This guy is weird. Like, seriously weird. One second, he glared at me, pretending like he was an injured beast or something. The next second, he was like a shy toddler trying to be friends with me. I think he was on period.

Jokes aside, I guess his suggestion wasn't that bad. It wasn't like he was trying to act like a jerk in a drama where the husband went ,"Go away, Anna!" to his wife that he was forced to marry. As the wife, I'll just try to fulfill my responsibilities. No hard feelings.

The breakfast this morning was as peaceful as it could be. Master Blakesley was smiling from ear to ear when he noticed our hostility towards each other disappeared. It didn't really matter to me, though, because I just wished for a quiet and peaceful life. If he treated me badly, I'll bite back. Right now, he was just foolishly trying to buy me a favour, which really made me skeptical. I just hope he was not trying to stab me in the back just like he did a few days ago.

It was the weekend, so my wonderful husband ー notice the sarcasm, if you haven't ー didn't go to work. Right now, we were watching the morning cartoon together with Master Blakesley. The elderly gentleman was truly enjoying himself as he guffawed in between a few scenes until his tears came out. It was quite enjoyable watching him laughing and smiling.

Unfortunately, there was a really unpleasant sight right next to Master Blakesley. Zephyr noticed that I was staring at his direction, so he pulled out an awkward smile. I was feeling embarrassed for him because he didn't realize that I was actually looking at his grandfather, and not him. I quickly turned my head and faced the television screen.

"Pfft! HAHAHAHAH!!"

A sudden loud laughter from the far right made my shoulder shook. I swiftly turned my head towards the culprit and let out a low growl. The guy turned to me and grinned.

"Too loud? Sorry," he said, while still wearing his stupid grin.

I shook my head and stood up. Master Blakesley quickly reacted and grabbed my hand. "Where are you going? Is this boring? Should I change the channel?"

I shook my head and smiled. Or more like, attempted to smile. "I'm just going to the toilet."

Master Blakesley nodded and let me go. Seriously. He didn't have to mind about me at all. After all, he's the master. He can do whatever he wanted in this house and nobody would dare to say anything.

I headed to the washroom and sat on the toilet seat. The toilet seats in this house was really comfortable. All of them had a soft cushion on them. I could spend hours in here whenever I feel like running away from social interactions. I took out my phone and dialed Lyla's number again.

As expected, she had her phone turned off. I sighed. When the beep sound piercing my ear, I left her a message,

"Hey, sis. I have that dream again last night, and without you, I felt so..." I paused. "-lost. And scared."

A long and heavy sigh escaped my lips as I rubbed my face in desperation.

"You told me to be honest. So, I'm gonna be honest here. I felt so fuc-" Oops. No cursing. I took a deep breath. "-freaking useless. I realized that I depended too much on you, that I forgot how it feels to be completely alone. I know that you told me I'm not alone, but you-"

I let out another long sigh. My throat started to hurt.

"You left me alone. I have no anchor anymore. And when I had that dream again last night, it made me feel even more useless. And helpless. I acknowledge my weakness, and I want to overcome it. To overcome it, I need to be independent. So, I just wanna tell you that I'm not gonna try to contact you anymore after this. When you're ready, come and find me yourself."

Beep.

I ended the message. My mind went on full throttle before finally quieted down after a few minutes. Maybe it didn't seem much to others, but for me, cutting off my contact with Lyla was a very big deal. When I was broken, she was the one who took over the job of being my glue. When I was drowning, she was my only float. When she went missing, it took a toll on my emotional state, bit by bit.

Right now, I will-

Knock-knock!

My attention diverted to the knocking sound on the door. I quickly shoved my phone into my pocket and flushed the toilet. With a 'click' sound, I unlocked the door and flung it open. Next to the opened door, stood Zephyr as he eyed me from top to bottom.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I didn't voice out my answer, instead, I just nodded quietly. He nodded his head too, although it seemed so awkward. I exhaled a short sigh before turned to face him. He raised his eyebrows as if asking me, "what's wrong?".

"It's weird when you acted 'friendly' towards me. Your awkwardness is making me awkward too," I said, while looking him straight in his silver eyes.

He exhaled a long string of breath and ran his fingers through his light caramel blonde hair, exposing his narrow forehead.

"Isn't it better than me glaring daggers at you? It looks like I'm the only one trying to make this work. Why don't you try to treat me better too? Instead of commenting about my efforts to be friends with you."

I rolled my eyes. "What I'm trying to say is, just act normal. It's so obvious when you forced yourself to be 'friendlier' or 'nicer'. If you really want us to be friends, at least be sincere and not fake."

"Oh, now you're calling me fake?" He huffed in annoyance. "Here I am, trying to be nice, but what did you say? I'm fake?!"

I grunted. Why was he being like this? What was he? A drama queen?

"I'm just saying that you looked so awkward, doing this. Stop forcing your smile. Just be natural, and I'll be natural around you as well. Okay?"

Without hearing any more of his words, I left. After a few steps away from him, I heard his phone ringing. Then, I heard him call his lover's name with the sweetest voice he could manage.

I cringed at that.

To tell you the truth, if the protagonist in this story was that woman, Vanessa, the place that I am standing right now is the 'antagonist', right? If we switch the protagonist to be Zephyr, Vanessa would be his main love interest, while I am the hurdle that exist in order for the plot to move towards the journey of strengthening their love. Therefore, I am the outsider. I am the important character for their story, but I could be easily discarded once I have met my purpose.

Between them, there was no place for me to stand. That was why I felt so reluctant to be inside their little box. I'd rather stay outside, letting them be with each other. I would walk away from their box, and create my own box to live in. Or maybe I didn't need a box. Maybe I could be free, floating around, and not be tied to anything.

Then, I realized.

Ahh...

That really is my situation right now. I have no box. Lyla had taken the box away with her. Now, I'm just floating around, waiting for the moment I was ejected into the space. I mean, that was what my life had always been.

In the romance novels that Lyla had forcefully given me to read (because she thought I would learn a thing or two about humans emotions. But honestly, I just think she wanted to influence me into doing what she loves), there was always a recurrent trait in the protagonists. Loveable. It didn't matter if they were a sinister character, or a lawbreaker, for example. They would always have a loveable personality to make the readers sympathize with them.

As for me, nothing is lovable about me. That was why no one would adopt me during my stay in the orphanages. Not a single person likes an expressionless kid like An Sullivan. The adults 'advised' me to smile, or be more cheerful and friendly. I should talk more, and not just stay silent. I should get myself out there, play with the other kids, be more lovable. But, it was hard for me to do those kinds of things. It just wasn't... me.

Maybe that was why this Zephyr didn't like me that much. He... maybe was scared of me. Someone used to tell me that, by the way. "You're too quiet, it's scary." "You should smile, the other kids were scared of you."

I couldn't. No matter how much I tried to smile, it just didn't work out. I was frustrated.

Oh, well. Maybe one day, I will find a chance to break this hurdle and step out of my small cave. Maybe one day, the shadow inside the cave wouldn't be so frightening anymore, and the light outside wouldn't be too bright for me to step in. If it's not today, one day, I will be able to move forward. Right now, I will stride with my own pace.