** BRIAN **

I WAS NEVER THAT MUCH INTO CHRISTMAS. NOT that I actually hated the date or anything, but for me it was just another holiday. During my childhood they would be this sad endeavour where my grandparents would do what they could to try and compensate for my parents’ lack of care towards me and during my teenager years they would be this busy time when I would perform sometimes three concerts a day every day. After nanna and grandpa passed and I decided to retire, the three Christmases I spent by myself were a different kind of bliss. I didn’t mind being alone in the flat and I also loved not having the rush to go from venue to venue.

The only difference last Christmas had from the previous two ones is that there was this tiny gift exchange with Allan. By then we were still barely friends, it was during the time that we would only have dinner after his classes, so I wanted to get him something that wasn’t too invasive and found what I was looking for when I came across this set of kitchen wearables that he could use with his mother. Because he would perform his best at the piano whenever I offered him a distraction, I soon took upon the upcoming holidays and unleashed this anti-grinch persona in him and he played beautifully while telling me about cooking with his mom.

The first time I’ve seen Allan display true emotion was when he opened that present during his last class before Christmas. In return, he gave me this minute Christmas tree that was barely ten centimetres tall and yet, somehow heavily ornamented. He said it was supposed to be small because the Christmas spirit was supposed to grow. I found both the tree and his intentions extra sweet and, considering that was the very first present he has ever given me, I kept it year-round on my nightstand.

For one second, I allowed myself to reminisce the memory of the first night we spent as a couple and his cuteness overload attack when he entered my bedroom for the first time and his eyes fell straight upon the little tree. For a few more seconds after that, I allowed myself to remember the amazing things he did in bed to me after that.

But this year things were going to be, if I’m using the correct word, quite alien. During those holiday concerts I always asked the lighting people from the venues to turn on the spotlights towards the audience when the show ended because I liked to see their happiness. Yet, I never felt part of it myself. There was always this invisible wall making me only a witness, never a participant, of this whole holiday joy thing. This year, I was invited to spend Christmas with this loving family and I must say I was using a lot of my mental energy to not see myself as an intruder.

Allan could tell I was feeling rather insecure about the whole thing.

‘See? That’s why I told mom I’d much rather just show up here on the day and drag you.’

‘Allan, no. I would be mortified getting there empty-handed. Are you sure I don’t need to take anything?’ I asked that for the millionth time. ‘Please. I want to help.’

He sighed.

‘You really don’t have to bring anything, my love. But part of the Christmas spirit is the sharing, so I’m happy you’re feeling it. Even if just a little. Tell you what. Bring an ornament to hang on our tree. That way you’ll really be present. Any kind will do. Choose from the heart. Deal?’

‘Deal.’

I arrived at his house shortly before six. He lived in this cute little house not that far from my flat. I rang the bell and was greeted by a scream from inside.

‘One minute!’

Shortly after, the door opened to reveal Allan’s mother, wearing the apron that was part of the set I had given Allan the Christmas before. I could see several signs of usage, so I felt nice knowing she didn’t only put it on to impress me. She barely saw me and opened her arms and a smile that told me at once who Allan had got those loving traces from.

‘My sweet child! I am so happy to see you! Come here! Give Mama Maggie a hug.’

There was this rather small second when I thought that she could be a little overbearing, but as soon as she closed her arms around my back, I felt this warmth invade me that I hadn’t in a very long time. Since my nanna last hugged me.

Brian. You just arrived. Pull yourself together.

‘Oh my God!’ I said, smiling through her hug, ‘I see now who Allan gets it from. Absolutely!’

‘I hope that clueless son of mine is making you happy.’

‘Like you wouldn’t believe’ I replied, widening my smile.

‘Good. If you ever think he’s crossing a line, call me and I’ll be right there with a nice pair of chanclas.’

