What was I thinking?

The thought repeated in my head as I stared at my bedroom ceiling.

I had invited Jared to stay over—it was only polite, after I had kept him waiting… in my house…for unintentional hours—but I had never expected him to accept.

It sent my nerves into overdrive, and I rolled over to bury my face against my pillow. It didn’t help get the image of his face out of my mind, that smile he gave me when he offered to watch Maya again. The look in his eyes, genuine and caring- I groaned and turned over again, hoping a new position would help me sleep better.

It didn’t; of course not.

How could I sleep when I knew Jared was in my living room? On my couch.

I groaned. What was I thinking?

Though I had already made up my mind to keep my distance from him, I was already failing miserably. Asking him to watch Maya, acting like this little sleepover didn’t mean anything… Having him as Maya’s babysitter wasn’t going to keep him away from me.

I huffed a sigh and sat up, rubbing at my forehead. Exhaustion was starting to make my thoughts fuzzy, and my mouth felt uncomfortably dry. If I could just sneak out to the kitchen for a drink, I might manage to get at least a few hours of sleep.

Determined, I slid out of bed and tried to avoid the creaky floorboard by my bedroom door. I pulled the door open, freezing as I heard a high-pitched whine; it wasn’t the door hinges. I turned around; even in the dark, I could see the fluffy mass of the dog, alerted to my awakened state. I looked ay Bear with a frown, hearing the soft swish of his wagging tail and the heavy panting. A whispered command to Bear kept him in his bed, and I was grateful to avoid the inevitable bounding through the hall should he follow. It was hard enough to keep quiet without a dog knocking me over.

I kept a hand against the wall, moving slowly to not make too much noise; there were nightlights in Maya’s room, but the rest of the house was dark with the curtains closed. Across the living room, I spotted the screen on the microwave, showing the time and guiding me to the kitchen.

My heart was in my throat, pounding as I crept along the far wall in the living room, my gaze in the direction of the couch; I could only see the vague outline of Jared, sleeping under the blanket I’d dug out of the closet. I stood still when I heard him move, but the soft rustle of fabric must have just been him shifting in his sleep.

I waited a moment to make sure he was settled before I dared to move again.

I held my breath when I had to break away from the wall, hands held out to keep me from running into anything on my path to the kitchen. My relieved sigh seemed too loud in the silence as my fingers brushed the cold marble of the kitchen counter. Too confident and sure of making it silently to the counter, I forgot to watch where I was walking.

There was a loud bang, which I only realized had stemmed from my clumsiness as pain flared through my foot. By simple deduction, I had hit my foot against the low stools where Maya usually ate breakfast. I bit my lip trying to keep quiet as I winced; my efforts didn’t stop the stool from falling over.

There was a loud bang as the wood stool collided with the tiled floor.

After all of my effort to stay quiet, all it had taken was stubbing my toe to ruin it.

There was a loud groan, the couch creaking as I looked over in a mild panic. ‘Please don’t wake up.’ I thought, cursing under my breath as I saw the outline of Jared sitting up. I watched him fumbling for what I assumed were his glasses—not that they’d help in the dark—and look over at me.

I could feel the pull of his gaze as he muttered groggily, “Are you okay?”

“F-fine!” I lied, bending over to pick up the stool and to avoid the draw of his eyes. I swallowed hard and tried to sound normal as I set the stool back on its feet. “I just needed a drink. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” My laugh was so awkward it made me grimace, praying he wouldn’t notice.

Jared threw the covers off, getting up from the couch before he carefully padded over to me. “Can I help? Do you need ice or something?”

“That… might be a good idea,” I admitted, rubbing at the back of my neck sheepishly.

My eyes were finally adjusting to the darkness and with Jared suddenly so close to me, I could actually see his face. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks when I realized I was staring and dropped my gaze. I’d come out here to avoid thinking about him.

Having in front of me, in the middle of the night, in my kitchen… it wasn’t helping. Still, all I could think to say was what I always found myself saying. Two words that hardly made up for everything this man had done for me, even now after years.

“Thanks, Jared.”