dumb, Martin. Are you seriously saying that you could just give Kossiq to the Duchess? You’re fucking lying to yourself; I’ve seen you two- I’ve seen you, Martin, I’ve seen the way you look at him, and there’s no fucking way you could live with yourself if you did that.”

My eyes briefly flick to Kossiq, but he’s going more slowly, and although not out of earshot from Yvo, he shouldn’t be able to hear me, based on how quiet I am. “I’ll do whatever I have to for the Duchess to be part of her family,” I say calmly, trying to convince myself that that’s still true.

Yvo clicks his tongue, pushing against my chest roughly. Grabbing him as he almost falls, he swats my hands away, climbing off the horse.


“Stop with your goddamn bullshit. You know as well as I do that she’ll never accept you, that she’ll only keep using you! I know you already know this, so why do you put up with her crap?!” He yells angrily, still gripping the horse’s reins as we stand completely still on the road.

Before I can even get another word out, however, he keeps going. “You can’t seriously think that she’ll actually ever accept you? Come on Martin, she’ll never change how she treats you! She’ll keep fucking manipulating you, and keep cementing all those false truths you have about yourself- don’t even try to deny what she’s told you, I’ve been by that witch’s side since I was a kid, I know how she treats you.”

Yvo suddenly remembers he has to breathe at some point, and pauses for just a moment, before gently saying “I know what she’s said to you, over and over again. And none of it is true. I know what she’s done to you; what her words and actions have done to you.”

I stare at him for a moment, before letting my gaze drop to my hands. “But she’s my mother, she’s all I have,” I whisper, covering my face with my hands as I stare off at the slowly dying sun.

Yvo sighs, resting his hand on my leg, the only part of my body he can reach whilst I’m on a horse and he isn’t.

“Martin, has it ever occurred to you that family doesn’t have to be blood related? You can choose your family, and there’s always a place in mine if you’d like it,” he says softly, and I feel hot tears building behind my eyes.

Without removing my hands, I whisper “thank you.” Yvo pats my leg once more, before the sound of him talking to Kossiq brings me out of my thoughts a little. “God, you look exhausted! Are you ok? When’s the last time you slept?” Yvo asks, and I realise with a jolt that I’ve been making us travel for way longer than is healthy.

Twisting around to look at them, I clear my throat. “Kossiq, come ride with me. You can sleep a little; if you try that with Yvo though there’s a chance you’ll both pass out at the same time.”

Kossiq drags his eyes to mine, and the amount of…grief, that I see there is insurmountable. Why is he so upset?

With another jolt I realise that once again I’m the reason. Recently, we’d been ignoring the topic of what would happen once we got back. But, I straight up told him that I’m giving him over to his death.

Silently, Kossiq does as I said, but struggles with climbing onto the horse, his limbs struggling to keep him up through the exhaustion. He isn’t like me, he hasn’t been trained to be able to not sleep for a long time. He’s an angel, but he’s still a living person, not a robot, and definitely not a monster like me.

Gripping his arm, I help him clamber up onto the animal, who shakes her head and snorts. Kossiq lets out a little sigh when he relaxes into my chest, although his expression is still downturned and sad.

Yvo shoots me a look of sympathy for our earlier conversation, and also one of accusation for causing Kossiq to be sad. Sighing, I rub my eyes. I don’t know what to do, but I should at least try and enjoy being with him whilst I can.

Wrapping my arms around the angel, I spur the horse onwards, smiling gently as Kossiq’s head falls against my shoulder, a soft snore escaping his lips.

—————

We stop at the next town we come across, and I wrap the still-sleeping Kossiq in a blanket as we head to an inn for the night. After sleeping outside for so long, we need proper beds and hot food. Especially since Kossiq is exhausted and Yvo is still recovering from the possession.

Checking in at an inn, the only room they can give us is one with two single beds, so I volunteer to take the floor. “Don’t be silly Martin, just share with Kossiq,” Yvo says, pushing me towards one of the beds.

I stare at him like he’s an idiot - I’m not sleeping in a bed with an angel whom I made cry (yes, I noticed how red his eyes were looking), the same angel that I happen to have…a special kind of feelings for.

Yvo stares back at me, only shrugging. “Listen, I’m not sharing a bed, what if I get violent in the visions I’ll undoubtably get, or what if something else happens in my visions and I say something weird?!” He complains, and I only raise an eyebrow at him.

“What are you talking about? I’ll just sleep on the floor, it’s fine,” I reassure him, but before I can retake my corner of the room, Kossiq grabs my arm and pushes me onto the bed, frowning. “Is sharing a bed with me that much of a big deal?”

I swallow, thinking that yes, it absolutely is. Sharing a bed with someone is intimate, it’s what people who love each other do. No one loves me; and I’ve never shared a bed with anyone.

Yvo claps Kossiq on the back, trudging downstairs to get a glass of water from the landlady. Reluctantly climbing into bed next to Kossiq, it’s a rather tight fit, and I feel my face heat up. He has to lie facing me, so that his wings can peek out the back.

Which means, I could lie with my back to him, and not have the temptation of his soft-looking lips that are right there, which I’ve strangely been having the urge to kiss recently.

As if sensing my thoughts, Kossiq sighs out “don’t worry, I’m not going to touch you in your sleep or anything like that, and so long as you don’t sexually assault me in my sleep then we’ll be fine.”

I stare at him, my face getting warmer, before I cough awkwardly. “I wouldn’t do that, for a number of reasons. The first being that it’s wrong to do that to someone, and the second being that I’m asexual.”

Kossiq’s eyes snap open, and he gapes at me. “What, really? I wasn’t expecting that,” he muses, propping himself up on an elbow. I shrug, trying not to look at him too much. I haven’t looked at him for the entire day, because it hurt to know that he too thought I was a monster.

But now, with him so close, it’s unbelievably hard not to look at him.