‘Mom, I told you to cut down on the telenovelas.’ Allan’s voice came as a reply to my confused look. ‘Chanclas are slippers, my love. She’s been obsessed with that form of behavioural correction ever since she found out that’s what abuelas do. But you don’t have grandchildren, Miss Margaret,’ he said the final part turning towards her.

‘Yet.’

The world left my mouth before I could take notice. The room fell silent at once, each and every one of us for a different reason. Allan looked confused yet pleased, I was completely mortified. Margaret was beyond herself with expectation and joy.

‘Oh, I’ll make us some sangria! Don’t worry, Brian, I know you don’t drink alcohol and neither do we. I’ll use grape juice instead of wine. Excuse me.’ She said all that with a very sweet voice, then she turned to Allan. ‘Don’t you dare leave this child alone, do you hear me?’

‘Yes, ma’ am.’ He then turned to me. ‘See? I told you my mother and your mother-in-law were totally different people.

‘I know. Now come and give me a kiss. I don’t remember the last time I spent this long by your side without a kiss.’

‘Not ever since your birthday,’ he said while throwing himself around me and kissing me passionately. After we parted, he looked at my eyes with an extra dose of love and care. I liked it. ‘So,’ he continued, ‘today I learned that my boyfriend considers eventually having children with me. And how was your day?’

I felt the blood flooding my cheeks.

‘I’m so sorry, my love. We have never even talked about it. I don’t even know what came over me. I just said it and—’

‘Brian. Sweetie, listen to me. Listen. Somehow, we have talked about it.’ I raised a questioning eyebrow. ‘How many times have we said that we want to live our lives together? I know we’re still beginning, but I know what I feel and so do you. Children are a part of life, so they will come one day.’

‘You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know that, don’t you?’ I reached him again and kissed him.

‘I had a hunch,’ he laughed. ‘You have been giving me some signs over the months.’

‘I’m glad you saw them,’ and I kissed him again.

Margaret, or as she was very happy to see me start calling her, Mama Maggie, said that she had this weird tradition with Christmas where she insisted everything be done only after the clock struck twelve.

‘Today’s not Christmas,’ she explained. ‘Today we only get prepared so that we are ready to celebrate as soon as the real day starts. I’m sorry if this is not the tradition you’re used to in your family, Brian.’

‘I’m not used to any tradition,’ I said with a slight shrug, ‘so I’m happy to take this one.’

Her eyes gleamed just like her son’s did every time I said something he liked.

That was the second time that night when I was led to believe things would be one way, but they turned out to be the opposite pretty fast. I was talking to my stomach to hold on tight until midnight, but barely two minutes passed without Maggie coming to feed me something. I nibbled so much I was starting to feel full before ten. That didn’t stop her, though.

‘Is that what it feels like to be spoiled?’ I asked Allan when he sat by my side on the couch around eleven, extremely tired, but totally pleased with himself. He had taken his mother’s order to not leave me alone and whenever he was needed in the kitchen, he would have her come make me company. I offered to help a lot of times, but he said that normally he would accept it, but that year he wanted to do things himself.

‘Yeah. About that,’ he was sounding apologetic as he lifted my arm and came to rest his back on my chest, holding my hand with both of his and playing with my fingers. ‘I think I am to blame. I’ve been telling her a lot about you all this time. Nothing too personal or intimate, don’t worry, but she has a pretty accurate picture of who you are.’

‘You’re not to blame, Allan. You told someone you love things about someone else you also love. That is very natural and very sweet. It makes me happy, actually.’

‘Yeah. I know you do the same.’

‘What do you mean?’ I could see him blush. He obviously said more than he had intended to.

