"Well I don't need to bury my head in the sand. But I'm just tryna live this life as best as I can."

~Rhys Lewis, 'Better Than Today'

~~~

*Landon's POV*

I arrive at the restaurant with a rock sitting in my stomach. I love my family, I really do. And I'm thankful for the chances I get to see them. It's not often we all get together, seeing as that they all live with the pack, and I don't. In fact, these visits with my family — and the time I spend with Lucca — are the only reasons why my wolf hasn't gone crazy.

Wolves are family orientated, relying heavily on their packs. When a wolf loses that support, they're at risk of slowly slipping away into madness, and eventually becoming feral. It's why rogues are feared. A rogue wolf can mean a feral wolf, and a feral wolf is violent and unpredictable.

Even though I left the pack five years ago, my wolf hasn't gone feral. I credit that to the fact that my family still calls me and checks up on me, and that I've been living with Lucca. Lucca used to bounce between groups of wolves, which is how he slowed down the process of his wolf going crazy. But he doesn't have the support of his family like I do, which explains why he's a little odd. He's also been careful about when he lets his wolf out, because he's worried that Lincoln — his wolf — will suddenly snap and hurt someone. Being with me has helped him hold onto some of his sanity. We've clung to each other these past few years, struggling to survive in our fucked up situations. Still, being without a pack for so long has loosened a few of Lucca's screws.

If I didn't have my family or Lucca, I would be royally fucked.

Well... there's also the fact that I haven't even heard from my wolf, Leo, in nearly five years.

After Easton died, Leo tucked himself away into the darkest part of our soul. It's his way of protecting himself from the pain. He stopped communicating with me through our mind link. The only sound he ever makes is a faint whimper whenever Easton is brought up. He misses Elias — Easton's wolf — as much as we both miss Easton.

Easton and I used to love shifting and letting our wolves go for runs together. As werewolves, our souls are constituted of two parts: the human half and the wolf half. I am the human half, which means I have control while in human form, and Leo is able to speak to me and help guide my decisions. In the same way, when I'm in wolf form, Leo is in control and I am able to help guide him. Elias and Leo would run and play like crazy, never seeming to get enough of each other's company. I know they were in love. Seeing them together was once of my favorite parts about being in my wolf form.

I haven't been in my wolf form in years.

After Leo tucked himself away, he stopped helping me shift. I can still shift on my own, but it's incredibly painful; way more than it would be if I had Leo helping me. I'm weaker in my wolf form without him. The human halves aren't meant to be fully in control while in wolf form. Our wolves are in control because they are stronger, faster, and have better instincts. Eventually, I stopped trying to force myself into my wolf form and accepted the fact that Leo is damaged beyond repair. I mean, I am too, but I don't have the luxury of hiding away in someone else's mind.

Which is what I would much rather be doing than facing my family, and hearing them talk about the pack that left me to deal with this shit on my own. Even so, I can't bury my head in the sand and pretend my family's pack doesn't exist.

"Landon!" My mother, Isabel, spots me first, smiling widely and waving me over to the table. Her blonde curls hang loosely around her heart-shaped face, framing her features and making her green eyes pop. She brings her hand back down to the table, folding it over her other perfectly manicured hand.

My father, Victor, sits to her right as her proud husband and mate. His dark hair is swept away from his face; his beard finely trimmed. Those blue eyes that were passed down to me and my siblings lock on me, and he grins.

"You made it," my father observes with a grin. "From what Ophelia was telling us, I thought you had forgotten."

I shoot a glare at Lia, who smiles at me innocently. Her dark blue eyes sparkle with mischief, and she tucks a lock of her chin-length blonde hair behind her ear. That shit-eating grin on her face makes me question the fact that we ever shared a womb.

But that thought is short lived because, let's admit it: we're both assholes.

"Of course I didn't forget," I attempt to lie smoothly, now smiling back at my father. "The only thing I forgot was to set my alarm before going to bed last night."

Lia snorts, and I shoot her another deadly glare before pulling a chair out and sitting in between my brothers. Enzo, the eldest out of the four of us, watches in amusement at the various looks exchanged between me and Lia. His short, dirty blonde hair is combed as neatly as ever; the scruff on his face trimmed to the point of perfection. His long-sleeved black shirt hugs his chest, revealing the muscles built up from hours of training.

