In my horror stricken state whatever showed me what I had just seen must be trying to trick me I lied to myself. It must be. I felt another tug in my head and a part of me was released. Memories I had that I didn't know I had were released. In a few flashes I saw me save a young blue dragon. I was young and was just being kind. The small dragon disappeared for many years and returned when I was alone. In my depressed state the dragon turned himself human and bullied me unknowingly. When I went to kill myself it was because the dragon became a snake to me, I thought all his words of me being worthless were true and that I didn't deserve to live. He had left while I was living but then I did try to take my life. In the time before Jace found me it was Ezra who was making me cling to life as he professed his love for me to his father. The price I had to pay to keep my life was to be given my life without any memories of the small dark ocean blue dragon I saved to both repay to me the debt and to erase the debt from my mind.

 I lost consciousness in my state of chaos. I was found by Jace who had planned to hang out with me at a new place called Crim's Corner, a book store and café in one. When he couldn't reach me he went around to the back where I promised him a key to the living room sliding door would be hidden under Gary the Succulent. He called me an ambulance and as He was panicking I woke up. He hung up after he told the operator what he could, then he turned to me and I told him what happened. I told him we needed to go to the Institute after I went to the normal mundane hospital. Jace had found me in the forest and after I told him the truth I could tell he wanted to send Ezra back to hell. Jace stayed with me through the hospital visit.

 If there wasn't already a storm brewing, one was beginning because when the doctor came to me she told me "congratulations!  you're pregnant," and then proceeded to tell me I had a migraine and that migraines and pregnancy weren't good to my body. The doctor was called Dr. Malus, she was also assigned as my doctor to monitor my pregnancy. With the news of pregnancy I felt defeated. Dr. Malus assumed it was Jace's doing and congratulated him as well. I was devastated. I waited for the doc to leave and then proceeded to curl myself into a ball and cry. Jace held me as I cried. I was carrying the spawn of an evil spawn of someone worse than Hades. I gathered myself and calmed myself. My unborn child was innocent and I planned on hiding it from Ezra. 

 "Jace can you do me a huge life changing favor?" I finally spoke up and asked. I asked Jace to help me keep this secret from Ezra, as well as helping me make the house as secure as possible, and then I felt awful asking him but I asked him if it came down to me being unable to escape from Ezra if he would allow me to say that me and Jace had an affair and that the child us Jace's. Jace understood me before I had even asked and agreed. I wished I hadn't met and fallen for Ezra.

 In my crying state Jace stayed by me. I held my belly and vowed to protect my child from their father. When I looked up from my thoughts Jace was watching me patiently. I reached my hand out for his and put his hand on my belly. I asked Jace to do so much for me and I still had request to ask of him but I felt guilty so I could only ask for my child. I asked Jace if anything happened to me if he could take my child as his and go to the Institute and raise my child in Idris as a Shadowhunter. Jace agreed as long as I stayed true and never went against my own life. In that moment I realized I had a pure love for Jace. It wasn't platonic or romantic, it was just love. I had loved him for saving me from my lonely life. I held him in high trust and respect. I wish I had given him my heart instead of just holding him in a piece of mine. Jace has been here for me through my worst and my best moments. He deserves way better from me than for me to ask him to help me clean u pl my messes. I had been holding eye contact with Jace and I felt that he could understand what I was thinking. 

 Jace and me stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like forever. For me staring into his eyes calmed my soul, my mind, and my heart. I don't know if I had any affect on him but when he stared into my eyes he would smile a simple smile. I decided that since I wasted myself on loving Ezra that I would give my love to my child to nurture them well and raise them in hopes that they would become like Jace instead of like me.

 When the doc came back she offered me prenatal vitamins and to do an ultrasound. Although she told me I was a few months pregnant and that finding out the gender shouldn't be rushed I wanted to see my child. Jace accompanied me to the first ultrasound were we received more news. I wasn't having a single child. I was having a set of twins. I looked at Jace who looked slightly disappointed. When I asked him what was the matter he reminded me of the difficulties of hiding twins was harder than trying to hide a single child. He warned me that I would get fatter quicker. The doc laughed as she heard this and escorted us back. When me and Jace started talking about names Ezra showed up.