‘Sorry,’ he sighed. ‘Might as well tell you, now that I outed myself. You know how much I love your front door, right? Every time I come to visit, I spend a minute or two admiring it before knocking and … there were … a few times …’ he sighed again ‘when I overhead you talking to your nanna aloud about me. Actually, the first time was the day before your birthday and that’s what made me know you felt the same way about me. My brain was all over the place while I was outside the door and that’s why you thought I was late that day, because I was pulling myself together before I could face you. It was very hard not to jump on you that evening, but I wanted to do it on your birthday. I was going to do it at the same time you actually did it, so it made the whole thing feel even more special. I’m sorry, baby, I never meant to eavesdrop on you. Please, don’t think I don’t respect your perso—’

There was nothing I could say that would convey everything I was feeling that moment, so I just turned his face towards me and kissed him, trying as hard as I could to make him feel all the love he had just given me. I think I managed it, because as soon as I let him go, he said:

‘I love you, too.’

I heard movement and turned my head just in time to see Mama Maggie’s shadow disappear towards the kitchen. I knew she had witnessed this whole interaction and the way she showered me with even more affection and food afterwards made me feel there was more than one person in that family who loved me.

At long last it was midnight. Allan had decorated the table beautifully and everything smelled so delicious I still managed to feel hungry. Mama Maggie had us stand in a triangle holding hands and she started saying grace.

‘Lord, that on this day we celebrate the birth of your Son, may our lives be filled with the hope of a new life. Thank you for blessing this family. Thank you for enlarging this family with the most beautiful and loving child you could find,’ I blushed hard and felt my eyes tingle. ‘Thank you, Allan, for being the most amazing son a mother could ever ask for. Thank you, Brian, for being so good to my Allan. You make me the happiest mother on Earth by making my child so happy. Thank you, Rosetta, for crossing my path so this beautiful union could happen one day. I know you are as happy as I am.’

There’s only so much I can take. At the mention of my nanna, I started crying like a baby. Allan and Maggie both came to the rescue and hugged me tight.

‘You are loved, Brian,’ Mama Maggie said. ‘Don’t you ever doubt it or forget it.’

‘You guys are loved, too. I promise,’ I sounded just like a child. ‘Thank you. So much. Thank you for showing me what it is like to have a family.’

We stayed in that triple hug for a while. I heard Allan whisper very quietly in my year so his mother didn’t hear, even though she was also so close, ‘are you okay, my love?’ I gave a short nod and he let go of me.

‘All right! We all love each other very much, but this supper won’t eat itself! Let’s dig in!’

We all laughed a lot during supper with Mama Maggie lighting up the air with the mandatory awkward stories of baby Allan. Little did she know the joke was on her, he had already told me all of them. I shared a few of my own as well and we were all very happy, full, and slow by the time the clock struck one.

Then we exchanged our gifts. I got Maggie a beautiful wooden rosary that she liked a lot and I got Allan a pack of games I knew he was dying to play. He was a very gifted gamer and I was slowly brewing in my mind this plan to make him see it was actually a gift.

‘Sweet devotion, Brian! Thank you!’ He was excited like a child and the kiss he gave me was so full of gratitude. Then they gave each other their presents and finally Mama Maggie gave me this gorgeous coffee-table book with historical facts and pictures of pianos all around the world. It was gorgeous and I gave her a tight hug to thank her.

‘Brian, my love,’ Allan called me. ‘I thought a lot about what to get you. I wanted it to be something useful and, if possible, something that made you think both of me and your grandparents. Wait here.’

He went into his bedroom and came back shortly with a tall and wide box. It was plain white.

‘Happy Christmas, Brian.’

I opened the lid and the sides of the box fell apart revealing its content and I had to fight back tears again.

It was a piano stool. It looked extremely comfortable and fancy. The seat was of the smoothest black velvet, fully stuffed and so soft to the touch. The legs were carved the same way of the casing on my front door.

‘I went back to the teacher from that woodwork course I tried to take and had him do it for me. I hope you like it.’

‘Like it? I love it! This has so much thought and meaning and … and … Thank you, Allan.’

After that we went to bed. Mama Maggie was surprisingly cool with me sleeping next to her son ‘as if it would be a first,’ she said with a wave of her hand. We were so full of food and emotion that we barely started cuddling and soon fell asleep in each other’s arms.