"It's good to see you, Landon," Enzo warmly greets me. I return his smile, now ignoring Lia across the table.

"Likewise," I nod before turning to the brother on my right. Xander's pale blue eyes meet mine, and I can't help the grin on my face as I reach over and ruffle his dark blonde locks. "Hey, kid. How are you?"

"I'm fine," Xander answers softly. When I pull my hand away, Xander quickly uses his fingers to smooth down his hair. He looks back up at me, and a small smile causes the corners of his mouth to twitch. As the youngest, Xander has always been the most reserved. That's how it's always been. Enzo is the perfectionist, Lia and I are the mischievous twins, and Xander is the quiet one. It makes sense that he would be the most reserved out of the four of us. Whereas Enzo is only three years older than Lia and I, Xander is a whopping eight years behind us.

"Now that everyone is here," my mom clasps her hands together, "let's order some food."

I look quizzically at Enzo. "Is Lilian not coming?" I ask, referring to his mate and wife. Enzo shakes his head as he stares at the menu.

"Opal wasn't feeling well this morning, so she decided to stay home with the girls," he explains. The twin gene somehow got passed down on Enzo's side, resulting in the birth of his twin daughters: Amethyst and Opal. I grimace in sympathy at the thought of Lilian taking care of two three-year-olds alone, especially if Opal is sick. And Moon Goddess knows how dramatic Opal can get when she's feeling under the weather. If she's sick, it's only a matter of time before Amy is sick, and then the poor parents will have two drama queens on their hands.

"That's too bad," I say to Enzo. "It's been a while since I've seen the three of them. The girls need to see their fun Uncle Landon every once in a while."

"I can be the fun uncle," Xander grumbles quietly. I grin and reach over to mess his hair up again.

"Sure you can," I tease my younger brother. He huffs with a pout, picking up his menu and reading the contents intently. When I was still in the pack, people used to joke that my siblings and I were carbon copies of one another. Which definitely isn't true, as we all have very different facial features, but no one could get passed the fact that we all have blonde hair and blue eyes. At least it made it easy for the other pack members to remember which of us were related.

The waitress comes over to take our orders, which we swiftly give her before she scurries off to the kitchen. We make small talk in the meantime; asking questions about Enzo's kids, checking up on how Xander is doing in school, and our mom poking at Lia to search the nearby packs for her mate.

"It's hopeless, mom," Lia groans. "It's been seven years since I turned eighteen. Seven years since I was supposed to find the mate I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. Either he's hiding somewhere across the world, or he's....." she trails off, her pain-filled eyes flickering over at me. The brief glance makes my heart clench, and I hear Leo whimper in the back of my mind.

"That's not going to happen to you," I state flatly, keeping my eyes down at the table. "The Moon Goddess wouldn't allow that to happen twice within the same family." The reassurance falls on deaf ears, as we both know that if the Moon Goddess had any control over who lives and dies, she would've stopped Easton from...

She wouldn't have taken away my mate.

Our Alpha.

The future of the pack, and the love of my life.

She just wouldn't have.

Dad clears his throat uncomfortably. "Your mate is out there," he says light-heartedly. "You'll find him when the time is right."

"Or her," I point out, making Lia snort.

"My mate is not a her," she insists, shaking her head.

I shrug my shoulders. "Why not? I wasn't attracted to guys before finding out my mate was one. You could totally be a lesbian and not even know it."

The tips of Lia's ears pinken and she sputters in disbelief. "I'm not a lesbian. Odessa would have sensed it."

I roll my eyes at that. "Yeah, just like how Leo knew I was gay," I retort sarcastically. This causes the pink on Lia's ears to spread throughout her cheeks.

"Ophelia," mom says calmly. "Your mate is created to be the ideal compliment of you. Like two puzzle pieces fitting together; unique to everyone else but perfect for the two of you. Gender does not matter."

Lia's shoulders slump in defeat. We all know it's pointless arguing with our mother, as she is always overflowing with kindness and wisdom. Mom would have been the perfect Luna. She would've been outstanding at leading and guiding other wolves. But that would mean she would've had to be mated to Easton's dad, Silas.... and that thought alone makes me cringe.

It's not that Celeste is a bad Luna. When I was still in the pack, she was always very helpful to me and the other wolves. But— and you can call me biased — I think my mother is better suited to lead.